🤔How do you deal with bad behavior? 🤔
Last week we asked you "What are your tips for negotiating pay rates?" You shared lots of suggestions with the community. This week our question is:
How do you deal with bad behavior?
I first always wonder why, because there always is a why behind bad behavior. I try to stop what I am doing and be present for them. To look them in the eyes and connect with their emotions. I have found that once I validate their emotions, weather it's anger, sadness, or fear, they start coming out of their little meltdown. They calm down, they are able to use their words, they are able to connect with me too. Once there is connection, once their big feelings have been given permission to be felt, I ask them questions to help them understand why their behavior was not helpful or correct. I help them brainstorm ways in which they can deal the situation in a different way that is more helpful for everyone. It's amazing when we don't try to micro-manage kids and instead listen, respect, and nurture them. I believe that only a child that feels seen and known can be disciplined.
Dealing with "bad behavior" this question doesn't have a simple answer. First as a nanny you need to know what the family thinks "bad behavior" consists of for their child. What I considered bad behavior could be in conflict of the family I work for. Next you need to ask the family what they want done if their child misbehaves, also you need to observe the family and pay close attention when they correct their child's bad behavior and try to learn, how did the child react? was their ways successful? did the child repeat the bad behavior shortly afterwards? Lastly as a nanny you'll need to observe and analyze why the child is behaving badly, this is very complex and some times it can be as simple as the child is tired, too much stimulus, missing their parents, etc.. when you figure out why the child is behaving badly you'll be able to find the best solution.
I believe that dealing with bad behavior as a nanny can vary depending on each family. Each parent has their own way of disciplining their children and as a nanny it is my job to consistently enforce whichever method for discipline is being used by the parents. Personally, I feel that simply speaking to a child and reiterating what the bad behavior was, why it was wrong, and what the positives are of changing the behavior is the best way to deal with bad behavior. Children are too young to fully comprehend right from wrong so it is the adults job to teach them through words rather than potentially damaging actions.
I wait until the child has calmed down, if that means they need a quiet moment to them self, then we do that first. After the child has calmed down, I will take them aside, depending on the location, and have a firm but calm and gentle talk with them. I will point out the behavior that is occurring, explain why that isn't acceptable, and then give them an explain of what is good behavior. I will follow it up with something positive, I don't like leaving things on negative notes, and having the child discouraged or sad.
I think it is acceptable to criticize the behavior but not the kid - "I don't like that", not "you're a rotten kid". It's probably smart to let the parents know that's how you deal with that particular issue. Also, be consistent - if you aren't you lose ground in the battle of wills!
understanding why the behavior is being done and educate the child as to why it is not acceptable and/or teach them to behave in a better matter at that time
some things I use is 1) pick your battles, 2) stay calm, you getting upset will only make the matter worse, 3) use the time out system (whatever age they are is how long they should stay in timeout, good rule of thumb)
It is so important to remember children have the same feelings that we do. We get overstimulated, tired, aggressive, etc. The same way they do. Speaking TO them and not AT them. Getting down on their level and seeing if you can find the root of the problem has always been the best way I get through to my kids behavior wise. Every once in a while, if we can't get our act together with warnings, we go to time out.
This really depends on the individual child -- their age, their mental state, the reasons they're acting out. With my little brother, who has Oppositional Defiance Disorder, taking away toys or electronics doesn't stop the bad behavior. It actually makes it worse, and he becomes aggressive. It really is a case-by-case basis. One thing I never do, though: physical punishment. I do not condone hitting a child, for any reason.
Bad behavior is something that is natural and normal, however it should not be tolerated. I think based off the child's age and the parent's teaching structure, the child should be reprimanded as follows.
Redirect!! A lot of times children act out when your busy doing something else, so be engaging!! Have activities planned out. Be with them doing something they enjoy, GIVE THEM A FEW CHOICES!! LOL, children are not that complicated. Smile
I talked with the little on and them if he doesn't listen..the little one loose privileges
the way i deal with bad behavior is by sitting down with the child and asking them why they did what did and then explaining to them why they should behave and try to come up with a solution that is going to be good for both of us.
First use the disciplinary action the parent use then address the issue at its root. Find out what made them act that way, the feelings they had. Then how next time they can use a better method to deal with their feelings.
I think the most important things to remember are to stay calm and to remember who the adult is in the situation. Kids behavior sometimes seems illogical and frustrating because they're not looking at things the same way you are. But they're not supposed to! They're kids. However, if you can communicate to them how they're making you feel and get them to communicate the same in return, often it reveals the issue behind the behavior and a compromise can be found! Now the "problem" is fixed and you've passed along healthy communication practices at the same time!
When It comes to bad behavior, I always utilize positive redirection. It's a method that can work with a child/children of age.
Depends on how many kids, hours. I charge $20 mostly and each year I look at what is needed then.
According to a bad behavior I would certainly talk with the parents before I started working for them to see how they would like poor behavior to be handled , to be consistent with their parenting . Then follow thru with their tactics .
Kind of a tough question, seeing as it is so broad. Depends on the behavior, the situation, the child's age! Buuuuut, if I had to answer I would say reward systems work best from what I've encountered. Warnings, then disciplines. "If you don't stop doing something I asked you to stop, then no video games after school..." Then if the behavior is repeated, consequences follow. You get the idea. Never yelling, I am so against it. Anger teaches children nothing..
Talk to the parents about the methods they would prefer to use. Talk to the child about using words and the consequences of bad behavior. Time out may work with some children ,take away special privileges or favorite toys. It also depends on the age of the child and the parents concerns.
I deal with bad behavior by using timeout
Play music and change the mood of the room when your happy and dancing they want to dance too.
I find time outs to be effective, time in being determined by the age of the child.
Dealing with bad behavior is a tricky task, being every child is different in their own special way. While Time out may work for little Johnny, it may not be the best punishment for Suzzie. Personally, I try to use "warnings" before I just start disciplining. 3-4 warnings, letting the child know if they continue whatever they're doing they will get a consequence, whether it be taking away a toy, or having a time out. It also is helpful for parents to reward good behavior, but not every time. I find it great to reward kids when they did something good without having to be asked, or when they're just having an awesome day. These rewards would be like a candy treat, or letting them pick the next activity. It's best not to reward good behavior every time, because then kids will think they're going to get a treat every time they behave, which isn't a good thing to get them into the habit of. I hope this helps parents!
take them from were they are acting out at and asked them to go for a walk with you and just talk about the day are other things you know they like then slowly get around to what make them up set
just be calm and patient, wait for the patient to calm down and just ignore and just keep showing respect and good attitude.
The communication with the child according to his age is important to help him cope with the bad mood, joy and recreational activities that he likes and feels happy
Most of the time children display bad behavior for several reasons, they could be bored, tired, feeling ignored or left out and just wanting to get attention anyway possible. The best way is to get down to there level and communicate with them. Ask if they're feeling bored and want to find something else to do or if their getting tired. Suggest maybe they can lay down and read a book together. If they're feeling ignored or left out apologize and tell them you weren't meaning to hurt their feelings and ask what you might be able to do together. Communication is the key. Children may be little but they can communicate and understand much more than we give them credit for.
Bad behavior is dealt with first what the parent do in a situation I would do the same. If the parent says time out, I will do time out. My way outside of that would be to talk to the child by and explain that is not acceptable and redirecting the child.
Dealing with bad behavior with children is complex. Rather than produce a negative experience associated with bad behavior, reward good behavior.
The best way to deal with bad behavior: 1. Eye contact and make sure the child is calm and then ask why is he or she is not listening. 2.Talk to them and tell them that when they are ready to behave we can talk. 3.Offering to do some activities that you know they like in order to convince to listen to you.
I believe the best way to deal w unacceptable behavior is redirection, reevaluation, or timeout! These are all thought provoking punishments allowing the child to become aware of their wrongdoing.
Empathy and perspective are my goals when negotiating with bad behavior, especially when a child is elementary age or older. See where they are coming from and helping them see where I am coming from and what I expect of them. There's always something to new to learn for each child, even from a child ourselves.
When it comes to children who behave poorly around people other than their parents it is often because they don't feel comfortable around you or simply do not respect you. That's were the importance of building a solid foundation for between the care giver and the child comes into play. It is important for the child to feel they can trust you.
To deal with bad behavior, you have to first understand if the child is having a bad day or going through some problems, if they are then we should communicate with them. Communication is key, so we basicly have to tell them and let them know what they are doing is not good and let them know why its not good. And try to teach them nicely, without using anger. Be a friend, that way they will share you things! :)
Give the child a time out
Actually, you have to be calm but firm with them. Try to get that child into another subject before bringing up what the issue is.
That depends on how you define bad behavior. I am in favor of positive discipline. If I had to I would give a "time out".
First of all, it's important to know how the parents handle bad behavior, and definitely, follow through with the parents discipline philosophy.
To deal with bad behavior is good behavior. You must understand that young children have there reasons to be bad so in order to counter this behavior you must be patient with them and inform them that such behavior is not appreciated. Little children are smarter than we think and if treated as such and giving appropriate punishment such as timeout and appropriate rewards such as a sticker or a cookie is key to a good consensus.
It depends on the child's age. If it's under 1 year old we should show them kindness. And if they are between 1 and 2 years old we can talk to them and show them the nice behavior. And over 2 years old understand more so speaking to them is easier and we can explain how they should and should not be behaving.
I deal with bad behavior by patiently asking the child to stop and calmly explaining why what they did was wrong (without arguing). If the child were about to throw a tantrum, I would try to distract them by taking them to another room or changing the subject. I try to encourage kids by rewarding them for good behavior rather than punishing them for bad behavior.
How i deal with bad behavior is make them sit in a time-out or i say no toys or paying outside until you say sorry but i will not hit the child thats not right.
timeout and talk about
It really depends on the parent and how they would like for me to deal with the situation. Usually, the parents say when their child is being bad there are two warnings then a timeout for five minutes.
I deal with bad behavior by telling them that's not appropriate and if they continue to do it I would put them on time out.
You need to have a relationship with the child and the parents. Relationships are crucial to truly knowing who you are watching. Understanding different methods is a must also. Keeping in mind that all children are different and all need different necessities.
I would first be sure to have clear communication with the family on what their particular discipline methods would be, for example, do they use time outs, or do they take away toys? I would first administer a warning to the child, before using the discipline method previously talked about. If bad behavior persists, I would tell the parent about it at the end of the job, to see if there was a recent change that might have upset the child, or if this was just the child being fussy and such.
Communicate with the parents. Always be kind, calm, and compassionate. Seek to understand why the behavior occurred and situations and events leading up to it, then hold a conversation with the parents about concerns.
To deal with bad behavior, you first have to determine how bad it truly is. If the child is testing a new babysitter then the behavior shouldn't be awful, but just enough that you tell them to stop. If it continues, tell them they can't use electronics or play games for a certain period of time.
I would figure out what is causing them to behave and if their bad behavior is a result of some extenuating situation I would try to fix that problem or get the kid away from it. If it is not from an extenuating circumstance I would tell the child what he or she did wrong and then redirect their attention/behavior to something else.
maybe the kid is boring...you have to try to make him focused for everything what you make with him...but don't forget got him the time by comfortable with himself too...but still have your eyes on him
I will talk to him or her about his bad behavior, make sure he or she is paying attention, maybe a time out if necessary, and make sure you are not yelling because that nags them on.
It is very important for the parent or adult taking care of the child with the bad behavior to stay calm. Try listening very carefully to what (he or she) is saying, next explain your rules and make sure you provide alternatives and of course don't be afraid to use time-out.
The way I deal with bad behavior is playtime or games restricting. Sit for a " time out " of family allows. Constant talking with children explaining why it's unexceptionable.
depends on the child, every child is different.
time outs, i don,t really believe in hitting children
I was taught by some of the best child development and education professors I know, that dealing with "bad behavior" is about providing alternate positive options and educating the child about why what they did wasn't okay. Punishment can be so easily misinterpreted by a child. It's important to let them know that their action(s) and/or words were wrong, but they, as an individual, are still as important and loved as ever.
Be firm and consistent in your discipline. Be sure to talk calmly to the child and let them know how you would like them to change their behavior.
I approach the kid and inform them that i understand how they are feeling but it is not okay to behave the way you are behaving.I always Make sure i mention the correct behavior and what to do instead of what not to do . also , I like to give children some time to let them cool off and realize their behavior. If a child continue misbehaving , then i inform them of the consequences.
Redirection and conscious discipline. I believe all kids are inherently good and pushing the boundaries is all apart of learning and growing up. As a child care provider I have found it is best to go to the child and give them all my attention. I do my best to come from a place of empathy while guiding the child to an understanding of the rule, why breaking it is not keeping their body safe/not okay, showing them how to fix it and ultimately telling them how much I love them. Their naughty choices do not determine their worth or capability.
"Bad behavior," is completely subjective. The specific behavior would be quite important to answering this question. Typically if discipline IS required in a situation, I defer to the parents as to what, if anything they want me to do while I am watching over their kiddo(s).
I ask the parents what disciplinary actions they are wanting me to take, I tend to have the child "sit out" until they are feeling ready or have calmed down.
Dealing with bad behavior depends on both the behavior and the child. Every child responds differently to discipline. Some merely need redirection. Some need explanations, some need a source to let their frustrations out (i.e. exercise or a punching bag), some need some quiet time on the stairs or on the wall... There isn't one way to handle bad behavior, as every child responds differently. Understanding why a child is behaving the way they are will help to determine the best way to get them to stop.
Firstly, I indicate to them that they are misbehaving. Then I usually sit down with them and just calmly talk about how their actions come with consequences. Also maybe how everyone doesn't want to do things sometimes, but they have to because someone asked them to or it's their job. And the only job a child has is to just behave and be nice, nothing complicated or harsh.
In general, I aim to continually reinforce all positive behavior which naturally encourages more good behavior. When bad behavior occurs, I address it immediately and with a firm and calm voice explain very briefly why that behavior is not acceptable. Children are always testing us adults and one of the most important communication skills I have always abided by with my own children is to be very clear about what my expectations are for their behavior. Sometimes it is just a matter of the child being impolite but other times it could be a child running into the street and their safety is at risk. In a case like that, a loud and urgent voice is necessary. As soon as their safety is established I then physically embrace the child and reassure them that they are now safe and that they now know why they should be accompanied and the importance of looking both ways. All of this results in the child trusting you and you are simultaneously establishing good building blocks for clear communication which makes everyone feel secure.
I let the child know the behavior is not appropriate and encourage other ways to express what is upsetting them as well as distracting them from the direct concern. Every child and situation are different. I feel they need to understand they aren't handling the situation in an acceptable manner and remove them from whatever the concern is. When the behavior improves we revisit the situation (ie. turn the tv back on, take the toy back out, sit down for the cookie).
Depending on the way they are acting up, how often they are told to stop, and how the respond. If they aren't being horrible and they are just having an off day I tell them to stop and try to calm down. If they don't I tell them to take a moment sitting down (maybe 10 minutes) so that they can think about things. If they keep acting up after that it's a timeout for 30 minutes. After that add ten minutes each time. (Also know that you can tell them you have the parents phone number and that you will tell their parents whats happening either over the phone or when they get home).
Bad behavior would of course have their consequences all children made mistakes in their life time but they need to know if they did something wrong.Some of the punishments I have given in the past is time out for 5 minutes or no ipad/phone/ect... for 15 minutes for them to think of what they did wrong.
When dealing with bad behavior, children should be punished with a short trip to the corner or their bedroom. Afterwards, they should be talked to by their parent/guardian/caretaker with softer, gentle tones. Yelling will only make the situation worse, as children will feel angry and misunderstood. Never in any circumstance should a child be hit, even if it is for a spanking. This will add to their angry, make them feel more hurt and betrayed, and they will feel extremely misunderstood.
Each family dynamic is different, and I respect that. I always discuss with parents what they feel is acceptable and unacceptable punishment. Second of all, I think it is very important to get to know the kid well enough to understand their personality and how that affects their behavior. For example, a child spills milk. If the child has seemed sweet and kind but was hyper and excited, they may feel scared or guilty to how their babysitter would react. I would reassure them that I know it was an accident and help them clean it up. If the child has purposely been trying to test my limits, I would simply tell them to clean it up in a firm voice without any sort of reaction they may have been trying to get. This signals to the child that I am in charge, and they will not have fun in trying to be mischievous. There are other ways to have fun!! Furthermore, once the issue is over with, I would play a game or talk with them as though nothing happened. I do this to emphasize discipline out of love by resolving it and moving on, rather than ridiculing the child and holding a grudge.
I am reading a book called No Drama Discipline. It's all about meeting the child at their point of distress and helping them work through their emotions, then redirecting the child. I started reading this book because of a specific strong-willed child. I've noticed how much better she does with a few choices like finish your homework now or go run around the house three times first.
this a reaction the child will show for many different reasons. I will wait until the child is finish and then ask him or her wants she is trying to say. If the action is because they are not getting their way again I will wait and them explain why I can't let them do this or maybe we can do what they what to do later.
I always start by asking myself "what does this child need right now?" Do they need a snack, nap, more support/attention from me, a break, an activity to get energy out/calm down? I find that most undesirable behaviors come from a child inappropriately communicating a need, often time because they don't yet have the skills to do so appropriately.
Ask questions, determine an appropriate course of action that both parties commit to, and is respectful of each other.
bad behaviour it depends on the child. lots of talking trying to figure whats the issuse at hand, maybe taking them for a walk nice bubble bath doing some creative arts i try to distract them from the bad behaviour they are having by creating ideas with them to clam them down
Dealing with bad behavior can be difficult as it depends on the age of the child. For example, at the 2 year old age it has dilemmas because the kids have a hard time verbalizing their feelings. So this is where there is more of a problem with biting other children. As a teacher/childcare provider I try to get on their level and look at them and have the other child with the 3 of us and try to tell them that this hurt and it is not ok to bite. It is tough both for the kids and the adults at this stage of development to have a good solution. With 3 to 5 year olds it does get a bit easier as they understand fairly well when they are not acting accordingly. Once again get on their level and ask them why they hit or why did they take a toy away from their friend. Ask them if they would like it if someone did that to them and 99% of the time they would saw no. I think it gives them some perspective if the situation were reversed. I also use the bargaining tool to get a child to be more cooperative. For example, at nap time some kids do not want to nap or lay quietly on their cots. I would find a toy or book they like but the only way they will get it is if they for the duration of nap time are quiet so they don't wake the other children.
It depends on the situation. They may just need to be removed from the situation and calmly talked to, they may need a small time out. I normally do a minute per age depending on what happened. All behaviors can be corrected. Its best to talk with them from the beginning and let them know your expectations and its ok if they forget just make sure to remind them each time and im sure it will get better. It could also be an attention issue, in that case focus on positive behavior. Make sure they know your watching and acknowledging them when they do good things instead of focusing so much on the bad. No child is bad, just need to be lead in the right direction.
There is no "bad" behavior. Children are naturally, inherently social Beings. They want to fit in and act in social, harmonious ways. There are only three reasons why a child will act out, in an anti-social way, as this normally goes against their very nature. So, when a child acts out, I determine which of the three causes are at play and remedy them. The three reasons (causes) why children will act out are: 1. He/she has a need that's not being met. i.e. - the child is hungry, thirsty, tired, has a legitimate need for attention, etc. and that need is not being met or the child's requests (verbal or non-verbal) are being ignored. Then, the cranky child will begin to act out in whatever ways they can to get their need realized by the caregiver and met. The solution here is simple - meet the child's need and the behavior stops. 2. The child does not have enough information to know the behavior is anti-social or disharmonious. i.e. - a young child who's given crayons and paper to color on for the first time, happily colors on them. Then, later or another day, the child begins coloring on the wall, rather than the paper. This child has no way of knowing that there is a difference between coloring on paper or coloring on the wall, nor does he know how much work it involves to clean crayon marks off the wall. Punishing or shaming this child will do no good. Instead, I'd offer a simple explanation as to why we don't color on the walls, only on paper, and then I would invite the child to help me clean the crayon off the walls. This child will quickly learn why colors only go on paper and understand experientially how much work it is to wash color off the wall. This child will then have all the information he needs to choose the social way of coloring in the future. 3. The child has repressed, pent-up, painful emotions that need to be felt and released and she is acting out as a way of communicating her internal pain and asking for help to release her painful emotions. In this situation, I would look for the opportunity for her crying or raging to come out and give her my full presence and/or hold her in loving arms while she cries or rages (throws a temper tantrum). In some situations I may use therapeutic play to help her release her tensions and hurt feelings through laughter. In this instance, any form of punishment, threats, shame, blame, degradation, berating, promises, rewards, etc. to try to elicit social behavior will only create more hurt, more painful emotions, and the behavior will continue, surfacing again and again, until the root cause of the painful feelings are felt and released through tears, tantrums, therapeutic laughter, etc. Once the emotions have fully moved, the child will instantly return to acting sociably, cooperatively, kindly, harmoniously again. This is the truly loving, respectful way of honoring this child and their needs to express their emotions to heal themselves from hurt. This teaches them respect for others. All forms of punishment and rewards, authoritarian control, shaming, blaming, ridiculing children are oppressive and create harm. Truly loving and accepting children in all their emotions, all their aspects, teaches them great self-worth, that they are loved, held, and cared for unconditionally, and that they are honored in who they are in each moment - smiling or screaming, the same. If you wish to learn more about this, please read Aletha J. Solter's books about Aware Parenting. She has laid out the most unconditionally loving way of caring for and raising children I've ever encountered. The nearly 5-years I've practiced aware parenting with my children has so greatly improved my relationships with them, my partner, and my whole family. My children act socially most of the time and the level of respect that has become commonplace in my household is priceless. Bonus: I've healed so many of my Soul's wounds, through feeling and releasing my own painful emotions using this wisdom. I highly recommend anyone who has children in their lives (parents, teachers, coaches, babysitters, nannies, grandparents, counselors, etc.) read these and practice this wisdom. It's invaluable!
Always be paciente
Its all about redirection. Direct the child to the appropriate behavior. also, Ask yourself the question what in the child's environment is causing them to act in an inappropriate way. Then change the child's environment and see the behavior change.
I ask whats wrong and what made you upset. I'll try to encourage them on something else
I have worked with many children, some times you pick and choose your battles. Every child is different. I have had things thrown at me before and not everyone would let that happen to them while working during the day as a nanny. But I found out communication is the key! Communicate with the parents on options or communicate with other nannies on ideas. Try to stay positive.
I will be calm down and talk with them for making them understand what's going on. And find what happen why the kids have bad behavior. If I can find the cause and then I will fix it.
extra chores, or time out.
It totally depends on what that bad behavior is and the intention behind it. If it is purely for attention, it is so important to ignore, ignore, ignore. Eventually the child will learn that they aren't gaining attention by doing this bad behavior, and it should stop. If it is because they are having issues controlling their emotions, it is important to talk to them about their emotions, and emphasize that it is okay to feel all the emotions-positive and negative. It is also a good strategy to try an replace the behavior, depending on the age of the child. If you can sort of distract the child in doing something else they enjoy, or doing something to manage their emotions, those are great skills to learn.
Really just sitting the child down and listening and hearing what's on their heart and why their upset or why they did what they did and just having a heart to heart. And reminding them what good vs bad behavior gets them in the end. You know you could have a great time and just listen and obey and have tons of fun or you can have an attitude and little tantrum about it and have to get disciplined or sit by yourself, when you could be running around playing and laughing. My dad always sat me down when I did something wrong and really just explained to me and talked to me about it and it really helped me to understand and feel bad because I didn't want to be that way and he just did it out of so much love and peace yet with mature sternness and reality. I dont really know how to word it but he was really good at handling bad behavior. I really respected and looked up to him after all those conversations.
It typically depends on the child. Some, I bribe them; "if you put your clothes in the laundry, you can have ONE piece of candy." Sometimes, you can threaten them; "I don't think your parents will be very happy to know you didn't put your clothes in the hamper...". However, my two favorite tactics are mimicking them and pretending to be super sad, and sometimes even fake crying! Never fails.
a) Nip it in the bud. Do not ignore your kids when they are misbehaving. b) React calmly. Flying off the handle will just make a child think they're in control. c) Make the punishment fit the crime. A tame example: If they misbehave at the park they really love on Monday, talk to them about it at time, tell them because of their behavior you won't be going to that park on Tuesday, and follow through. Play at home instead.
Dealing with bad behavior really depends on the child. If it is a child that responds well to words or simply saying no, then sometimes that's all it takes, if the child uses bad behavior to gain attention then I try not to give it as it reinforces the bad behavior, or I try to just steer them in another direction. Occasionally I will use time-outs, by removing the child from the others(if there are others) and set a timer anywhere from 30 seconds to 5 minutes, depending on the child's age. Hope this helps!
I base it on age of the child. Infants and young children I simply wait them out allowing them to be children. Older children I verbally correct them and school them on how bad behavior is not the answer. Teens who generally believe they know it all; get a stern warning and possibly a down time with a possibility of priviliges revoked.
I would have already had an in depth conversation with the parents concerning their methods. (I had a difficult child) If their methods aren't working a simple, "I really like you but this behavior is keeping us from having fun." Then wait it out.
I would usually try to bribe them with something that they like to play with or maybe a little snack. If they dont lsten they wont recieve their favorite snack
ALWAYS try to avoid bad behavior with positive reinforcement. When they are doing something good, compliment them! Make sure to tell them how good of a job they are doing. In terms of bad behavior, always respond calmly never with an angry tone of voice. Tell them that behavior is not good, never use the words "bad boy or bad girl" and always explain to them why so they understand. Sometimes time out is necessary if the child is violent towards another child but always depends on the age of the child and the situation.
I think it's important to pick your battles when dealing with children. If you battle them on everything, you will exhaust yourself. Try and practice prevention as well, if you know something may set off a bad behavior or potential problem, do your best to remove that threat before hand if you can. However, if a problem occurs, always stay calm! Try and keep your instruction calm and positive. You need to listen carefully to what the child is saying to you, and acknowledge them. However, be very clear with your instructions, as to make sure they understand you. When they do as they are told, be sure to reward their good behavior.
By redirecting the child
Bad behavior, I try to ignore it and focus on something new and fun.
Depending on how badly the child is behaving or what they are doing, predicts how the situation would be handled. More often than not, I would attempt to calm the child and ask why they are acting in such a way, ask what caused their behavior. The best way to go about taking the child out of their bad temper would be to envoke sympathy or empathy from them, causing them to think about how they are making the receiving party feel. Offer a reward of interest, like a high-five, a favorite food dish, or to play a game later on once they agree to correct their wrongdoings by doing some sort of good deed, like cleaning their room, wiping the table, or helping to prepare a meal.
It's different types of "bad"behaviors but we call it troubled behavior and it different with each child and within each age. Dealing with it is to set discipline but also come to common grounds and try to listen to their feelings also. But as a caregiver you have to be discipline and set structure and tackle the situation properly. Giving in just to quiet a child is honestly spoiling them but giving them a time out will help cool Them down and allow time to talk and tackle the problem.
I used to babysit my 3 cousins who had disabilities. One of them had very bad anger issues. I would normally just make him go to his room so he could calm down in there for a little bit. Then I would go up there and just talk to him and make him explain to me how he could have handled the situation better.
I use communication as a tool to help me understand the child's behavior and then use that knowledge to help them. Also, redirection works too.
I usually get down at the child's level eye to eye and explain in a calm voice why bad behavior is not acceptable. I think explaining situations to children is important to give them understanding and a new perspective on their behavior and how if effects them and those around them. I don't believe the "Because I said so" method. In some situations, perhaps, but Children are developing life skills and look to adults for guidance on how to handle their own emotions and reflect on their behavior. Its important they learn the reasons why they're acting that way how it effects them and their surroundings. If the child is simply not having any of it or doesn't care I give them a warning and explain the repercussions if they continue to behave badly. A report to their parents usually does the trick or time out to think or taking away a privilege like video games or having to go to bed 5 minutes earlier. 5 minutes is a lonnnngggg time to a child.
I always take away privileges depending on the age of course for a certain amount of minutes.
First I try to make sure the child knows what they are doing that is not okay and why. If they do not stop, I do time outs. This is also something I ask the parent how they handle it. Consistency is key and if they are young I do not want to confuse them.
What I usually do Is I let them have a fit. When I think they are done I will kindly say "Are you Finished?" If they say yes then we go doing what we were doing before the fit. If that doesn't work I usually have them go to their room and cry a little there. I'll come in 5-15 min later or until I don't hear any screaming. I ask the same kind of question "Are you ok, can we move on?" Or if they are little I will try to change the topic or create a diversion. Another thing I do is I give them some options of what they can do instead of crying. Usually those 4 methods work, but if those won't work, what I would do is just leave them alone, stay in the same room, but read a magazine a book
Love and Logic. I believe that it's best to be patient but firm. It is OK to say no in a loving way. Structure is crucial to a child's well-being and development.
I believe the best way to deal with bad behavior is to deal with it immediately. You can't put a child in time out or take away their toys or video games a week after the incident happened. Children need to know why they behavior is unacceptable, and shown ways to express how they feel correctly.
try to talk showing what is wrong and how to be better...
The key with any tantrum is to remain calm. Children primarily act out to express frustration, claim power, or attract attention. In all of these instances, they are looking for an emotional response - and yes, even a negative response will do! If your parent gets angry with you, it at least means they are focused on you and your problem! Obviously, parents aren't robots, and sometimes kids will do shocking/dangerous things to push your buttons, so don't beat yourself up if you don't keep a cool head 100% of the time. But work, little by little, on establishing a pattern of composure when handling outbursts. It will not only help your child learn how to calm themselves down and solve problems better, it will make it easier for you to handle childcare stress over time. My process usually goes like this: 1) Tell the child in a calm, soothing voice to stop the misbehavior, and explain why. Phrasing it like a request can sometimes help, so the child doesn't feel like they're being bossed around. - "Sweetie, can you please give that toy back to your brother? I think he was playing with it first, and we don't touch other people's things without asking." 2) If the behavior continues, repeat in a firmer tone, but do not raise your voice or act hostile. Give them a consequence APPROPRIATE AND IMMEDIATELY RELEVANT to the situation (i.e don't make absurd, "stop it or your grounded for a month!" threats; that will either make the kid panic or they'll know you won't follow through with it and ignore you). You're taking charge of the situation, but not in a scary or desperate way. - "I told you to give your brother's toy back. You aren't being very respectful of him or me, and that's not okay. I'm sorry, but if you don't give it back now, I will have to take it away for five minutes." 3) Impose the consequence. If the child has a tantrum, try to keep your face blank and your voice soft and even. Empathize with them, but make it clear that this behavior will not help them get what they want, and that you can't solve their problem if they don't help you (emphasize CAN'T, not WON'T). Encourage them to go to a private space to calm down, but don't frame it as a timeout or punishment! This is something to help them feel better and solve their problem, and they should view it as such. - "I know you're angry. It's very frustrating to not get what you want. But I can't understand what you're saying when you're this upset. Why don't you take a minute to breathe, and when you feel less worried, we can figure out what to do to make you happy. Right now, though, I can't talk to you, and I think you're having trouble talking to me too, huh?" *NOTE: If the tantrum is happening in a public space, or the child is being violent, it is okay to physically remove them from the scene. Be as gentle and deliberate in your motions as possible (i.e. don't grab them roughly or pull them sharply around), and all the while calmly explain to the child why this is happening. - "We do not hit people, okay? I know you're angry, but you don't get to hurt other people or break the rules just because you're upset. Nobody gets to do that, not even grown-ups. I think you need to calm down, so we are going to leave until you can calm your body and stop hurting people." 4) Do another task while the tantrum continues, giving the child minimal attention but always explaining what is happening and why. This is often the hardest part for parents, and yes, children will often escalate for a brief period in an attempt to get your attention. Again, remain calm but firm. Suggest a small mental goal or reflection topic. - "Are you done? Feeling any better? It sounds to me like you need some more time to think. Maybe I'm wrong, but you need to tell me then, and you need to tell me calmly, so I know I can talk to you again. I would love to help you with your problem, but I can't do that until you are done being upset, okay? Why don't you think of three things that would make you less mad, and come back and tell me?" 5) When the child has started to calm down, get down to eye level with them and talk gently about the problem. Encourage them to talk about their wants and feelings, but also get them to talk about how other people feel, and how their behavior affects others. Propose solutions to the problem that kicked off the tantrum, and ask the child how they would handle it. Some children respond well to third-person framing for this ("You know, I bet Suzie next door fights with her little sister too sometimes. Do you think that's a good idea for them? What do you think they should do instead?"), so add that if appropriate. Again, this is an ideal scenario, and much easier for nannies (who get to go home at the end of the day) to carry out closer to the letter than exhausted parents. Don't be too hard on yourself if you end up getting angry, or if you can't get your get to talk to you right away, or if you don't have time to let them cool down slowly and instead have to bundle a screaming toddler off to their dentist's appointment in the middle of this process. Life happens. To quote Pirates of the Caribbean, "These are more guidelines than actual rules." :) As such, I personally think the following step is really the most valuable, both for caregiver and child. 6) Praise the child for composing themselves, and ask them how they felt about the consequences of their behavior. Ask if there was anything you did that made them sad, angry, or scared, and talk about why it happened. If you did anything you feel was inappropriate or unhelpful in retrospect, apologize. Kids tend to have very black and white thinking, and sometimes fear that acknowledging any misbehavior makes them "a bad kid" forever, which makes them resist admitting wrongdoing. But people snap sometimes, and it's good for your child to see that adults can make mistakes AND make amends without any existential grief. Your kids are little packets of BIG FEELINGS, and that can be super overwhelming for them! They look to you to learn how to process them, and the more you tell them how you do it - warts and all - the easier it will be for them along the road.
We are firm believers of timeout. 1 minute per year old. Time out chair worked great with our four!