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How to successfully negotiate your pay rate for a caregiving job

Emily Gerson
Oct. 24, 2018

There’s an unfortunate stereotype out there that women aren’t good at negotiating. That’s not really the truth: Harvard professor Hannah Riley Bowles, an expert on how gender affects pay negotiations, found that the problem is that women simply don’t negotiate pay nearly as often as men.

“Women are sometimes more hesitant than men to negotiate their pay because it's a trickier social situation for women,” Bowles says.

Women tend to be viewed negatively for negotiating, while men aren’t.

“We expect women to be more focused on others than themselves, so it violates feminine ideals when women are making claim to higher pay,” Bowles says.

Her findings reveal that women are viewed positively if they advocate for others, but for themselves — not so much. If you’re a caregiver, that likely rings true, regardless of gender: The nature of your job means putting others ahead of yourself. But remember that standing up for yourself means everyone is happier in the long run — and that includes ensuring that you make a living wage.

Knowing what you’re worth, preparing in advance and thoughtfully approaching negotiation can reduce negative perceptions and fears and make it easier to get paid the rate you deserve for a caregiver job. Before your next job interview, use these expert tips to ready yourself for a successful, fearless pay negotiation.

What to do before negotiations

Research market rates

Never go into an caregiver interview being unsure of what to charge.

“It’s important to know what the market rates are in your area,” says Sue Downey, a full-time nanny in Philadelphia and founder of the conference Nannypalooza. “You can’t just talk to one or two friends; you really have to talk to a wide variety of people and take into account the range people pay for the job you’re doing.”

Determine your bottom line

Next it’s time to determine how low you will go before walking away, says Lora Brawley, a Seattle-based former nanny of 30 years who owns Nanny Care Hub.

“When I say bottom line, I define it as what you’re going to be happy with, not the bare minimum you have to have to pay your bills,” she says. “Because a lot of nannies do that, then they’re really struggling once they get into the job.”

Decide on your range

As you figure out your bottom line, Brawley recommends deciding on a range, not just a set amount, as every job is different.

“When you have a range, you have a better ability to negotiate depending upon what comes up in the interview,” she says. “Often, new information that you didn’t know from the beginning comes up,” like a child has special needs or there’s a new baby or a new puppy on the way.

“You want to have a range so you can negotiate around those [price points],” she says.

She recommends choosing a range of around $3 to $4. So, for example, $15 to $18 an hour.

Practice, practice, practice

Never go into a salary negotiation unprepared, says Cynthia Pong, a lawyer-turned-career coach in New York City.

“Plan out the conversation, outline how you want it to go and practice it with yourself and then with others,” she says.

Pong says it’s a learning process that gets easier, so she recommends practicing your negotiating skills in low-stakes situations, like when trying to get your kids to get ready for bed or when you’re given the wrong order at a restaurant.  

Consider other benefits to negotiate for

Downey says it’s a mistake to focus solely on your hourly rate since there are many other creative ways a family can compensate you. In case you can’t nab the rate you want, be prepared with a list of other perks you can negotiate for to add to your employment benefits package. This may include:

  • Contributions to your health insurance, which saves both you and the family money since it’s pre-tax

  • A work exchange (for example, if the parent’s a CPA, doing your taxes)

  • Contributing to tuition if you’re a student, which is non-taxable income

  • More paid time off

Ask for an initial phone call

Some families require a screening call first, but if they don’t, request one, Brawley suggests. That way, you can see if it’s a good fit and if your pay range works for them up front.

After some initial conversation, Brawley says, “I tell them, ‘My range is $X to $Y an hour. Are you comfortable with that?’ If your range is higher than what they can pay, you need to know right then and there.”

Brawley says caregivers are often scared to bring this up, but they shouldn’t be.

“It doesn’t mean you’re a lesser caregiver or that you’re putting your money above your career or the care of kids,” she says. “It just means you need a living wage like everyone.”

Best ways to negotiate

Pay rate and benefits are usually discussed during the first in-person interview. By the time it comes up in conversation, you should already have a good idea of the scope of the job and what it will entail. With the prep work you’ve done, you should be able to have an open and honest conversation about pay.

Build yourself up before proposing a rate

If the family hasn’t suggested a rate, take advantage of this opportunity. You’re the expert, Pong says.

“You know about your work and everything that goes into it, so don’t forget to explain that,” she says. “They may think you just need to be a warm body there to make sure the child doesn’t hurt themself, but actually, no, a lot more is involved in providing quality care. Don’t assume that they know how much hard work it takes, so educate them about all the labor involved.”

She says you should then discuss what makes you special, your expertise and your experience.

“Do all this to build up to telling them what your rate is,” Pong says. “That will avoid any sticker shock reaction you might get.”

Make it clear you’re on the same team

Pong says it’s common for people interviewing for a job to feel powerless and view it as a zero-sum game, she says.

“Instead, think about it as more of a team effort: You are an expert that they’re relying on,” Pong says. “Rather than viewing it as me-versus-them, reframe it as you’re solving a problem and both working together toward a common goal, which is they get great care for their child from you.”

Bowles says to first explain why it’s legitimate for you to be negotiating and advocating for yourself (your experience, training, etc), then show how it’ll be better for them.

She suggests saying something like, “You could pay less for someone who brings less to the job, but I bring [XYZ],” which that you know how to both advocate for the family and for yourself.

Ask what/how questions instead of why

If you’re told, “Sorry, the most we can pay is $X,” Pong recommends responding with a question like this:

  • How flexible is that?

  • How can we make this work?

  • What can we do?

“‘Why’ questions tend to make people defensive, and that’s what you don’t want,” Pong says.

She says every “why” question can be rephrased into a “what” or “how.” Instead of saying “Why can’t you do this?” she suggests saying “What are the reasons why this isn’t possible?”

Don’t negotiate against yourself

Say you can only work 20 hours a week, but at the interview, the family says they’d like you for 30 hours. The ideal response is, “I can only work with you up to 20 hours” and leave it at that, Pong says.

She says negotiating against yourself looks like this: “Well, I’m really looking for a 20-hour-a-week position, but if you really needed somebody, I probably could do up to 30.”

Instead of feeling the need to accommodate and conceding, Pong suggests, “know what isn’t negotiable before you go in, and be firm and clear about it.”

She says this is why it’s so important to practice ahead of the interview.

“It’s very hard to simply say the sentence and then not say anything,” she says. “Get comfortable with silence as a negotiating strategy. Let them come back and say something.”

Don’t feel compelled to decide immediately

While you may feel the need to say yes right away, this isn’t always in your best interest, Pong says.

“We make mistakes when we feel like our back is against a wall,” she says. “Make sure that you’re supporting and advocating for yourself. If you need a couple days to think about it, just say, ‘Thank you so much for this conversation, but I have a lot to think about and this is important to me, so I really want to be able to give this the time and thought it requires.’”

Don’t commit yourself to a set timeframe if you can help it.

If they ask how long you need, say, “Probably a few days, but I’ll let you know as soon as possible,” Pong recommends.

She says you should feel out the specific situation, but if the family does ask for a fast decision, consider asking, “How flexible is that?” and putting those negotiation skills to work by asking them to extend your decision time.

Don’t accept a rate you can’t afford

If the family suggests a lower rate than expected or says no to your proposed rate, proceed with caution: One of the mistakes caregivers make is feeling “they have to take whatever they can get instead of advocating for what they’re worth,” Downey says.

If you’re offered a rate that doesn’t meet your needs, she suggests filling in for the family while both of you continue to search for a better fit. While it’s fine to make compromises, she says, don’t go below your bottom line for the long term — and always be willing to walk away.

“Some people think, ‘It’s OK if I start lower — after they see how great I am, I’ll ask for a raise,’” Pong says. “But it’s actually a lot harder to do that. Don’t forfeit this great opportunity you have at the beginning.”

Downey says accepting the lower rate to start can work only if you truly can afford the lower rate and you get it in writing.

“Say to a family, ‘I’ll start at this dollar amount, but I really want a few dollars more an hour, so let’s do this for six months and then evaluate. If I prove to you I’m worth it, you’ll agree to pay this. If not, then maybe we part ways,’” Downey says.

If the family agrees to this, it should be written in your contract. Also be cautious if you’re negotiating pay and learn that your minimum rate is the very maximum the family can pay.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to take a job where the family is struggling to pay you your max amount, because it leaves you no place to go,” Downey says.

Read next: 4 tricky salary situations

Comments
User in Evanston, IL
June 21, 2017

Hi, I am a nanny. I think the biggest problem is how low Care and Sittercity say the average rate is. Not realistic!

This was a great read for me. I think especially as we are starting out (me, personally) for the Care.com community, we don't know what to expect, how informal or formal things may be, and forget that we are still able to negotiate. I liked the idea of letting them know that I wouldn't be fully available for the rate of pay that they offered, and also that as time progressed my introductory rate would increase. When I recently landed a job outside of care.com, I didn't really know how to ask for what I wanted. I think it's a lot more awkward in the very moment, but I definitely agree that there needs to be a shift in mood, being positive an confident about your worth. I also liked the idea of making a list and bring it to the job, and I was thinking of asking them if they had a list of their own they'd like to make too. Things that are required, versus what is desired, that way you can also figure whether the pay is worthy. Thanks for this.

User in Lorton, VA
Nov. 15, 2015

You are doing a great job.

User
Oct. 3, 2015

Very helpful information. thank you!

super helpful!

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