Posted by HIDDEN in Grafton, WI

How can I help my 5-year-old to stop having accidents in her pants?

My 5-year-old daughter (she'll be 6 in a couple of months) keeps peeing in her pants. We've tried various things to help her to stop, such as positive verbal reinforcements, reminding her to use the bathroom frequently, using a chart with incentives, and taking privelages or toys away. I feel like everything works for a short period of time but then she goes right back to peeing in her pants. I've talked to her pediatrician about this and she didn't seem too concerned, saying it was normal for her age. I think she's doing it because she doesn't want to stop what she's doing to use the bathroom. She sometimes smells like pee, her room and blankets smell like pee, she sometimes has accidents on the furniture which makes that smell like pee, she hides dirty underwear in her room which just makes it worse, and it's just becoming more and more of a problem. I don't want to get mad at her and make her feel bad, but I'm so frustrated that I don't know what to do anymore because I feel like I've run out of options. I was hoping she would outgrow this behavior, but this has been happening for almost a couple of years now. To add to this, she is still wearing pull-ups at night. I was hoping she would have been out if them at least a year ago, but she still wakes up with a wet pull-up every single morning. I'm hoping to get some suggestions on how I can help her deal with these issues!

Asked about a 5 year old girl


Ordered by those with the most votes.

  • I definitely agree with having a bathroom schedule. Don't ask her to go, tell her it's time to go, and that she's going to go every 15 minutes. Set a timer, and when it goes off, she goes to the bathroom, no alternative. Also set a timer while she is in there. In my experience, this has just become habit for most children. Setting the timer before they go in establishes the idea that interruptions are ok. Setting the timer for a few minutes while in the toilet encourages some to relax enough to shift their brains away from escaping back to whatever they were doing. 

    For some of the children I have cared for, I have placed a small basket of library or comic books in the bathroom, to be read ONLY while on the toilet. 

    Also agree with poster who suggested your daughter should be cleaning the mess. Whether there is a physiological or psychological reason for her urinating in her clothes, she is old enough to be responsible for rinsing and changing them and cleaning any messes she has made. Experiencing that it takes more time to clean up the accident than go to the toilet has also helped me with some children.

    Praise is great, but I'm often against tangible rewards. Perhaps something like a new outing, with the explanation that now you can do these things because you don't have to stick so close to home, because she is more responsible and aware of her body and what it is trying to tell her. 

    If all else fails, keep going back to your doctor. Maybe there is nothing wrong, but you know your own daughter best, and if you have concerns about your child's development or well being, you have the right to have them listened to!

  • If the Doctor says this is her age and was no help i myself as a parent would see a Specialist. Ask for a referral to see a therapist whom you and your daughter can speak to and see if there is a bigger issue at hand. My 7 year old niece had an issue where she was going number 2 in her underwear and we could not figure out why? My sister finally listened and my 7 year old niece now sees a therapist once a week for 30 minutes. We have already seen improvement!

  • Hi Rachel,

    My son is about the same age and up until about 5 months ago, we struggled on occasion with him having accidents.  His were related to his bowel movements and he waited just a bit too long before he listened to his body to go or he just didn't want to stop play to go take care of business. 

    One thing that has worked well for us is taking away a privilege he enjoys when he has an accident and doesn't tell us about it. We thought we would start with working on honesty.  If he comes to us and tells us that he had an accident, we will reprimand gently but no punishments are given.  When he ignores it and then walks around in dirty undies or changes and I find them later, we have an issue.  He enjoys his Ipad time and tv time each day.  So we began to take those things away until he could prove he was old enough to use them (i.e. potty trained).  It worked after just a few weeks.  The key was taking something away that he truly loved.  It if happened now, I would probably take his basketball. :)

    • Thanks for your answer and for sharing your experience! We’ve found that taking away a toy or privelages worked as well, but only for a few weeks. Maybe we can incorporate that with a chart and stay on top of it and that would be more beneficial in the long run. - HIDDEN from Grafton, WI

    • Sometimes a child feels unsecured or just plain lazy. They get so involved in there playing or what ever activity they are comfortable with ,that they just do not want to stop. So the key is to take away all that makes them not wanting too stop,and go potty.Securit is the best bond making sure they understand truly how important it is to stop go and take care of business, that whatever he/she was doing will be their on return.Parents do not feel as you are harming your child by taking away there most wanted. He/she will learn too controlled there effects of urinating or bowels. . - HIDDEN from New Orleans, LA

  • You are not alone! Here are a couple of tips.

    1. Make sure constipation isn't a problem. Constipation can actually lead to urine accidents because the stool can push on the bladder. She should be having soft stools daily or at least every other day. If she is having a hard time pooping, or not regular talk to your pediatrician about how to help with the constipation first. 

    2. Have her help with the clean up. She should help take off dirty bedding, put dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Do not think of this as a punishment. Its part of the process of having an accident. 

    3. Have a schedule with a reward chart. Together choose times in your daily routine when she should sit on the toilet for 3-5 minutes. You can schedule an alarm to go off at those times, so kids even wear a watch that has an alarm. When she goes on her own, or after one reminder from you she gets a sticker on her chart. If she needs a second reminder you take away a sticker. 

    Good luck!!

    This member is a doctor, but not your doctor. Talk to your pediatrician if you have concerns.

    • These sound like excellent ideas. Helping with the clean up process will help the child see the consequences of not taking that bathroom break and what mommy/daddy must go through when that occurs. - HIDDEN from Shawnee Mission, KS

    • I’ve read about constipation playing a part before. She does have regular daily bowel movements, but I’ve also read that that doesn’t mean they’re not constipated. Her doctor didn’t seem concerned when I brought up the bathroom accidents in the past, but I think I’m going to push the issue a little more at her next appointment. - HIDDEN from Grafton, WI

    • Great ideas, esp#2 - HIDDEN from Wallkill, NY

  • When I was her age, I was having a similar problem. I remember going out with my mom to the store and buying an alarm clock (or watch) in the color of my choice. Do these accidents happen at random times, or is it a consistent schedule? Set the alarm for within 2 hours of eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner, and have her try to go before each meal and bedtime. Keep using the chart with incentives, but change them every week/or other week. Start with shorter goals like making it through the day and gradually extend that to 2,3,4 days etc... Hope this helps!

    • I know when my mom was trying to train us to go to the bathroom, she would give us a piece of candy afetre everytime we went. It worked pretty fast because what kid doesn’t like candy? You can also try other things besides candy. But if you relate going to the bathroom as a postive expirence by getting a reward after. You 5 year old should respond well:) - HIDDEN from Westerville, OH

  • Bring to me I will stop accidents. I live in Glendale, CA

  • practice bring to the bathroom. even just wash hands, always talk to the child if He/ she needs to potty.

  • My daughter had trouble through age 7. First I took her to the doctor to be sure there were no medical problems. Then I would encourage her to go often. Though she may say she doesn't have to, encourage her to sit anyway. I would go as well so she didn't feel as though I was being bossy and it felt more routine. Good luck!

  • Have you tried using a timer? Set a timer for 30 minutes and every time the timer goes off, she has to go and at least sit on the toilet. As she has success, move the timer back by 15 minute increments. This should get her to start recognizing when she needs to go and that its ok to stop what she's doing to use the bathroom. I hope that helps. 

  • Hi! I just read your post.What i think is try to use bedpads,disposable or wasable.lessen her liquid in take at night.Give her treats when she use the bathroom.If i come up with more ideas i will message you.

  • You should check with her and instead of taking things away from her ask her how she feels when this happens and ask her is she the one that's thinks something is not ok maybe she doesn't feel well anyone around her that she doesn't like?

  • I would suggest going back to planned potty times. I would make her stop what shes doing, and go to the bathroom before she is aloud to go back to playing or whatever it is that she was doing. This may not get the behavior to stop completely but it should help reduce the amount of accidents drastically.

  • I think the mother should definitely set up a time schedule and also every time the Mom goes she should take her daughter with her and ask her to sit on her potty while Mom is using the rest room.  You know kids at that age likes to copy others.  Also the Mom should!d pay attention to the amount of liquids the child is taking in.  Too much and the child may have the sensation coming on too quickly.  Not enough can cause UTI's, little girls and even big girls are prone to UTIs anyway because of the female anatomy.  But UTIs cause frequency of urine.  

  • I would take a look at how much social time she gets. Its much easier for a child at daycare or school to pick up on lessons like potty training because of fellow classmates or friends. If that isn't really too helpful, having scheduled potty times is also a great route. Maybe make stopping what she is doing a part of her everyday routine. Consistency is Always key. I suggest potty breaks at the same time every day.

  • Have you taken her to a specialist? I know there are rubber pads that you can place on the bed, which when a child starts to urinate, a bell goes off, which wakes them and reminds them to go to the bathroom. The fact that she is hiding her underwear and not concerned about it, tells me that there is an underlying reason for this, which may be medical. An occasional accident, for a 5 year old is normal, but not all the time. How is she during school hours? Maybe something happened at school, which has caused or added to the problem. Are there younger children in the home, perhaps a new baby?

  • Well. Usually moms and dads will say a toy or candy. As for me a mother of 4. A overjoyed Yayy baby you did it your such a big boy/girl on a REAL toilet. Kids think ita play time with the musical ones.. OR.. the fastest and BEST one that's is always 100 proof. Is take those diapers and pull-ups away. Before. Buy TONS of cheap tiny underwear/panties and honestly let th accident on themselves. Think... Nobody like the feeling of poop or pee in there pants.. Us adults don't neither will they. They will have no choice but to remember what mommy / daddy says. Go to the potty. -Alicia

  • Dear Family, Dear Mom!!! your daughter  is your greatest treasure !!!! do not be angry with her , if the doctor tells you that there is no physical problem ,it is matter easier to handle...I am not a Psychologist, but I have three children which train and left the diapers in the first year!!!--your daughter is protesting something , she want your attention and it is achieving !!!you only have to reverse the recipe!!!clean it all, saw your daughter with patience and love!!!!celebrates when all perfumed,,,and when it gets dirty clean it all again without anger,,!!!! do that for about 21 days !!!!you will see the result.

  • Since this is something that has been going on for a while, can you think of anything that changed at the time it started to occur? Enuresis is common in children that have experienced stress or trauma, due to a variety of different factors.

  • Hi Rachel,

    if I were you, I would bring this to the attention of his doctor. Just to rule out any medical reason for his accidents. Then I would wear pull ups on him. Put him on a regular bathroom schedule. He should go 20 minutes after eating or drinking. 

    I would keep the positive reinforcement coming and use a chart with a reward that means something to him. Start with 1 less accident a day, 1 less accident a week keep reducing the number of accidents. You will get there!!! 

    Good luckLaurie

  • Sympathizing with her and letting her understand that while inconvenient, you will work hard to get through it together can help. Also, something that many people do in therapy settings is externalizing the problem by giving it a name (like a monster name). Let your child name the problem, that way when you are discussing the "monster" it is not associated with it being HER fault but the monster's fault. Then you can use positive reinforcement when overcoming that monster and make your child feel like a hero!


    These ideas come from many child psych, early childhood development many interactions with kids!

  • It is very common for children to develop bladder control at different ages. It may just be that her bladder is still small for her age.  I have a niece (I am raising) who struggled with accidents during the day up until she recently turned 7. Mainly it was because she was so preoccupied with playtime that she just would not make it to the bathroom in time. I still have to remind her to go to the bathroom every couple hours or right before we head out the door (its a struggle but, everyone needs to keep on top of the reminders). Definitely do not punish her, that probably wont work. However, praise each time she doesn't wet the bed or her pull-up might make her feel good about herself. In the case of my niece, she still wears a pull-up to sleep to avoid any accidents and sometimes she wakes up and pull-up is dry and sometimes it is wet. Her dad had the same problem when he was a little boy, her uncle and auntie also struggled with that as kids. Many times it has to do with physical development. Eventually she will grow out of it, just be patient.. :)
    What works for us: No water right before bed, if she does drink milk or liquids she needs to go pee right before she gets into bed. Sometimes when she was asleep I could hear her whining in her sleep so I would wake up and take her to the bathroom. I think she felt the urge to go to the bathroom but she was so deeply asleep that she didn't wake up (its a physiological response). Eventually she got the hang of it and now many days she wakes up with a dry pull-up. It's a challenge, but if you keep on top of it, you can all be successful. 
    hope this is helpful!

  • My Daughter had the same issue when she was 5-6 years old. Our doctor also shrugged it off with little guidance or help. We also had her checked for a possible UTI to see if t, in that was the culprit! That wasn't it. Then in a conversation with a friend she mentioned cutting way back on the caffeinated drinks - Pop, Chocolate Milk....etc. Bingo!! That helped big time! I had not even realized how much caffeine was in some of the foods and beverages she was consuming. I know she did not do it on purpose because she was ashamed afterwards. I bought her some really awesome fancy little girls underwear and she made a HUGE effort not to wet these. Good Luck! You seem to be on top of this and I am sure the accidents will become less and less!

  • I work at a daycare and don't teach five-year-olds, but everyone below them. Whan starting potty training, we always make it fun and interesting. If there is maybe a game you can find on Pinterest or come up with. If she is in daycare or has any peers around the same age, point out "see Joe goes potty." "See Mary goes potty." Someone her age is important because if they're any older than her, she'll think she doesn't need to because she's smaller than them. If there is a sibling, have them encourage her, too. I had two girls, Nora and Jordan. Nora was potty training and Jordan was 5. Every time Nora went potty, they both got M'n'M's. This made Jordan say "let's stop playing and go potty" check in for her. Granted this is a stepping stone, but it will get you moving in a positive way.

  • Work with a bathroom schedule and continue to encourage her when she remembers to go to the restroom. One of my parents gave her 5-year-old daughter a watch with a timer that reminded her to stop her activities and go to the bathroom. The pull ups are a good thing for night until she develops more and has night time control. Some children take a little longer than others depending on their development. Keeping trying a reward system with points and then let her have something special when she earns X number of rewards.

  • What I like to do with kids that age is bathroom "magic". You can put a couple drops of red or blue food coloring in the toilet and when she uses the bathroom, the color will change to either orange or green.The kids at the preschool I worked in went nuts and they got a lot better about telling us when they needed to pee.

  • Many children's bladders aren't developed until age 7 so I would just not make a big deal of it and let her use pull ups until she's ready. Also if there is something stressing her out this will happen too. If she feels pressured to control what she is physiologically unable to it will make it worse. Let her be her, give yourself a break, you are not failing. It is her body. Let it work out in time.

  • I had this same problem with my younger sister who i watched a lot during the day and i suggest offering a treat for going to the bathroom on the potty. For example if she/he tells you that they need to go to the restroom and successfully use it then they may get a piece of candy. 

  • Have you checked her for lactose intolerance or other food allergies. Sounds like you need another doctor who will address physical possibilities. Like a bladder infection or ...lactose intolerance and allergies are common. Also my daughter used to dribble also and the doctor said it's because she held it too long. Usually kids get so involved in play videos etc that they don't want to miss out by going potty so their bladder stretches so much they end up not knowing they need to go untill it's to late and they pee their pants. So my daughter had "potty breaks" every two hours regardless if you had to pee or not. You could give her a cute sticker each time she potty breaks. This retrained her bladder and allowed it to reduce to normal size for a child of her age. My daughter was in 2nd grade when that happened. So it worked and she felt much more confidant. Also when my daughter was 4-6 she did not like public potties because they were loud so she wouldn't want to go. I just gave her cotton balls or she wore her ear munts (muffs) lol to the bathroom usually in public ones. Don't assume she is just being stubborn because at six their is usually a physical or psychological reason for this. God bless hope this helps.

  • My son was the same way.  Have you tried talking to her and asking her?   She probably doesn't want to go on herself. See what she has to say.

    When I asked my son he told me he didn't know he had to pee until it was too late. That confirmed he did not want to stop what he was doing. He kinda ignored it until he couldn't ignore it anymore. I had to make a schedule and then make sure I was disciplined enough to discipline him. It takes a little work at first but it gets easier.

     My schedule was:

    6 Dinner and cleanup

    7 bath time/music in the tub

    8 bedtime/ story time.

    I went to bed rather late. Not sure if you're the same way, but if you are just wake her before you go to sleep and make her sit on the potty until she goes. If not,  you should set an alarm to remind you to wake her.  I'm sorry to take your sleep, but it will get easier.

    Try to make her sit on the potty, even if she has already peed- first thing in the morning, after eating, before nap, before bed, and once during the night (you should wake her).  Stay away from liquids right before bed and carbonated beverages.  I'm not sure if you have a bedtime set for her but in my house bedtime was 8:00.  If you know she has been drinking liquids, make her go the next time you think about it.. say an hour.

    My rule was no t.v. or video games during the week.  They had to earn time. So, whenever they'd do something good we rewarded them with points. They could then cash the points in for game or t.v. time otherwise it was read, crafts, practice flashcards, play outside or go to the park. 

  • Hi, this can definitely be very frustrating. My best advice is also the hardest. Try your very best to not get upset with her. Some kids struggle for years with potty training. My sister wet the bed till she was 12...I don't mean to discourage you, but your daughter may or may not be doing it out of spite, and she needs to know regardless that you love her and support her. Seems like you've tried everything I would suggest I would just say keep on encouraging her. Try setting a timer...start out with short times like every 10 minutes and have her try going to the bathroom, move up the time if it seems like she really doesn't need to go that often. Maybe try buying some underwear she really likes, i.e. disney characters, tell her she has 3 chances to keep wearing them, if she wets them 3 times in a day she doesn't get to wear them the next day. Just ideas. Other than that...youre doing a great job...keep up the good work. :)

  • My daughter had this problem at about the same age. Her pediatrician wasn't concerned and I didn't find out the cause until she had an ER visit where they determined that she was severely constipated and this was putting pressure on her bladder. I used Marilax to get her regular and then either applesauce or juice once a day to keep her regular. She hasn't had any problems since then. Hope this helps!

  • I agree with your doctor, this is very normal; however, to be going on for two years now may not be. I see that you tried using positive verbal reinforcements. That's really good! However, that gets tired right away. The best thing I think for you would be to take her yourself to the bathroom every 30 minutes, even if it is right in the middle of what she is doing and make her sit on the toilet until she goes to the bathroom. She will eventually grow annoyed at the fact that you keep ripping her from her activities and will do it on her. It may also help in teaching her that regardless of what you are doing, you cannot pee on yourself. Once she starts going on her own, I encourage that you keep asking every 30 minutes, 'Do you have to go potty? Do you have to go potty?' so that she does not lapse back into that habit. Whenever she does go to the bathroom on her own, I think it is best to keep using that positive reinforcement, but not verbal. Try giving her candy, or letting her stay up later, or icecream, something she just really loves. I hope this helps! If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! 

  • Do you give her liquid to drink all through the night? If so, stop the liquids about 3 hours before she goes to bed.

  • When I potty trained my youngest son who is now six. I found it worked best to work on a timed schedule. We would make an effort to try and go to the bathroom every 15 mins. We did this for 3 days and I pushed him to drink fluids so he would start to recognize the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom. It took a few days and patience  but it worked well fir us. Good luck!

  • Do

    • be patient and understanding - reassure your child, especially if they are upset
    • respond gently if your child is wet even if you feel angry; they do not want it to happen either
    • give the child plenty of fluid during the day; children may try to drink less to reduce the amount of wee but the slow bladder filling makes it harder to feel the bladder filling up and makes the problem worse
    • avoid drinks with caffeine such as tea, chocolate and fizzy drinks
    • teach your child to relax and take time when doing wee; girls should learn to wee with their legs apart and smaller girls may find a footstool helpful
    • provide spare underwear or a panty liner for school; the smell of wee may embarrass your child and lead to teasing.
  • Remind and check on her. After she has a drink and wait little .Then remind her to go.

  • Tell her when she goes potty in the toilet, the poop is going to be flushed down to the party. Sometimes this idea has helped.

  • For a normal and healthy 5 or 6 year old it is NOT as common to still have a lot of accidents. Has your pediatrician looked into and ruled out any possible physical issues? If not, you may need to get a 2nd checkup with a different pediatrician. Another possibility is: Sometimes kids feel the need to control things like this because they have very little control and choices in general. Eating and using the bathroom are things that a child can control so sometimes they do. This may not be the case for your family, but possible. Do you allow her to make reasonable choices on her own? Offering 2 choices for things still gives you the control because you have approved both choices, but it allows a child to feel like they do have that choice.

  • Hello, This sounds frustrating and challenging for you and I imagine for your daughter too! Generally, people, no matter how small they are--have good reasons for their behavior. I imagine your daughter is having these accidents in her pants for good reasons (conscious or unconscious). So, I would get curious! And, encourage her to get curious too! Maybe do some imaginative play exploring this. For example, you could invite her to ask a trusted stuffed animal/doll/imaginary character etc for support. They could serve as a guide. You guys could go on an imaginary journey to meet up with a wise fairy/wonder woman/detective (who ever resonates most with her) to help you guys get to the bottom of the Mystery of the Pee in her Pants! I imagine if you frame it/explore it as a mystery and something outside of her--it may turn into something you 2 can work together to solve! I hope this helps! If you have any other questions, feel free to msg me. Best, Katy

  • practice her/him to go bathroom every 30-1 hr... even just wash hands. hygiene is the most important for kids. so they won't get SICK very often.

  • Do you clean up after her when she has an accident? I've found it extremely helpful when older children are wetting themselves to have them clean up the mess themselves. (Though, best handle the carpet cleaning chemicals yourself.)

  • Hello! I suggest buying her a mattress pad so she doesn't ruin the mattress. Then take away her pull ups. The objective is to make it uncomfortable for her to pee. If you clean it up for her and make it easy for her to do it with no consequence she will keep doing it. The first night she will wet the bed and then you need to show her how to wash the sheets by hand so she knows what to do.Show her how to wash her clothes and blankets. The second morning when she wets her bed tell her what to do and watch her wash the sheets herself. Next time don't help her and just tell her what to do. Soon the smell will be too bad for her to handle and it will be very uncomfortable for her to sleep in wet gross sheets. Never wash them for her, if it gets too bad do it with her and make sure she does most of the work. She will soon realize how much easier it is if she just uses the bathroom. It might take a smelly week or two and might have to buy new sheets when she fixes the problem but it will work. Let me know how things go, Lydia Kressel


  • I would just have a routine with her every day. Go to the bathroom every couple of hours and eventually she should learn on her own.

  • I have raised three girls, and what worked for me is to have them pick out their own pretty panties at the store. They didn't want to soil the undies they picked out that were special to them!

  • If this has been going on for a couple years, I would recommend taking her to a urologist to be screened for any medical reasons this might be happening. If this results in no medical condition contributing to the problem, I would suggest talking about the problem with her. Ask her how you could help her. Take all solutions seriously, write them down. If she doesn't know then make some suggestions. They don't have to be costly, some times kids will want simple things, like alone time with mom or dad, playing a game, baking, etc. Kids can earn more costly things by earning points toward the reward. You list a lot of things you've tried. Try choosing one she suggests and stick with it. Talk with her if it doesn't seem to be working. You may need to revise the reward, not necessarily change it. Some Don'ts: Don't talk about the problem at all to other people, other than her dad. Don't refer to her failures at all. Even when she hasn't accomplished the goal, refer to how many mini-successes she has had. These are progress! If all these efforts fail or the problem seems to be from some other serious reasons, get help with a child therapist. Good Luck! and remember- the fact that you are working to help her and are not giving up shows just how much she is loved. Tell her every day, many times a day.

  • Take her to the restroom frequently to see if she needs to pee. reinforcement is the key,She needs to get in the habit of going. I had a similar situation with my four year old. She has now stopped. I would interrupt her play time to take her to the restroom frequently. Every hour to 30min later, do not wait for her to pee on herself, just take her to the restroom yourself even if she refuses too; do not depend on her to go on her own. Talk to her and remind her that she is a big girl, and that big girls do not pee on themselves.My daughter just didnt want to stop her play time and activities so that is why she would pee on her self. So I talked to her and explained things to her. And I ensured that she went frequently to the restroom. Also before bedtime, do not send her to bed with a full full glass of milk or water. Yes of course give her something to drink but don't send her to bed with a full bladder.

  • Hi, try not to worry too much She's just a late bloomer. A lot of kids still wet the bed up to age 7 sometimes older. Just limit her fluid intake after 5pm and see to it that she as no fluid an hour before bed. If she gets thirsty within that hour before bed then offer her a regulat or frozen yogurt. As for the daytime you can try this trick that works for some people. Leave her without underwear when she's home. It's sounds a little crazy and disgusting and also very annoying having to constantly wipe up pee and doing laundry but it might work. Sometimes when they can feel and see the actual water coming out then they are more aware of what's going on and then they get a little embarrassed. Hopefully after a couple of weeks doing this she will be happy to use the pot. Another trick is to use a timer to potty her every hour and to make it more fun just pretend you have to urinate also and sit on the big pot while she's on the little pot with her favorite story book or even her favorite show on the tablet with her favorite treat. Try letting her watch shows where other children are learning how to use the potty. She might be scared of the big toilet and the sound of the flush, if thats the case then let her use the little pot. If the little pot is too small the you can pick something like a comode from the surgical supply store. Its not ideal but it can work. Reward her for trying even if there's no success. Good luck.

  • Good luck!

  • I promise she won't go to High School still wetting her pants :) First, make sure she doesn't have a bladder infection, or some other issue that may be causing an urgent bladder issue. This can be easily done with a visit to her pediatrician. Once you are sure there is no issue there to be addressed, I believe in consequences that match the unacceptable behavior. By this I mean, she wet her pants, she can change them and put her wet clothes in the laundry. If she makes a puddle on the floor, she can clean that up too. This should always be done with supervision and insuring that she washes her hands afterwards. When she begins to dislike the work it causes her and the time it takes away from her play time, she will likely stop wetting her pants.

  • I would take her to a pediatrician and rule out bladder problems.

  • Hi I'm sorry that you are having that problem.The first thing you should do is when she wake up in the morning take her to the bathroom. And the from there take to the bathroom every two (2) hrs. Threw out the day when she eat her dinner a 1/5of liquid. After that no more liquids until the next day. Before she go to bed take her to the bathroom. And every 2hrs threw out the night. Until you train her to stop wetting on herself this is what will stop the wetting on herself. And this is a process it will not stop in a month it will take longer-term. This is a training process.

  • Send your child to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Take the diaper off. Let him how it feels when his or her pants are wet. And one more thing, it came from old times, from our grand parents:when your child is on the toilet sit turn the water on and let him listen to the water sound.

  • Pull ups work. Dont use diapers. Cause your daughter will feel no need to use the potty.

  • I would have her stop drinking water an hour before bedtime. My sisters had the same problem when they were little and it worked soo well. I hope you find something that works out for you

  • We went through a similar phase and it is soooo frustrating! A few things to maybe try would be to 1. Stop the pull-up at night. This seemed like the thing that helped the most. They have bed liners that are disposable that you can put down on top of the sheet so it is easy to change. 2. Make her change herself and take the clothes to the washer. Make her change her bed. 3. Remind her that it takes time out of fun play when she has accidents and that it doesn't feel good to be wet. Hope those tips help! Hopefully it will get better soon for you! Eventually it will get better- hang in there!

  • Take away her favorite toys and things that she like to do and tell her she will not have privilege to them until she stop peeing on herself.

  • try training her by letting her do her accident in her pants and let her sit in it and make it discomfort for her

  • As a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern, I have seen this a number of times in children who have experienced stress or any type of trauma.  It would not be a bad idea to take your daughter to a therapist for evaluation.  

  • Maybe you could try a star chart. I used this method when I was caring for a 4 year old boy who wet his pants almost every day. I put up a star chart next to his bathroom and told him that every time he went to the bathroom in the potty, he was allowed to put a gold star on the chart. But if he goes to the bathroom in his pants, he would lose 2 stars off his chart. When he reached 10 stars, he was allowed to have an extra scoop of ice cream on treat day. The fact that it was fun for him to add stars and count them each day to see how close he was, it made him excited and always had it on his mind so when he had the urge to pee, he would remember the chart. He would go running that very moment. Hope this method can possibly work for you!! Good luck!


  • I bought a pee machine. It sounds weird but it is battery operated and you attach it to her panties and the second she goes it makes a tiny little beep and will hopefully wake her up to go! Worked for all of my five children.

  • Hi! I have been a Nanny for 17 years and I am 35 years old. I am so sorry that you are having this issue and I agree that it can be frustrating at times. Children develop in all different stages and some regress when things in their world have changed. Is their a special item at the store that she has been eyeing lately? A movie? A toy? Or even a trip? I would take pictures of the item and discuss it with her stating that she could have that item or go to that place or do that thing when she doesn't have an accident. Possibly start small on a chart like, get several things and go every couple days and she gets a special item. Then work up to the big item, as in taking her to Sesame Place in PA to meet Elmo (I only say Sesame because I have a membership there and it's amazing). Their are also a lot of videos. Whenever she wants to watch TV, make her watch a potty video. Eventually and hopefully, she'll get the message. Hope it helps.

  • positive reinforcements seem to work way better than negative ones. taking away toys when she wets herself is not a good solution. Ive found that the sticker system works very well. Or she could get a treat of her choice (a snack, extra book before bed, etc.). anxiety plays a large role in a child wetting themselves. perhaps with you constantly asking her if she wet or needs to use the toilet is making her nervous and uncomfortable. try toning it down and making smaller hints instead. never show your frustration in front of her. i had wetting issues until about this age also. believe me, it does pass.

  • The first thing I would do is to take her to the pediatrician or even a pediatric urologist. Often children can't help having accidents. Above all, be patient with her. She is as unhappy about this as you are.

  • It is not an accident for her to go on herself. At her age some kids are still unable to control pee pee or bowel movement do to- pituitary gland is a major endocrine gland that is help controlling growth and development and if there is any problems with this gland there can be out of control urination and bowel movement issues.Also check with your healthcare provider for help.

  • Reward her and use pull ups for now.

  • My son was no problem, then came my daughter! I found that it took her much longer to get the idea that it was best for her to use the toilet. So I asked my mom! We had 6 in our family. She told me not to worry and to turn off the frustration because each child is different. As soon as I stopped the concern of her age, and all that goes with it It Worked.. As far as her room .. keep it clean and fresh as much as you can. This way your daughter will feel that clean and fresh is normal not the smell of urine.. Do not give up!! You can do this! One day she will take you to the bathroom hop on the toilet and pee. God Bless Valerie Snow

  • Don't allowe to drink to much liquid before to go to bed,and tell her to go to the restroom, is not normal for her age.

  • I had the same problem with my son. Sometimes I would give him a treat, hug, or hugging him and saying great job you are doing by using the potty. Be patient with her and she will eventually star using the potty.

  • You might want to cut down on her fluids. Also, I hate to suggest it, but you may want to speak with a counselor about it. Sometimes, when there is something more going on, children will use peeing on themselves as a defense mechanism.

  • Take her to the bathroom regularly and frequently. It is NOT an option. Pour on the positives. Use a 2 or 3 minute egg timer. She needs to sit that long even if she doesn't go (for the children who sit for 10 seconds and say they don't need to go). Talk about the big girl panties she can buy when she can go a week without accidents. Often they have Disney Princess on them, but it is whatever she wants. Reward charts work for some children. Every time she produces something in the toilet she earns something, usually something that can be exchanged for something she really wants. Some children DO have medical reasons for incontinence. I am also not a fan of the pull-ups where children are kept dry and do not -feel- they are wet. Good luck!

  • Have her on a sort of schedule. Every hour to two hours, have her try to go to the bathroom. This helped me when I was younger. Also, since she has this problem where it's consistently happening, I wouldn't have her drink any water or liquids at least an hour before bed to prevent accidents from happening. Using charts, reprimanding bad behavior isn't necessarily going to help her very much. She probably feels like she's going to be in a lot of trouble just for telling her mom or dad (I had this problem too). I would have someone wake her up in the middle of the night to make sure she goes to the bathroom. That way, if she doesn't understand her needing to tell someone that she has to go yet, she'll develop that habit now, versus later on down the road. Thank you, and I hope this helps!

  • Have her check periodically maybe ever hr or so just to be safe

  • It may be that her bladder is truly not matured enough to control the release of urine. My daughter was able to go all day without wetting her pants but at night she had to wear a pull up until she was seven. She just couldn't go all night and did not have the signal to wake her when her bladder was full. It was actually upsetting to her because she was embarrassed to go to sleepovers with her friends. I would assume your daughter needs to go often in the daytime and just have her go sit on the toilet and try every 1 1/2 to 2 hours, and always before going out. Also, if you think she just doesn't want to take the time to go, then make her be the one who has to rinse out panties and clean herself up every time so that she sees that cleanup is more of a hassle than taking the time to sit on a toilet. Good luck!

  • Ask her if she has to go to the bathroom? Take her anyway. Let it be a routine until she can figure out that she has to go to the bathroom on her own.


  • It certainly sounds that you have tried just about everything under the sun, and your frustration is certainly warranted. At this point I would approach your primary care physician again, and let him/her know how much this is impacting your family life, and that you can no longer wait this out. I certainly think that a visit with a pediatric urologist is the first step. Rule out with 100% certainty, that is isn't a medical problem like chronic bladder infection or even a bladder/urethral structural defect that needs correction. Once you have established this isn't a medical issue, that same urologist should be able to refer you to a counselor that has experience with urinary incontinence in children. Just from your statement it is very obvious too me that you want to help your child, but you need a lifeline, for your daughter and also yourself. Keep pushing, be an advocate and make sure that you are heard, and that waiting this out is not an option anymore.

  • It is common for children to not want to stop playing to go to the bathroom. Try to follow the schedule of when this happens and how often. Ask her if she needs to go often or take her. Have a special toy or something she can only do if she goes to the bathroom before she has an accident. Take note of any recent changes in schedule or behavior lately. Just be consistent and patient.

  • I know this might be difficult to swallow, but have you considered that the peeing could be an our ward sign of something going on emotionally? I'm asking because she is not just peeing herself but she is also hiding the fact that she did.Yes, sometimes children do pee themselves if they are having fun and don't want to stop to use the bathroom. But you said this behaviour also happens at night while she is sleeping. I would suggest a child therapist and rule out any abuse that would have this effect, assuming you have already done the practical things such as stop drinking at a certain time before bedtime, etc. I hope this helps.

    • As a therapist, I have seen this to be true, with any level of stress or trauma to a child. It is always a good idea to have your child evaluated further to see if there are any underlying issues causing the enuresis. - HIDDEN from Dallas, TX

  • First, you would want to try to get him to understand that he should try to avoid making any other accidents. We would potty train him properly, to make sure he doesn't make any more messes, and ask him each once in a while when for we has to use the bathroom, this is so we can figure out how often he has to go, and to prevent any other future accidents. We will also make sure he goes at night before bed time each night, and to go at the beginning of each morning, to avoid accidents during bed at night, and during the day, and try making this turn into a habit of his. If this does not go successfully, I will try to find another way to help him stop making accidents to the best of my ability.

  • she should have been trained at 2 all really . or take her to a doctor to see whats wrong . if u going to trained her make sure u stick w it and don't stop . after shes done gave her a treat .

    • This is ridiculous, I don’t need an email every time someone answers this question. Who wants that??? And since I can’t remember my password, I can’t even change that setting. So I guess I’ll just have to report emails as spam.

      HIDDEN from Wallkill, NY

  • I cared for a little boy that did this. The father was just as frustrated and was not handling it as well as you. The mom was totally OK. It turns out that they really cannot control it. My sister-in-law had one of her triplets that had this problem. He grew out of it and had no control. Believe me, no one wants that negative attention. That is just the way their bladder is developing! There was also an article on thi somewhere... She needs you on her side Mommy. So just keep a pull up on and act like "no big deal" so it will cut down on your frustration. They have no control. Same thing with thumb sucking. They will give it up when they are ready and not one day sooner. It can be a non issue or an issue. Great thing is you get to choose. So put the pull up on each night and/or protective mattress and don't say a word. They can't help it but have no words or reasoning to tell you. And I don't know anyone who wears a pull up first grade so you're good.

  • This might just be paranoia,but one of my siblings struggled a lot with bed-wetting and wetting themselves, i remember my parents believing it was all just conscious behavior, however eventually my siblings kidney function was tested and one kidney was at 75% and the other was only at about 20%. Their kidney function ended up being the main cause, so my sibling only ended up getting a handle on their bed-wetting as they get older and their kidneys began to function better. Of course my parents after the results adjusted their attitudes to less stricked afterwards but they continued to reinforce no bed-wetting.

  • Hello, yes this can be frustrating. But its never an answer to scold the or make them feel bad, she already shows signs of that by hiding things. I'm not a doctor, but had the same problem growing up. Being from a family of 12 children and at least 5 had this problem, we were spanked and still no help! My grandmother, bless her heart sought help, we all quit wetting the bed within a month . We had to strengthen our bladders by holding it as long as we could during the day no drinks after 7 at night. Sip of water yes, really hopes this helps she's younger so may just have to grow out of it. God bless you and your daughter.

  • im think you should try to use pull ups during the day and tell her to tell you when she wants to pee and use diapers at night time just to go to sleep. that way she can practices using the bathroom during the day. we tried that at a daycare with one of my students and it worked pretty good. hope you can resolve the problem

  • I know potty training can be frustrating especially as a child gets older,but once you've ruled out any physical or emotional concerns. The issue may be maturity or a need for attention. Children desperately want their parents attention whether good or bad. When she pees on herself she gets a reaction from you. Make sure that you're showing her enough attention in other ways and reward your daughter with positive reinforcement and incentives when she uses the bathroom. Maturity can play a big part too. Make sure you're encouraging her to be a big girl and have some responsibilities such as picking up her room etc. Good luck!

  • might be a medical issue suggest seeing a doctor taking her toys away and making verbal threats js only making her nervous before she goes to bed stop her from drinking a lot of water sometimes during the night get her up take her to the BR good luck

  • It's okay for that age to still be in diapers. I would never use any kind of negative reinforcement related to potty training. It only needs to involve praise. You could try modeling, having her sit on her potty when you sit on the toilet. Just be encouraging. But you can also distract her, giving her a book to read while you read a magazine. When you find pee in the potty trainer, praise her, acting excited and surprised. If you don't, say "oh well, nothing right now," and try again later. If you get frustrated, she'll get frustrated.

  • Hello, I'm a mom and a aunt. My niece was experiencing the same problem. I will suggest to you to try giving her less to drink if already haven't tried it. And sometimes this works too, if you were to buy your daughter's favorite cartoon character panties. Sometimes these things happens and it may can run in the family, I'm not being mean by saying this. I'm very sure she'll grow out of it but it takes time. I hope this helps.

  • I had a five year old in my Pre-K classroom who was having bathroom accidents, both at home and in school.  It was eventually determined that she has a sensory-processing disorder that caused her body to miss the signal when she needed to use the bathroom. She has received occupational therapy and is now having infrequent accidents and is so proud of her progress!  Many parents are unaware of how the body uses seven senses and not just five.  The vestibular and proprioceptive sensory systems are the hidden senses but can have great impact on child's health and development.  Are there any other red flags involving her behavior or development?  I would definitely suggest talking to your pediatrician again.  Best of luck! 

  • This happens so often with children. They are having too much fun playing that they don't want to stop to use the restroom and end up having an accident. Try taking her to the restroom every hour for a week. Then, start monitoring how much she's drinking and make sure she uses the restroom within an hour of drinking. She'll get so tired of you telling her to use the bathroom all the time she'll start doing it on her own.

  • It could be physiological problem. I knew numerous children i helped care for in the past that still wet themselves and the bed. It turned out to be at night their scared of the dark to get up. During the day it could be they want some attention. It's best to just let the child no your their day and night. Iv'e done that and had very great outcomes of someone not using the bathroom or themselves or in the bed.

  • How much liquiud is she in taking throughout the day? This should really be monitored closely. If she is drinking a lot of sugary drinks, this will definitely cause frequent urination. I would definitely seek another medical opinion, because children at her age can control urination to a certain degree. There could really be a medical condition that's causing her to do this. I am a four year old teacher and this might happen to one of my students once in a school term. I would monitor her liquid intake especially sugary drinks and take her to the bathroom every hour or so.And though I am not a doctor, children that are this age shouldn't do this. And putting her in a pull up is sending the wrong message, because this is saying its ok to wet yourself. You have to stay consistent with what you do.She should have been out of a pull up by age three.

  • Have a time schedule for her everyday to use the bathroom. Try this method it will solve it. Good luck!

  • You need to train the kids every 1 hour ask them if they want used the restroom.always remind them if they feel wanna go to the restroom you need to go right away.mostly kids they were hold on it ,because they dont pay attention because they dont want away from what they doing like playing,using,computer or tablet and watching vedio games.

  • No drinks one hours before bed, let him pee as well, no punishment.

  • I would bring my child to a behavioral therapist or child psychologist. I've never heard of that behavior and I really disagree with your pediatrician, because I'm sure if I were to consult mine, she would also suggest the psychology route.

  • I'm so sorry to hear about what's happening. Maybe you should try talking directly with your daughter about why she's doing it. You may also want to get a second opinion from another doctor if possible. I'm not sure if this is occurring also in school or in public but it seems like as soon as you find the underlying cause things will get better for the both of you. There's the possibility that there may be something going on her life that may be causing it also.

  • I was able to ptty train all 4 of my kids(1 girl) by the time they were 2. i found that eliminating any beverage after 6 pm eliminate dnight wetting. I also found that "I" had to be constantly supervising the time and as soon as child awoke, 20 min later i would say " oh its time for us to go to the bathroom" hurry lets o, and quickly set child on seat. I had to sit and wait till i heard a tinkle. i woud talk to y child and say "oh did ihear it " and hold my ear as if listening, i would make this an exciting moment and effort that we both participated in. i monitored fluids always. so i would give a half of a tippy with milk or juice /water at breakfast and 20 min after breakfast I repeated the actions from earlier. u must do this all day and at night . imperative u do not give any fluids, even if they ask after 6pm.. once the child feels what its like and how quickly it is over the idea of missing out on playtime or otherwise becomes less important as having a clean dry undee. good luck ! stay positive make it exciting and stay firm and consistent ! it works all 3 of my boys were potty trained at 2 yr s :)

  • try to give her treats every time after she uses the bathroom

  • Hi, I went through same thing with my son when he was little. If a pediatrician or other specialists has ruled out any developmental or cognitive delays, then just be patient. The problem just may be a bladder muscle that hasn't caught up yet. 'Smiles'. They have to learn the control and then the muscle has to get strong enough. All the praises, rewards, etc in the world isn't going to help that. Lol Limit any caffiene or liquid intakes after a certain time. Make sure there isn't any stress or anxiety going on in her life that can be alleviated. ( in my son's case it was saddness from our divorce.) Reassure her she isn't 'a bad girl'! And keep on her the importance of stating clean. No one likes to be wet! Make it a morning routine she helps with in getting a shower and changing her sheets. She needs to know and understand its natural but that it's her mess and she needs to keep things clean. Maybe start setting your clock several times to gwake her for potty breaks.

  • If the problem is that she doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go to the bathroom, I used to be the same way. My parents would take my toy or tv away if I used the bathroom on myself. Afterwards, they would make me go to the bathroom on my own before I was able to get it back. It helped.

  • Try enforcing a time table for going to the bathroom, as well as asking if she's afraid of the toilet (the noise it makes, being over an empty space, if a fan is on bothering her, not liking a mirror or something). Sometimes it's an unfortunate thing that just has to be grown out of and worked around in the meantime. Make sure not to blame her, it'll only make her ashamed and continue trying to hide things. Instead, talk to her, tell her about why we need to use the bathroom, how the negatives of delaying the bathroom outweigh the positives, etc. Also continuing to keep the sticker chart would be good, but add a driving goal. Maybe if a month of no pants wetting there's a trip for ice cream or something. It's always better to give an overall goal to reach than a momentary reward! :)

  • have you talked with her doctor? Underlying problem possibly?

  • I can imagine your frustration but please try not to let your daughter see this. Try making bathroom time a fun event like a race to see who can get to the bathroom first. Let her win most of the time. Also, if her Pediatrician is not too concerned neither should you. Some kids just get the hang of it later. It's normal.

  • It may be time to see a urologist. One of my children had something called a spastic bladder. The child was unable to control the wetting.

  • I would give him or her a reward for each time they go to the restroom. If they proceed for a long period of time try taking them for ice cream. If rewards does not work I will consult with a pediatrician

  • giving her rewards for using the bathroom, kids love feeling like they have done things right, so make a big deal out of the next time she does you the toilet

  • Hi I have four kids and they were doing the same thing. It is frustrating but it will get better. She hides her wets clothes because she know you will be upset with her. And before she goes to bed at night make her go t the bathroom even f she says she don't have to go still make her go and stay in there with her to see if she does. My daughter always says she don't have to but she always goes. When she have the accidents wash them out right away so you don't have that odor in your home. Sometimes if she is doing something like playing or watching her favorite cartoon she is not going to want to go till it go off or stop playing. So ask her if she has to go if she is doing any of those things. Her pull ups are going to get full if she been drinking a lot way before bed as well.

  • What my mom did for my little brother cause he had the same problem and kept doing it, was making him walk around after he peed for a while. She told him she's not doing it anymore and he's going to have to deal with it or learn to go the toilet...Needless to say kids don't like walking around in their mess

  • Sometimes role models and peers can do more than the parent. Does she have cousins or same age friends who get along with her? When your daughter gets used to seeing the success of her peers/cousins, she try to imitate or learn behaviors to encourage her wanting to go to the restroom more frequently... also no drinks two to three hours before bedtime will help with nighttime wets.

  • hello Your daughter must doing this because she is comfortable with that habit. I don't know your daughter's personality but if you can figure out something that will put her out of HER comfort zone, that you didn't try yet, that could help. Basically kids do things and tend to repeat them when they feel comfortable, once they don't they could break the habit. Also your consistency in building new, positive habits will be necessary. I hope it helps, Barbara

  • Yes this is still an age thing - one trick that seems to work sometimes is making her go without underwear around the house or a pull up so she becomes more aware, having her wear a pull up at night reinforces that its okay for her to pee her pants instead of getting up. make her use the bathroom at night before bed and at certain intervals during the day and right when she wakes up in the morning.- Hope this helps

  • You may have tried this but try setting an alarm over the summer. Every two hours even if she doesn't have to go have her go sit on the toilet. You could keep a special wash basin set aside for her and have her start washing her soiled garments by hand. This might give her more ownership of what is happening and give her a way to feel less ashamed (hence the hiding). This has had some success for me in past care gigs. There is a chance that she does not understand the sensation yet but like you said she might have difficulty pulling away from her activity. Good luck.

  • I tried bribery with all of mine and it was something they really wanted. Mission accomplished immediately.

  • I am using stickers.. The book has been sitting up in her room, unused. She likes the stickers, but has no place to put them. She earns a sticker each time she uses the restroom without damp or soiled underwear. We came to an agreement that after she earns 10 stickers, she can have a "potty party". She loves to dance so we incorporated that into her party. (This party is a small celebration with which ever family members are around when she earns the 10th sticker.) She gets to choose her snack, drink and 2 songs for all of her family to dance to. Her older brother also gets to choose 2 songs. I mainly did that because I want her 7 year old brother to take part in the celebration. I also think it is a nice way of teaching kids to allow other people a chance to choose. As she starts earning parties, my plan is to up the sticker count. Making her earn more stickers before getting a celebration.

  • Reward charts and stickers

  • Be patient...some kids taken longer, just continue what you are doing with TLC and you will be shocked when automatically it stop.

  • One thing that will help during the night is if you limit her fluids before bed and make sure she uses the bathroom right before she lays down.

  • Perhaps you can set a timer to go off at intervals that are appropriate based on her frequency, and have her go to the bathroom, even if she says she "doesn't need to go." Most of the time, when children are on the potty they will pee, even if it takes a few minutes. Also, at night time, perhaps you can limit her fluid consumption after a certain hour, to minimize the number of accidents she has during the night.

  • My mom used to let me walk with my wet pants for two or three hours and she would always say that someone smells really really bad. And she used to say other stuff the make me really shy, then I would feel really embarrassed and I'll go and change my pants by myself. That's how I stopped peeing in my pents

  • Give them a stay up try that

  • Hi, I used to care for a child who use to pee the bed a lot and this is what I did: I let her know it's not a bad thing and that it's normal but, it's something she has to stop doing. We had a game, every time she didn't wet the bed or herself I gave her a cookie or we would do something she really wanted to do such as playing with makeup (the kid kind). It did take a while but we continued this. When she did wet herself, I took her hand and had her grab the clothes and we'd clean it until it was clean and no kid wants to clean, they want to play so she continued to learn, "okay, if I stop wetting myself, we can play and have fun" and even though it did take a while, she did it, she learned to stop.

  • i agree with her pediatrician that this is normal not all children are the same. in her case i think you may need to make sure you personally bring her to the bathroom every 2 hrs. don't remind her cause she obviously don't take it seriously. slow down on her drinking too many liquids right before bed. maybe if her bedtime is 7 or 8, wake her up around 10 or 11 and make her use the bathroom. i think you should keep on with the charts and taking away privileges. try positive reinforcements like every time she uses the bathroom like she should she gets a treat, maybe doing something she like or her choice of dessert once a week or maybe 5 extra mins of electronics. it comes down to sticking to it so she knows you are serious.

  • It seems to me like she is not aware of her bodily cues that she needs to use the restroom, or perhaps that is just not incentive enough to stop what she is doing--which I think is great that you have caught onto. I think one way to start is to help her learn to take breaks when she is doing activities, regardless of her need to use the bathroom. Practicing taking short, 2 minute breaks throughout an engaging activity will help her get used to stopping what she is doing and then learning how to re-engage. Then this skill can be used alongside teaching her to recognize body signals that she needs to use the bathroom. She may then learn that she will have to stop what she's doing regardless, and so she might as well avoid the negative consequences or shame that comes with wetting herself.

  • I know my daughters had the same problem,because the buttons on their close...just a thought

  • You may have to limit her intake on juices or those great things she loves to drink. Also set a schedule for her drinking of water or milk and stick to that schedule. You must also do this with fruit, because fruit tends to have lots of water in it and can make you go. Set schedules and limits for those things. I'm not sure if your daughter eats lots of snacks or goodies but some foods or processed items can cause such an issue. As a parent I don;t think this is simply just normal. Try these things and if it continues, maybe she will need to see a urologist because I've had 3rd grade students that had restroom (bladder) issues and really couldn't help it, but they did have a strict diet too (foods they could and couldn't eat). So, yes set limits and schedules and if she seems to have fits about these new rules that's where you discuss the why and if it's going to change she has to be a big girl and be responsible for going to the potty and not in her pants. I hope this helps if not tried already!!

  • I'm thinking her bladder has been checked by now? Also is mom able to stay home? I've found from experienced it is an anxiety issue, children need their mom. I've heard kids spell love "TIME". That's how they measure how much someone loves them. I sacrificed material things to stay home and raise my children, its only for a season and then one has their life back to pursue a career and making money once they are much older, in my book they need you until they leave for college. Teenagers may be able to care for themselves but can get into trouble without supervision. My nieces and nephews had a heck of a time getting out of diapers older than yours, when mom decided to stay home, the problem went away.

  • perhaps she has an underdeveloped bladder. Has your MD suggested seeing someone to determine if it is a physiological problem. I know of a boy older then your daughter that still wets the bed. Perhaps there is a emotional reason why this keeps happening?Best of luck.Some MD will say your child will outgrow certain things.Time things into your own hands and seek out other resources or look for ideas on Web Md.Doreen

  • hi my name is angela I am thanking is she drinking all lot sometime that is it to stop she can water befor she goes to bed and make sur she have to go be for she goes to bed I got a step grands son he is the same way ok

  • Positive reinforcement works. It could be a snack, game, activity, or a token placed on a calendar or given to her. This is not bribery, but reinforcement. It is also helpful to take her to the bathroom more often to remind her and reinforce the fact that she needs to use the bathroom. Keeping a large calendar with days of the week and pictures to place on it each time she uses the potty or commode is helpful. She needs tangible reinforcement.

  • Dear Parents, My brother was like that. don't feel bad. I am not a psychology but its kind of inexpressive anxiety just like the thumb sucking.Yelling, scolding, taking away things she like and enjoy is not helping her. just talk to her calmly just like nothing. Take her to her bed room ask what she smell? (the pee smell)ask her if she like? how she feels? what make her? play the reverse psychology instead of yelling at her. Its not going to happen overnight.My mother asked my brother to washed his bed-sheets by hands so he felt what was taking care of the smelly bedding's he has and make him clean his room every time he did. he was same age. my mom let him do it everyday till he stops and said: " I am not going to pee my bed anymore" till he starts getting up uses the rest room. now hes adult we reminds him he laugh. Good luck!

  • Do you keep her on the toilet until she pees? You can try that because it might be that and does your daughter tell you when she has to go pee or no? That is most likely it but you just have to keep trying because she will learn that she can't be in diapers all her life. Take her to the bathroom ever hour and see if she will go pee or no and that will help.

  • Hi Morgan, It was great to speak with you and meet you virtually! Thanks so much for taking time to apply and speak with us. Sadly we have gone with another candidate we met this weekend. Good luck in your search and in school! Best, Lisa

  • I am going to tell you about an experience I had with one of my son's friend. This little friend had spent the week-end with us. I noticed when he was playing he would hold himself and his pants would be wet. That night I was running the bath water for their bath, I notice this little fella looked like someone had taken a meat cleaver to him. When is mother came to pick him, I questioned his mother. The mother informed that her son was going to have surgery because is urethra tube was to small. The surgery was successful no more wet pants. Have you considered having your daughter checked by another pediatrician. He or she should be concerned. What an embarrassment your daughter will have in school. I hope this story will help you.

  • When my daughter was younger (17 years ago) we ordered this buzzard that would attach on her panties and a slight wetness it would go off. You have to sew little patches for the buzzard to fit, but it worked quick and especially at night time.

  • I would just be patient with her and keep up with the incentives. She probably is just waiting until the last minute to use the bathroom or it may hit her out of the blue and she just doesn't make it in time. If you think that it is really a problem, maybe you should take her to a psychologist, but it sounds like she just needs a lot of patience and reminding.

  • I currently work in a daycare and have someone of this same age with the same dilemma. It is tiring to have to clean it up so often. We typically just ask her to go try every half hour. It does cut down on the number of accidents so far.

  • This sounds exactly what I went through with my daughter. We ended up going to a specialist who discovered she had an abnormal dysfunctional bladder. Her bladder was on the size of a walnut at age 10. She wasn't able to hold her urine at all. The muscle control was so weak and the her bladder was constantly in a spasm. I would take her to a pediatric nephrologist to have her bladder looked at. I thought my daughter was a bed wetter and just being lazy until we found out she really did have a problem. It wasn't her fault and I felt horrible. The dr put her on a medicine to help relax her bladder and helped her with exercises to increase the size and strength of the bladder and muscles. It was a long road and lots of tests but it was worth finding help for her problem. Not all kids are bed Watters on purpose.

  • There can be any number of reasons for this. We must not get angry over this, it is all right to express disappointment, but remember to express praise as well. Careful concern about what is being consumed and when is required. Routines and constant monitoring is required until improvements are made.


  • Hi Family! Thanks for the question. I can't give concrete advice but most definitely can offer suggestions on what I would do if I were in a situation like yours. It sounds like you're doing everything you can and are spot-on with your concerns. If the problem doesn't go away with everything you've tried I would keep her in diapers as a short-term solution. She's old enough to hide her undies so it sounds like she's having a tough time coping with something else. It's totally normal for kids to bed-wet when they're having a tough time in another area of their life. They simply can't concentrate on what's going on in front of them. Hence, they can't be totally responsible for their behavior. As for a long-term solution, I would talk to another pediatrician; get a second, third opinion. I would research (like you're doing now) and form my own understanding. Bottom line, you know your daughter better than anyone else. How you handle this may also affect your relationship with her long-term. If this were my daughter I would be very honest about how this makes me feel. I would let her know what I hope she'd do (more often). I would explain it's okay to have accidents now and then but to hide her undies - no. I would teach her how to clean up after herself: her undies, furniture, linen etc. I would explain to her that she's too big to wear diapers but I don't want her to have accidents all the time. I'd remind her to use the toilet after she's had a drink. If she's not having accidents at school then you know she can manage. I would do everything in my power to exhaust all possible solutions to this problem. Hope this sheds some light.

  • I currently work at a preschool and what we do with the kids is put on a diaper/pull-ups over the underwear so if they pee their underwear will be wet and they are uncomfortable so it helps the children learn how to not pee in their pants and use the toilet!

  • It could be a couple of different things. As you said, sometimes children are too busy or don't want to stop whatever they're doing to use the bathroom. You might try putting her on an actual schedule for frequent bathroom breaks and strictly enforce it. Even if she doesn't go each time she tries, eventually if she is able to stick with the routine long enough, her body may catch onto a schedule and then she would be used to doing this on a daily basis. However, this could be difficult to maintain if she's in school or on play dates and what not. It could also be an anxiety related issue. If for some reason she is anxious about asking to use the bathroom at school or having to go when others (children or adults) are around, until you are able to figure out the root of the anxiety issue, you won't be able to help her work through it. Or I t may be something unrelated to using the bathroom that's making her anxious and this is just a symptom of the bigger problem. If you're able to talk with her to see if there's anything bothering her (without making it about her accidents) you could try to address the bigger issue. Punishing her isn't really helpful because it could make her feel worse about whatever the issue is and just exacerbate the same or make her feel ashamed in some way. If she is hiding dirty underwear in her room then clearly she's aware that she's not supposed to be having these accidents or she "feels bad" about this behavior so this leads me to believe that it may be a physical issue that she may not always have control of. That being said, I t could possibly be a constipation issue. If her bowel isn't emptied regularly, it hurts her to go or she's holding it when she needs to poop because she's embarrassed or anxious about going at school or a friends house, any of these things could make her constipated. The bowels can push on the bladder if they're "backed up" resulting in frequent accidents. If you think this might be a possibility, you could try increasing her fluids or using miralax and see if that helps. Some children just have accidents more often (even into their pre teen years) and grow out of it eventually but it sounds like there's an underlying issue. Hope some of this helps. Good luck!

  • I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose but there are a lot of variables involved in things like this. Does she have any siblings do you and your husband work a full-time job maybe she's doing it for attention.when is the latest you give her drinks at night that could be some of the nighttime problems. If you would like to message me please do. I will try to help if I can. There are just alot of questions I would need to ask. Good luck :)

  • You have to be patient with her. Most children take time to get 100% potty trained. If she is with you throughout the day then i suggest taking her to the bathroom every 20 to 30 minutes as well as monitoring how much liquid she consumes throughout the day. If you get her on a routine where she goes to the bathroom after each meal, before play time and so on she will begin to respond. Do not stop with the positive reinforcement and incentives, but make sure she is earning them. For example, do not give her a reward each time she goes to the bathroom, give her one for going all day without having an accident. As for the hiding dirty underwear you are going to have to sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her that it is bad to keep secrets, and to always tell the truth. make sure you are reacting positively so as to not make her afraid to come forth with her misdeeds. And always remember that you can do this. if you get frustrated close your eyes and count. Never let your anger come through during this process it will cause her to drawback from you and hide more.

  • Do not make a big deal of it. Encourage her to go to the restroom every time after eating and/or drinking a lot, before you go or leave to go anywhere, before bed and as soon as waking up! also in between stores if shopping and when visting other people. Do not let feel her feel abandon, or reiculed. Keep up with when she goes and make a point to know from that when you need to try the restroom at or before the times occure time.

  • Wetting the bed can be a sign of anxiety. I had two siblings who wet the bed until they were 12. The family doctor told my mom to pretty much "expand the size of the bladder" by holding it in for as long as you can take it. But gradually the bladder will expand allowing more urine to be held in, rather than having accidents. If that makes sense. It worked for my siblings. Not a doctor and not saying to go to the extreme with holding it in, just an opinion that I hope helps. Also, there was this thing back in the late 90s and at bed time its sewn into the underwear and once a child starts to wet themselves, the device goes off like an alarm to make you wake up and use the toilet instead of bed wetting.

    • I’m surprised the doctor said that. I was a pants wetter for many years, and an experience when I was in my early 20s helped me learn a lot about why it was so hard for me to hold it: I had a customer service job where I would sit with clients for sometimes a few hours and not be able to use the bathroom. When I was forced to hold it for an hour or two, I found that at home I would have minor accidents. It was the same feeling in my bladder that I used to have when I was a kid. I think my bladder got so stressed from holding it, it learned to spasm and lose control… I’m not going to try to give a scientific explanation but my point is that I had a personal experience completely contradictory to that doctor’s advice. I suppose it may work for some people with different kinds of bladders though! - HIDDEN from Albuquerque, NM

  • Some kids take way longer to develop bladder control. Every time that she has an "accident" make her clean the mess, not as a punishment, just to let her notice that it would be easy for her to just pee in the toilet then cleaning the mess all the time. also, every time that she does pee in the toilet, give her a reward to make her feel that she is doing a great job no pee in her pants.

  • Talk with him about the accident with love.

  • Does she pee at school, as well? If not, it might be that they are being constantly reminded to go, with time set aside to do so; or she understands it is not a place for her to do so, whereas at home she's more comfortable. If that isn't the case, try (if she's capable) teaching her how to pick up her own dirty clothes and assist you in handing you her clothes, while you put them in the washer. She may get a better understanding of it as she handles it in her hands everyday. A little one I used to nanny simply had an "immature bladder" and grew out of it by age 8 - it's actually more common than people discuss, and if that's the case, she just needs a little more time.

  • Take her to the bathroom every hour or half an hour.

  • Well, is there anything troubling her, such as nightmares, changes in her environments, etc.? It's likely that even if you don't get mad at her, she can tell that you're not very happy with it and that's why she hides her dirty underwear. It could also be that she likes the smell of pee, which if that's the case, then you'll have to spend a lot of time breaking her out of that. Are there a few things that she really, really wants? Toys, collection sets, books, etc.? I say set up a reward system for her. Make a list of the top 6 items that she wants. Tell her that if she has no accidents for two months, you will buy her the item on the bottom of the list (top of the list is the number one item that she wants to work toward). Then tell her if she has no accidents for two more months, she will get the 5th item on the list. Continue moving up the list every two months until she gets to the top of the list. If she has no accidents, you need to follow through with your word and buy her the item on the list. But let's say she has an accident on month three. Then you tell her that she has to start over and wait four months (instead of two) to get the next item on the list. Anyway, the point of all of this is to stretch out her accidents. It does not guarantee success, but it is an option to work with.

  • I would ask child frequently if they have to use the bathroom if that doesn't work allow child to sit on toilet until they do pee even if it takes ours 

  • Just be patient, No juice after a certain time in night

  • Well I would go old school and put panties on her with rubber pants. she will not like being wet. But at 6 she might also have a bladder problem have you went to the urologist. This can be something that needs to be checked. I would go to the doctor to rule out any problems first.

  • I would agree with a bathroom schedule, or start to give her one of her favorite healthy snacks every time she goes. Or some type of praise for her to look forward to, also for the smell you can buy Lavender oil , Aloe Vera and put in  the laundry and spray the couch with it.

  • I've been caring for children for over 30 years. I've potty trained at least 400 children over the years, in preschools (as a teacher) and also as a specialized nanny who worked with special needs children, all who were twins or triplets born as preemies. Let's just say that toilet training has become my specialty :) First, you must (as in must) get her on the potty on a schedule. It becomes a daily routine, 7 days a week, no matter who she is with. My recommendation would be as soon as she wakes up, and about every hour and a half then on throughout the day...every single day and no matter who she is with. Usually, it's about every 2 hours, but because she needs to see that going on the toilet is a part of life that has to be done all day long, she will see that like eating, sleeping, and everything else you do, this is the same. It's not something you do when you or anyone else says she needs to go. It's just a matter-of-fact-thing-in-life-to-do. It's just that plain and simple. She doesn't see it that way because she is constantly told that there are consequences for not doing it. Those consequences are, to her, a reason for not going. So take away the consequences. Take away the reasons. Take away the incentives. No matter how much she fusses or tries to make a deal with you, you just stick to it. No discussions about it....ever. Give her a one minute heads up time, no matter what she is doing. When it's time to go to the potty or toilet, just make it matter of factly. No discussing what is going to happen if she does or does not go. Just bring her to it, don't tell her she has to go or else. Don't give her a treat even if she does go. It's just what all people do, and she has to unlearn that this is not something she can argue or try to deal her way through. Now, whether she will go or not does not depend on you. You have to stop making it about what you want. She has learned that there will always be a long discussion and she can manipulate this in ways that allow her to annoy you. When she realizes that there is no more bargaining, you aren't getting upset, no one is telling her she has to go, and there are no more reasons for her to fuss, she will eventually lose her grip on that rope she is holding. She now sees she's getting no where and she's bored about it. Eventually,she will go out of necessity, she'll fuss less, lose her will to create anxiety to the situation, get bored with making any headway in the situation, and just go. No fuss, no more drama. She got hooked on the drama aspect of it and now you are taking that away. Then, eventually, she'll just go on her own, get right back to what she was doing, and stop making it a game of "I win." As far is the pull ups, stop using them. Yes, stop. That's her security blanket for being lazy. And, when she pees her bed, clothes, underwear, etc, make her clean up after herself. When she sees that it is now just too much work to be lazy and pee anywhere and anytime she wants, she will see that it takes too much effort to keep this up. Make her clean herself in the tub. Make her put the wet things in the washer. Hiding dirty underwear? Put her clean ones in a place where only you can get to them. (Don't let her know where you keep these.) Lastly, don't show any emotion as you go through this. Don't get annoyed, angry, etc. Just keep at it matter of fact-ly. She will realize she cannot get you to back down, lose patience and give in. When she goes to bed and wets it, which she will until she crosses that point, you'll just have to get her to change the sheets in the morning. Yes, she has to take them off the bed. Keep a mattress cover on until she doesn't pee the bed anymore. If the bathroom is too far from her bedroom, put a potty chair near her door. Keep a potty chair in your trunk of your car for when you are on an outing and no bathrooms are available. Don't give her any excuses to be lazy. It will not be convenient to keep taking her to the bathroom. But, it will also become no longer necessary to keep going so often. That alone will give her the incentive to stop. In about a month, she will get it. Usually, by the second week, children become far more capable of stopping this behavior, and just going on their own.

  • hello ma'am the best thing is to try going to the doctor because its maybe something wrong with her kidneys if its not that then the best is to just keep patiently wait and maybe she'll stop so om soon.

  • You should try to limited her drinking guilds before bed at night.

  • My little brother had the same issue when I would baby sit him. Have you considered Pull ups? or a little Potty station such as from target? When she has to go to the restroom (1, or 2,) tell her to use the potty after juice or drinking water keep asking if she needs to go pee it will take time. When she finally getts to go on the potty and uses it properly praise her for a high five or a piece small candy or sticker.

  • Rachel I didn't have time to read each and every response to your problem, but many responded by saying taking away privileges and toys are a positive way of dealing with this problem but have you taken your daughter to a doctor to see if the problem is physical in nature, I am not a parent but I can empathize my brother was a bed wetter, I sincerely hope this is only a phase she's going through, hope it works out.

  • Taking away your child's toys wasn't a good idea. I'm sure that she isn't doing it on purpose. She could be having bad dreams, so try talking to her about that. Or, maybe she's drinking too much water/ juice before bed. She shouldn't have anything to drink an hour-a half hour before bed, and should use the bathroom before bed. If that dosn't work, try setting alarm for her around the time she usually wets the bed, so she can get up and go use the bathroom. Hope this helps! :)

    • Oh I know the nighttime accidents are just accidents. I’m specifically talking about the daytime accidents, which usually happen when she doesn’t want to stop what she’s doing to use the bathroom, or refuses to go when I ask her to. - HIDDEN from Grafton, WI

    • I agree with her as a teen I feel like you should just check on her at night . maybe not give her something to drink at night maybe 30 mins before she goes to bed. - HIDDEN from Columbia, SC

  • Try to teach her signs if she needs to go potty.

  • I think that you should just be patient with her. It seems like you have done all you could do and it did not work. But don't give up, some times the best thing might be to just leave her alone and not say anything to her about it for a while and see if that will work. Not guaranteeing that would work but it would not hurt to try it.

  • Well first I understand your concern you are in every right to be, but is a matter of explaining it and give reasons why you should urinate in the bathroom. You are your mother and you will always be the person who knows, should explain and make herself feel secure, it's just a matter of attitude and motivation.

  • Try the sticker chat with her favorite stickers.She might be too old for that but give it a try.Have her go before going to bed and dont give her anything to drink before bed

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