As every babysitter knows, there’s much more to sitting than crafting and hanging with adorable kiddos. While children are central to your job duties, making sure there are clear boundaries with your employer in terms of job expectations is central to your position (as well as your mental health).
“Setting expectations and boundaries with the family — hopefully before you begin sitting for them — ensures a positive working relationship,” explains Dana Oliver, founder and CEO of Adventure Kids Playcare in Houston. “It’s vital that everyone is on the same page and has a clear picture of the expectations on both sides.”
Here, Oliver and other experts break down what should be the responsibilities of a babysitter, the boundaries parents often push and how to establish clear boundaries as a babysitter.
What are standard babysitter job duties?
Being hired as a babysitter is different from being hired as a nanny. The former, explains Michelle LaRowe, lead educator at Global Nanny Training, is hired to provide “custodial care.”
“Unlike nannies, who are invested in the ongoing growth and development of their charges, your main objective as a babysitter is to keep the kids safe and meet their immediate needs,” LaRowe says. “You’re focused on providing care ‘here and now.’”
“Here and now” care can vary at each job, but generally, here’s what babysitter duties entail, according to Oliver:
- Ensuring kids are safe at all times.
- Following daily schedules.
- Managing diaper changes.
- Enforcing nap times.
- Managing meal times and snacks.
- Engaging with children through games, crafts and other approved activities.
“Relationship building with the children is key as a babysitter,” Oliver says, “and you won’t build a very strong — or fun — relationship if you aren’t engaging!”
“Since babysitters provide casual care, it can be easy for parents, inadvertently or not, to take advantage of them.”
— Michelle LaRowe, lead educator at Global Nanny Training
Babysitter boundaries parents may try to push
On paper, babysitter duties are generally straight-forward, but there are times when parents may push boundaries by asking for more without a discussion, or in some cases, without additional compensation. (This, by the way, is known as caregiver job creep.)
“Since babysitters provide casual care, it can be easy for parents, inadvertently or not, to take advantage of them,” LaRowe says, citing the following as some of the most common boundaries that are pushed:
- Coming home late.
- Not communicating when plans change.
- Expecting the sitter to clean the house or do all the dishes.
- Not paying the sitter promptly for all hours upon their return.
Another boundary parents sometimes push, according to Emily Dills, founder of Seattle Nanny Network, is booking a sitter for a job and then canceling at the last minute, which is not only an inconvenience, but also results in lost income. “This would never happen in most other industries,” she says.
How to set boundaries as a babysitter
Setting boundaries with babysitting families — ideally before they’ve been crossed — is key for keeping job creep at bay. Here are a few ways to do it, according to LaRowe, Oliver and Dills.
1. Clarify and reiterate expectations
One way to establish boundaries, according to LaRowe, is to clarify details and expectations the day before you’re scheduled to work. She recommends “sending out a text or email confirmation” that reiterates the following:
- Date.
- Start time.
- End time.
- Pay rate.
- Basic expectations, including what you will and won’t do.
- Any penalties for arriving home late.
2. Directly ask if they may be late
In addition to confirming the schedule that was originally proposed, Oliver suggests flat-out asking: “Any chance your event could run late? Should I plan for an extra hour just in case?”
“If you absolutely cannot stay past a certain time, kindly communicate that with them.”
— Dana Oliver, founder and CEO of Adventure Kids Playcare
By doing this, you’re hopefully getting ahead of families that tend to come home later than they initially said, in addition to protecting yourself from being caught off-guard. Oliver says it’s important to keep in mind that “life happens and sometimes things pop up,” but she also recommends making it clear when you have some wiggle room in terms of an end-time, as well as when you don’t.
“If you absolutely cannot stay past a certain time, kindly communicate that with them. And if you’re flexible that day, communicate that with the family as well,” she says. Additionally, she adds, make sure you are compensated appropriately for any extra time.
3. Combat extra duties without extra pay
Tidying up a huge mess that was made while playing with the kids is one thing, but folding laundry or washing dishes that aren’t yours is another. If parents ask you to take on extra tasks — and you’re OK with it — make sure they know to compensate you before you start doing them.
“Make sure you set the expectations up front,” says LaRowe. “You can say: ‘While my focus is child care, if you’d like me to clean the kitchen after the kids are asleep, I am happy to. My additional fees for that service are $X per hour.’”
4. Make sure you’re promptly compensated
A tactful way, LaRowe notes, to ensure prompt payment without having to outright remind the family you’re sitting for is to have something concrete handy.
“Consider having business cards or invoice sheets made with your Venmo or preferred payment information listed,” she says. “Then, hand them to parents with the amount due prior to leaving.”
5. Practice empathy
For your own sanity, and before you head into a difficult conversation, Dills recommends practicing empathy.
This, she says, can look as simple as asking yourself: “Is there a reason the kids are being challenging today?” or “is there a reason the parents may be late that is no fault of their own?”
“Empathy helps to bring down the temperature of any misunderstanding,” Dills says. “And it helps pave the way for better communication going forward.”
6. Make sure everything is in writing
“Anything in writing is always useful,” Dills says. “But, while full-time nannies generally have work agreements, the same isn’t always true for babysitters.” This, she notes, is where texts and emails are important. While there’s plenty of room for interpretation around previous conversations that may have taken place while one party was rushing out the door, written messages are concrete.
“Sitters should be sure to have exchanges clarifying expectations via email or text,” she says. “Documentation gives a point of reference for when either party misunderstands something.”
And if a family repeatedly pushes boundaries with you, and you still want to accept babysitting assignments from them, LaRowe recommends having a formal babysitter agreement “where they acknowledge your rules of service.”
“This can help set the tone for the seriousness of your relationship,” she says.
7. Consider a child care app
Ultimately, all of these suggestions come down to communication — something that Dills acknowledges is “much easier said than done,” especially for babysitters, who both “report directly to their boss and who are the sole employee.”
For sitters who find communication and initiating conversations particularly anxiety-inducing, Dills suggests a child care app. “These can be super helpful because they allow the sitter to keep a log and if expectations are outside the scope of what was originally agreed on. There is a record both parties can see,” she says. “It also allows the sitter to have a traceable chat and a non-confrontational way of interacting with an employer.”
8. Give a professional-yet-direct warning when necessary
If you’ve done your due diligence and a family continues to push boundaries (but you still want to work for them), LaRowe recommends giving a professional-yet-direct warning.
“When sitters run into parents who push boundaries, typically providing a warning that you’ll have to refuse future bookings if they don’t follow the rules is enough to curb bad behavior,” she says.
A professional way LaRowe suggests phrasing it: “I really like working with your family, and to ensure I can keep all of my commitments, I need all my clients to arrive home on time.”
The bottom line
When you have a good working relationship with your employer, everyone benefits, and open communication is the key to that, notes Oliver. “Effective communication allows both parties to work together in order to provide the best care for the child, and ensures that everyone involved feels valued and supported,” she says.
