Congratulations, you’ve survived your first year of parenting! You figured out how to feed your infant and somehow got some sleep. You made the choice between becoming a full-time parent or returning to work. If you chose to stay at home, like I did, you found creative ways to beat the boredom. Even if you made every mistake, you still survived your baby’s first year.
Enjoy that birthday cake, because sooner rather than later, you’ll have a whole new list of decisions to make.
If Year One was all about feeding, sleeping and making it through the day, “Year Two is all about exploration and building micro-independence,’ according to Catherine Pearlman, licensed social worker and author of “Ignore It!: How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction.”
Pearlman has been working with families and children for more than 25 years in a private practice called the Family Coach, where she makes home visits to help moms and dads tackle typical parenting issues.
During your child’s second year of life, Pearlman says, “Your child is feeding themselves and starting to learn how to get dressed. He or she is not so attached and moving further away from their parents.”
This budding independence, Pearlman says, can create some challenges.
Below, parents reflect on five common decisions we have to make in Year Two, while Pearlman offers some insights that may influence your choice.
1. Transitioning away from breast or bottle
Over the past 12 months, the breast or bottle has become your baby’s best friend. But according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, extending reliance past 18 months can have a negative effect, and many pediatricians may bring up weaning shortly after your baby’s 1st birthday.
Kate Wehr, a mom from Racetrack, Missouri, says her pediatrician began suggesting she take her son off his bottle just as soon as he turned 1.
“I ignored it and let [my son] go at his own pace,” Wehr says. “He probably stopped it around 18 months.”
For Brooklyn mom Aleza Eve, the decision of when to stop breastfeeding was definitely hers.
“I just felt done with it,” Eve says, and so she started reducing the time her little one spent at the breast when he was 11 months and had him drinking from a cup by 13 months.
Advice to consider:
“There’s no ‘right’ time to wean,” says Pearlman. “If the mom feels she’s ready, that’s as good a time as any. And sometimes the child will let you know they’re done.”
2. Moving from crib to bed
While there’s no hard and fast rule, most children transition out of a crib and into a toddler bed between 1 1/2 and 3 years of age.
Shana Westlake, of Rockland, Maryland, says she moved her 19-month-old into his own bed after he began climbing out of the crib.
“It was a bit rough,” Westlake says. “Luckily, we were still nursing, and he’d fall asleep [at the breast]. Other times, I’d have to stay with him until he fell asleep. Eventually it got better, but it took a while.”
Portland, Oregon, mom Sara Tretter says she and her husband began making the transition when her daughter was 21 months old, just before the birth of their second child.
“She had a period of night wakings around this time, but we got through it, and now she loves her bed,” Tretter says.
Advice to consider:
“I tell most people to leave their kid in a crib as long as possible,” says Pearlman.
If you need to vacate the crib for a new arrival, Pearlman suggests you make the transition well before the arrival of baby two.
“And if the kid is a dangerous climber,” Pearlman says, ditch the crib.
3. Choosing between nanny or day care
As full-time parenting becomes increasingly intense, parents may opt for more care.
Brooklyn mom Danielle Dayney says that when she went back to work, she decided to hire a nanny.
“It was cheaper than day care on Wall Street where I worked,” Dayney says.
Laura Dorwart, a mom from Oberlin, Ohio, chose day care.
“I grew up an only child and was sometimes lonely, and we wanted our daughter to have stimulation and fun with other kids,” says Dorwart.
Advice to consider:
“The right choice is the one that makes the most sense for the family,” Pearlman says.
If you’re worried about socialization but would prefer a nanny, Pearlman says, “A lot of nannies have a social network. Choose someone who knows where to go to keep your baby busy.”
Or opt for a nanny share.
4. Knowing how and when to baby proof
As your toddler becomes more mobile (and curious), you may opt to protect him from household hazards by baby-proofing your home.
Holly Scudero, a mom from Fairfax, Virginia, says she and her husband baby-proofed more than she anticipated they would.
“My approach was to have a few rooms that were 100 percent safe,” Scudero says.
Bronx, New York, parent Sarah Mills and their partner, Rosa Squillacote, say they baby-proof as necessary.
“We had a gate up, and they knocked it over, and we haven’t put it back up,” Mills said, noting that it no longer felt needed. “We definitely need to do something with the TV, but they aren’t quite that tall yet. I guess we’re being somewhat reactive. When they get big enough to reach a shelf, we move stuff off that shelf.”
Advice to consider:
“There’s nothing more frustrating to parents — and toddlers — than that parent having to constantly say ‘no,’” Pearlman says.
Rather than engaging in a power struggle, “Move the breakables and hide the cords,” she says.
5. Deciding how much screen time is appropriate
The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents of children ages 18 to 24 months to limit screen time to an hour a day and says that children under 18 months old should avoid screens entirely. But even these experts concede we live in a media-rich world.
Charlotte, North Carolina, mom Julia Sinnett TenBroeck says she tries to follow those guidelines.
“My oldest had very little screen time until my second was born, just before he turned 2,” she says. “Then it became a matter of survival! I had to find a way to nurse the baby and get him down for naps, while making sure the toddler was safely occupied. TV is great like that!”
Megan Rogers, a mom from Washington, D.C., says she doesn’t keep track of her children’s screen time.
“We’ve been known to binge several episodes in a row of ‘Daniel Tiger’ or ‘Sesame Street,’” Rogers says, adding that she and her children regularly look at photos on phone screens, Skype with out-of-state grandparents and watch kid-friendly videos.
Advice to consider:
“Screen time adds up,” Pearlman says. “It can get out of control and become a bad habit.”
Instead of distracting your child with a phone, Pearlman suggests using snacks or toys.
“Save screens for a relaxing activity, like a favorite TV show,” she says.
The bottom line
According to Pearlman, “The development between age 1 and 2 is a big, wide range of what’s normal.”
When it comes to these and any parenting decisions, Pearlman says, “Parents need to look to their individual child and ask, ‘What is my kid ready for?’ versus ‘What is everyone else doing?’ You know your kid.”
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