When you work as a professional senior caregiver, you get the chance to work with many different kinds of clients. Some of these clients may hit it off with you immediately, while others require a little more time to adjust to working together. And occasionally you may work with clients who seem overly demanding and extremely difficult to please. For a lot of caregivers, these micromanaging behaviors are a huge challenge, and it can be difficult to know how to address the problem.
In a brand new caregiving situation, it might be expected that some clients will offer suggestions or improvements on the ways their caregivers do things. “We always tell the families and clients to give it a week,” says Terri Pope, a certified occupational therapist and an administrator for Ovation Home Care in Gainesville, Florida. “This is all strange. This is all difficult. You don’t understand the caregiver’s role, and they don’t understand what you need. Let’s work together.”
However, if you’ve been in a difficult role for a while or you notice a client is becoming increasingly unhappy, picky or demanding, it may be time to set boundaries. Here, two senior care experts share their advice for managing and protecting yourself from a micromanaging senior care client, and when it might be time to walk away.
What is micromanaging?
Micromanaging happens when a manager or client pays excessive attention to and attempts to control minor work details. As a result, they may be overly controlling with a caregiver or even demeaning in the ways they demand the caregiver meets their requests.
“Micromanaging behavior doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it can be very challenging for the caregiver and create more stress.”
—Roberta Velichko, co-owner, Always An Angel Home Care
Roberta Velichko, the co-owner of Always An Angel Home Care in Putnam County, New York, says micromanaging can include a range of behaviors, like closely monitoring basic tasks or even assigning tasks far outside the agreed scope of the caregiver’s duties. She says examples include:
- Following or shadowing a caregiver “to make sure everything is done properly.”
- Assigning extra tasks just to keep the caregiver busy at all times.
- Not allowing rest or breaks.
- Assigning tasks not on the service plan, such as storing patio furniture for the winter.
“Micromanaging behavior doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it can be very challenging for the caregiver and create more stress,” Velichko says.
She says micromanaging can lead to caregiver burnout and unhappiness with their work environment. It can also lead to higher rates of turnover at facilities or for in-home clients who need care. “Caregivers are more likely to be late for work, call out or quit if they are unhappy,” she explains.
How to address micromanaging and set boundaries
1. Set expectations up front
Job duties are usually determined upon hire, and they should ideally be documented in a service plan or plan of care, Velichko says. In addition to documentation, it’s important to have ongoing conversations about the expectations for the role and to know each client’s unique needs and limitations.
To perform well and protect yourself against future micromanaging, Velichko says to discuss:
- What tasks the caregiver is expected to perform daily.
- What tasks clients do independently.
- What tasks caregivers should regularly assist with.
- How often certain tasks should be completed.
- Any reminders caregivers need to give clients, such as for medications or appointments.
“A caregiver should be able to perform their job independently referring to the service plan or plan of care,” Velichko says.
2. Ask for feedback
Pope says micromanaging often stems from a lack of communication about how clients like things done. For example, she says, you may not know that a particular client likes military corners on the bed when the sheets are changed or how they prefer dishes to be cleaned.
Even if you’re in an established role or have a clear description of your duties, it’s important to request feedback regularly. If you notice your client is nitpicking how you do things or unhappy with some aspect of your performance, check in. “You can tell them, ‘If this isn’t making you happy, show me how you would like it done,’” Pope says. “You may not know what they like, but you can assure them, ‘If you tell me now and show me exactly how I need to do it, I’ll do it perfectly the next time.’”
“You might say, ‘I’m so sorry, but we need to talk and find a good solution because I am not able to do this.'”
— Terri Pope, occupational therapist
3. Defend your limits
If you’re being asked to do things far beyond the scope of your duties or that are forbidden by your level of certification, agency rules or state laws, it is necessary to defend those limits, Pope says.
When you set these boundaries, do so firmly but with kindness and care. “We always tell our caregivers to approach the situation with empathy,” Pope explains. “So, you might say, ‘I’m so sorry. This must be frustrating that you can’t do this and you’re having to ask me, but I need to ask the office,’ or ‘I’m so sorry, but we need to talk and find a good solution because I am not able to do this.'”
4. Discuss the problem
If micromanaging on the job becomes a regular problem, it may be necessary to address the issue with your agency, office or with the family if you’re working independently. “When issues are addressed early on, this can help prevent bigger problems,” Velichko says. “The caregiver should share specific examples of situations when they felt they were being micromanaged.”
In an agency setting, the office representative or manager can discuss the issue with the client and provide recommendations on what steps to take to address the problem, whether that’s realigning expectations with the client, monitoring the situation over time or even making changes to the contract if agreed upon by both the client and the caregiver.
In independent settings, Velichko says, sometimes discussing the issue with the family helps facilitate a compromise or clarify expectations. “Many times, involving a more reasonable family member helps in that they will ‘lay down the law’ with their loved one and explain that they have to let a few things go,” she says.
Most importantly, Velichko says, there needs to be honest communication and a plan to monitor or follow up on the situation. “As in any healthy relationship, compromise is needed to work things out, and a follow-up to see how things are going is important, too,” she says.
5. Be empathetic
While micromanaging is difficult to deal with, and it’s important that caregivers are treated with respect, Pope says it’s equally critical for caregivers to remember that clients are in a difficult position as well.
“They may want their privacy. They may not want somebody in the home or want to burden people with their care, especially their children. They may feel like they can still do things safely,” Pope says. “They’re losing control of a lot of things, and they have a level of fear about that. They have to gain that control in some way or another, and I think that’s where the micromanaging comes here.”
Care clients are in a vulnerable position, and while that doesn’t excuse toxic behaviors, Pope says remembering the bigger picture can help you find patience and determination to get the issue addressed. “I think if a caregiver goes in with a tone of service and empathy, then that makes all the difference,” she says. “And if they continue to ask for tasks that aren’t on the care plan, caregivers are protected by that care plan and they can let the client know they need to come to a resolution.”
“We like to say a perfect match is like ‘peas and carrots,’ but sometimes you will never make your client happy
—Roberta Velichko, co-owner, Always An Angel Home Care
How to know when it’s time to move on
“We like to say a perfect match is like ‘peas and carrots,’ but sometimes you will never make your client happy,” Velichko says.
These instances are rare, but Pope agrees there are occasionally times when a compromise cannot be made and caregivers need to stop working with a particular client. “If the client keeps moving the goalpost, and it’s obvious that we’re not going to have a win, no matter what we do and how we bend, then that’s when you may need to possibly terminate services,” she explains.
According to Pope and Velichko, some red flags that indicate things aren’t going to work out include:
- Constantly changing expectations.
- A history of frequent caregiver turnover.
- Complaints even after issues have been addressed or resolved.
- Unreasonable requests that violate laws, rules or regulations.
- Abusive behavior towards caregivers.
While these situations are difficult, Velichko says it’s important for caregivers to be protected, and they shouldn’t feel discouraged by one difficult situation. “It’s not about the caregiver and anything they did or aren’t doing,” she says. “There will be another client who absolutely loves and treasures them.”
