Back-to-school is an expensive time for parents, who are buying new school supplies and must-have new school clothes. In addition to the brightly colored lunchboxes, marble notebooks and sneakers that will make their way into every parent’s shopping cart, some moms and dads add a little something extra: a back-to-school gift for their child.
This gift trend is becoming more common in some circles — and even more controversial. Some parents want to help ease the back-to-school transition, calm a child’s anxiety and celebrate the start of a new school year with something special.
But does this gifting strategy really help lessen the back-to-school pain? Or does it only create extra strain on an already stretched-thin wallet?
“Yes” to back-to-school gifts
Mom Claire Haas, who’s currently the dean of students and head of upper school at a PK-12 school in Florida, doesn’t use back-to-school gifts as a stress buster, but rather, as a pronouncement of support.
“Back-to-school gifts are a great way to show your kids you value their education,” she says. “Children look to their parents for clues on how to handle various situations. By giving your child a back-to-school gift, you’re telling them education is important and worth celebrating.”
Many parents in this camp seek out cool, interesting gifts for their kids, like charm bracelets commemorating each new subject and after-school club, or electronics like iPads and Kindles.
“No” to back-to-school gifts
Other parents think that back-to-school gift giving is over the top.
“Back-to-school gifts? After buying $100 worth of required school supplies to donate to the classroom and new school clothes and backpacks … maybe if I had all the money in the world I would consider it,” says Arizona mom Nicole Wills. “Even if I did gift my kids, it would be something educational and fun, like a great book or a chemistry kit. Something to get them excited about learning.”
“School and doing well is a child’s job,” says social psychologist and author, Susan Newman. “No one gives parents gifts for showing up at work and doing well — especially at a new job — and the school year is essentially the start of a new job for kids,” she says. Newman feels gift-giving at the beginning of an academic year fits in with the current culture of yes-parenting and parents who cannot say no to their children.
Positive Parenting Solutions founder and author, Amy McCready, agrees, “Between school supplies, clothes and shoes, kids are already on overload with excitement.” She says, “Buying them gifts on top of that is not only completely unnecessary, it is also a symptom of our ‘entitlement epidemic.'”
McCready stresses that a parent’s desire to please their children comes from a place of love, but it really isn’t in the child’s best interest. Gift giving should be reserved for major holidays only, allowing children to use their allowance for extras.
Back-to-school gift guidelines
If you do plan on buying an extra gift for your child to celebrate the start of school, here are eight tips that Newman says can help keep it manageable. Refer to this list before you reach for your credit card:
- As a parent, ask yourself why you would call a book or other essential school-related item a gift?
- Think: Does my child really need this?
- Avoid trendy items and non-school related purchases.
- Use the gift as an opportunity to discuss cost and spending habits. Does your child have an allowance or money from a part-time job? Set up a budget, if you haven’t already, and talk about how much your child should be spending and saving.
- Outline your expectations if you provide a nonessential object, such as a cell phone, by letting your child know, for instance, it is to be used for emergencies only and not for texting friends during class.
- Be sure a special new outfit is not something that will be worn once and forgotten by stressing that it is meant to be enjoyed and worn often.
- Help your child stand out from the crowd. Children have a way of insisting they have to have something because their friends do. Discuss the merits of being an individual rather than going along with everyone else before you agree to purchase the item.
- Remember, as a parent, you can say no. Your children will find plenty of other things to fault you for when they’re older besides that back-to-school gift you didn’t give them.
And whether you wrap up a present for your kids or not, back-to-school shopping can supply a great learning opportunity for kids.
“Parents can use shopping trips to teach financial literacy to their kids,” says smart shopping expert Trae Bodge, who suggests making a list, setting a budget, comparison shopping and looking for coupons for back-to-school shopping expeditions.
