Life as a single parent means that things like alone time, going on a movie date, or getting a half hour to read a good book become luxuries. Nicole McCabe, aka Miss Blondie of Good Golly Miss Blondie, acknowledges that stepping back into the dating world can be tough, not only for the single parent, but for the kid, too. Here, she reveals to Care.com how she gets her important alone time with a ‘tween in the house, as well as her rules on the tricky and challenging process of dating as a single mom.
Tell us about your family and your blog.
I am a single mother (and only parent) to an 11-year-old boy and we live in a suburb of Boston. I’ve been blogging for almost 5 years at Good Golly Miss Blondie. On my blog I talk about my life (sometimes in the dating scene), my son, reviews, and share things that I love all while trying to find the humor in it.
Single parenting can be especially tough because as a parent, you get stretched so thin. How are you making it work for yourself and for your kid?
I have a wonderfully supportive family; without them I would probably be lost. They have always been there to help me with babysitting.
How do you manage to get alone time?
I lock myself in the bathroom and take a bath and read a book. It’s the most peaceful half hour of my day. He also loves sleepovers at his grandparents’ house.
How do you achieve balance as a single parent?
I take time for myself. I try to keep our lives on a schedule so that I’m not overwhelmed. I take advantage of my downtime…like when he’s at sports practice, I’ll read a book.
What are some of the childcare challenges that present themselves to single parents? Have you faced your own?
Single parents have to worry about who’s going to watch their child in the mornings and get them off to school and watch them after school. They don’t have the luxury of having another mate to help him with schedules. Single parents often have to rely on friends and their community.
I have faced more challenges since he’s been in school. I had to struggle to find friends to watch him before and after school because of my non-flexible work schedule.
Do you find dating to be a challenge? What advice might you give to a single parent who might be ready to try out the dating scene again?
Dating is a challenge when you have children. You can’t just pick up and go out to dinner whenever you feel like it. You need to plan so you can get a babysitter and you don’t want to get a babysitter all the time. Sometimes men without children just don’t understand that. My advice would be to set your own dating rules and abide by them. Be honest and up front with whomever you are dating that your priority is your children.
What are some romantic challenges you face as a single parent? How have you overcome them?
A big challenge is after you’ve been dating someone for a while if it doesn’t work out and your child is attached, it can be very difficult. Kids are resilient though, and as long as you (the parent) put on a brave face, your child will too. Staying friends, even for a short period after the break-up, will help kids get over it.
How long do you (or did you) wait to introduce the new significant other to your child?
I always wait at least 3 months…sometimes longer depending on the situation.
What are your own rules for dating as a single parent (if you have any)?
Well, I have the 3-month-rule to introduction. I also don’t tell him I’m going on a date or dating someone until I’m absolutely sure the relationship is going somewhere.
What advice can you pass on to single parents who are struggling, either with balance or with the prospect of dating?
Remember to take time for yourself. It’ll keep you from becoming overwhelmed. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help; you are not alone. Find a community either online or in your town- they can be a real support system.
Dating can be scary and a challenge, but have fun with it. Create a set of rules and abide by them. Don’t worry about your kids; they are resilient.
For more advice on navigating the single parent scene, visit our Care.com Interview Series: 6 Tips for Dating as a Single Parent »
Nicole McCabe, aka Miss Blondie, is the brains behind Good Golly Miss Blondie. She is a single mom of an 11-year-old in a suburb of Boston. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter.
Photo used with permission from Nicole McCabe.
