We recently had the chance to sit down with Sam, a new father of twins! We’re so excited to share with you a little bit about the wonders of parenting and what it’s like to be a new father.
It’s like being the host of a crazy party filled with gatecrashers and you don’t know where the drinks cabinet is. But you’re having the best time anyway.
What made you decide to blog about being a new dad?
I thought it would keep me sane as life got a little bit hectic. I also felt I could add something to the blogosphere by writing from a heartfelt dad’s perspective but with plenty of humour. I knew that raising twins would be packed with new experiences and I wanted to capture certain moments in writing that I knew I’d forget in time. Photographs are great but don’t describe exactly how you feel at that exact moment. I’ve also managed to accidentally write some new material for my act along the way, which is handy!
Would you tell us about the journey from pregnancy to birth?
The 1st half was brilliant and the 2nd half was rubbish – if my wife’s pregnancy was a film it would be Saving Private Ryan. We found out that there was a 40% chance that both twins would have Down’s Syndrome about halfway through the pregnancy which obviously changed our focus a little, plus my wife had to have two amnio reductions for excess fluid. There was also a really scary moment where my wife thought she was going into really early labour but it turned out to just be a really big fart. Eventually both boys were fine and dandy and we are so grateful for that.
We heard that one of your son’s had a blockage and would have to have surgery before he was born, can you tell us a little bit about that?
I wrote this in the blog but I’ve been lucky enough to not need an operation in 36 years – my son needed one after 36 hours. It was incredibly scary but strangely it was only after we were told he was fine that I realized how testing it had been, at the time you just get your head down and plough on.
What was your time like in the Neonatal care unit?
It wasn’t ideal but it was what our boys needed in order to get healthy and come home. It was made so much easier by the staff who were professional, compassionate and supportive. And friendly, which made us relax as we knew our boys were in safe hands.
What advice do you have for parents in a similar situation?
I think it all depends on your situation but don’t be afraid to cry. I held it all in until I found out Zac was out of surgery and then it sneaked up on me like a mugger at an ATM. Which probably wasn’t healthy. And don’t be scared to ask questions to the health professionals because if you’re anything like me your mind will be racing.
Is there anything that would have really helped you during your time in the neonatal care unit?
An extensive selection of fine whiskeys and cigars would have been nice.
What was it like bringing home your son with the care unit?
We brought both sons home separately. The celebratory feel to bringing Zac home to complete our family more than made up for the slightly empty (and then guilty) feeling when we brought Ben home, knowing Zac was still attached to machine at the hospital. We were hoping for a YouTube style click-bait moment: THESE TWINS WERE CELEBRATED AT BIRTH – WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY REUNITE WILL BLOW YOUR MIND! But nothing happened. Ben started crying and Zac noisily soiled himself, probably with all the emotion.
What were your biggest fears about having twins?
That they’d multiply into triplets. Or I wouldn’t know who was who. Zac has a scar on his belly button so if all else fails I can check their tummies. Might be tricky when they’re in their 30’s but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
What were your biggest fears about being a father?
Initially their health and my wife’s wellbeing. But now it’s making sure I work enough to provide but have enough time off to spend with my new family. And not molly coddling them.
What are 10 essentials are new parents need to have around the house?
- A bottle making machine – it’s 2015 and we have amazing things like WiFi and stuffed crust pizza so why struggle with manually getting the temperature of your baby milk perfect?
- Loads of bibs, and not Velcro ones as they attack all the other washing in the machine like sticky parasites.
- A Moses basket that is in decent condition and easy to carry. They spend so much time in it at the beginning.
- At least 450 muslin cloths.
- A baby sick coloured carpet for minimal stain visibility.
- A baby sick coloured sofa.
- A range of baby sick coloured clothes (if you don’t have them already, you’ll have them soon enough…)
- More clothes for your baby than even Madonna would have – they’ll never stop finding new and inventive ways to soil them.
- Something to cover your boy’s willie when you’re changing his nappy – stops him whazzing all over himself which is never nice to see, even though he seems to quite like it.
- Dummies / pacifiers – some parents don’t agree with them but you’ll find yourself agreeing with them strongly when the screaming starts.
What are 10 essentials parents of twins should have?
- Patience and a fake smile – not for your kids but for all the stupid questions you get from random strangers in the street (‘Are they twins?’ ‘Were they spontaneously conceived?’)
- A Henry Ford style production line operation for cleaning and sterilising bottles.
- Good organisational skills – it’s so easy to change or feed the same one twice and that will end in disaster.
- At least 900 muslin cloths.
- A baby sick coloured face.
- A sense of humour
- A pram that suits your needs AND fits through your front door.
- Biceps like Arnie in Terminator 1.
- The ability to treat sleep like an old friend you only catch up with during the holidays.
- A playpen the size of Yankee Stadium.
- Coffee, loads of it. Buy shares in Starbucks if you can.
What advice do you have when it comes to dads and diaper changing?
Just make sure you’ve got everything you need before you start. Nothing induces panic more than realizing the wipes are out of arms length and you’re going to have to use your sock.
Any tips for parents coping with sleep deprivation?
I’m sure professionals would say different but it’s all about the caffeine. Drink loads of it and try new ways of taking it, like iced lattes or rubbing granules in your eyes. And if you get the shakes, don’t stop – power through and get some more down your neck.
About Sam
Sam Avery is a stand up comedian and new dad to identical twin boys. He wanted to be a rock star once but didn’t have the right hair.
You can follow his blog at www.the4amfeed.blogspot.com, find him on Twitter (https://twitter.com/samaverycomedy) and Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/samaverycomedian)
