With the news that more children are starting Reception without being able to use the toilet by themselves, we revisit some of the tried and tested methods that parents and nannies have used over the years to toilet train the children in their care. Whichever method you go for, don’t forget these two pieces of advice: agree your toilet training method and timing with the children’s usual carer – be that nanny, childminder or parent – and don’t let the child feel any of the stress that you might be feeling around this issue. A stressed or uncertain child is far less likely to learn and adapt with confidence to life without nappies.
“Toilet training is not meant to be competitive,” says Rosemary Albone, Care.com nanny expert. “If your child is not among the first of his friends to become toilet trained, that doesn’t mean he is not going to be successful in accomplishing this quite complex stage. Don’t start before your child has engaged with his toileting habits – talking about poos and wees, and showing an interest in the toilet – as an early start which might feel convenient at the time, often turns out to be too early and stressful for the child and adults.”
No matter how long it takes, and no matter how many accidents happen, mastering the potty is a huge boost to a child’s self-esteem — they feel great about it! The one key that works for all children: parents need to be enthusiastic, bathroom cheerleaders, not pushers.
1. The Clockwork Approach
At this stage your child probably can’t tell you when he has the urge to wee or poo so you need to make some toilet time. Try placing him on the potty when he wakes up in the morning, before and after a nap and before a bath so it becomes a routine part of the day. Set a kitchen timer and tell your child, “We’re going to use the potty when we hear the bell!” “If you ask a child if he has to go, he’ll usually say, ‘No’, so help prompt by telling them what is going to happen ,” says Albone. After a few days, a pattern will start to emerge, which should make practice sessions more successful. Remember to still offer lots of praise even if there’s nothing to flush down the bowl.
Pros: There are no accidents since your child is in a nappy. Plus the feeling of “going” will become associated with sitting on the toilet and soon that will transfer into the ability to hold it in until your child makes it there.
Cons: Be ready for some resistance. Your son won’t always want to stop playing (or worse, watching TV!) for potty practice. And since nappies are still in play a child won’t be developing their own way to recognise when they need the potty.
2. The Great Underpants Experiment
It’s a shopping milestone in a mother’s life: buying her child his or her first pair of underwear. Start with plain white training underwear that is slightly padded to absorb some liquid. Have your child wear them for small amounts of time around the house. Be super enthusiastic about these starter pants and knickers and your child will be desperate to wear them!
Pros: When a wee or poo happens, the child finally understands what it feels like and recognises the sensation and it might not be pleasant! He’ll be more inclined to use the potty than to feel wet again.
Cons: There will be wee on the rug. Maybe even poo. Roll up the Persian carpet or cover it in newspapers so that you don’t get stressed. Don’t scold the child, just explain what happened and ask him to try and tell you if he has to pee again so you can take him to the potty.
3. The Naked Weekend
If summer is coming, let your child remain totally nude and encourage her to drink some extra water. Like experimenting with underwear, once that wee-wee rolls down a child’s leg, it’s an “Aha!” moment, says Albone. You don’t need her to spend all day naked but half hour here and there will get the process underway.
Pros: No wee on your rug. No tan lines. (We’re joking. Suncream is a must!)
Cons: This is not for parents who are uncomfortable with having their children naked for any length of time, and it does not work for winter toilet training.
4. The Sticker or Reward method
Give one sticker (star, princess, truck, kitten…whatever works) for each wee, poo, attempted wee and poo or even just a fully-clothed potty meet-and-greet. You can create a chart that hangs in the bathroom and let your child place the sticker himself. Even just a sheet of paper with your child’s name on it will become a reward chart. Try putting it on back of the bathroom door so your daughter can see it each time she takes a seat and review her past accomplishments. Little treats, an extra book at bedtime — any small token will work (as long as it’s a real try at using the potty!). The key is to ramp up the praise and encouragement. Encourage your child to share this great news with relatives and visitors- positive attention works wonders!
Pros: Children like rewards and they want to feel good about themselves. The promise of another gold star — and mummy or nanny’s adoration — is a great motivator to get them on that potty.
Cons: Some children will hope that just sitting on the potty at random times of day will get them a reward. Save the big prizes for the big doo-doo’s!
5. A Little of Everything
Ingredients: A timer, padded underwear, a toilet and prizes of choice. Put your child in undies, set the timer, and get the stickers ready, it’s a full toilet training weekend. Oh, and you might not want to go out in public or be too far from home for this 48-hour stretch.
Pros: This combines all strategies – and hopefully you can work out the one which is best for your child!
Cons: You might have a very successful weekend, but come Monday, moving from the combo strategy to wearing “big girl knickers” at preschool (no clock, no stickers), could be overwhelming. If your child is still having accidents by Sunday afternoon, she might not be ready. Just take a week off from toilet training and try a new approach next weekend. Try not to make toilet training too intense, as children can react negatively and become anxious. Enjoy this next stage of them growing up and look forward to leaving the house without the nappy bag!