Limiting the use of technology may not always be the answer to preventing cyber-bullying. Instead, lots of mums, dads, and even grandparents, are keen to educate themselves about using social media safely. Understanding technology can be a huge help for parents when it comes to talking to children about the digital footprint they create.
If you think it’s too early to teach your children about smartphone and social media dangers, think again. Children as young as five know how to use these gadgets. Here are some expert tips on how to help your child handle five common, and heartbreaking, social (media) moments.
1. Texting drama: All your 12 year old seems to do is text. She says it’s about homework, but you know there’s a problem.
Parents should make sure the child’s mobile is charged in their room at night. That way you will be able to see who is texting them at 2.30am.
Also, parents have more access to their children’s text messages than they think. If the phone bill is in your name, you can easily track what numbers they have been messaging. If your child is a young teenager you should go through their phone regularly and look at it with them to see what messages are being sent and received.
2. Finding out through Facebook: Your teenager realises that she was left off the invite list for a party, by seeing photos on Facebook.
This scenario can dent a teenager’s self-esteem and confidence, so encourage them to post about their own accomplishments. Perhaps they could text their friends about the volunteer project they worked on at the weekend or put up photos from a football tournament they recently won.
Social media can be a great tool to connect with peers. This is the chance to teach them to focus more on what they’ve achieved and less on what others are doing. Encourage her to remain Facebook friends with peers who give her support and encouragement, and unsubscribe to postings from some of the toxic people in her life. Your child’s unsubscribed friends won’t know they aren’t seeing the posts, and it’s not as extreme as un-friending someone. You can help her by following the steps Facebook provides.
Parents can also show children that there’s life beyond the computer screen by creating a less tech-orientated family environment. Try limiting smartphones and computers during dinner time, and other family moments. A day-long ban may feel too restrictive. Brainstorm with your children about other options. Perhaps you could have a night of playing old-fashioned board games together.
3. Hate pages: You’ve come across a page that’s saying hateful things about your child or a friend.
Unfortunately, parents need to educate themselves about technology, so they’re in a better position to protect their children. If this happens, you can contact Facebook and have them take down the page. Then help your child block the person responsible without responding directly to the bullying or escalating the conflict in any way. Next, learn how to restrict your child’s privacy settings to control who can view their profile. But the key is to also be available to talk to your child about how this affects him or her, and let him know you won’t restrict his social media privileges (which is often a huge fear).
4. Your child is the bully: You’ve learnt that your child has directed cyber-bullying towards someone else.
Often, children and teenagers who tease online do it to get attention. You would undoubtedly be horrified and angry, but take a moment to try to understand where they are coming from. Acknowledge the behaviour, talk it through and reinforce compassion and empathy.
This is the chance to teach your child about kindness. Try these three pointers to help your child navigate the online world.
- Before your child posts or texts, have them pause and look at what they’re about to send. Ask your child, “Is it true, is it necessary, and can I say it in a kind way?”
- If your child is the one being teased, teach them to hit the pause button before they hit send. Teach your child not to respond to nasty messages and posts in the heat of the moment. Suggest copying any nasty message, which may disappear later. You should get a copy of the sender’s IP address by clicking on the “full header” option of the email. Software such as eMailTrackerPro can also pinpoint IP addresses.
- If the teasing is happening via text messaging, you can call your phone network and ask them how you can block callers and incoming messages from particular numbers.
5. Inappropriate photos: Your child has posted, or sent, provocative photos.
This is the time to talk with your children about appropriate internet and smartphone boundaries. You want to make sure that you are Facebook friends with your teenager, so you can appropriately monitor what they’re posting. You don’t want to stalk your child, but you do want to know what’s going on in their online life, including what she’s texting, sending via apps and posting to Twitter.
Talk to your child about impulsivity, and stress the idea that she doesn’t want to learn to regret her online posts.
Expectations of privacy are different than they were a generation ago. In order to help our children stay safe, we have to teach them what’s okay to share and what isn’t.
Overall, encourage your children to think about every post, tweet or text they send. Ask themselves: could this hurt anyone’s feelings – or hurt me if it gets in the wrong hands? If the answer is anywhere close to a yes or maybe, don’t send it.
Read Next: 9 Things to Think About Before Creating a Social Media Account for Your Child
Read Next: 6 Tips to Monitor Teens and Social Media
Read Next: 6 Dangers of Social Media to Discuss With Your Kids