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How do you decide when someone with Alzheimer's should go into assisted living?

User
June 21, 2018

My mother has Alzheimer's and I'd like to keep her at home for as long as possible as It gets worse, how can I determine when she needs to go into an assisted living home?

Answers
User in Bryan, TX
Jan. 16, 2019

The best place to extend what she has left of memory is in your home. They are familiar to it and respond better to familiar surroundings. However I have dealt with many in this position and it is time to go to a home when they begin to show signs of causing harm to themselves or others. Ex. Leaving the house and getting lost, taking the car, grabbing knifes and feeling threatened because they can't remember you. It is a tough decision to make... There is no sugar coating it. But I've seen homes be the best place for them at that point. Just ensure that family and friends stay dedicated to visiting on alternating schedules so they are still getting familiar interactions regularly!

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Only you know the answer! It depends on how much physical, emotional, and mental responsibility you can manage without compromising your own well being. There are a multitude of home service organizations and options available as well as support groups for the caregiver. Explore all options so you have a better understanding of the direction you want to take. Best of Luck!

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Keep your mom at home and try to find for her a great caregiver! Home is home ! For you it's a good to try to be in her shoes and you will get the right answer! With the best regards, Erika

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User in Wagoner, OK
Jan. 30, 2019

I have been caring for my Mother in my home for the past 8 years without a break. I have a sister & a brother but they have not so much as even called to check on her! Feeling the strain on not only my own sanity, but my 30 year marriage, I admitted my Mother to a Memory Care unit 2 months ago. I had never in my life seen my Mother cry....she is the strongest person I know! She cried every day. I couldn't take it....they would not let me bring her home. Once admitted, she had to stay for 30 days, so I stayed with her....sleeping in a recliner in her room. Driving home 50 miles one way every other day, trying to keep my husband happy & driving back that afternoon, trying to keep her happy! Just about drove myself crazy!! On day 30 I brought Mom back home. She is still as confused as ever & I am back to being confined to my house. I will resent my sister & brother the rest of my life! My husband accepts the situation for what it is. You only get 1 Mom in this life....I will never put my husband in a nursing home.....I told him "Don't ask me to put her in one."

Roberta I have so much empathy for you! I am crying after reading your comments. It is so, so hard to be in this situation and I really commend you on giving so much of your love and devotion to your Mother. I am going through a very similar situation and it is so hard to know what to do. My Dad has mild to late stage dementia and I am it feels like the main one dealing with the brunt of it. Growing up, my Dad was the best Dad to me and he is the most loving person I know. It's hard when other family members don't feel the same amount of unconfined love that you do for a parent as you do. It really, really hurts. I think the toughest thing about it is when you love your Mom or Dad too much. I'm glad you love your Mom too much and I'm glad I love my Dad too much and I am glad that I know people are in the same boat I am in. I wish you the best with everything you're going through and I really appreciate being able to read your comments.

I somewhat know what you are going through, but have a sister who is helping. This is a terrible disease for all involved. My heart and prayers are with you. God bless you. Your comment really helped me. Thank you for writing this.

Michael in Dover, NH
Jan. 30, 2019

Roberta honey,You are a true human Angel!! I care for my MaMa with Dementia and am going through everything you too are going through,I have one sister,on the other side of the country but has helped financially every month which makes caring for our MaMa alot easier and also another sister- who deserted her Mom,I resent her but honestly I'm glad in a way as I have my hands full without her causing trouble,, someday the kids that desert their parents will realize what there doing is wrong and will come looking for Mom or Dad,,hopefully it won't be too late,, Enjoy and embrace the happy times and even the rough times,because we know in our hearts we will someday look back and realize we did everything we could to give our Mom's the best happiest life ever,And I dread that day when God takes her from me,as my MaMa is everything to me,but when that time comes,I tell my self that eventually we will all be together someday,,I had to give up my boyfriend of 2yrs as he could not handle the stress,and I understood,,I also know out of all the people that come and go in my life The only one that stood by me all my life was my MaMa!!! So please realize how special a person you are and I know your Mom will Thank you someday for all that you do,God Bless You Roberta

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User in Dayton, OR
Nov. 26, 2018

In my experience, it is time to move your loved one with Alzheimer's to a memory care facility when he or she becomes violent. It is also necessary when those providing care for him/her are overwhelmed and unable to meet their own emotional and physical needs.

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User in Mesa, AZ
Nov. 21, 2018

I believe being at home and around familiar surroundings and people is best if possible. But if violence, insomnia or fear makes it impossible for the family, than unfortunately finding a loving care facility may be the best option. Good luck!

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My openion is to keep your mom at home. Is the best place for her. Good luck!

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User in Detroit, MI
Nov. 21, 2018

Alzheimer's is a disease that is continuously progressing it has many different stages. You have to be very strong willed and strong minded in order to care for someone with Alzheimer's.My suggestion to you is to do your research or ask for help and learn the different stages and that way you can better assess if you'll be able to handle the progression of her illness and keep her at home. I am a strong believer that being at home is always best, but you have to be able to no what stage she is in and how to handle that stage in order to keep your sanity. For example if your mom is going through the stage where she always busy during the evening that is called sundowners and what happens with the elderly and sundowners is most of the time that's when they venture off and get lost in the night because when the Sun starts to set they get busy so in that instance what you need to do is find something that your mom enjoyed doing when she was younger and give her that to do during the day instead of sleeping and that way she can sleep through the night. Each stage has a name and a way to handle it. Good luck please feel free to contact me I love talking about the different stages of Alzheimer's and the way to handle the different stages.

My father-in-law passed away about a month and a 1/2 ago. They had been married just shy of 65 years, and lived in the same home (on a farm) their entire marriage. Prior to dad's passing, mom had shown some signs of memory loss. However, since moving into our home (the day dad passed), I have noticed a steady decline in her recent memory. Her kids are talking about having her go stay with some of the other kids for periods of a week to two weeks. Sort of like bouncing from one home to another but that just does not seem like a good idea to me from what I know of Alzheimers. She is welcome to stay with us as long as feasible, but I am concerned that with bouncing around it might cause it to come on more quickly and cause her more confusion. She has a sister-in-law, and many friends living in the same assisted living community and she goes for visits. Dad had invested in very good long term care insurance and she would be completely covered. Would it be better for her to go there where things are structured and she has friends (before she gets worse). Could the move help to stabilize or slow the progression of the disease, or would it be better for her to stay here where the other siblings will take her when it suits them for however long it suits them. What are your thoughts or some advice you could provide.

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I feel keeping her at home is best as long as you can mentally take it.. Don't be afraid to ask for help from other family members friends when you need a mental day for yourself!! as far as ever having to make that decision i believe that really depends on how much physically and mentally you can take on yourself.. best of luck

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It all depends on your mothers situation. I have worked with the elderly and know that they prefer to stay at home as long as they possibly can. If there is someone in the family who lives with their Mother she could stay home for as long as it is possible for the family member to take care of her and feel that it is in their families best interest. If your Mother lives alone and starts to be a danger to herself or others than there needs to be a safer place for her or a full time caregiver who can make sure that she does not go outside and get lost or drive off in her car.Although she will most likely not have a car anymore. If she is trying to cook for herself, she could leave a burner on the stove and the house could burn down. If someone is with her everyday they will most likely know if and when the time comes when it is right for her to be in a facility or not.

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User in Saratoga, CA
Nov. 21, 2018

Every person with dementia is a little different - here are somethings I learned from last year before my 85 YO father w/ Alzheimers moved to a Assisted Living memory care facility. Hope they help in some way: > Plan to stay in home until its not safe. & Hard to provide all the things at home you need (special shower temp controls, no stairs, danger free kitchen, keypad door locks). Therefore dont wait too late. My father fell 6 times in last year & I only was told about 2 falls. Home health worker afraid to tell us because my mom did not want to move and wanted to conceal issues. Alzheimers affects balance and coordination too. Don't wait until too late. > Assisted Living often times can provide social and occ therapy/phys therapy you can't get easily at home alone. It's really important to keep person active either at a senior day health day program in your city or with other adult health programs. Isolation and lack of movement and cognitive exercises only makes things more complicated. My father learned too late to use a walker and so now its an object he doesnt really understand so each time he is moving around someone needs to connect him to it. If you keep parent in home sometimes you don't realize these sort of things. & as dementia becomes more severe there are things you can do to keep active mind and body that require more skills (CNA, PT etc) than typically you hire for in home health aides. We had in home 7 day care for 2 years - but at some point it became upsafe for my dad. > Becomes progressively harder on spouse (if living) when you stay in home. In this case my mom because exhausted emotionally and physically worring about wandering, danger in home, leaving him with caretaker to do visits to her Dr etc. They've been married 61 years so hard to change habits. Living in the home made it harder for her to agree to change living habits (e.g. simple thing like have him wear Depends rather than wash bedding and underwear every day which was one of daily items that wore her down. Refused to have him in Depends because it meant she had to accept dementia diagnosis) > Judge an AL place by the staff. They will be the ones daily cleaning, feeding and caring for your parent. We are very lucky where we moved him. He's active, social, healthier and I know I wont be out looking for him with my search & rescue dog either. It's complicated - do your best and do it out of love and concern and you will no doubt provide the love and dignity she needs. Sincerely K

Thank you for your response to this posted question. I’m facing the decision of placing my 75 year old husband of 21 years into an assisted living community. I’ve been his sole caregiver for the last 5 years & emotionally & financialy I had to face the harsh reality he’s better off, I think/hope in this community. I don’t think I will ever not feel like a failure as his wife but this isn’t about me or maybe it is, I’m 52 & feel like 502. No one will ever take care of or know him like I will , they just have to care & treat him with the dignity , respect & compassion that he & all others deserve. Thank you for your words. There are no easy answers.... I will be vigilant, do my best & spend the rest of our time hoping all the rest that is out of my control is looked upon graciously. Best, grace & compassion to all.

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the best is to kept your mom where she belong...home sweet home is the best..just find somebody to take care of her..

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this is totally individual. Only you can decide when it's time to move a loved one, based on your needs, and the needs of your family. 24 hour care is needed - when you are not able to be present for 24 hour care, and you have no "respite care" for the occasions when your loved one needs to be left alone, it's time to consider moving, or at the very least, nursing home admission for respite care periods. Fortunately, there are home nursing agencies that can assist with providing caregivers in your home for short term, or periodic care when you're sleeping. Many areas, such as Winnebago county, also provide an adult daycare for those with memory loss, free of charge, in many cases. Sometimes family and neighbors can help out when funds are tight, or visiting nurses can provide an assessment and some care during shorter time frames.

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User in Denver, CO
Feb. 13, 2019

It is true that allowing a patient to stay in their own home is the best thing you can do, and there are things you can do to protect them in their home. *Turn off the power to the stove; whether that's unplugging or finding the fuse box and flipping a switch. Then place a note on the stove that says the stove is broken and that a repairman has been called to fix it. Remove as many dangerous objects as you can (this may have to be done little by little). Knives, toaster ovens etc. If you can flip a switch and cut power off to the kitchen all at once... possibly at night, so you are not concerned about him/her getting up and starting to cook in the middle of the night. It's all about thinking ahead and being creative. I had a client with Glaucoma who insisted upon putting heavy liner on her eyebrows and then she would use the same pencil to line the inside of her eyelids. I took her to a tattoo artist and had her eyebrows tattooed on, threw away all her eye pencils (she had them hidden all over the house) and then put notes up on every mirror in her house reminding her that she had her eyebrows tattooed and didn't need to touch them up!

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User in Berwyn, IL
Dec. 29, 2018

I agree to keeping my Mom at home, she is a Alzheimer's Patient who has now been bed bond for fifteen years, only God could decide for her, we just give her the best care possible, because she was always a great Mom to us. I never understood why her, a great women, mother, friend and good wife, she became so sick, but again only God knows why. We just do the best we can for her, like she did for us. Love my Mother

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User in Dallas, TX
Aug. 13, 2018

Alzheimer's is a progressive condition and it's unfortunate t hat it affects so many of our loved one's. Making the decision to decide upon placing your loved one in a Assisted Living, Memory Care facility, or using in home care services is not an easy one. First you will need to determine what makes financial sense for you as well as what support resources you may have. There are some facilities that accept Medicare and Medicaid and some are only private pay. The cost of a facility verses in-home care can be an astronomically different. Most facilities range from $5,000-$8,000 a month (depending on amenities and ambiance). Whereas in-home care would be less than half of those costs (depending on the hours and hour rate). If it is important that your loved one stay at home and "age in place", it could work as long as they have the necessary care they need. With Alzheimer's patients when they start to become an elopement risk and cannot be left alone, you will need to consider around the clock care, this could include a combination of paid caregivers and/or family who can help out a few hours a day. In my professional experience, working in the field, I have seen this work out seamlessly but it will take a tremendous amount of support from family and friends, especially if you want to cut costs. It will all seem overwhelming in the beginning, but there are ample healthcare advisers who can provide support and resources as well. It all eventually will work out.

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User in Ocala, FL
Aug. 13, 2018

As an activity director, I have often seen many residents who come to facilities with a short term sense of loss in being removed from their home. Having said that, in just a few short weeks I have seen most of them flourish when placed in the right environment. At home they simply set and watched TV, which they often were unable to see or hear clearly or just set and look out the window for hours with no social interaction and no stimulation. Worst case is a fall in which no one even knows that the elder has fallen for hours or even days. Most of the seniors I have seen rarely keep the "emergency call pendent on their neck to call for help" . In the facility they now have tons of activities, balanced meals and appropriate medication administration. Best of all they now have tons of new friends. I am not saying that placement is the best place for everyone, but in my 13 years as an activity director, I have seen only a handful of residents who wanted to return home once they became adjusted to their new surroundings. There comes a time when placement is the best solution and no child should ever feel guilty about placing a parent in a facility. Try an assisted living facility first if your parent can qualify, if not then find an appropriate skilled nursing facility. Visit often, participate with care plans and activities and simply try it for a month or two. You may be very surprised how much your parent will love her new environment and new friends in just a few weeks! In closing, I do want to mention that we often hear of so much abuse in nursing homes, however, abuse is much more wide spread in private homes with caregivers than in nursing homes. It just goes un noticed and un-reported. Caregivers in homes have no second set of eyes watching what is going on. In a facility there are many eyes watching at the same time.

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User in Reno, NV
Feb. 13, 2019

There is no best time to put your loved one in a home. I do live-in care and so do many of my colleagues because we believe home is the best place for people as they get older. The long term memory is intact and the home has many memories they can reminisce about. One on one care is better than having 8-12 people to care for. In an 8 hour shift you have approx. 7 hours to to take care of your work load. By the time you get your people up and ready for breakfast, the first two hours of your day are gone. You might have ones you have to feed or dress or briefs to change.Bottom line when all is said and done you have about 15 to 20 minutes to devote to each person. In a home environment your loved one can get up when they want to. They set the pace and the schedule. There are many caregivers out there who work independently or with an agency. You never have to do it alone. We are there for you and your loved one and we can handle it. I hope that helps. Best of luck to you. Linda P

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When you can no longer care for her is when she needs to go. Or, you can always hire a CNA (certified nursing assistant) to come to your home to care for her. When the disease gets worst, and it will, she will need more indepth 24 hour care and ultimately continueing care with hospice.

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How much does an assistant living cost monthly

In St. Charles MO, one can expect to pay between $5000 and $8000 per month, private pay.

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It depends with how bad the Alzheimers is.I think it is better to be safe than sorry.Most people take their loved ones to assisted living when they fall or after something happen.It will be good to keep her at home as long as you can(with 24hr care).But on the other hand its better to take her where there is 24/7 nurses,therapists etc.You can still have your private sitter there with her.I suggest you to go check out group homes,they are regular homes turned into a small facility.That may be a good start for you and your mother.they dont take a lot of people and it feels more like home.There are a lot of them around.

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It depends on how much care you can provide. If you have people to help you out and are willing to take care of an adult with infant needs, then you could keep her at home the entire time. When it gets to the point where she starts to wander around and get aggressive then it's time to have around the clock care. The way I think of Alzheimer's is like reverse childhood. The problems start to change and get more hands on as it progresses. But the main thing is always having someone there in case of anything. It's like having a child to take care of. If you can't keep up with her needs then finding a very good nursing home would be the best option. But I always encourage to try it out. Just be sure you're taking care of yourself as well.

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User in Morton, IL
May 2, 2017

If you can provide adequate care and your loved one isn't beyond control, then home is the best place. If you reach a point where you aren't capable of providing proper care or your loved one becomes unmanageable, then a good senior care facility is the right answer.

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User in Saco, ME
May 2, 2017

The answer is simple, When and where can she be cared for safely.

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I have been a caregiver and taken care of parents who have Alzheimer's. The families have thought it best and I agree, to keep them in their own environment as long as possible. I make sure they are safe and do not hurt themselves and/or others. I know their children feel best when they have gotten them someone who they trust to care for them at home. When they become a danger to themselves and others, then you do have to rethink it.

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I know it's so sad if ur Mom don't know who you are and one option if it is safe environment if is not then she has to go to the nursing home

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I agree, that when Alzheimer's gets to the point if putting them or anyone in danger, that's when it's time, to get them away... My grandmother was living with her daughter, when my Aunt, (her daughter) came home one day, my grandmother didn't recognize her and called the police!! So, the following day, my Aunt took her to a home.. It is sad, but that was the only option..

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User in Aurora, CO
May 2, 2017

Being at a familiar home is great; however, there will be a time when your parent is a danger to herself and will need additional care. Some patients even need a locked facility. Or, if you can no longer handle her physical and emotional needs, that is a good time to begin seeking alternative placements. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and don't allow guilty feelings to hinder your excellent judgement. It'll all be okay.

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Every person is different but my grandma had Alzheimer's for 15 years. She lived alone for probably the first 2-3 years and then lived with us for about 5-6 years. We had to make the decision to put her into a memory care facility when it became unsafe for her to be alone for any moment. Sorry to hear that your mother has Alzheimer's. I know all too well how heart breaking of a disease this is. Stay strong and hang in there.

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The best place is home,home is where that person as been living all there lives and will be comfortable there.Once that person have a good caregiver who is understanding compassionate,caring and with medication and hands on supervision that person will be comfortable and the best place to stay is home.Home is where your heart will feel comfortable.

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I know exactly what you are going through, as my 87 year old mom who was so vibrant and beautiful has lost her ability to care for herself. However, my dad and her still live in their home together, as he is still able to get around via the help of his walker. My sisters are there on a regular daily schedule and I live out of town, and make regular trips with my 7 year old son and stay when he has time off from school. When we are home though, we use Skype on our tv, ipad, iphone or laptop to talk and monitor them all throughout the day. It really as been useful in calming my mom down when she gets anxious and to get her to drink her milk/water, etc. and between shifts when no one is there but her and my dad. I would really look into it as I can leave the camera on as long as I need to and its free! I wish you the best!

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You have to judge how long it is safe to keep your loved one with Alzheimer's at home. If they get to the point where you can leave them alone at all, due to the fact that they might injure themselves or others, it is time to consider more care. If you cannot get away from this person and get respite time for yourself, you need to consider getting them into a home or getting people to come in and take over your caregiving duties during the day or night. My mother has severe dementia and she is up a lot at night and sleeping all day. I had to change that, so we take her to a local senior day care during the day and have someone come in to watch her at night. This brings my caregiving hours down to about 8 hours a day, which is, at the moment, all I can handle with the other things going on in my life, job, house and family. Look into all the local resources that are available to you in your community. Some options will be less expensive than a nursing home and keeping your loved one at home is priceless!

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User in Nanuet, NY
May 2, 2017

I worked in nursing homes for 15 years and am now working privately for the elderly in their own homes.the number one important thing is safety ie:remove all area rugs,hardwood floors are the best because when using a walker or cane the elderly may have a tendency of dragging one leg and this could cause a fall.as long as you have a caregiver that is helping with dressing bathing and personal care your mom is able to walk with a walker or transfer to all surfaces with some assistance she is fine home.when she becomes bedridden or medically requiring more medical attention this may be an area that may need to be addressed by nursing 24 hours which may require nursing home care.

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Hello. Understand that some of these places have waiting lists. So I would begin now to see what is around your area. Looking now, while it is not urgent, is less stressful for you. I moved my mother when I felt she was no longer safe. She also needed for more socialization.

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I care for dementia and alzheimers patients. The best place is at home but don't do it on your own. If you have the means get help for your shopping hours and your family time.m

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I believe we should keep our loved ones at home as long as possible, providing a secure place for them and a safe environment with family members and a loving caregiver. monserrate

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User in Mobile, AL
May 2, 2017

I deal with my mother in law like this everyday its been ten years she has had the disease she walks down the road says someone stole her kids, calls me her sister, claims everything is hers if you love her deeply you know she wouldn't want to go to a home they know their surroundings and she has made that her home but also you have to know it can affect you, mine is 89 years old now and my kids are her brothers and sisters as well as i am she says, she has her days though and can get mean but she thinks she is a kid, only you know in your heart whats best and you need to look and google all the places you like for her to stay before you make a move, grandbay convelessence is great

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That's a good question I'd say when you notice she is beginning more forgetful and some what combative. Alot of places have locked memory units for the person with Alzheimer so they don't get out and get. Lost hurt or confused.

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User in Bronx, NY
May 2, 2017

As long as she is not in danger or harm and is not in the state where harming others keep her home.

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On my experience with Alzheimer's people I can say that the best is to keep them with the family, since we know is not cure on this , is better for the patient to spend the most time with the family nowhere is better than their own home.

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Get consultation from a doctor specializing in the problem.

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Only when there's a safety issue.

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Safety should be the first concern - if the person fell and could not figure out how to get help (calling out, pushing a lifeline button, getting to the phone to call a trusted person or 911), or if there is more difficulty in dressing appropriately for the seasons (too many/not enough layers, same clothes every day) or is not a reliable reporter about taking meds/eating, or if the person is beginning to resist care and causing impatience for the caregiver, then you need to expand your team. Assess your resources to keep the person supervised; it may be in their home with caregiver assistance, or an adult family home, or assisted living with memory care as an option. Ultimately, it benefits the person to have caregivers that know the person before their dementia has advanced too far - they will know family history, interests, food preferences. It is such an advantage to have caregivers who know someone's background and use as interventions as the disease progresses.

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My opinion is not much different than my fellow caregivers. Being within the home or familiar settings is very important to those who are memory impaired. When we have to make these difficult, yet important decisions we have to take so much into account: safety, time, ability, money. This is NOT a decision that should be based on emotion. On one side, we know that the relief would be a tremendously lifted weight, but on the other we feel selfish and guilty. So then, ask yourself, or yourself with someone not emotionally connected to your mother... Is she safe, Can I make a living/live off savings and still have the time she needs, etc. Just make sure the decision is made with logical reasoning. Witch is not always easy in these situations. Whatever decision you make and can live with is the right one.

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It is heartbreaking to have to put a loved one in a resting home and on weekly visits they cry when you leave. Home is familiar, and quality of life is important, especially when you're at the end of it. Explore your options carefully and thoroughly; it is more important to them than you may think.

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I believe we should keep out love ones at home for as long as providing

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I experienced this with my Dad. We kept him at home as long as we could. He became a danger to himself and our mother. It was a very hard decision to make but it was only one to make. He has recently passed away but I don't regret making that decision.

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You will never be able to hand over the care completely .Having someone to come in and help you is a great big relief and you may be able to keep her at home for a very long time.in my opinion , as long as she's not combative or a danger to others , her best option is to stay at home, where she gets the care she needs from people who are familiar to her.I would say, if you can ,get some assistance for yourself.You need someone to give you a break, and preferably someone who understands what you're going through.

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I'm a caregiver, and it becomes hard on the caregiver, mentally and physically to deal with someone in this situation after a while, though sometimes we can become their only source or best friend. After a while it's best to put them in a home, because the family will feel that you have taken over, and that's not the situation, its our job., so to give no room for resentment, put them in a home, and just stay close and visit

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Caring for a loved one is very challenging especially with a mental disease. Home is always the best way to keep them if you can afford it. With support groups and a caring compassionate caregiver who has experience for this kind of situation, you can rest assured your loved one is taken care of.

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This is a tough one. Many people are happier and fare better with indpendent living but not all. I helped two clients move toward the decision to move into an assisted living facility. In both cases, they were not safe at home. One was a man with MS in his 60s. Although he was one of the youngest people in the facility, his quality of life dramatically improved. Maintaining a home from a wheelchair is draining financially and emotionally. His friends pushed him to stay in his home not knowing much about his quality of life. His family had given up home convincing him. After the move, he told me a huge weight had ben lifted from his shoulders. If people do not have many people over, do not have the family support to maintain their homes, and would be safer in an assisted living community, the option should be explored.

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I believe keeping her at home will allow her a better quality of life. I would suggest if possible you get assistance from family, friends and personal care aid. You want your Mother to be surrounded by people who are familiar with her and who love her that way she will get better care all around.

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User in Canton, OH
May 2, 2017

There are many options to care for a family member at home. Home health aides can provide mental stimulation when you work, friends visits, familiar activities...gardening, TV, music. Adult day care provides activities and a safe place while you work. However when a person (and not all do) shows unsafe behavior, then its time to look at nursing homes with an Alzheimer's unit. These are better prepared to assist with safe care for your loved one.

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Keeping her at home is the best and safe way. For as long as you have a good caregiver who is experienced in her situation everything will be fine.

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It is a difficult decision that no one should make, but the caregivers and family. I think that there will come a time that you will know, if it is more than you can handle. My girlfriend was caring for her mother. She had small children. When her mother started making messes in the bathroom, and falling, and was no longer mentally capable, she had to consider everyone's best interest. Absolutely no one should feel badly one way or the other. Should you decide that it is beyond your capabilities to care for them, then it is best they be in reputable, caring and capable environment. Just remember to visit them regularly, and have quality time with them the best you can. But also, be diligent to make sure they are cared for and treated with the utmost dignity. Make surprise visits. The squeaky wheel gets the most oil (however that saying goes. So, communicate with the staff, show them you care and intend to visit often.

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User in Arvada, CO
May 2, 2017

Ok I was a cna for 10 years and worked Alzheimer's unit for years. That is such a personal question one you can only answer and I'm going to be brudly honest with you and after if you have any quistions about anything contact me ok. These are the things you need to be concerned about the most these are things you can not ignore or prevent I know I've tried, you will cause more harm then good, if you try no matter what rainbow any home trys to feed you they will not ever tell you this truth. Here it goes she is ready to go into a home when you can face these things: if she is to much for you what makes you think an Aid with sometimes 7 or more patients can or will do any better - She will not be is ring the toliet anymore so if she isn't in diapers then she is a time burden putting her on waiting taking her off everyone is busy no one is going to stop there rush to go help her so she will sit and wait and wait untill they were coming in anyway. No one will help her execept her own aid not the nurse's not other staff know one regardless of what they tell you. You come in demanding or complaining you make it worse for your mom and you don't want to be hated as a family member. She know longer gets to chose you get up get dressed take meds lay down change your diaper brush your teeth ect as your aid sees for. Its documented it was done no she Frank 20oz of water nope are 3 fourths of her meal probley not true either I've watched for years those books now computer screens being ran through so fast it's all for show. Need I say more? Now someone will say not everywhere I worked as a aid I didn't I promise you I did The best I could and I couldn't do it all I am very fast good and have an excellent reputation as an aid not so much as an employee I have a big mouth and you are not allowed to say anything just do it cover it till you want to die for 10 bucks maybe a couple bucks more. I can't watch the abuse I get fired a lot I've worked every nursing home you can think of all same.

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I went through this with my own mom. I keep.her in her own home and took care of her there until she had a heart attack and she lost a lot of oxygen and she went to a nursing home for one month, where she died. Home is the best place.

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I believe that when they are in the later stages and it has been a struggle to get them to take their medication, i.e. its always a fight, and they are no longer to complete a sentence, this is when you should begin your search and make your time to visit a few selections. It will happen quite fast sometimes as with alzheimers it is always different, but my experience so far says this is advice that is reliable.

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User in Troy, AL
May 2, 2017

Caring for a loved one with alzheimer's is a big deal, it will cost you time and energy, it will task you mentally physically and emotionally. I think it's best to do this either as long as you can or until your loved one can no longer remember who you are, because at that point you may as well be some kind staff member at a special care facility. It's a very tough decision and many feel you should enter them into special care early so they will know where they are when it get's worse for them. Always remember that it's about both what's best for them and what you're most comfortable with.

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Alzheimer is a slow and devastating diseases that has a way of bringing out the good and the bad in a family. My experience with an Alzheimer patient and their family has been both sad and painful. I do know that most people will keep their love ones at home for as long as they possible can, and when they do make that awful decision, it has gotten to a point where it's a safety issue for the Alzheimer's patient and the stress and mental health on the person taking care of the patient has also been affected. Caregiver Kimberly K.

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In the many years of working with Alzheimer's and dementia patients, I say keep them at home IF you can afford to do so. If you are the primary caregiver, take time for your self. A day or two or maybe even three to do for you. If you can afford to have private duty caregivers to come in and care for your love one at home, do so. This keeps them in a familiar place where they feel safe and secure. Elders do not like change very well. It takes them a very long time to adjust. They like familiarity and routine. Bless you in what ever route you go.

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I completely agree with some answers already provided: Keep your loved one HOME as long as you can, BUT, if it is too much on you physically or emotionally it is best to have her move to the next level of care. Unfortunately, that may not be assisted living. She may need a rehab/long term care facility if she becomes too anxious, agitated, combative, or unable to be safe unsupervised. Before the disease progresses, educate yourself and find a strong support system. Make sure she is seeing a competent physician who knows what meds and therapies can help her disease! Get help (hired or volunteered) to keep her happy while she is home. Have a plan for "what if" scenarios. Learn what has worked for other people that have gone through this. I have so much more info that I could share! Others will too. Find a support group, befriend nurses, therapists, social workers, and STNAs that have wisdom and experience. Ask for info, guidance, and help!

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She may not ever need to go. It depends on the challenges that face her, and the supports she has available. How many people can really pitch in? how much can they pitch in? Where does she live now - what type of obstacles are outside, is this her home of 8 - or 89 years? How much money do you/she have to spend on the care the family won't/can't provide? What does SHE want? Some people can stay home until their dying day. Some have to go as soon as they start making dangerous mistakes. One thing I advise you to remember is who she is, and that she shouldn't be 'imprisoned' in any way even for her own safety as it removes her dignity and will do even more damage to her psyche and her ability to trust. A second thing I'd advise is to find a great social worker (geriatric) who can give better answer than we.

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From my Experience as a caregiver, when you have someone that has Alzheimer the best place is there home. They are already confuse and lost so can you imagine how they will fee when they see so many new people and nothing around is familiar to them I had my Grandma that was sick, It was very hard to put her so i kkept her at home, and I work a full time job. There is so much medical things out there to help patient at home these day. The best place is home. Alzheimer patient are my best part of Nursing. Good Luck.

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Bridget in Eagle, ID
Jan. 30, 2018

Depends on the person. I had to baby proof, simplify and not over stimulate my dementia client and keep her in her master suite where its safe from microwaves & stoves (she about burned the house down twice.) Dementia/Altz patients are like Beta Fish, they like it simple, easy and "constantly consistent." Over stimulation in conversation, car trips & family events is like taking an indoor cat & putting it outdoors & seeing its eyes get HUGE . Its too much for their brains to handle. I even built a gate that's 4 ft tall in front of her missing door with a lock (to anchor it) so she cant escape & take off in the car, or get lost in the neighborhood or get adult-napped. (Which has happened before I even worked here,the escape through the neighborhood part.) So it is best to have someone come to the home and evaluate her & her home environment & lay out a plan of action on how to make her home safe, easy & comfortable without the worries on the things I've addressed. Preferably by someone who thinks outside of the box vs the normal riff you get from nursing homes. Do not feel bad in any way on how it is you keep her safe from harm, its better than her falling & breaking a hip (which will land her in a nursing home real quick.), or setting the house on fire, or taking off in the middle of the road because locks weren't in place. It has saved my clients $5k a month for what I've done here & my dementia client is pretty darn happy. =)

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Laura in Garner, NC
Feb. 7, 2018

It will be as plain as the nose on your face. Is someone there to assist them with daily aspects of life? Are they mobile in a safe way? Are they incontinent? Do they talk phases that don't make sense? Do they wonder outside? Do they recognize you? Do you have to call 911 for assistance getting them off the floor even when they aren't hurt? Are they a danger to themselves? Do they make inappropriate sexual references?

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The aim for our parents is to keep them at home for as long as it is a safe environment for them to be in....Without letting the situation get out of control for the both of you, you need to do some planning now....Research a lot of care facilities and begin visiting them.....Have questions ready to ask them..Is the environment clean? Do the residents appear happy enough and cared for? Does the stafff speak respectfully to the residents? What activities are provided to them? When you arrive on a care facility for your parent, it is important that you visit often and hold the staff accountable to the care of your loved one...

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Hi my name is Lotacha and I currently work in a nursing home on a locked unit . The residents on the unit are Alzheimer's and Dementia patients. These patients are unable to tell you if they are being mistreated or neglected in the nursing home a C NA will have at least 15 residents to care for in an 8 hour time frame . In this case most residents will be neglected because this is not easy work and it takes time to do the job correctly . I would not suggest that you put your mother in a nursing home if you want the best care . If you are financially able and you want the best care for your mother hire some one that way your mother will be the only priority.

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Good day everyone, My name is Reggie Manfred. i'm from UK, I want to share my testimony on how my wife got cured of her Alzheimer's through the help of solution health herbal clinic in South Africa, My wife started treatment with their clinic and bought the herbal remedies which they sent through couriers to our home address, Solution health herbal clinic is god sent. Contact their website at: http://solutionhealthherbalcli... they cure different disease.

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Bringing your aging parents into your home to live out their final years can be both a blessing and a curse. While you love having them around, the constantly increasing level of care they require can become overwhelming if you aren’t prepared. You must make sure that your parents will have everything they need to live comfortably. By the same token, you have to learn to care for yourself in the process so you can be there when they need you the most. It’s not always going to be easy to see your aging parents struggle through activities that in the past were fairly easy for them. If they have Alzheimer’s or dementia, it can be extremely difficult to care for them as the condition progresses. Make sure you have a support system for yourself. People who you can talk to that will understand what you’re going through. If you are looking for 24 hour home care in Newport Beach, CA, contact us and we will help you create a custom home care plan for your loved ones.

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If the fear of elopement becomes so eminent, then placement is not too far off from needing to be discussed.

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Laura in Mankato, MN
Aug. 13, 2018

In my experience, change is very difficult for people with memory problems. Familiarity and routine are extremely important while caring for someone with dementia or Alzheimer's. However, there will come a time when they will need to be in a long term care facility. It is just as important to ask how to transition as it is to ask when. I find it best to be proactive. First, find an in home care provider. Start with a few hours a week just to help make sure the house is tidy, the fridge is clean, medications are in stock, and make sure there are no hazards in the house. Once there is someone they recognize and are comfortable with around, it will be easier to increase care as needed. Care givers will often have a good idea of when additional care is needed, and when ultimately in home care is no longer sufficient. When this time comes, care givers can ease the transition into a facility as well. Once someone is in a facility the job of family members is to trust the professionals. They can help you. Visit as often as you can, and ask staff if there is something you can do/provide to help ease your loved one. The time you spend with your loved one will be invaluable. Be proactive and loving!

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