Between elaborate gender reveal parties and baby showers with a registry list a mile long, it can be expensive to help good friends get ready to welcome a new bundle of joy. That’s why one woman says she was absolutely livid after her pregnant bestie sent out a message saying there would be a $20 entrance fee to attend her gender reveal party.
The woman shared her story anonymously in a thread on Reddit. She wrote that she is a college student and short on cash, but when she was invited to her pregnant friend’s baby shower, she immediately scheduled time off work and splurged on a baby shower gift anyway.
Unfortunately, just a week before the baby shower, the woman got a text from the mom-to-be letting her know the baby shower was now a gender reveal party; that there’d be another, separate baby shower scheduled in three weeks; and that the friend was expected to attend — and bring gifts — to both parties. Just a few days after that, the momzilla dealt another blow: the gender reveal party now had a $20 cover charge, and all guests were expected to pay up.
“I understand it takes planning and money to put together a party but it was her choice to have one,” the unnamed friend wrote on Reddit. “I texted her privately … and told her I didn’t have $20 extra to bring to the party, since I already got her a gift and had other bills to pay. She replied saying, ‘Sorry girl, I can’t make just an exception for you. You promised you would be there!’”
The friend says she didn’t respond to the mom-to-be’s text, and she didn’t attend the gender reveal party. Shortly after, she got another message saying she wouldn’t be welcome at the baby shower either. “She texted me a few days later informing me I was disinvited to the future baby shower and how she was appalled I couldn’t even send a message to let her know I wasn’t coming,” the woman revealed. “Reddit, I understand maybe I should’ve clarified I wasn’t coming at the point. Although, she knows my situation and that I live paycheck to paycheck. I have now lost a close friend …”
The woman asked if she was in the wrong for bailing on her friend’s pricey gender reveal without any further notice, to which many people on Reddit responded with a resounding “no!”
“I think you made it very clear you were not attending when you told her you could not afford 20 dollars entry fee,” one commenter wrote.
Another person added, “I could afford to pay $20 to go to a party, but I still wouldn’t, because that’s tacky as hell. I don’t think you did anything wrong and frankly, this isn’t someone I would want to remain friends with.”
It’s not unheard of to ask people to chip in for the cost of parties and other celebrations; however, money is usually requested in lieu of a gift or by the host who is planning the party, as a way to help cover expenses. Earlier this year, the trend of “fiver birthday parties” went viral. At these parties, parents request that invited guests each contribute five dollars to the cost a big gift for the birthday child, rather than bringing their own smaller gifts.
Still, the etiquette of requiring party and shower guests to pay their own way is up for debate. The Emily Post Institute, an organization started by etiquette expert Emily Post that is considered to be the go-to for social etiquette advice in the US, advises that while gifts are typically expected at a baby shower, guests should be invited to celebrate, not for what they bring. And, when asked about a baby shower in which the hosts requested money to cover the cost of brunch, etiquette advice columnist Catherine Newman wrote that “mandating a specific financial contribution seems quite ungracious.”
It seems many other people agree with the Emily Post Institute and Newman. In an update, the original Reddit poster revealed that over 30 people were invited to her friend’s gender reveal party, but only 11 guests showed up. Standard party etiquette may be in a state of flux, but it’s safe to say a gift grab is never in style.
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