Tell a fellow parent you’re potty training and you’re pretty much guaranteed to be on the receiving end of a suggested method you just have to try. The truth is, though, every kid grasps new skills in their own way, and potty training is no exception.
That being said, there are things you can do throughout the potty training process to help speed things along and keep vibes calm. On the flip side, there are also things to avoid — the main one, perhaps, being starting before your child is ready, says Laura Todd, a licensed therapist in California specializing in perinatal mental health, parenting and child development.
“More important than your child’s age when it comes to potty training is readiness,” she says. “This includes showing interest in using the potty, ability to communicate their need to go, follow simple two-step directions and being able to stay dry for at least two hours.”
Interested in more? Here are potty training dos and don’ts, according to pediatricians, behavior experts and more.
Key takeaways
- Readiness beats age: look for interest, communication, staying dry for 2 or more hours and basic motor skills before starting. Beginning too early often creates power struggles and slows progress.
- Consistency and positivity move things along. It’s important to practice the full routine, use predictable potty times, reinforce success and keep underwear consistent once you start. Make it fun and supportive — accidents are expected while skills are building.
- Training can take days to months, and regressions are normal during transitions or stress. If progress stalls or your child has additional needs, partner with your pediatrician or care team for an individualized plan.
When should I start potty training?
Many kids start potty training between the ages of 2 and 3, notes Dr. Amanda Furr, an Indiana-based pediatrician and chief medical officer at Zarminali. That being said, that’s not a set-in-stone rule — ultimately, potty training should begin when the child is showing signs that they are physically and developmentally ready.
Signs that your child may be ready, Furr says, include:
- Interest in using the toilet.
- Ability to get to the bathroom.
- Remaining dry for extended periods including naps.
- Ability to communicate the need to use the toilet.
It’s also important for kids to have a few prerequisite gross motor skills, says Kelly Sheehan, a board certified behavior analyst in Cleveland. These may include “being able to pull his or her pants up and down and being able to sit up safely alone for at least five minutes.”
How long does potty training take?
Potty training can be done in a few days or it can take a few months, according to Sheehan. Todd gets more specific, saying, “on average potty training takes three to six months.”
Put another way: there’s no hard and fast rule. “Because potty training includes a variety of skills across multiple areas of development — communication, physical, social — there is no set timeline for a child to master all of the steps involved,” notes Furr.
It’s also important to keep in mind that potty training isn’t necessarily linear, and setbacks most certainly can happen.
“Even once a child demonstrates successful potty training, regressions can happen,” Todd notes. “This may happen when a child is adjusting to changes in their environment, such as starting day care or moving, or if they are going through emotional struggles, such as anxiety, worries or fears.”
Todd adds that children with medical needs or developmental delays require extra time, patience and adaptations to achieve potty training.
“It is helpful to work as a team with your child’s medical, therapy and educational providers to create a plan as individual as your child,” she says, noting that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) have great resources to help guide families.
Potty training dos
Accidents happen and that’s OK, but here are some potty training tips from Furr, Todd and Sheehan that may help potty training go more smoothly.
Practice the steps
Even if it is just pretend in the beginning, going through the motions of going to the bathroom — pulling down their own pants, sitting on the toilet, wiping, pulling up pants, and washing hands — can help build confidence and comfort for the child, according to Furr.
Create a routine
When you’re first starting out especially, Furr recommends setting a timer as a reminder for a potty break. Similarly, she recommends encouraging your child to sit on the toilet after each meal and when they wake up in the morning.
Take note of “wet” times
Sheehan advises taking note of when your child is usually wet and then taking them to the bathroom a few minutes before that time. “There are data collection systems that can be used for this,” she says, “but you can also be less formal.”
Start with small intervals
Plan to take the child to the bathroom every 15 to 20 minutes to start, Sheehan says. Then, as they remain dry, praise them and slowly lengthen the time in between toileting attempts.
Make it positive and fun
“This is a new skill like walking, talking or riding a bike,” Sheehan says, adding that, because of this, it’s important to celebrate success, while staying positive and providing encouragement.
Todd recommends including songs, games, toys, books and fun underwear as part of the process.
Reinforce results
Plan for a reinforcing item that can be given when the child is successful. According to Sheehan, “edible reinforcers are ideal here, because they’re portable.”
“This should be something that is only available after the potty and that the child is excited about,” she says, adding that goldfish crackers or pieces of gummy bears work well.
Get tools that can make it easier
These, per Sheehan, may include a step stool and a potty seat that fits over your adult toilet so it’s more comfortable.
She adds: “If using a specific potty chair, which can make it fun and easier in the beginning, you may have to re-potty train your child to then use the adult toilet.”
Stay consistent with underwear
Once potty training is started, Sheehan recommends keeping your child in underwear, instead of going to and from underwear to pull-ups, as it can be confusing for kids.
If you need to go back to diapers or pull-ups, Sheehan recommends staying in them for at least two weeks and then trying again.
Read more:
Potty training don’ts
Here’s what experts say to avoid during your potty training journey.
Never punish
Furr, Sheehan and Todd are all in agreement that parents should never punish or shame children for accidents or mistakes.
“Occasional accidents are completely normal and expected,” notes Furr. “Instead, help your child to immediately change and clean themselves. As a parent, I highly recommend carrying a full change of clothes — including socks! — when leaving the house.”
Sheehan adds: “Don’t make the child clean up the space as punishment.”
Don’t force it
More important than your child’s age is whether or not they’re emotionally and developmentally ready; if they’re not, don’t push the issue, as it will almost certainly backfire and turn into a power struggle, notes Todd.
As a pediatrician and parent, I get the various family and social pressures to potty train your child,” says Todd. “Dreading the thought of two in diapers, I felt I needed to potty train my first child before our second baby was born. Even though I was ready he was not. After a frustrating several weeks, we choose to take a break and welcome baby brother without the stress. We resumed a few months later with more relaxed success.”
Don’t get frustrated with setbacks
Just as your child took a few tumbles when they were first learning to walk, it’s inevitable they’re going to have accidents or setbacks while they acquire this new skill.
“There are going to be times, even after you think your child is fully potty trained, that there will be regressions,” Todd says. “Just go back to the basics and keep giving support and encouragement throughout the process.”
Bottom line on potty training
Potty training is a trip — approach it with levity and understanding. “This is a new skill that involves multiple muscles, knowledge and sensory systems,” Sheehan says. If you have trouble, or potty training is taking more than a couple of months, reach out for assistance to your pediatrician or a professional.”
