The back to school season isn’t easy for parents during a normal year, but this year, COVID-19 is making the transition even more difficult. Many parents are finding it challenging to navigate the new normal. Take, for example, one frantic parent from Omaha, Nebraska, who recently wrote in to Slate’s Care and Feeding advice column seeking help for the most relatable struggle ever: After allowing their kids to go “feral” while they’ve been living in quarantine, the parent has no idea how to create a routine for their family again. Luckily, the people of the internet are coming to the rescue with helpful tips every panicked parent needs to read right now.
“We’ve been lax with our 9- and 6-year-old kids pretty much ever since schools shut down in March,” the Omaha parent writes. “There was a little bit of learning, but certainly not much. Then, when summer hit, everything got way looser. Later bedtimes. More screen time. Less daily reading. Spoonful of cookie butter before dinner? Sure, why not. Then some more screen time.”
Their reasons for loosening the reins are totally relatable: The husband is an essential worker, and they are both overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted with the day-to-day demands of pandemic life. But any parent can tell you that once kids break away from their usual schedules, it can be difficult to bounce back. The letter writer asks, “How do we get this family back on track?”
Luckily, given that a lot of other parents are going through this, commenters offered smart tips for helping kids get back to “normal.” Many readers advised the letter writer to ditch the unlimited screen time and late bedtimes and set expectations for how days should look going forward.
“I would first start with a family meeting and a sticker chart,” one person wrote. “You can start out small. Set a bedtime, read a few books a week [and do] a few chores … Let them know you understand that it’s going to be difficult going from months of summer to getting back into school, but you believe in them.”
Another person recommended creating a designated space for distance learning to get the kids excited and create a routine around going to school. “Students are going to have trouble getting back to school, even if they did not become completely feral over the summer,” they wrote. “My thought is help kids set up a school space at home and do what all of us do when we work at home: Impose a structure. Not everyone lives in a space where this is possible, but it might be worth a try.”
A third parent noted that once a new routine is established, they should stick to it, no matter the circumstances. “With us, the one saving grace is that the routine never stops,” they shared. “There are occasional allowances (of course, screen time is off the charts these days), but find a routine and make it a habit. Most importantly, enforce it.”
Several parents admitted that they’re dealing with rowdy kids, too, and it’s normal for home life to feel a little out of control. ”We’re all a little feral right now,” one commenter shared. They advised that the letter writer ask kids to weigh in on the process by asking, “What do you think you’re going to need to do when school starts again?” and then, work on it as a family.
The fact of the matter is that this hasn’t been an easy time for anyone. Kids are dealing with unprecedented changes to their schooling, extracurricular activities and ability to socialize with friends. Meanwhile, many parents are working from home and parenting full-time, and they’re simply burned out. According to one April survey by Parents Together, a nonprofit that does independent reporting on issues affecting kids and families, half of respondents said their kids’ screen time has increased 500% during the pandemic. While scientific data on missed bedtimes and each parent’s cookie butter allowance isn’t readily available, one can only imagine other parents are having a hard time with those aspects of pandemic family life too.
Parents might want to consider guidance on helping kids stay on track while staying safer at home, released in March by the American Academy of Pediatrics, which includes tips like talking about daily expectations with kids, limiting adult screen time to set a good example and communicating with teachers about offline activities kids can do.
But while these are practical suggestions, it’s also OK if you’re a parent who feels like they haven’t managed this unprecedented crisis perfectly. As this letter about “feral” kids — and all of the responses — prove, you are not alone.
