We all want our children to be happy, have healthy habits and to experience success. But did you know the underlying trick to getting there? Building their confidence.
Whilst we all know that insult and injury are a part of life — and they can be crippling — a child with healthy self-confidence is more likely to show resilience, individuality and the self-assurance needed to not always follow the crowd.
Rosemary Albone, our Care.com nanny expert, is a Norland-trained nanny and childcare expert. She also acknowledges that confidence contributes towards preventing children from being the bully. “A lack of self-confidence leads to a feeling of vulnerability, which can impact negatively on a child’s social development”: those who are less likely to bully, or be bullied, due to a well-balanced confidence are also more likely to befriend others, including those who are bullied.
Albone has developed 7 simple techniques that you can teach your child, to help them become a confident and kind person.
- Be a Role Model for Acceptance
Being opinionated is often considered a positive attribute in the wider world, but it becomes negative when opinions are demeaning. It’s essential that parents avoid comments made about other people that are negative or judgemental.
- Encourage Good Manners
It might seem old fashioned, but knowing how to properly address a person, shake hands or even set a table can give your child a kick start to building self confidence. This works because good manners helps us all, adults and children, to feel good about ourselves as you know how to treat others respectfully and how to carry yourself in the world.
Body language is also often pivotal to confidence. It makes us feel well adjusted and strong, whilst also presenting a visual clue to others that we are confident.Another trick? Eye contact. Put aside the mobile and let your children know that they matter; this often starts with giving them attention, and eye contact is part of that.
- Be Complimentary but Honest
It’s time to drop meaningless flattery. Instead, be specific when giving children compliments; instead of saying “you were wonderful today”, say “you were so kind when you made sure everyone had a cold drink”. Once they know what you liked they will want to repeat it to please you.
- Encourage Their Interests
Talk to children about what they’d like to do and encourage each small step – not just the wow moments. Gradually help them realise that they have a whole set of skills.
- Build Trust in Themselves
Parents generally want to make life easy for their children. It’s natural to want to protect them, but it’s not healthy to always set the pace for them. In fact, constantly running to the rescue could send the message to your child that he or she is not capable.
Part of building confidence is learning how to cope with all types of situations. When children make a choice that goes wrong, help them review the outcome and work out why it was a mistake. Tell your children “you will make mistakes but you are a good person and I love you!”
Start with the small things, such as allowing your toddler to choose her own clothes in the morning. She might go off to the playground in a flower-print skirt and rainbow jumper, but she will feel confident in her choice.
- Share the Household Chores
The trick is to think about your child’s strengths and bestow a job that makes them feel successful. An eye for organising? Ask her to help unpack the weekly shop. Fascinated by cars? Ask for help cleaning the car. If chores are a bit of a battleground at home, have a look at our tips on getting children involved.
- Invite Their Friends
It’s important to remember that, as parents, we aren’t the only ones influencing our children, but you are the most powerful. You build the foundation of their self-esteem but naturally peers, teachers, the media and more will influence them. By having their friends over to play, you’ll be able to understand if your child is choosing friends that support them.