There are some prejudices around the “easy” life of being a stay-at-home mom (or SAHM). I know, because I used to have some of them. As an over-achieving corporate lawyer, I used to look at moms pushing their kids in strollers and dream about the easy life…Exercise! Parks! Yoga pants! And all those naps!
Well, what a difference a few years and three kids makes. Last year, I left my legal job to spend more time with my kids and to pursue a career in writing. However, I knew full well that I wasn’t trading in a high-powered corporate job for a life of leisure. Being a SAHM is
hard
. And while there are trips to the playground and even the occasional pair of yoga pants, that doesn’t capture the life of a SAHM at all.
Here’s what a typical day actually looks like for me:
5:30 a.m — Wake Up
The alarm tells me it’s time to exercise. Why does THIS get to be my only leisure activity?!
6:30 a.m. — The Madness Begins
I return from my three-mile run sweaty but ready to start the day, only to hear my oldest two yelling at each other. (Somehow my husband manages to sleep through it…AMAZING skill set he’s developed.) I hush the kids, telling them they’re going to wake their little brother. Then they wake their little brother. So much for a shower.
7:00 a.m. — Breakfast
As the kids eat, I prepare lunches for the two kids who are going to school. And, most importantly, make coffee. I sneak in a shower and even manage to get dressed before my husband leaves for the day.
8:00 a.m. — School
I pour my nearly-full, now-cold coffee into a travel mug, get everyone into shoes and strapped into the car (easier said than done). My two oldest go to separate schools that are located in completely opposite directions. It’s a massive pain, but we treat this as an opportunity to chat about the day. I really love this time: they’re not overly distracted and share the funniest, most interesting things going on in their brains…or they just make poop jokes. Depends on the day.
Unbuckle. Carry in. Sad embrace. Fight tears. Rebuckle. Speed to second school. Repeat.
9:00 a.m. — Play
Back at the house with my youngest, I think about all the things I
should
do: three articles to write, a house to clean, milk to buy…but I take pity on him and we head to the playground. I feel equal parts bored, distracted and tender as I watch my youngest navigate the play structure. As I push him on the swing, my phone buzzes.
I ignore my guilt — and multiple cries of “Mommy, look!” — as I check my phone. It’s a work email. While I work much less than I used to as a full-time lawyer, working from home on a flex schedule carries its own set of challenges. Chief among them — when to actually get said work done when constantly surrounded by kids and household responsibilities.
For me, the gig is worth it because it gives me a bit of “grown up” time and a creative outlet in my otherwise kid-centric life, yet the to-do list grows. As does the pit in my stomach.
11:00 a.m. — Lunch
Despite goals of a healthy, veggie-filled lunch, I prepare cereal with milk and berries for my son. I clean while he eats, fully understanding the pointlessness of it all.
As if on cue, he spills his cereal.
I declare lunch officially over.
12:00 p.m. — Volunteer
Recess duty is my way to help out at my son’s school and get a glimpse of how he plays and interacts with friends. I’m a fly on the wall, and I love it. But it completely messes up my youngest’s nap schedule. Bad mom…but good mom, too.
1:15 p.m. — Naptime
As my youngest sleeps in the car, I pull out my laptop and do work from the driveway. Occasionally, I look in the rearview mirror to see his squishy little face. Man, I love this kid. Especially when he’s not screaming “No!”
2:30 p.m. — Errands
Sorry kiddo, Daddy needs razors and we need food. Unstrap cranky, groggy toddler mid-snooze and grab necessities. Strap him back in and remember we forgot the razors. Contemplate why my husband can’t buy these on his kid-free lunch break. Go back in, with a mixed sense of “This is my job” and “He better appreciate this favor.”
3:00 p.m. — Pickup
I rush to get my daughter, then rush even more to get my son. Parking is scarce. We run in just as my son starts looking worried. Relief floods over both our faces. The one ball I never want to let drop is being where my children need me to be.
3:30 p.m. — Play and Snack
We meet up with some friends at the playground and I finally get some time to be around other adults. We disjointedly chat, while stopping to make impressed noises at the tricks our kids show us. Guilt niggling at me, I hear myself promising to make something for the fundraiser a friend is organizing (Where will I find the time?! Where does she find the time to host a fundraiser?!) We say our goodbyes, I strap everyone back in and we head home. As we drive, I chuck rice cakes behind me, hoping they land in the right laps. This is obviously not the first time I’ve done this, as the entire car is basically one big ground-up rice cake. SO. MUCH. TO. CLEAN.
5:00 p.m. — Dinner
At home, I try to use the bathroom. In the space of one minute, all three come in to tell me something that absolutely can’t wait (p.s., it can wait).
I try to make up for my earlier meal-planning failures with something healthy, though whether it actually gets eaten is anyone’s guess. My husband arrives and we eat or not eat, depending on the child — while talking about our days.
My husband asks how my day was. “We went to a lot of parks,” I say, but it doesn’t really capture the stress, frustration and pride of it.
6:00 p.m. — Winding Down
My daughter pleads with me to do bath. I agree in order to avoid the tears, even though I really need a minute to myself. As an introvert, this is my biggest challenge as a SAHM — finding time to myself to recharge. When I manage to carve out that space, I’m a better mom — but I feel like there’s just not much left to carve into. After bath, I sit down on the couch for the first time today. With their “kid radar,” my kids sense I’m down and swarm me. The youngest starts shouting, “MY lap! MY lap!” while everyone squirms for space. (Remember when it was actually
my
lap?) We read books on the couch, tickle and goof around. It feels good to have everyone together, but I can’t help but think of all that needs to get done.
7:00 p.m. — Bedtime
Time to brush teeth (it never gets easier) and get ready for bed. We go through our ever-longer bedtime routine. I close the door and give a big sigh. I feel relieved to have made it past bedtime, and guilty for feeling relieved.
7:45 p.m. — Do All the Things
I clean up. (Seriously, how am I sweeping up so much junk?) I go to put a load of wash in, then realize it’s already in and I need to re-run it. Then, my husband and I chat while working at our separate computers. I miss the days of cuddling on the couch together while binge-watching “24.”
Date night Friday
, though! (Unless a kid gets sick, which is about a one-in-three shot.)
10:00 p.m. — Good Night
I kiss my husband good night and get ready for bed. I barely touched my to-do list and the house is a disaster. But as I quietly check on my three sleeping kiddos, I know I wouldn’t change a thing.
