For Ohio mom and doula Hollie Lau, giving birth to her third child was a family experience. Lau welcomed her daughter, Robin, in 2019, with the help of her 7-year-old son Hank and her 9-year-old son Charlie. Charlie’s natural instincts in the delivery room were so strong, they even led to him being dubbed an honorary doula.
Lau says when she shared her pregnancy news with her kids, Charlie immediately asked if they could be a part of the birth. While her sons had never been present for a birth before, the mom felt strongly about normalizing the experience for her children, and she said yes. Together, they spent several weeks learning about birth and babies and preparing for the process of labor and delivery.
“Witnessing birth can be intense, and with no prior knowledge, that experience could become overwhelming,” she explains. “We spent a lot of time talking and learning during the pregnancy. We focused on what birth would look like, sound like and smell like. We watched a lot of birth videos on Instagram.”
The boys even went through a mini childbirth education course to help them understand every step of the process. Lau says she treated the educational experience as though she were preparing first-time parents, and she made an effort to help them understand there was no reason to be afraid.
Lau went into labor in May 2019. While both of her sons were present for the arrival of their new baby sister, she says Charlie “took to a support role very naturally.” She dubbed him a “doula,” and he stepped organically into the role of helping his mom through the stages of labor along with the rest of her support team. “As a birth doula myself, I was very impressed with his instincts,” she says.
Lau says Charlie seemed to have a knack for knowing exactly what kind of support she needed during the birth. “An arm rub, holding my hand, helping his dad provide counter pressure to my back,” Lau explains. “Having Charlie present through the hardest part of my labor gave me strength when I doubted myself. He had a very calming touch and that helped ground me between contractions.”
Ohio-based photographer Hannah Spencer captured the heartwarming birth experience for the family. Lau has been sharing the incredible birth photos on social media with the goal of normalizing the family birth experience and the idea of giving boys more opportunities to step into roles where they’re able to be nurturing and caring.
“We can bring back this generational wisdom that has been lost,” the Ohio mom writes on Instagram. “Give boys opportunities to be nurturing, their sweetness and tenderness will surprise you.”
Some parents might be hesitant to invite kids into the delivery room, but Lau says the experience was a beautiful and powerful one for her family, and it will have a lasting impact on her sons. “In our culture, we don’t often remember to give boys the space to do nurturing things,” Lau explains. “What an amazing thing for them to experience the love and strength of a birthing person. Family centered birth is beautiful and can be an incredibly powerful moment together.
