Ever hide little things from your boss? Well, your nanny is no different. As her employer, you can be sure that at one time or another she has debated keeping mum about something.
But if you have a strong relationship, she should feel comfortable coming to you with even the toughest news.
“Keeping the lines of communication open between nannies and employers is extremely important because ultimately it makes the entire child care team and relationship between the nanny and family more cohesive,” says Lindsay Heller, The Nanny Doctor. “If communication is poor, and issues aren’t brought up as they come up, resentment can build.”
Here are twelve things she may be thinking.
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I Started Working for Your Neighbor
When your nanny takes a different job, feelings get hurt. If she starts working for someone else part-time, she might be unhappy with you or she might just need a little extra cash. Every couple of months check in with her to gauge her job satisfaction and make needed changes — including yearly pay rate increases. -
Your Friend Tried to Poach Me
This is almost as bad as a friend hitting on your spouse! A friend who offers your nanny a job throws both of you into a tough spot. Your nanny probably doesn’t want to drive a wedge between you and your friend. -
I Don’t Like Folding Your Underwear
Your nanny may lend a hand with some cleaning, but folding grownups’ undies might fall into the icky category for her. She should be focusing on your kids, not your laundry. See Is Your Nanny Your Housekeeper? -
My Nanny Friend Makes More Than I Do
Your nanny probably doesn’t want you to know that nannies compare notes, but they do. If she feels underpaid, she might start looking. Use our calculator to compare what you’re paying to the going rate for nannies in your area. -
Your Kid Is a Brat
Parents — especially first-timers — often have stars in their eyes when it comes to their kids. Your child isn’t bossy, she’s just self-assured. But your nanny knows the real deal — and deals the bad behavior day-in and day-out. If you don’t recognize the problem, her hands can be tied. Check out these 7 Signs Your Kid is a Brat. -
I Want to Pay Taxes
She knows it’ll cause extra work for you — that’s why she hesitates to bring it up. But your nanny also realizes being paid under the table is illegal and damaging to both of you in the long run. Learn how to get started creating a nanny payroll account. -
It’s Really Difficult for Me When You’re Late
Do you often come home late from work, leaving your nanny with your child for an extra half hour or more? Did you ask her if it’s okay or even apologize? She might have plans, but doesn’t want to complain. Ask her if it’s a problem before you assume she can stay. And make sure you pay her for the extra hours — with a little extra for being so accommodating. -
I Really, Really Need a Vacation
Yes, your nanny loves caring for your child, but the crying and tantrums that come with it gets old — very quickly. Your nanny needs a vacation, just like you do. Read about how to handling nanny vacations, holidays and sick days. -
Your Child Peed on the Couch
How do you handle issues that come up while you’re gone? Your nanny may not want to tell you the real reason for the wet spot on the couch, unless she knows you take mishaps in stride. Try to keep calm, so she feels like she can approach you. Then appreciate how much she wants to protect you and your kids. -
I Think the Cub Scout Leader Is Mean
She doesn’t want to seem out of line, but when your nanny sees something she doesn’t like, she has to feel free to tell you. Even if it involves neighbors, friends or people you know. -
Your Child May Have a Development Issue
Your nanny may notice something suspect that you don’t. It’s a sensitive subject, but don’t ignore her concerns. - I’ve Been a Mom-Figure 10 Years More Than You Have
You’re the parent, but your nanny is a pro at child care and has seen a lot. Every now and then ask her advice as a professional, not as a mom who always knows best.
So how can you encourage your nanny to open up about things she’s feeling or dealing with?
“Establishing a mode of communication between nanny and family is extremely helpful,” says Heller. Some families keep a journal that the nanny updates each day with the children’s schedule and activities. Designate a separate space for concerns and review them routinely.
Need to work on your relationship with your nanny? Check out these 8 tips.
Julia Quinn-Szcesuil is an award-winning freelance writer and a mom to two girls. She lives in Massachusetts and has written for local and national publications.
