How can I deal with too many calls from memory care?

You’ve finally got your loved one settled into memory care and you think you can start to relax. But then the calls from the memory care facility start coming. And keep coming. What are you supposed to do in this situation?

It’s common to get frequent calls from memory care facilities, especially in the beginning, says Zakiya Guiakaboh, a registered nurse and certified dementia practitioner at Remo Health. Staff members may need to reach out to clarify health details, involve you in decision making or share concerning updates.

“If you feel that calls from a memory care facility are excessive, my recommendation is to raise this concern with the facility’s administration and work with staff members to find a healthy balance that ensures the team feels trusted to manage the care of your relative while keeping you appropriately informed,” says Guiakaboh. Here’s some advice on how to do just that.

Why do memory care providers call so often? 

In most cases, memory care facilities call for specific reasons having to do with the wellness, safety and health of their patients. Here are some of the most common reasons for memory care calls, according to Guiakaboh:

• There are changes to medications or care plans that need to be considered.
• Your loved one is having challenges adjusting to their new environment.
• The resident is exhibiting behavioral changes, like agitation.
• The resident has a medical problem, injury or illness.

“It’s important to remember that when staff members call, their goal is to collaborate with families to share updates and gain insights from a close relative so they can provide consistent, compassionate care and be responsive to the loved one’s needs,” says Guiakaboh.

When is memory care required to call?

There are certain situations where memory care facilities are required to call family members, says Dr. J. Audie Black, board certified clinical neuropsychologist and founder of Idaho Neuropsychology.

“CMS, the Centers for Medicaid and Medicare Services, has federal guidelines that require facilities to reach out if there’s a significant change in condition,” Black explains. Examples of significant changes in condition include if your loved one gets injured, like from a fall.

Additionally, “if there’s a life-threatening illness or if there’s going to be a hospital transfer, these are significant events and they require immediate notification to family,” Black shares.

“More frequent contact is common in the first 30 to say 60 days of an admission while a loved one is being settled in. The staff is getting to know them and getting to know the family, so it’s common to have more frequent contact in that initial transition period.”

— Dr. J. Audie Black, clinical neuropsychologist

How often is “normal” to get calls from a memory care provider?

When it comes to how often it’s normal to get calls from memory care, there’s no hard and fast rule, says Black. In addition to the federal guidelines for when family members must be contacted, states typically have their own regulations, too. On top of that, each memory care facility will have their own internal guidelines, he adds.

“Some general rules are that more frequent contact is common in the first 30 to say 60 days of an admission while a loved one is being settled in,” Black says. “The staff is getting to know them and getting to know the family, so it’s more common to have more frequent contact in that initial transition period.”

After that, it will usually vary from one facility to another, as well as one memory care resident to another. Guiakaboh says the ideal communication plan depends on three key factors:

• The resident’s specific care needs.
• How the resident’s condition changes over time.
• The family’s preferred level of involvement.

While some families prefer daily updates and appreciate detailed participation in their loved one’s care, others only want to be contacted for significant events or medical decisions.

“Ultimately, the goal is to establish a rhythm of communication that supports the resident, keeps the family comfortably informed, and empowers the care team,” says Guiakaboh.

How can I reduce the number of calls from memory care?

When it comes to reducing calls from memory care, it’s all about communication and establishing boundaries with the facility. Here are some ideas.

1. Set boundaries from the get-go

Ideally, boundary setting happens before your loved one even enters the facility. “When someone first enters memory care, it’s really critical that the family sit down with the admission staff to develop a personalized communication plan for how often they’re going to be contacted and in what situations for which questions,” Black says. “This can help separate out routine communications that can happen.”

2. Request the facility contact you by email or text

For many of us, it’s phone calls specifically that can be challenging, and we prefer texts or emails. Black suggests clarifying with the facility what alternative communication options are available, including secure portal messages, secure email or even a texting platform.

For example, “this might take the form of a weekly summary email that just details some of the common changes and routine updates to medications and other minor issues that have come up during the week, but that don’t require immediate notification,” Black shares. 

3. Set up a meeting

If the phone calls continue to be excessive, it might be time to set up a meeting with the staff to discuss your needs and concerns. “During this meeting, joint teams can review communication patterns and set clear expectations,” says Guiakaboh. “This collaborative approach ensures that updates are meaningful, boundaries are respected and everyone feels supported.”

“If the calls consistently reveal that the staff is overwhelmed, unable to manage recurring behaviors or lacks the necessary skills for your loved one’s specific needs, it could indicate a mismatch for the needs of your loved one.”

— Zakiya Guiakaboh, registered nurse and certified dementia practitioner

Is it a red flag when memory care calls too often?

If a memory care facility is calling excessively, you might wonder if it’s a sign that the staff is unable to properly manage their residents or that the facility isn’t a good fit for your loved one.

Assess the situation

First, consider that frequent calls aren’t always a red flag and can be normal. “In many cases, they reflect a diligent care team that values transparency and wants to partner with you in your loved one’s care,” says Guiakaboh. At the same time, it’s vital to consider the context and content of the calls to determine whether they are productive or a potential issue, she adds.

Distinguish between productive and unnecessary calls

“In my experience working with families caring for a loved one living with dementia, collaborative calls to discuss care plan adjustments or share meaningful updates are a sign of a healthy partnership,” Guiakaboh explains.

What might be red flags then? “If the calls consistently reveal that the staff is overwhelmed, unable to manage recurring behaviors or lacks the necessary skills for your loved one’s specific needs, it could indicate a mismatch for the needs of your loved one,” she says. Moreover, if the facility is constantly reaching out to you about what appear to be non-urgent matters, this might be a sign that something is amiss or that the facility doesn’t understand what your communication preferences are.

Is it excessive memory care calls or caregiver burnout?

What should you do if you’ve done everything to manage the calls but they still feel excessive and you are having trouble handling the situation? It’s important to consider your own mental health needs and if you might be experiencing something called caregiver burnout, Black shares. 

“Feeling like [memory care] is contacting you too often might actually be indicative of something we call caregiver distress or, in its more severe form, caregiver burnout,” Black explains. “That’s when even relatively routine aspects of caregiving can trigger emotional distress and feelings of irritation and frustration.”

Signs of caregiver burnout include excessive fatigue and symptoms of anxiety or depression, and it can make even normal caregiving activities — including receiving updates from memory care — feel completely overwhelming, Black explains.

Caregiver burnout connected with excessive calls from memory care often signals that it’s time for caregivers to “get some respite to focus on their own health and wellness and to recharge so that they have more caregiver resilience in those moments,” Black says.

Above all else, if you continue to feel like calls from memory care or other aspects of managing your loved one’s care are severely impacting your mental health and well-being, it’s vital that you take care of yourself.