As a parent, you’re in charge of your child’s well-being — both physical and mental. When they fall, you tend to their bruises and wipe their tears. Later on, during adolescence and the teenage years, you help them navigate being bullied at school or coax them through their first breakup. (All the while, you’re also tasked with being their private chef, academic tutor and primary disciplinarian. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?)
While these tasks and guiding a child into maturity might seem like a “normal” part of parenthood, it’s a process that requires a significant mental (and emotional) load — one that can weigh on parents. This sense of overwhelm can potentially tip into mental health issues such as burnout, depression and anxiety. Talking therapy is a good way to make sense of the parenting process along the way and to work through your concerns in a safe environment. Parents who feel less burdened by their responsibilities make for happier families.
We’ve put together some guidance on how therapy for parents can benefit families and tips on how to find the right professional.
The benefits of therapy for parents
Here are the main ways you can expect to benefit from working with a therapist.
1. You’ll likely become a better parent.
Many parents believe that they should dedicate their whole lives to their child and that prioritising their own well-being entails letting their families down somehow. But if you’re not caring for yourself, it’s impossible to care for others — especially children. Adults’ own mental health and well-being can have a knock-on effect on the kids in their care. Children who grow up in an environment characterised by unaddressed mental health issues, addiction or abuse are more likely to experience difficulties of their own in these areas. Accordingly, being kind to yourself often equals being kind to your kids.
A study in Development and Psychopathology found that mums showing signs of depression who went to therapy had far better outcomes than their counterparts who didn’t. What’s more, the children of mums in therapy were more likely to show improvement across a number of developmental milestones.
Therapy offers a place where parents can work through their thoughts, concerns and feelings of stress and inadequacy without worrying about the “correct” response. In a role where it feels like so much rests on doing things “right”, this pressure valve can prove invaluable. It’s also an opportunity for parents to safely uncover and process any trauma of their own. As parents’ own experiences of childhood can have a major impact on how they raise their kids, it’s good to examine these before applying lessons learnt from childhood to family dynamics in the present day.
2. Therapy can help you set better boundaries.
As any parent will tell you, setting and holding boundaries is a critical component of an adult–child relationship — and it’s something therapy can help with. Therapists can help parents understand that boundaries are a key aspect of family relationships and can actually benefit children — now and well into the future. Family therapy can also support parents as they navigate conflict with their children, creating an environment where they can explore different responses.
3. You’ll have a judgement-free outlet.
Let’s be honest: as a parent, there might be days you’re feeling overwhelmed and want to hole up in a cupboard or bathroom and eschew all caregiving duties (and subsequently feel like the worst person in the world for it). A therapist can help you understand that those scenarios — or, rather, any and all sticky situations related to parenthood — are entirely normal, and that your feelings (no matter what they are) are valid.
Therapists create a safe space for parents to discuss the challenges they face without judgement. This ability to explore their worries and concerns with a neutral individual can be invaluable in taking the stress out of raising children. After all, family and friends will all have their own perspectives they will bring to bear on a particular situation, which may simply add to a carer’s sense of overwhelm.
Trained therapists can also use what they’ve learnt from listening to parents, and understanding their goals and expectations, to inform any suggestions they make. They can help to put parents’ concerns into perspective, too — as working with people from all walks of life gives them a clear-eyed understanding that each family faces its own unique struggles.
How to go about finding the right therapist as a parent
If you’re just beginning to dive into your search for a therapist, consider these tips.
Get a referral from a friend, family member or professional you trust
Use your network: people who know you well and have experience of therapy may be able to recommend a practitioner they think you’ll click with. Look for a professional who specialises in family therapy and is solution-focussed. Information on an individual therapist’s approach and areas of specialisation can generally be found on their website or online profiles. The BACP Therapist Directory, run by the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapy, is a great online resource to help you find an accredited professional.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed as a parent, it’s also worth speaking to your GP about your concerns and asking if there’s any support they are able to recommend. Your GP may be able to refer you to local NHS mental health support services. Although waiting lists can be long, time-limited courses of solution-focussed therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), are available for people in need.
Arrange an initial consultation
Once you’ve found a therapist you think could be a good fit, contact them to arrange an initial appointment. Many therapists will offer a consultation with prospective clients for free or a reduced fee, in person or over the phone. This is a great opportunity for you to get a feel for whether you would like to work with them. At the consultation, you can raise some of the issues you hope to deal with in therapy and can establish a general timeframe for addressing those therapeutic goals. It’s also a good time to see if you “gel”: the more comfortable you feel with a therapist, the easier it will be to express the parenting concerns you find it difficult to tackle anywhere else.
A useful point to discuss in your consultation is frequency. How often you attend a session may depend on your own schedule, the therapist’s availability and the nature of your concerns. Many therapists are likely to recommend weekly or fortnightly sessions as the most effective way to approach therapy.
Consider remote therapy options
If travelling to and from a therapy appointment is likely to add more stress to your day, consider exploring remote therapy options, which are increasingly popular in an era of video calls and hybrid work schedules. Remote therapy is a more-than-viable option that combines similar results to in-person counselling with flexibility to suit busy families.
The bottom line on therapy for parents
Ultimately, working with a therapist as a parent could be the best way to view troubling or challenging situations with some distance. A professional with a neutral perspective can be a helpful source of objectivity in difficult situations, where parents may be too close and emotionally invested to deal with the issue at hand.
