Moving a loved one who has dementia to memory care is one of the most emotionally challenging decisions a family can face. For many families, it marks the end of one chapter of caregiving and the beginning of another. “These transitions impact all generations of a family,” acknowledges Marty Stevens-Heebner, a certified senior move manager. “That means it will be extremely taxing on you, too.”
Whether your loved one is transitioning from home or assisted living, planning the move with care and compassion can help make the process feel less overwhelming. From recognizing the right timing to creating a comfortable new environment, these expert-backed tips will guide you through each stage of the transition to memory care.
Key takeaways
- By watching out for safety issues, self-care decline and caregiver burnout, you can recognize when it’s the right time to transition to memory care.
- Prepare for the move to memory care by involving your loved one whenever possible.
- Stay engaged after the move through consistent visits, communication with staff and preserving familiar routines.
Assessing the need and timing of transitioning to memory care
Knowing when to transition to memory care isn’t always clear-cut. It’s a decision that requires careful observation and honest assessment. Dr. Daniel Lesley, a board-certified neurologist at Remo Health, a virtual dementia care company, emphasizes that “the fewer transitions from place to place, the better. Every new change is both very disruptive and scary for the person with dementia.”
Here are some signs that indicate it may be time to consider memory care:
Safety concerns
“People need a change when they are unsafe in their current living situation,” points out Dr. Gerda Maissel, a neuro-rehabilitation physician and private patient advocate. This might include falls, toileting issues or significant cognitive decline.
Other safety signs include wandering outside and getting lost, engaging in unsafe behaviors like repeatedly trying to use dangerous appliances, picking at wounds, exhibiting aggressive behavior toward others or misidentifying familiar people as strangers.
Inability to perform self-care
Basic hygiene and toileting difficulties, trouble communicating needs like thirst or hunger and lethargy or lack of motivation that leads to disengagement from activities can all signal the need for professional care.
Caregiver burden
A primary caregiver’s physical and mental health is often heavily impacted by their caretaking duties, notes Lesley. Signs of caregiver overwhelm include emotional stress, physical injuries from caregiving tasks, worsening of the caregiver’s own medical conditions and financial strain.
That said, talking about a dementia care plan sooner versus later is ideal. “It’s generally best for people to talk with their family members about long-term care planning as soon as possible after recognizing potential problems,” Lesley advises. This approach gives everyone time to adjust to the idea, investigate different facilities and plan for the transition without feeling rushed.
Preparing for the move to memory care
Once you’ve decided it’s time to move, thorough preparation can make the process smoother for everyone involved. “Moving a person to a memory care facility when they are in crisis and their condition is far advanced is almost always worse than doing so while they still have some ability to deal with change,” says Lesley.
Involve them in the process when possible
“How much you can involve your loved one depends on where they are on their journey through dementia,” says Stevens-Heebner. When sorting belongings, offer two options at a time to avoid overwhelming them. “Even when they have a dozen red sweaters, narrow down the number a pair at a time until they’ve chosen their one favorite.” Remove unchosen items from view immediately to avoid confusion.
Research and tour facilities thoughtfully
When evaluating memory care facilities, Stevens-Heebner recommends paying attention to more than just care levels and costs. “It’s just as important to consider the ‘feel’ of a community. What does the community smell like when you first walk through the door? That can tell you a lot.”
During tours, observe the staff interactions and check if medical equipment appears well-maintained. “Do the staff members work and communicate well with one another? Cohesive teamwork in these environments is very important,” she notes. Ask about emergency plans — staff should be able to recite procedures quickly and easily.
Prepare for emotional impact
“It’s helpful to have early, regular, and repetitive conversations about a person’s wishes,” Maissel says. Frame initial discussions as “planning just in case” rather than immediate necessity. If possible, arrange visits to friends who have already moved to memory care facilities.
Address legal and financial prep
Maissel warns that families are often surprised by memory care costs and that “Medicare doesn’t cover it.” Plan for these expenses early and ensure all legal documents are in order.
Tips for helping a loved one while actively transitioning to memory care
The actual move requires patience, flexibility and emotional support. Stevens-Heebner reminds families that “when a move to a new environment is not handled with compassion, care and patience, the mental state of a loved one can deteriorate at a dangerously accelerated pace.” Supporting your loved one in the early days of memory care is critical to their long-term adjustment.
Set up the space with care
Making the new space feel like home is crucial for emotional well-being. “Make their new home feel like a reflection of the home they’ve left behind,” Stevens-Heebner advises. “Place their favorite armchair by the window if that’s where it was in their former home.”
She also recommends paying special attention to what goes on the wall across from their bed. “It’s the first thing they’ll wake up to in the morning, and it’s the last thing they’ll see before they go to sleep.”
Expect moments of confusion
“Sometimes a client with dementia becomes agitated as they watch others disturb their belongings,” Stevens-Heebner notes. Have a family member ready to take your loved one on a brief excursion if needed.
Your loved one may also misidentify people or become confused about time. “Just go with it. Live in that moment with them,” Stevens-Heebner says. “It might remind them of a meaningful moment — and may even spark a story you didn’t know about.”
Focus on positive interactions
Play music they respond to and engage in activities they enjoy. Take frequent breaks and have favorite snacks ready. And Stevens-Heebner says to remember that “when they ask you the same question twelve times in an hour, it’s not them — it’s the disease.” These small moments of joy can help reduce stress and preserve connection.
“Make their new home feel like a reflection of the home they’ve left behind. Place their favorite armchair by the window if that’s where it was in their former home.”
— Marty Stevens-Heebner, a certified senior move manager
Tips for following your loved one’s move to memory care
Once your loved one is settled, your continued support plays a vital role in their well-being.
Honor familiar routines
Maintain established routines where possible for your loved one. “Seeing familiar faces and feeling the love and warmth of family can ease those unsettling feelings early on,” Stevens-Heebner says. If your loved one was used to afternoon visits or weekly meals together, continue that rhythm when possible. “Keeping those routines and rhythms going can make a move feel much less disruptive.”
Visit regularly with purpose
Stevens-Heebner also recommends making unannounced visits. “This way, you’ll truly know how the staff cares for the residents when no one is looking. Visit at different times to see what the meals are like and to see what your loved one seems like at different hours.”
Communicate clearly with staff
Share details about your loved one’s likes, dislikes, and routines. “Clear communication is everything,” Stevens-Heebner notes. Even small details, like favorite snacks or bed positions, can make a big difference.
Support staff, too
“Chat up the staff there and really get to know them,” Stevens-Heebner suggests. “Acknowledging their efforts will mean a great deal to them. This boosts their morale which, in turn, will make them care about the job they do, especially where your loved one’s concerned.”
Finding peace in the transition to memory care
Transitioning to memory care is undoubtedly difficult, but it’s important to remember that it can also provide benefits for both your loved one and your family. Families often don’t realize “the number of enjoyable activities available, the social connections residents can make with staff and other residents or the extent to which staff become adept at recognizing things that even family members might miss,” says Lesley.
Stevens-Heebner offers this final perspective: “People with dementia are not gone. No matter how much memory they’ve lost, there is a part of themselves that is still present.” Remember that this transition, while challenging, is an act of love — providing your family member with professional care while preserving your own well-being so you can continue to be there for them in meaningful ways.
