How often should you visit a parent in assisted living?

When a parent moves into assisted living, it’s important to remain a presence in their lives (and they in yours!), but finding a “sweet spot,” so to speak, for visits, can be helpful for both you and them. Not only will it offer predictability and give both parties something to look forward to, but it can also alleviate schedule pressure, as well as guilt, for adult children with busy, often hectic, lives.

“There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for determining how often to visit a parent in assisted living,” notes Anat Joseph, a licensed clinical social worker and psychoanalyst in New York and New Jersey. “But finding a routine that balances consistency with flexibility can be helpful.” 

According to Joseph, regular visits, whether weekly or biweekly, help maintain connection and emotional well-being for both parents and adult children, and shows the former that they are “still valued and cared for, even as their level of independence shifts.”

Here, Joseph and other experts offer insight and suggestions on how often to visit parents in assisted living. 

How often should you visit parents in assisted living?

The frequency of your visits will depend on a number of factors, including distance and work schedule (more on that shortly). The most important thing is to visit regularly. 

“Regular visits are crucial because they help protect against social isolation and reinforce a parent’s sense of identity and belonging,” explains Dr. Sam Zand, a psychiatrist and the founder of Anywhere Clinic. “These visits remind parents they’re valued and loved, which can have a significant positive impact on mood, cognitive function and overall mental health.” 

Further, visiting parents in assisted living gives you the opportunity to gauge your parent’s well-being and take stock of the care they’re receiving, Joseph notes. “Visits allow adult children to check in on their parent’s physical and emotional health, advocate for any changes in care and stay engaged in their overall well-being,” she says.

According to Zand, when deciding how often to visit parents, there are a number of things to consider, including:

• Your parent’s emotional needs.
• Your own capacity and mental bandwidth.
• How much consistency you can offer.
• Quality. (‘Predictable, intentional visits are more supportive than frequent but rushed or distracted ones,” he notes.)

“Regular visits are crucial because they help protect against social isolation and reinforce a parent’s sense of identity and belonging.”

— Dr. Sam Zand, psychiatrist

Assisted living visiting schedules

With all of the above taken into account, there are a number of potential “visiting schedules” to consider:

Weekly

If you’re nearby, your schedule is conducive to it and your parent wants frequent visitors, consider weekly visits. “Some parents thrive on frequent visits that provide a sense of consistency and connection,” Zand notes.

Joseph agrees that it’s key to take parents’ preferences into consideration when deciding a visiting schedule, taking their “personality and needs” into account. 

Monthly

When distance is an issue, Page Dickey, a licensed clinical social worker with Key Counseling in Atlanta, recommends “making a commitment to yourself as to how often is realistic” to visit. That may mean visiting once per month, one per quarter or whatever works, she adds.

To that point, if your parent is relatively self-sufficient, monthly visits may be the best schedule for everyone. “Some folks thrive on frequent visits,” notes Joseph, “while others may feel more independent and empowered with less frequent but deeply meaningful interactions.” Communicate with your parent to figure out what feels most beneficial to them.

Special occasions

In some cases, particularly when distance isn’t on your side, special occasion visits may just be what works best for your family — and if that’s the case, know that that’s OK. 

“Even if you can’t visit often, a weekly video call, voice message or shared mealtime over FaceTime can bring grounding consistency.”

— Dr. Sam Zand

“When visiting parents, no matter how often, the goal is to nurture connection in a way that supports both the parent’s and the adult child’s mental health in a sustainable, compassionate way,” notes Zand.

Connect when you’re not physically there 

If you can’t visit your parent as much as you’d like, there are a number of other ways to stay connected — and the best place to start is by creating rituals of connection, notes Zand.

“Even if you can’t visit often, a weekly video call, voice message or shared mealtime over FaceTime can bring grounding consistency,” he says, adding that it’s also important to send tactile reminders of care, such as handwritten notes, photo books or a playlist of favorite songs. “These can provide emotional comfort and stimulate memory, especially for older adults,” according to Zand.  

Another way to connect when you can’t be there physically is to involve them in your life with purpose. “Ask for advice, share small updates or include them in decisions,” Zand continues. “It reminds them they’re still needed, still relevant and deeply loved.”

How to get the most out of visits to parents in assisted living

Regardless of how often you visit, here’s how to make your visits as meaningful and low-stress as possible. 

Be fully present. 

When you’re there, be there. “Put the phone away, engage in familiar activities together, like sharing a meal or taking a walk, and listen with curiosity rather than an agenda,” Joseph notes. “These moments, however small, can reinforce a parent’s sense of connection, identity and dignity.”

As Zand puts it: “Focus on presence rather than performance.”

Think quality over quantity. 

Keep in mind, your schedule, distance and mental bandwidth all come into play when figuring out a visiting schedule. “It’s better to visit less often but be emotionally available than to visit frequently in a rushed or distracted way,” notes Joseph. 

Prioritize your parent’s interests and agency.

You may think it’s a great idea to spend your visit putting a scrapbook together, but that may not necessarily be what your parent wants — allow them to choose, says Zand. 

“By encouraging parents to guide what they want to do during visits, it helps preserve their sense of autonomy and dignity, which is central to emotional well-being,” he explains.  

Don’t push it. 

If you have other demands, Dickey recommends trying to balance them out. “It can be emotionally challenging to go to a place where folks are debilitated or coming to the end of life,” she says. “If you are not currently in the head space to deal with that, you will take it back to your family or work or other personal demands, and it’s not going to be a positive experience for anyone.”

Go, she says, when you’re feeling strong and can be of service.

Other tips, per Dickey, include:

• Avoid visiting when you’re sick. 
• Try to have visits overlap with appointments or doctor visits (to stay up-to-date on their health). 
• Try to spread visits out with other family members. 

A final tip on visiting parents in assisted living

Again, know there’s no “right” answer when it comes to assisted living visitation frequency. There are so many variables at play, including your location and your parent’s emotional needs and mental health. 

“The most important factor,” according to Zand, “is creating a predictable rhythm of connection that helps maintain emotional stability and prevents feelings of abandonment or loneliness.”