How can I help stop my aging parents from getting scammed?

Dealing with elder scams is frightening, frustrating and can lead to a financial peril — especially if your loved one has been a victim of multiple scams, as many older folks have. It’s not uncommon for scams to target older adults, and if your loved one has been a victim, you probably want to know how to help. The good news is that, as sophisticated as scammers have become, you aren’t completely powerless here.

If scammers target your loved ones, the goal is to protect them by preventing scams in the first place through safety measures like installing blocking apps and having a family code word. “My advice is to focus on prevention and communication,” says Ocean Van, owner and CEO at Home Helpers Home Care and Coco Laundry.

But equally important is establishing trust with your older family member. “We really don’t want seniors to feel guilty or ashamed about scams,” Van says. Once they do, they may shut down, start to hide things and could become scammed again.

It’s a powerless feeling to watch an older loved one get scammed. But there are things you can do to help.

Why are older adults more vulnerable to scams? 

Each year, millions of older adults become victims of scams, and that number is only rising. Between 2020 and 2024, the number of older adults who reported losing $10,000 or more to scams increased fourfold, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). That means that if you’re the loved one of an older adult who’s been scammed, you are far from alone.

Unfortunately, older people are especially vulnerable to scams, for a few key reasons:

Cognitive changes

As we age, we become less cognitively sharp, even without conditions like dementia. 

“As people age, their processing speed and decision making ability can change,” says Christian Bumpous, psychotherapist at Therapie, PLLC. “Oftentimes, scammers know that and exploit and take advantage of that.”

Higher levels of trust and politeness

Older generations tend to exhibit higher levels of trust, and they may feel more obligated to be polite toward others. “Scammers today weaponize that,” says Bumpous. “They tap into fear, urgency or social norms of people who want to be helpful.” This gives them the ability to more readily exploit people.

Loneliness

Seniors are more likely to be lonely, and scammers are able to exploit that. “[If] they just want someone to talk to, scammers fill that space with attention and fake urgency,” Van describes.

In fact, Bumpous says, many of the scams that target seniors involve scammers who form deep connections with them, which can tap into a need for connection and attention. “I very often talk with families whose parents have been scammed by individuals who newly befriended them or started a romantic relationship, resulting in substantial amounts of money lost to someone their parent thought was a trusted individual,” she describes.

Less familiarity with modern technology

Seniors may be more likely to believe their eyes and ears than younger people. “They did not grow up in an era of AI or Photoshop where convincing pictures or videos could be fabricated or manipulated,” says Geoff Hoatson, elder law attorney and CEO of Family First Firm in Florida. “Yet now those programs can be used to create audio or video clips of loved ones that look convincing.”

Why do some people get scammed more than once? 

Some seniors get scammed repeatedly, which can be frightening and extremely frustrating for loved ones. There are some reasons why this might happen.

Scam variations

There are many different types of scams, so even if your loved one learns how to avoid one scam type, they might be targeted with another type of scam. 

“A senior may fall for something like a call from a person pretending to be a representative from their bank or credit card company, only to have the next scam be something as complex as the grandparent scam (complete with a cloned voice, spoofed number and knowledge of personal family details and nicknames),” Bergeron says.

Cognitive diagnoses

Seniors with cognitive diagnoses, including dementia, are more likely to fall for scams in the first place, and may be more vulnerable to repeat attacks. In fact, getting scammed can even be an early sign that your loved one has early dementia. 

Seniors with cognitive issues just don’t remember the warnings they’ve heard or who their relatives or trusted ones are, Van says. “Some victims even believe the scammer is a real friend or helper.”

Why do some seniors refuse to hear the truth about scams?

It’s frustrating when your loved one gets scammed, especially if it’s happened more than once. It can feel like they don’t heed your warnings, or even like they simply won’t listen to reason about the scams they’re experiencing.

They aren’t doing it on purpose. It’s truly difficult for some people to spot scams and extricate themselves once they’re involved. They may feel ashamed or worry about loved ones doubting their cognitive abilities. 

Pride is a huge factor, too. “They lived their entire lives relying on their own decision-making, and it’s difficult to accept that they’ve been swindled or conned,” Hoatson shares.

As the FBI notes, many seniors may also be confused about how and when to report scams. 

How do you support a parent who keeps getting scammed? 

So, what do you do to stop the scams and help your older parent or loved one take back control of their finances? While you can’t fully stop scams from happening in the first place, there are some safeguards you can put in place so that your loved one is less likely to fall for a scam.

1. Lead with empathy

It’s easy to get judgmental and scold your loved one when they get scammed. “I would say 99% of the time, that backfires,” Bumpous shares. 

While it’s human nature to get very upset when a family member is scammed, it’s important to lead with empathy rather than control. “The most important thing is to preserve the relationship you have with your elderly family member,” Bumpous emphasizes.

2. Change how you discuss the problem

Use empathetic, non-judgmental language to talk about what is going on. Bumpous suggests using phrasing like:

• “I know this has been upsetting, and anyone would feel that way when they are taken advantage of.”
• “Can we work together on a plan so you can feel safe and confident online moving forward?”
• “Would you be open to looking at ways where it will be harder for someone to trick you ever again?”

3. Acknowledge your loved one’s past accomplishments

Pride and self-confidence can really take a hit when scammers strike. That’s why Bumpous suggests acknowledging what the elderly person has accomplished in the past. You can say something like: “You’ve worked hard your whole life, and you deserve to enjoy your retirement without someone taking advantage of you.”

4. Safe-guard your love one’s phone

There are several tactics you can use to reduce the chances that your loved one will get calls from potential scammers. Here are Bergeron’s suggestions:

• Program their cell phone to allow calls from contacts only.
• Download apps that can identify and block robocalls or spam.
• Purchase a call blocker device for home phones which only allows numbers to come through that you designate as “allowed.”
• Put your loved one’s phone number on the National Do Not Call Registry.

5. Set up a family code word

“Scammers are becoming more sophisticated by the day, and are able to spoof numbers to make it appear it is a loved one or trusted number calling,” Bergeron notes. Not only that, but AI is now becoming more able to accurately clone the voice of a family member and trick someone into believing their loved one is on the other end of the phone experiencing an emergency.

Bergeron’s advice? “I always recommend that families set up a code word that is only known within the family and would be given during any phone call requesting assistance or money.”

6. Access your loved one’s finances

Hoatson recommends monitoring your loved one’s bank accounts if they are prone to fraud. This means that you will need to get a power of attorney set up, so that you can access your loved one’s bank accounts. 

“Most scams start small, so if you’re able to see their finances, you can catch this early and prevent it from escalating,” Hoatson says.

7. Put limits on bank accounts

Once you have a power of attorney set up, Bergeron recommends putting limits on bank accounts, such as limiting the allowable amounts of daily bank transfers. You can also place a fraud alert with credit bureaus.

How can you protect yourself when a parent falls for a scam?

If your loved one has accrued debt as a result of a scam, you might want to know if you’ll be on the hook for this money. Thankfully, you won’t.

“Fortunately, our debts do not pass to our children here in America,” Hoatson says. “As such, the only ways a scam could potentially affect an adult child is by wiping out their expected inheritance or putting the senior in a financial situation where they are relying on adult children for support or care.”

While this is no small thing, there are government programs designed to ease the burden and offer financial assistance when parents run out of money. If you want to protect your loved one’s estate from creditors, there are ways to do this as well.

“Specially-designed asset protection trusts give an additional layer of protection and delay when scammers are trying to rush seniors into handing over their funds,” says Hoatson. “Speaking with an elder law attorney can help you sort through the options available.”

How do you cope with anger and anxiety about repeat elder scams?

It’s vital to consider your own health and mental health needs as you manage scams with your loved one. “We tell families to be kind to yourself because it’s exhausting,” Van says. “We’ve seen family caregivers burn out from trying to block every call or message.”

Besides educating yourself on scams, and taking steps to protect your loved one from getting scammed, here are Van’s suggestions for taking care of yourself:

• Join a support group.
• Talk to a counselor.
• Take small mental health and self-care breaks.
• Find respite care or look into home care options for a loved one who may need more daily support.

How do you know when it’s time to step back?

Sometimes family members do everything they can to help protect their loved one from scams, but their loved one just won’t listen. If you’ve done everything you can to help, there comes a point where it might be time to let things go, let the cards fall where they may, set some boundaries.

“It’s incredibly frustrating, but if the senior is their own person, with no activated power of attorney or guardianship, they have the right to refuse help and make their own decisions — even bad ones,” Bergeron concludes.