Do you ever feel like your rough-and-tumble little boy is on the go 24/7 and never takes a moment to slow down? Maybe you’re finding that your boy is full of energy and short on emotion.
Here are some tips for raising boys to be thoughtful, respectful, kind and well-rounded young men:
- Embrace His Energy
“By letting boys jump and dance and run around, we find that they are more apt to absorb a lesson and more willing to read a book, listen to a story or finish their homework,” says Stephen Tosh, executive director of the Boys’ Club of New York.
- Build a Strong Relationship With Him
“Developing close relationships are the key to raising boys into compassionate men,” according to Tosha Schore, a certified teacher whose blog is about “partnering with parents to help young boys thrive.”
- Encourage Empathy
Developing an inner sense of compassion and empathy builds self-respect and understanding of others.
- Get Physical
Touch his hands or shoulders when setting limits or physically redirect him. Boys respond more to physical touch than words.
- Spend One-On-One Time
“Spending special time with him allows him to show you who he really is,” says Schore.
- Focus on Effort — Not Ability
Celebrating the effort no matter what the outcome helps instill “the importance of trying your best, challenging yourself and never giving up,” says Tosh.
- Encourage His Interests
“How a boy demonstrates his boy-ness should be up to the child and never prescribed by an adult,” advises Tosh. Encourage his interests even if they aren’t typically “masculine.”
- Let Him Play With All Sorts of Toys
Similarly, don’t discourage your boy from picking up a doll or playing dress-up. Let him play with all sorts of toys — not just “boy” toys.
- Give Him Responsibility
Having a few chores around the house helps boys develop self-esteem and confidence.
- Listen to His Feelings
“Listening to your boy’s feelings and meeting him ‘where he is’ helps him feel loved for who he is,” notes Schore.
- Be a Role Model
Act like you want your son to behave — and encourage all your son’s caregivers to get on the same page. Children learn behaviors from those around them.
- Set Limits
Boys need limits to thrive, according to Schore. “Set limits seriously, but do it lovingly,” she says.
- Get Involved
Whether it’s volunteering at your son’s school or coaching T-ball, staying involved in your son’s life shows that you care and encourages a close relationship — even through the rocky teenage years.
- Care for Yourself
Taking time to care for yourself — by setting time aside to do what you love or developing a network of similarly minded parents to turn to — allows you to be fully present for your boys, asserts Schore.
- Focus on the Positive
Negative interactions, such as reprimanding, correcting and doling out discipline, although necessary, can take a toll on your relationship with your son. Catch your son being good and praise him for it.
- Don’t Label Him
Giving your boy a label (class clown, jock, etc.) can pigeonhole him, says Schore. Allow him to find his own identity and help him out if he’s stuck in rigid behaviors.
- Encourage Open Communication
Getting your boy to open up to you isn’t always easy, but it is essential to developing and maintaining a close relationship. Ask questions while doing other activities, such as in the car or while he does an art project.
- Let Him Make Mistakes
“It’s important to become resilient to making mistakes,” says Shore. Instead of trying to fix everything for your boy, allow him to figure things out for himself.
- Show Affection
Boys need tenderness and caring even if they don’t always show it. Give plenty of hugs and tell your boy that you love him at least once a day.
- Get Outside
Boys have so much physical energy, they need the room and freedom of the great outdoors to run, jump, climb, play and explore. Don’t structure this outside play. Just let your boy be himself!
For more on raising great kiddos, check out these 10 Tips for Raising a Gentleman.
Rebecca Desfosse is a freelance writer specializing in parenting and family topics.
