Despite their critical role in society, child care providers are often overworked and underpaid. Additionally, nannies, babysitters and day care center workers spend their days with kids, who are, yes, super adorable, but also super taxing.
“Nannies and sitters give a lot of themselves to their charges, which can result in neglecting their own needs or the needs of their families,” says Shontel Cargill, a licensed marriage and family therapist and regional clinical director with Thriveworks in Cumming, Georgia. “Because of this, it’s important families support their child care provider’s mental wellness by encouraging self-care and a work-life balance. The healthier their nanny is, the better it is for everyone — including the kids.”
The impact of work on mental health
Need it even be said? One’s mental health and their work are inextricably linked. Study after study (after study!) has shown a direct correlation between work and happiness. But when it comes to how employers can best support their employee’s mental health, it isn’t one size fits all.
As professional nanny of over 30 years Stella Reid, aka Nanny Stella, notes, being a child care provider comes with its own unique set of stressors, so the emotional support should, in turn, be unique, too (more on this shortly!). “On a regular basis, we’re keeping kids safe and helping to shape their minds,” she says, adding that, to be mentally and emotionally fit, child care providers need more than a yoga class or walk around the block.
Signs your child care provider is struggling with their emotional wellness
Not sure if your nanny or sitter is struggling? According to Cargill and Heather Dugan, author of “The Friendship Upgrade” and founder of Cabernet Coaches, a group for women that fosters self-betterment, the following signs can be indicators:
- They seem fatigued and/or lethargic.
- They’re neglecting their hygiene.
- Dramatic changes in their appearance.
- Flattened vocal tone.
- Diminished eye contact.
- They seem stressed.
- They’re frequently in a state of overwhelm.
“Child care providers who are struggling may also have a limited emotional bandwidth while caring for the child or children,” Cargill adds. “Friends and family should keep a watch for and flag these symptoms before the issues worsen, or even start to impact the children in their care.”
“Child care providers who are struggling may also have a limited emotional bandwidth while caring for the child or children.”
—Shontel Cargill, licensed marriage and family therapist
Dugan also adds that it’s important you listen to your child. “Children are remarkably perceptive and may comment on unusual details of their caregiver,” she says. “While understanding a child’s perspective may be limited, it’s important to check on anything that flags as out of the ordinary and raises a concern in the parent by seeking additional information from the caregiver themselves.”
Reid adds the following can be signs of mental health struggles that are unique to child care providers:
- Your child care provider doesn’t have the same interest in the kids or doing things with the kids.
- They’re always on their phone.
- They appear distracted.
- They don’t seem as reliable.
- They call out sick more often.
- They show up late.
Check out our article on caregiver burnout for other signs.
Ways to support your child care provider’s mental health
1. Periodically check in
One of the simplest ways to support your child care provider’s mental and emotional health — and hopefully catch any issues on the front end — is to periodically check in with them. “It’s important for families to chat with your nanny,” Reid says. “Ask how they’re doing; find out if they need support and how you can provide it. Remember, you’re a team, so try to create a win-win.”
“Check-ins between boss and employee are basic in healthy employment settings and essential to maintaining a positive workplace atmosphere,” Dugan adds. “It is absolutely appropriate to ask your caregiver the same questions; it can be an effective way to manage and avert developing issues or problems.”
2. Don’t participate in “job creep”
Another way Reid suggests supporting your nanny’s emotional wellness is to periodically take inventory of their duties. “Are their job requirements the same?” she says. “If you’ve added additional duties, they should be compensated.”
“If you’ve added additional duties, they should be compensated.”
—Stella Reid, professional nanny
A simple way to do this, according to Dugan, is to “mentally step into your caregiver’s world” from time to time to make sure you haven’t inadvertently added “uncompensated responsibilities or emotional burdens.”
Want to know more? Read about nanny job creep and how not to micromanage.
3. Make sure they’re paid adequately
Money can’t buy happiness … except it kinda can because there is a link between salary and mental health (not the only link, but a link nonetheless!). One of the biggest reasons behind the child care shortage that was initially incited in light of the pandemic was pay, so making sure your nanny or babysitter is being adequately compensated is key.
“In addition to compensating for any household duties you may have added, including child responsibilities that require adult oversight, periodically check on child care rates for your area,” Dugan notes. “Also, keep an eye on any changing family circumstances that might impact what is considered fair pay.”
“Keep an eye on any changing family circumstances that might impact what is considered fair pay.”
—Heather Dugan, author
Not sure what’s “adequate”? Check out:
- How much does a babysitter cost?
- How much does a nanny cost?
- How caregivers can — and should — earn a living wage.
- The going nanny and babysitter rates where you live, using our rates calculator.
- Should you give your nanny a raise?
4. Make sure you have a work agreement or contract
Reid notes that having a work agreement is incredibly important for child care providers — and it should be agreed upon up front. “Not only does a work contract show nannies that their employer has respect for their position, it clears up any confusion around things like pay, overtime, sick days and vacation days.”
Cargill also recommends considering including benefits in your contract. “A fair wage and health insurance can have a significant impact on mental health,” she notes.
Wondering what to include in your agreement? Start here:
- Nanny contracts: Everything parents need to put in writing
- Get started with this free sample nanny contract.
- Benefits to consider adding to your nanny contract, including health insurance.
5. Give paid time off (and make sure your nanny or sitter takes it)
Something else to make sure you include in your nanny contract: Paid time off. “Paid days off are a must for recalibrating,” Reid says. “Make sure your nanny takes mental health days from time to time, and consider it a reset for everyone.”
“Make sure your nanny takes mental health days from time to time, and consider it a reset for everyone.”
—Stella Reid, professional nanny
6. Express gratitude
Another incredibly simple way to support your child care provider’s emotional wellness is expressing thanks. “Your family is the only source of job performance feedback for nannies and sitters, so it’s essential they know their efforts are recognized,” Dugan says. “Actively demonstrate your appreciation for their ongoing efforts with specific verbal or written praise, and consider gifting them with bonus perks such as tickets, gift cards or an unexpected (paid) day off from time to time.”
“Your family is the only source of job performance feedback for nannies and sitters, so it’s essential they know their efforts are recognized.”
—Heather Dugan, author
Need ideas for showing appreciation? Read these:
- A bonus guide for your caregivers
- 52 ways to thank your nanny
- 11 gifts kids can make for their nanny or sitter
7. Avoid getting too personal
As Reid notes, nannies and babysitters have a “front row seat” to your family’s life, it’s important to make sure lines aren’t blurred via unnecessarily dragging them into any drama. “Avoid discussing personal situations with your child care provider that can put them in an uncomfortable situation or make them feel they have to choose sides between parents,” Dugan says. “Yes, you should ask them how they’re doing, but take care not to have the dynamic shift into too personal a zone.”
8. Remember they have a life outside of work
Your nanny has a life outside of work, and you should be cognizant of this. In addition to making sure you’re paying a fair wage and your nanny is able to leave work on time, Cargill notes you should encourage your child care provider to take time off, whether it’s a full-blown vacation or spa day.
And if they have their own kids and find themselves in a bind, Cargill says to consider having them bring their kids to work with them, which can help a lot. Says Cargill: “Allowing your nanny to combine some of their own child care needs with their professional caregiving duties can be incredibly helpful and go a long way.”
