Do you often ask your child how their school day was, only to receive “fine” as a response? If so, you are not alone. This is a familiar situation for most parents.
Although parents just want to know that everything is alright, sometimes it can be impossible to get more than a single word out of the little ones. Adolescents especially can become uncommunicative and more reserved towards their parents. While this is a common occurrence in many families, there are some tricks to prevent it. Here are 9 tips to help your kids open up.
1. Ask specific questions
One of the first rules to keeping a conversation going is asking specific questions. These are the kinds of questions that lead to answers which will enliven a conversation. For example, instead of asking a vague question such as “how was your day?”, you might want to ask about a friend your child normally plays with or about a project that’s being done at school.
2. Listen, share and show interest
Active listening is another important component. Listen carefully to what your child says. Answer with complete sentences that emphasise your interest in the conversation. For example, if your child says, “we played outside,” ask “what games did you play?” This shows your child that you are listening. Be there when your child is home as much as possible. Let them know where in the house you will be working so they can come to you whenever they need you.
3. Stay informed
You should always be aware of what is happening in the school and in your children’s circle of friends. Organise parents’ evenings and try to regularly speak to other mothers and fathers. Encourage your child to invite friends to their home so you have a chance to meet them. Having this information will help you ask more detailed questions which will make it easier for your child to answer.
4. Avoid electronic distractions
Make ‘electronics free time’ part of your child’s daily routine. Have a set time each day where none of you use smartphones, tablets or the TV. Instead, make sure that you and your child are both participating in conversation. With television on in the background, or social media in their hands, too little attention will be paid and will hinder constructive conversation.
5. Express yourself
In the evening, talk to your partner about your working day and discuss something you have learned or achieved. Doing this in front of your child will teach them to positively communicate and will encourage them to join the conversation voluntarily. Good communication is learnt and children who come from families where there is little talk will find it harder to communicate in later life.
6. Create a conversation-friendly environment
It is important to create a regular routine for discussions. For example, if you talk to each other at the dinner table daily, your child will quickly get used to it. Another good time to review the day is just before sleep. Just like parents, children go over everything in their heads before falling asleep. Use cuddle time for a conversation.
7. Talk while playing
Many parents need some rest after a stressful working day, and children often feel the same when they come home from school. After you both have recovered, play a game while you start a conversation. For teens, this can be a little more challenging. Use the opportunity to drive, take a walk, or some recreational activity that your offspring likes so you can talk to each other.
8. Talk to your childminder
Have you hired a nanny or babysitter for the afternoon? If so, ask them about their experiences with your kids. Are your children talking to the babysitter about their day? It’s important that your children open up to someone about school and sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who is not a parent. Discuss any news with your childminder and let your child know you’re ready to talk anytime.
9. Look for signs
Some children are naturally shy and reserved. However, it is important to look out for warning signs in your child’s behaviour. These can include sudden changes in your child’s mood or a lack of interest in the things they usually care about. Take note if your child is suddenly bringing home fewer friends or seems depressed. These could be signs of bullying.