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Seniors coping with health challenges, impairments and other difficulties often have trouble staying hopeful or inspired. While these feelings are normal, they can also lead to depression, feelings of isolation and a lack of motivation to face each new day — and that can be a problem.
We all need purpose in our lives, says Iris Waichler, a licensed clinical social worker and author of “Role Reversal: How to Take Care of Yourself and Your Aging Parents.” Supporting yourself or senior loved ones to cultivate motivation is important because “it brings meaning and enhances relationships. It also brings self-worth and feelings of self-satisfaction.”
Here, we’ll take a closer look at how to maintain senior motivation and ways that family and friends can help loved ones stay engaged and hopeful, even amid some of the hardships that can come with this season of life.
Key takeaways
- Health challenges can rob seniors of feelings of independence, self-confidence and the motivation to keep going. This can lead to feelings of depression and isolation that are difficult to work through.
- Family and friends can help seniors stay hopeful and motivated by practicing active listening and empathy. Engage senior loved ones in meaningful activities and reinforce a strong sense of purpose and identity.
- Sometimes seniors need extra support; this is where geriatric therapists and senior support groups may be helpful. It’s important for seniors to seek support for their mental and emotional health, just as much as their physical health.
Understanding the emotional impact of senior health challenges
As we age, we may become vulnerable to a number of health challenges, including medical issues, mobility impairments, loneliness, mental health challenges and cognitive issues.
“These changes can limit the activities a person can do independently and leave a person feeling like they’ve lost some part of themselves,” explains Amanda Cooper, assistant professor of interpersonal communication at the University of Connecticut, whose research focuses on individuals and families navigating difficult life transitions, particularly at the end of life.
Fear of the future
People with these challenges may experience feelings of helplessness, hopelessness or fear about what the future holds. According to Waichler, they may ask themselves questions like:
- How will my life change?
- How can I maintain my independence?
- Will I be able to stay where I am?
Health challenges can also bring up “issues of mortality and facing death and loss of function, lifestyle, and independence,” Waichler says. In particular, degenerative diseases like dementia or Parkinson’s are especially scary because you know you’ll get progressively worse and will not be able to function in the future, Waichler notes.
Loss of confidence and self esteem
Health challenges can also have strong impacts on your self-confidence and self-esteem. This is especially true if these difficulties spill into your day-to-day life and impact your ability to do the things you used to do when you were younger.
“The loss of important hobbies, household roles and/or driving ability can challenge a person’s sense of self-worth and leave them feeling like they have lost purpose,” Cooper shares.
That’s why having loving family or friends by your side throughout these difficulties is so vital. “Recognizing these challenges and supporting older individuals as they navigate these challenges is very important in supporting their well-being,” Cooper adds.
Fear that you’ve become a ‘burden’
On top of this, when limitations present themselves, you may end up feeling embarrassed and worried that you have become a burden to your loved ones. “That ‘burden’ language shows up again and again,” says Amy D’Aprix, a gerontologist and founder of LifeBridge Strategies. “The really difficult part is that many seniors suffer in silence because they don’t want to worry anyone.”
While this is a normal emotional response to the challenges that come with getting older, it can also create a situation where seniors becomes isolated due to fear or shame, which makes all of these difficult feelings magnified, D’Aprix adds. Despite fears of seeming like a burden, we all need support sometimes.
“Creating a supportive environment really starts with listening. And I mean truly listening — not just listening to fix the problem, but listening to understand what your loved one is experiencing and feeling.”
— Amy D’Aprix, gerontologist and life transitions expert
How can seniors find motivation to care for themselves and keep going?
When you’re faced with health challenges — especially when they seem to pile up — it can be so hard to have the motivation to stay hopeful and keep going. This is where your support system can be so meaningful. They can help motivate you to put one foot in front of the other and face each day with a little more hope.
Tips for boosting motivation
Staying motivated “comes from feeling some sense of control and seeing progress, even small progress,” D’Aprix says. Here are her tips:
- Break larger worries into manageable steps. Instead of a broad statement like, “I need to get healthier,” choose something smaller and more specific, like, “I’m going to take a short walk three times this week.”
- Goal setting. This works best when the senior is actually setting the goals themselves, not having them imposed by family members or doctors.
- Engagement in activities and hobbies. Choose activities that have brought you joy or given you a sense of purpose in the past. Examples may include gardening, video calls with grandchildren, mentoring a young person or being involved in a faith community.
Addressing the emotional component of motivation
When it comes to increasing motivation, it’s not just a matter of what you do (activities, hobbies, goal setting, etc.), but also how you address the emotional components of hopelessness that can occur as we get older.
One important thing to do is simply acknowledge what is happening on an emotional level. Addressing the emotional experience and seeking comfort is a good first step, says Cooper. Sometimes this must happen before you can begin adding in motivational activities like goal setting or engagement in hobbies or other meaningful activities, Cooper points out.
How to encourage senior motivation as a friend or loved one
If you are the friend or family member of a senior facing health challenges, you may feel powerless watching them deal with anxiety, hopelessness or low motivation. But there are actually many positive and helpful things you can do to support your loved one. Here are some recommendations from the experts.
1. Practice active listening
“Creating a supportive environment really starts with listening. And I mean truly listening — not just listening to fix the problem, but listening to understand what your loved one is experiencing and feeling,” D’Aprix says. That’s because when someone feels heard, they are more likely to be open to getting the help they need.
D’Aprix urges loved ones to practice active listening. “Active listening means putting down your phone, looking them in the eye, and resisting that urge we all have to jump in with solutions before they’ve finished talking,” she says.
2. Ask open-ended questions
Communication is key, D’Aprix says, including asking open-ended questions, which are questions that leave room for explanation and can’t be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.” For example, rather than assuming you already know what they need, ask something like, “What would be most helpful to you right now?”
“Toxic positivity sounds like ‘just look on the bright side’ or ‘you’ll get through this’ when someone is genuinely suffering. Healthy encouragement acknowledges the difficulty while gently opening the door to possibility,”
— Amy D’Aprix
3. Reinforce important aspects of their identity
The loss of identity that happens as people age can create significant feelings of sadness, low self-esteem and lack of senior motivation. That’s why finding ways to hone in on who your loved one is at their core is so important. Often, this requires creative ingenuity to help their passions and interests evolve along with them.
“For example, a person who was an excellent gardener might not be able to work in their garden from a wheelchair, but they could still care for house plants or cultivate an elevated porch garden, and they could still be the go-to person for advice on plants and gardening within the family,” Cooper shares.
4. Cultivate relational connections
Isolation is a huge problem for millions of seniors, so finding ways that you can maintain a strong connection with your loved one will be extremely meaningful. Cooper suggests activities like:
- Reminiscing together.
- Looking at family photo albums.
- Asking them to share stories from their past.
- Listening to music.
- Creating art together.
- Playing games.
“Sit at eye level when having a conversation,” Cooper adds. “Make eye contact and listen without interrupting, even if they seem to get confused or forget what they want to say.”
How do you keep a positive mindset without toxic positivity?
Sometimes encouraging a more positive mindset can come across the wrong way, and end up looking like toxic positivity.
“Toxic positivity sounds like ‘just look on the bright side’ or ‘you’ll get through this’ when someone is genuinely suffering,” says D’Aprix. This only invalidates your loved one’s feelings. “Healthy encouragement acknowledges the difficulty while gently opening the door to possibility,” she explains.
D’Aprix says that it’s possible to hold space for someone’s grief or frustration while also helping them notice small moments of progress or beauty. According to D’Aprix, acknowledging your loved one’s emotional reality might look like saying something like: “This is really hard, and it makes complete sense that you’re struggling.” You can follow up with questions like: “What feels most manageable to you right now?”
“It’s not about forcing optimism; it’s about not letting fear or sadness be the only voice in the room,” she says. “Sometimes the most hopeful thing you can say is simply: ‘I’m here with you. You’re not alone in this.'”
How do you know when you need more support?
Whatever the challenge may be, you and your loved ones don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes, you or your loved one may really need outside support to make it through.
You’ll know you or your loved one needs more support if you notice persistent changes that aren’t improving over time, says D’Aprix. Some warning signs include:
- Withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities.
- Difficulty managing basic daily tasks.
- Expressions of hopelessness, like saying, “What’s the point anymore?”
- Changes in sleeping or eating patterns.
- Increasing confusion.
What do you do if you see any of these signs?
“A therapist who specializes in working with older adults can help with depression, anxiety or adjusting to health changes,” says D’Aprix. Additionally, support groups can be comforting because they connect people with others facing similar challenges. Your medical provider or mental health provider should be able to point you in the direction of support groups local to you.
“The important thing is not waiting until there’s a crisis,” D’Aprix emphasizes. “Earlier intervention almost always leads to better outcomes — for everyone involved.”
