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If your loved one with dementia is in a care facility, you likely have questions and concerns about visiting. For example, you may wonder: “How often should you visit a dementia patient?” and “Can you visit a dementia patient too much?”
Families also have questions about what to expect during the visit, how long to stay, or what to say or do during the visit, says Sallie Carlin, director of memory care at United Hebrew Assisted Living and a certified therapeutic recreation therapist. “I always remind them that it’s not the duration of the visit that matters most; it’s the quality,” Carlin offers.
Here, we’ll take a close look at the question of how often to visit someone with dementia, as well as helpful tips for ensuring that both you and your loved one get the most out of your visits.
Key takeaways
- How often to visit someone with dementia depends on several factors, including what stage of dementia they are in, their needs and their schedule.
- As your loved one moves further into the disease, shorter, more frequent visits may work better than longer ones.
- Engaging in activities with your loved one, meeting them where they are and knowing when it’s time to leave can make your visits calmer and more meaningful.
Can you visit a dementia patient too much?
You might think that visiting your loved one as frequently as possible is best for them. After all, you want to make sure they’re being well taken care of and that they aren’t too lonely. But while frequent visits may be appropriate and helpful for some dementia patients, it may not be the best idea for everyone.
“Too much stimulation, such as noise, movement, even conversation, can lead to anxiety, irritability or increased confusion,” Carlin describes. “Some residents may shut down or become agitated.”
To some extent, visiting “too much” may be more of a problem when your loved one is in the middle to later stages of dementia, Carlin shares. As dementia progresses, frequent or lengthy visits can be overwhelming. But what exactly is “too much”? “Too much might look like daily two‑hour visits that leave them confused about who’s coming next or exhausted the next day,” says Shebna N. Osanmoh, a board‑certified psychiatric nurse practitioner at Savant Care. Another consequence of these longer, more frequent visits is increased midday napping, which can disrupt night sleep and potentially worsen symptoms.
How often should you visit a dementia patient?
So, how often should you plan to visit your loved one with dementia? Is there a sweet spot? “There’s no one-size-fits-all schedule,” says Osanmoh. To create the best schedule for yourself and your loved one, it’s important to consult with their health care team and take their needs, symptoms and schedule into consideration.
Osanmoh offers the following advice about visit frequency:
- In general: Many families find a twice‑weekly visit schedule helps keep connections strong without being overwhelming.
- In the earlier stages of dementia: Opt for one weekly visit for about an hour or so and note how your loved one responds. Ask yourself: “Do they light up when you arrive?” or “At what point do they seem tired?”
- As dementia advances: You may need to shorten visits but increase their frequency. For example, you might need to switch to a quick check‑in every other day rather than a long Sunday afternoon.
Other timing considerations
Length and frequency aren’t the only variables to consider, says Carlin. In the later stages of dementia, having a visiting routine — i.e., coming roughly the same day and time each week — can be soothing to your loved one.
Additionally, try to time your visits appropriately. For instance, it’s usually best to visit in the earlier parts of the day, when your loved one is fresher and less likely to be tired, confused or experiencing symptoms of sundowning.
“You’ll know it’s time to leave if they become fidgety, pick at their clothing, grow irritable or repeatedly ask to go home. A gentle goodbye is better than overstaying.”
— Sallie Carlin, therapeutic recreation therapist and dementia expert
Lastly, make sure you set a visiting schedule that takes your own feelings, needs and stressors into account. In some instances, reducing visits can allow you to be a better caregiver. If you force yourself to visit daily and are exhausted and stressed, your loved one may sense that. Instead, aim for less frequent but more meaningful visits that allow you to show up with patience, kindness and your full attention.
Tips for healthy and helpful visits
Good and productive visits to loved ones with dementia aren’t just a matter of frequency and timing. There are other tips to keep in mind when it comes to ensuring your visits are helpful and meaningful. Osanmoh and Carlin offering the following tips to get the most out of each visit:
1. Stick to small groups
Bringing grandkids or other family members can be wonderful if they are calm and gentle, but too many people at once can overwhelm someone with dementia, so consider starting with just one or two family members.
2. Make a plan for how to use the time
Come to visits with familiar items that might spark conversations, like old photo albums. Bringing your loved one’s favorite snack or a bouquet of flowers can also offer comfort. You might even spend time listening to some of their favorite music together, as memory for music is often impacted by dementia much later than other types of memory.
Additionally, consider planning a short activity together, like looking at old holiday cards or playing a simple game together. Visit during activity time at the facility. This gives families something to do together, and keeps residents engaged even after the visit ends.
3. Adjust your body language and tone
Use soft body language, speak slowly, smile frequently and keep things positive. Offer comforts, such as a gentle hug or a warm touch. Understand that sometimes sitting together quietly can mean more than a full conversation.
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4. Meet them where they are
“If they think you’re someone else, go with it unless it upsets them,” Carlin shares. “If they mention someone who has passed, you can say, ‘Tell me more about her,’ rather than correcting them.” Remember that visiting your loved one is about feelings, not facts.
5. Know when it’s time to leave
“You’ll know it’s time to leave if they become fidgety, pick at their clothing, grow irritable or repeatedly ask to go home,” Carlin describes. She suggests not pushing through it or trying to stay longer. “A gentle goodbye is better than overstaying,” Carlin adds.
6. Don’t offer too many details
For example, when it’s time to leave, try saying, “I’ll come see you again soon,” instead of giving a specific day or time, which can cause anxiety, Carlin recommends.
“Regular caring visits help sustain connection, and that emotional bond can be as nourishing as any medicine.”
— Shebna N. Osanmoh, psychiatric nurse practitioner
Why visiting loved ones with dementia is important
Visiting your loved one with dementia is important because it reminds them they’re loved and valued, Osanmoh explains. Visits can lift mood, slow anxiety and even help maintain language skills. By the same token, not visiting can lead to isolation, depression and faster cognitive decline, Osanmoh adds.
When it comes to visiting your loved one with dementia — while it’s important to sort out the details and visit with a frequency and duration that is most comfortable for them — it’s best not to overthink things too much. Just make sure to show up in the way that makes most sense to you. “Regular caring visits help sustain connection, and that emotional bond can be as nourishing as any medicine,” says Osanmoh.
