In this article
If you’re a nanny, the nature of your job means putting others ahead of yourself. But that shouldn’t be the case when it comes to your pay.
Negotiating for the pay you deserve doesn’t mean you’re a lesser caregiver or that you’re putting your money above your career or the care of kids, says Lora Brawley, a Seattle-based former nanny who owns Nanny Care Hub. “It just means you need a living wage like everyone,” she notes.
Knowing what you’re worth, preparing in advance and thoughtfully approaching negotiation can make it easier to land the rate you deserve. Before your next job interview, use these expert tips to ready yourself for a successful pay negotiation.
Key takeaways
- Nannies often hesitate to negotiate pay, but preparation and confidence make a big difference.
- Research local rates, set a clear pay range and practice your pitch in advance.
- During the interview, highlight your value, ask thoughtful questions and don’t be afraid to take time or walk away if the offer doesn’t meet your needs.
How can I prepare for negotiations?
Before you sit down for a face-to-face conversation, do your research. Here’s how to prepare on the front-end.
Research market rates for hourly nanny rates
Never go into a nanny interview or negotiations being unsure of what to charge.
“It’s important to know the market rates in your area,” says Sue Downey, a full-time nanny in Philadelphia and founder of the conference Nannypalooza. “You can’t just talk to one or two friends; you really have to talk to a wide variety of people and take into account the range people pay for the job you’re doing.”
“Women are sometimes more hesitant than men to negotiate their pay because it’s a trickier social situation for women.”
— Hannah Riley Bowles, Harvard professor
Determine your bottom line
Next, calculate how low you will go before walking away, says Brawley.
“When I say bottom line, I define it as what you’re going to be happy with, not the bare minimum you have to have to pay your bills,” she says. “Because a lot of nannies do that. Then, they’re really struggling once they get into the job.”
Figure out a pay range you’re comfortable with
As you figure out your bottom line, Brawley recommends deciding on a range, not just a set amount, as every job is different. She recommends choosing a $3 to $4 range — so, for example, $18 to $21 an hour.
“When you have a range, you have a better ability to negotiate depending upon what comes up in the interview,” she says. “Often, new information that you didn’t know from the beginning comes up,” like a child has special needs or there’s a new baby or a new puppy on the way.
Practice negotiating in low stakes situations
Never go into a salary negotiation unprepared, says Cynthia Pong, a lawyer-turned-career coach in New York City.
“Plan out the conversation, outline how you want it to go and practice it with yourself and then with others,” she says.
Pong says it’s a learning process that gets easier, so she recommends practicing your negotiating skills in low-stakes situations, like when trying to get your kids to get ready for bed or when you’re given the wrong order at a restaurant.
Consider other benefits you want to negotiate for as a nanny
Downey says it’s a mistake to focus solely on your hourly rate since there are many other creative ways a family can compensate you. In case you can’t nab the rate you want, be prepared with a list of other benefits you can negotiate for to add to your employment package or nanny contract. This may include:
- Contributions to your health insurance, which saves both you and the family money since it’s pre-tax.
- Guaranteed pay for a set number of hours.
- More paid holidays or paid time off.
- Contributions to tuition if you’re a student, which is non-taxable income.
Ask for a pre-interview phone call
Some families require a screening interview by phone first, but if they don’t, request one, Brawley suggests. That way, you can see if it’s a good fit and if your pay range works for them up front.
After some initial conversation, Brawley says, “I tell them, ‘My range is $X to $Y an hour. Are you comfortable with that?’ If your range is higher than what they can pay, you need to know right then and there.”
“It doesn’t mean you’re a lesser caregiver or that you’re putting your money above your career or the care of kids. It just means you need a living wage like everyone.”
— Lora Brawley, nanny coach
What should I do when negotiating a higher hourly rate as a nanny?
Pay rate and benefits are usually discussed during the first in-person interview. By the time it comes up in conversation, you should already have a good idea of the scope of the job and what it will entail. With the prep work you’ve done, you should be able to have an open and honest conversation about pay.
Build yourself up before you propose a rate
If the family hasn’t suggested a rate, take advantage of this opportunity. You’re the expert, Pong says.
“You know about your work and everything that goes into it, so don’t forget to explain that,” she says. “They may think you just need to be a warm body there to make sure the child doesn’t hurt themself, but actually, no, a lot more is involved in providing quality care. Don’t assume that they know how much hard work it takes, so educate them about all the labor involved.”
“Don’t assume that they know how much hard work it takes, so educate them about all the labor involved.”
— Cynthia Pong, career coach
She says you should then discuss what makes you special, your expertise and your experience.
“Do all this to build up to telling them what your rate is,” Pong says. “That will avoid any sticker shock reaction you might get.”
Make it clear you’re on the same team
Pong says it’s common for people interviewing for a job to feel powerless and view it as a zero-sum game, she says.
“Instead, think about it as more of a team effort: You are an expert that they’re relying on,” Pong says. “Rather than viewing it as me-versus-them, reframe it as you’re solving a problem and both working together toward a common goal, which is they get great care for their child from you.”
Harvard professor Hannah Riley Bowles, an expert on how gender affects pay negotiations, says to explain exactly how your skills and experience will make things better for their family. She suggests saying something like, “You could pay less for someone who brings less to the job, but I bring [XYZ],” which demonstrates that you know how to both advocate for the family and for yourself.
Ask “what/how” questions instead of “why” questions
If you’re told, “Sorry, the most we can pay is $X,” Pong recommends responding with a question like this:
- How flexible is that?
- How can we make this work?
- What can we do?
“‘Why’ questions tend to make people defensive, and that’s what you don’t want,” Pong says.
She says every “why” question can be rephrased into a “what” or “how.” Instead of saying “Why can’t you do this?” she suggests saying, “What are the reasons why this isn’t possible?”
What should I avoid when negotiating my nanny salary?
Don’t cave on your boundaries
Say you can only work 20 hours a week, but at the interview, the family says they’d like you for 30 hours. The ideal response is, “I can only work with you up to 20 hours” and leave it at that, Pong says.
Negotiating against yourself, she says, looks like this: “Well, I’m really looking for a 20-hour-a-week position, but if you really needed somebody, I probably could do up to 30.”
Instead of feeling the need to accommodate and conceding, Pong suggests. “Know what isn’t negotiable before you go in, and be firm and clear about it.”
“It’s very hard to simply say the sentence and then not say anything,” Pong explains — and why she says it’s so important to practice ahead of the interview. “Get comfortable with silence as a negotiating strategy,” Pong explains. “Let them come back and say something.”
Don’t feel compelled to decide immediately
While you may feel the need to say yes right away, this isn’t always in your best interest, Pong says.
“We make mistakes when we feel like our back is against a wall,” she says. “Make sure that you’re supporting and advocating for yourself. If you need a couple days to think about it, just say, ‘Thank you so much for this conversation, but I have a lot to think about and this is important to me, so I really want to be able to give this the time and thought it requires.’”
Don’t commit yourself to a set timeframe if you can help it
If they ask how long you need, say, “Probably a few days, but I’ll let you know as soon as possible,” Pong recommends.
She says you should feel out the specific situation, but if the family does ask for a fast decision, consider asking, “How flexible is that?” and putting those negotiation skills to work by asking them to extend your decision time.
Never accept a rate you can’t afford
If the family suggests a lower rate than expected or says no to your proposed rate, proceed with caution: One of the mistakes nannies make is feeling “they have to take whatever they can get instead of advocating for what they’re worth,” Downey says.
If you’re offered a rate that doesn’t meet your needs, she suggests filling in for the family while both of you continue to search for a better fit. While it’s fine to make compromises, she says, don’t go below your bottom line for the long term — and always be willing to walk away.
“Some people think, ‘It’s OK if I start lower — after they see how great I am, I’ll ask for a raise,’” Pong says. “But it’s actually a lot harder to do that. Don’t forfeit this great opportunity you have at the beginning.”
“Some people think, ‘It’s OK if I start lower — after they see how great I am, I’ll ask for a raise.’ But it’s actually a lot harder to do that. Don’t forfeit this great opportunity you have at the beginning.”
— Cynthia Pong
Downey notes accepting the lower rate to start can work only if you truly can afford the lower rate and you get the potential for an increase in writing. She says: “Say to a family, ‘I’ll start at this dollar amount, but I really want a few dollars more an hour, so let’s do this for six months and then evaluate. If I prove to you I’m worth it, you’ll agree to pay this. If not, then maybe we part ways.'”
