How can I get my toddler to nap without a fuss?

You’re trying to get your toddler to take a nap (they’re exhausted!), but instead they’re throwing tantrums, making excuses and refusing to settle down. Sound familiar? The nap refusal phase is a rough one, but take solace in the fact that this stage won’t last forever, and there may be things you can do to help them take a midday snooze.

For younger kids, nap fighting may stem from a variety things, FOMO being one of them. For older kids, though, it’s important to consider that they very well may not be tired. “You have to be mindful of the age/developmental level of your child and realize when their napping days are (or should be) over,” says Miller Shivers, a clinical psychologist in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago. “This time varies widely from child to child.”

So what do you do when your child or the child in your care won’t take a snooze when they really need one? Professional caregivers, parenting experts and veteran parents share how to get a toddler to sleep for their afternoon nap.

How can I get my toddler down for a nap without a battle?

Quell naptime struggles with these seven slam-dunk tips from folks who have been in the trenches.

1. Soothe them with a light massage

Mother and grandmother Tina Morris, of Conway, South Carolina, says she has learned over generations to use touch as a way to achieve a fuss-free naptime.

“Make them as comfortable as possible, clean with a full belly (and) lay with them and give a light massage to the head and back,” Morris says. “Touch is soothing.”

Massage increases the bond between a child and their caregiver, according to Infant Massage USA. It increases the child’s melatonin levels, which improves their sleep cycle.

“I was constantly sick when I was a child, and both my parents and grandparents soothed my discomfort with a gentle touch,” Morris says. “I remember how relaxed it made me feel, so I passed that down the line to my children. I believe it not only relaxes them, but also gives them a sense of security.”

In this video from Open Space Healing, parents and caregivers can learn the technique for a quick, soothing massage that may help toddlers fall asleep easier.

2. Make naptime look like nighttime

Light stimulating our eyes is what signals our brain to wake up, so for some children, light can be very disrupting to sleep. Room-darkening blinds or curtains can help these children take much longer naps.

Latasha Doyle, a full-time nanny of 11 years from Denver, says she makes sure the child’s environment is darker leading up to their naptime.

“Turn down the shades or close blinds in the house about 15 to 20 minutes before it’s time to go to the bedroom, especially during the summer,” Doyle says. “Making it darker always helps signal to their little brains that it’s time for nap.”

3. Set the stage for naptime with quiet time

In the same way that turning down the lights prepares kids for naptime, Doyle says, “My biggest tip for no-fuss naptime is to start the wind-down period about an hour before nap.”

Doyle says she doesn’t completely eliminate screen time in the hour before naptime but instead makes sure the volume is turned way down. That means keeping electronics turned down and even keeping verbal discussions calm and quiet.

“Especially with toddlers and pre-K kids, this was effective in setting the tone for when I said, ‘OK, it’s naptime!’” Doyle says. “With babies, I would speak quietly and start singing before I would pick them up to take them to their rooms for pre-nap routines (diaper changes, rocking, feeding, etc.).”

4. Use meditation and storytime apps

Apps like Nighty Night and Smiling Mind serve as interactive ways to relax toddlers enough for quiet time and lull them to sleep.

In Nighty Night, kids will hear a narration over an entire farm full of animals falling asleep, one by one, encouraging them to do the same. Smiling mind teaches toddlers and older kids to meditate away from the busy day and into a state of mindfulness and relaxation.

Storytelling apps can be used in a similar way to urge naptime.

“The little I’m watching now has a storybook app, and she can listen to a story that turns off when it’s done,” says Katie Welton, a nanny of about 15 years in Canaan Valley, West Virginia. “(It’s) called Sleep Stories. It’s through the Calm app. It has all kinds of stories on it. Once the story is finished, it turns off.”

5. Take a drive

Many adults know the dangerous effects of a long drive on tired eyes, but for babies and toddlers as passengers, taking a drive in the car could be the ticket to a solid nap.

Suzanne Brown, author of the Mompowerment book series and mom in Austin, Texas, says she used to put her two sons in the car to induce sleep when they were babies.

“My technique for naps initially was simple: Drive in my car and my boys would easily fall asleep,” she says. “The transfer from car to house was hard.”

Since that last bit isn’t fail-proof, we recommend bringing a book and grabbing your favorite coffee drink at the drive-thru. If your kid doesn’t transfer easily, you might end up spending some extended time in your driveway waiting for naptime to end. Might as well put that time to good use!

6. Offer a reward for napping or quiet time

Brown says her naptime technique changed as her boys got older, morphing into “quiet time” if they weren’t tired enough to sleep. Now ages 7 and 4, her kids can understand bargaining, so Brown employs the art of persuasion.

“In order to do something fun — in our case, watching 20 to 30 minutes of TV — you had to nap,” she says. “Naptime was a huge struggle for us [before I figured] this formula out. And our boys clearly understood, so they didn’t throw a fit.”

The Center for Parenting Education says parents should negotiate whenever possible starting at about age 6 and that bargaining is a typical emotional development for an 8-year-old child. According to Kids Health, children “who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.”

7. Recognize when they’re done with naps

If your child is aging out of naps, you could be just about at your wit’s end trying to hold on to those final days of midday peace. You’re not alone. It’s completely normal for kids to take fewer naps as they get older, according to Shivers.

The National Sleep Foundation says toddlers need 11 to 14 hours of sleep per day; however, only 50% of 4-year-olds are still napping, and only 30% are still napping by age 5.

“Of course, napping is great and much-needed,” says Shivers, who has been in practice for 15 years, specializing in kids ages 0 to 5. “Kids should nap regularly. But if you are struggling regularly with your 3-year-old-plus, maybe giving up the nap is best and go for an earlier overall bedtime.”

Learning to recognize when your child is ready to kick naptime to the curb is part of being a parent — and you and your kids might get a few more hours of sleep at night in exchange.