Working as a nanny, sitter or senior caregiver is very personal business. You spend your days in someone else’s home caring for their little one or older loved one. The work is, of course, very personal for you, too. That’s why you should always pay careful attention to requests on the job that make you regularly check your gut or feel compromising to your integrity.
It can be pretty common to be met with unrealistic expectations from employers from time to time. However, certain types of requests and situations cross the line. So what should you do when an employers’ expectations become unethical?
For many caregivers, red flags can pop up anytime during the initial hiring process or in the first year of employment. Here are six common red flags you may run into and suggestions for addressing them.
1. Refuses a contract
Nanny contracts and senior caregiver contracts are helpful tools for both families and caregivers to communicate their expectations and ethics. So if an employer is opposed to putting one together, it could be a red flag.
“When a family does not want to use a contract, we will question this before moving forward,” says Georgia Marcengill, manager of Haven Nanny Services in Nashville, Tennessee.
Without a contract in place, employers can take advantage of a caregiver’s time, which can lead to a decrease in overall pay, Marcengill says.
A family’s willingness to sign an agreement is also an important indicator that they take your interests seriously. If you’re pursuing a full-time or formal part-time role and the employer doesn’t want to work out a contract, you may want to assess the risks that come with moving forward without formal terms in place.
“Contracts keep both parties accountable. They spell out pay, expectations, leave requests and hard boundaries for the families.”
— MEGAN, A FIRST-YEAR NANNY
“I will not take any nanny job without getting a contract,” says Megan, a first-year nanny in Atlanta. “Contracts keep both parties accountable. They spell out pay, expectations, leave requests and hard boundaries for the families. They also help protect the nanny and families’ interests during a conflict and provide a standard to follow in order to resolve conflict.”
It’s smart to get something in writing, even if it’s not a formal agreement. Sometimes this might be a detailed email of expectations or an outline included in the position description.
2. Requests pay arrangements prior to service
Online job listings make it easy for caregivers to connect with employment prospects instantly, but when communicating online, you should always use an additional layer of caution. When reaching out to families by email, text or an online platform, be wary of questionable postings that ask for sensitive information, request or offer to transfer money before a position begins or lack sufficient details to warrant an in-person meeting.
Danisha, an undergraduate student and seasoned sitter in Boston, recommends avoiding job postings with insufficient information. “It’s unusual if a posting does not tell me how many children and what hours a family is seeking care,” she says. “I never respond to those if I feel any uncertainty as to whether it’s legit.”
These types of vague solicitations may be a signal that the posting is fraudulent or that it’s unsafe to follow up.
3. Requests inappropriate discipline
If you’re taking care of children, it’s important to have clear communication with the parents when it comes to their discipline preferences. And no parent should ever request any methods that make you feel uncomfortable as a caregiver.
“If a caregiver is unsure about a [disciplinary] request, first make sure you understand what they are asking of you,” Marcengill says. “If it crosses boundaries and is unethical, decline the request calmly and confidently. If a caregiver used a nanny agency to receive their current position, they can always call the agency to explain what happened and get their advice. If you feel threatened and unsafe at any time, call 911 immediately.”
Conversely, some nannies find themselves in situations where a child does not receive adequate discipline. Both situations pose a challenge to a conducive work environment.
“Unruly and ill-behaved children is one big reason many caregivers will leave their job,” Marcengill says.
“If the parents don’t discipline their children in a way I agree with, then I know it will not be the best fit,” says Dana, a nanny from Raleigh, North Carolina, who says that she would leave a job if children were not responsive to the family’s form of discipline.
Emily, a nanny working in Boston, recommends caregivers pay close attention to family interaction during the interview process. “Take note of how a family chooses to correct their children when any inappropriate behavior occurs,” she says.
At some point, parents should model the correction style they expect to be implemented by their nanny. It’s a red flag, if not, and a sign that consistent discipline is not being enforced, which can result in children being confused or failing to recognize what behavior is expected of them. Look for families who partner with you when it comes to discipline.
4. Uses undisclosed surveillance
When beginning a caregiving job, you should be made aware of all monitoring equipment in the home.
Many families today use cameras to keep track of their loved ones and for home security purposes. State laws on home security cameras vary, so it’s important for both clients and caregivers to be familiar with the laws in their states. However, even in states that permit the use of undisclosed cameras, your employer should obtain your consent and explicitly disclose any cameras used for the intent of monitoring you. Hidden surveillance can rupture trust and undermine the establishment of a professional environment.
Megan explains that undisclosed surveillance can leave caregivers feeling vulnerable.
“I’ve been asked to work in an environment with cameras and was told the location of some in the beginning,” she says. “I was able to use the cameras to help me watch the kids. However, one day, I discovered a camera in the fireplace. When it disappeared, I thought I had gained the family’s trust. Unfortunately, it had been moved to another inconspicuous location in the kitchen. Eventually, they removed most of the cameras, but I felt odd about the matter.”
While each situation is different, you may find it useful to raise the topic of undisclosed surveillance as a way to discuss trust with your employer, reminding them that trust goes both ways. It’s a great practice to bring up the terms of camera usage during the hiring process, at which time families should be honest.
It’s unethical to require an employee to unknowingly work in a situation under which they may not agree to have given full knowledge. Each caregiver has different preferences for their work environment, and you should have your surveillance preferences honored.
5. Offers unfair pay
One of the more difficult struggles we face as caregivers is earning fair pay. If you are caring for a child or older adult with special needs and requirements, you should be compensated fairly and for any increased workload.
It is a definite red flag if an employer ever attempts to pay you beneath your state’s minimum wage law, pays you below the amount you agreed upon or fails to pay you.
“I get suspicious if a family attempts to lower my pay without a legitimate cause,” Dana says.
When families walk back on their written or verbal compensation rates, this may be a sign that an employer may not have the adequate means for employment. In other cases, it signals a misalignment on the value of the caregiver’s work.
For this reason, it’s important for families and caregivers to agree on a fair rate up front, and get it in writing. From there, you can negotiate a six-month or one-year pay review in your nanny agreement for potential raises when a family’s needs or size change. The pay measures should be selected and agreed upon by both parties. For example, a raise can be based on length of employment, increased responsibilities or the birth of a new child. When a raise is not an option, have a family consider a one-time bonus for work that goes above and beyond your agreed upon duties like working weekends or holidays.
Care.com’s Pay Calculator helps caregivers stay informed about local compensation rates.
“It’s helpful to share values. Shared values keep the culture consistent within a home.”
— MEGAN
6. Compromises your values
When your work environment is someone else’s home, it’s important to consider whether your values around caregiving conflict. After all, if the parent and caregiver’s basic values don’t align, issues are likely to arise.
Caregivers are integrated into the fabric of a family’s life, says Megan. “It’s helpful to share values,” she notes. “Shared values keep the culture consistent within a home.”
Emily says she prefers to work in a home where the family sees caregiving as a profession and respects her. For this reason, she finds any behavior that would be reported to a Human Resource Department in an office as also unacceptable in someone’s house.
For instance, being spoken to aggressively by a parent or harassed or intimidated in any manner does not have to be tolerated. Every person has different limits as to what we find disrespectful and at odds with our values; but if you find that your values are being challenged constantly, it might be a good time to assess the fit with your employer.
“I don’t want a job that is going to put me in conflict with my own personal values,” Megan says. “I want to be an asset to whatever family hires me.”
Caregiving is a wonderful profession in which your character and values matter. Choose work relationships where you shine and thrive. The best ones allow us to embrace who you are and share that with others. If an employer is trying to change who you are, then that’s a definite red flag that the job isn’t a fit.
