Everybody loves a good Mother Goose rhyme. There’s just something magically
right
about these charming little ditties —
it’s as if centuries of repetition have polished them into precious bits of perfection. But, if you pay close attention to the actual message behind each rhyme, you’ll see that they’re not so child-friendly or 21st-century appropriate after all.
Here’s how eight of Mother Goose’s most famous rhymes appear to modern eyes…
- Humpty Dumpty
Um, he’s an adorable egg that dies! Think about it: he’s just sitting there and then SPLAT; he’s on the ground and his friends can’t help him. Don’t fall off a wall, kids, or you’re on your own. In reality, this rhyme is believed to be about a cannon that protected a medieval fort. Legend has it that, during a siege, the cannon was knocked off of a wall. Soldiers rushed to lift it back up and, as they did, the enemy started picking them off left and right. So, you can be the judge of which version to tell.
- Three Blind Mice
Where to start? A trio of visually impaired rodents are attacked by a farm woman with a ginormous knife. “Did you ever see such a sight in your life?” Thankfully, no. If you think this is bad, though, the real story behind it involves Queen Mary I and her deadly temper when people tried to overthrow her.
- Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary
Why was Mary so contrary? Oh, because those “pretty maids all in a row” are dead and buried! It’s widely believed that this rhyme is also about Mary I of England, a.k.a. “Bloody Mary,” whose reputation was based solely on the fact that she carried out mass executions of her dissenters. Apparently, “silver bells and cockle shells” aren’t gardening tools or pretty flowers —
they’re torture devices. Heartwarming, no?
- Miss Muffet
Miss Muffet minds her own business, sees a spider and chaos ensues. The moral of this story is either, “Arachnophobia is understandable,” or, “Look for any excuse not to eat curds and whey.” The modern version would have Miss Muffet squashing the spider, yelling #GirlPower and then returning to her cottage cheese.
- Jack and Jill
Here, you have two kids trying to be helpful by fetching a pail of water, but look where it gets them: Jack ends up with a broken crown
— probably Mother Goose-ese for “traumatic brain injury” —
and nobody seems to care. In fact, they send him to bed with his concussed head
, which is a major no-no
. And why is Jill the one who gets in trouble? It’s not her fault that Jack can’t get down a hill without falling.
- Sing a Song of Sixpence
This one sounds charming until you really think about the words. Then you’re like, “WHO WOULD BAKE TWO DOZEN
LIVE
BLACKBIRDS IN A PIE?” Why, Queen Mary I’s family, of course. Some believe the “king” here to be Mary’s father, Henry VIII, who apparently liked feathers as a featured ingredient in his pies. Yum. It’s also believed that the nose-less “maid” was Anne Boleyn, the ill-fated second wife of the infamous English monarch. You don’t have to watch the entire “Tudors” series to get the subtext here. Clearly ol’ Mama Goose was a fan of 16th-century English history.
- Baa, Baa, Black Sheep
At last! A Mother Goose rhyme that doesn’t involve Queen Mary I or her immediate family. At first glance, it seems like a sweet little story about a darling sheep that produces an impressive amount of wool (three bags full, folks
— THREE bags). Then, you find out that the rhyme is actually thought to be a protest against an especially harsh wool tax imposed on poor farmers in the 13th century. That little boy who cries down the lane? Yeah, that’s the farmer. Sad.
- There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
We’ve all heard of the tiny house movement, but living in a shoe is taking it too far. And just how did that old woman come to have SOOO many children at her advanced age? Was this some sort of medieval orphanage? Get her some Care.com! But seriously, this is a terrible rhyme that, in just four lines, features poverty, famine, and child abuse. Get this lady some help.
So, Who Was Mother Goose?
Maybe you imagine a female goose with a bonnet and a quill pen, scribbling bits of rhyme on scraps of paper, or maybe you envision a little old woman with a shawl and a cane and dozens of children clamoring for the next bit of rhythmical bliss to pour from her lips. In either case, you’d be wrong.
The identity of the “real” Mother Goose isn’t conclusively known —
legends, memories and stories over the centuries have failed to produce a “real” Mother Goose. What we do know is that these popular
bedtime stories
and rhymes have existed in various forms for centuries, and the first book of Mother Goose Rhymes was published in 1697.
Which Mother Goose rhymes make you laugh (or cringe)? Share your thoughts in the comments section or on Facebook and Twitter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-8MXsdeGos
