My Groups@Care > Living with a Chronic Disabling Disease > Discussions > Being taken advantage of by care givers
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Being taken advantage of by care givers
By Mindye J. on Thu Apr 12, 2012 at 6:38 PM EDT
Hello,

I am new to the group. I am 54 and have many health issues. I seem to have an invisible sign that says sucker on my forehead. My mother says it is people and the lack of morality. Does anyone else have this issue?

MIndye
 
 
By Mindye J. on Sun May 13, 2012 at 12:46 PM EDT
Hi Mary Kay,

I have learned to be very careful. In fact my best caregiver who has moved on to home school called to wish me a HMD. I miss her much. I have one who is a great cook, but of course, wants to be paid. I find that they all will do whatever for the money but as a kindness, not so much....

Mindye
 
 
By Pauline R. on Fri May 22, 2015 at 2:01 AM EDT
It's very hard.. not to over extend, to say no.. to remember you come first. But then You need something. or the very thing you lent out or gave away... It never comes back,
I've made it a rule ever since I began driving.. If were going to the same place great. I don't expect. But If I got out of my way more than once and don't get anything in return.. No more.
I'm always waiting for the shoe to drop. Careful monitoring. Many of the HHA sent to me via dad's ins. Company do not bring there food. There is no place to get food near me that maintains a clean/rotation of food or food that won't make you sick. The food stores are fronts.. for other activities. I just keep saying to myself. They are making a salary that is more than what I'm getting. I don't mind if they shop, bring there food and cook it.. But I draw the line at feeding them. (On rare occasions if I have a very good worker. I might if i'm gong by pick up some fast food that they pay me back for., Or share some of my own food.)
Sad I just think it's human nature to try to use ppl..
I recently had a wonderful aid.. and my love ones couldn't control themselves. So I actually thought about letting the HHA go because we were unable to stop giving and insisting that the ha (aid) have something. Take care.. I hope it gets better.. It's hard to always be on guard.
 
 
By Jane H. on Tue Jun 2, 2015 at 10:22 AM EDT
Hi, Mindye. I am new to the group here, too, but not new to having caregivers. For years, they were sent to me through an agency. Later, when I had the choice to be the employer of record, I learned that they could earn MUCH more if I were the employer. So, I do it, although it is quite a burden. I believe I get a better quality of worker, and therefore care. Ironically, I still find that I am often healthier than the people who care for me, largely because I have good medical coverage between Medicare and Medicaid, while they still have nothing, or functionally nothing because they have no hope of meeting their deductibles under Obamacare or otherwise.

The state-funded program I'm in has made it possible for me to be a good, legally correct employer. I have an agency which does payroll, taxes, background checks and more. Part of my hard work is keeping personnel records, helping new hires get through a pile of paperwork, and, for me the hardest part, keeping a calendar to meet ongoing needs; regular performance reviews, making sure CPR stays up to date, etc.

But the real "hard work" applies to you and me, whether we are the actual employer or not.

We have to be the Person-In-Charge! I finally determined that I needed to provide (them and me) an Employee Handbook, for example. I've looked for one already done for situations like ours and cannot find one. I have memory problems and a voice disability, and I can't remember who I told what. It is not fair to them or to me if they mess something up because I didn't teach them all the gory details of how to (fill in the blank). As an occupational therapist, I had plenty of experience working in hospitals. Eating a patient's food or accepting a gift from a patient was grounds for immediate firing. So it is the rule here, and it needs to be written and taught. They are working in health care, after all. In my home, we go by the rule that every good chef tastes his food, and especially here, because I have almost no senses of taste or smell, and I need protection from spoiled milk and all the rest. But that is all.

They are responsible to see that their shifts are filled if they cannot come, by communicating and trading off with one another; if I tried to act as Scheduling Coordinator, it would be a terrible mess! I try to make sure that none of them gives too much or takes too much from one another. Here, the problem is not with me being abused, but with fellow employees. I provide the structure, supervision (and personal counseling when it's solicited.

If you can, it might be good to do some study about being a good, fair, boss, the qualities of a great employer. It can help you to begin to function in your dual roles, whether you are the employer in fact or not. If your staff if paid by an agency or by your family, it matters not. You have the right and responsibility to set up an environment which is best for you first, then your employees.

I hope this is helpful, Mindye. If I can answer questions or otherwise help, I'd be glad to!