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How to dicipline in a public place
By Lauren N.
on Sat Dec 10, 2011
at 10:33 PM EST
Hi Lindsay,
I feel awful that you've had to experience this. It's every mothers nightmare. I am no expert, nor have I experienced anything on the level you are dealing with. However, I have an 18mo girl who is high maintenance and have read a lot of books about brain development and discipline,etc. I am just guessing, but it sounds like he'd rather get down and go exploring than be tethered to the cart. I don't blame him. A lot of times kids "misbehave" because they are bored or have too much energy when we need them to sit still. Example: A toddler pounding on the table or screaming in a restaurant because they've been stuck in a high chair for 30 minutes waiting for food with nothing to do...they are hungry, bored and restless. None of it is their fault and they shouldn't be punished for expressing their frustration, right? My understanding is that "disciplining" may only backfire on you in these cases. Instead I understand that we're suppose to focus on disarming the situation.
Maybe try these:
Wait to put him in a cart until after he's burned off some energy (like mid to late morning, when you would usually sit down to color, read a book or watch a 30 min video - it's the time when he is the least physically active).
Try involving him mentally in the activity..."Do you see oranges? Where are the bananas? Do we need cheese today? Lets count the apples. Can you smell the pineapple?, Do you see the cow on the milk carton?" And if he needs something more, make him a smaller picture version of the grocery list and give him a pen to cross out the items as they go into the cart (eggs, milk, cheese, apples). Having a list yourself will help speed up the time in the store. I never stay more than 30mins. I know what I need, I get in and I get out. If I need more time, I go by myself.
I also hand many of the items to my daughter and ask her to put them in the cart for me. She loves it and it makes her feel involved!
Our grocery store also has a couple of special kid friendly carts that look like cars with steering wheels so that she can face forward and "drive" around the store. Look for a store that might have something like this.
We also carry a "snack bag" with us everywhere we go. My daughter loves to eat and it's hard for her to see food at the store and not have any. So we often shop during snack time. She is content sitting there as long as she has some graham cracker sticks, cheese slices, a chunk of apple, a small box of raisins, fruit snacks, fruit leather, or a small baggie of dried cereal to munch on. They are portable, don't make much mess, and take a little time and effort to eat so it keeps her occupied.
If it still seems overwhelming, maybe try small steps. Avoid the cart at first. Go for 3 items. Carry him in and let him walk on his own. Have him help you find the 3 items. And let him put them in a reusable shopping bag that you carry over your shoulder so that you'll have your hands free to carry him right back out the door if you need to. (Often my daughter adds her own items to the bag or cart. I let her, but when she's not looking I remove them quietly. After all, she is only trying to copy mom and help out.) For these quick trips, I also put my drivers license and debit card in my pants pocket, where they are quickly and easily accessible, along with a pouch of fruit snacks which often help me make it through the line at the check out.
I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you with all this info. My hubby travels a lot so I often have to parent alone for extended periods and I've found through trial and error that if I'm prepared, everything goes more smoothly for her and for me. If you are more interested in the discipline aspect, I can recommend a book or two that have really helped me in my parenting technique.
Good Luck,
Lauren
In general if you can pinpoint the reason for the outburst, you can find ways to avoid that trigger.
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