These days, many parents are making an intentional effort to raise confident children with a healthy sense of self. The path to this reality varies between children, but often, it’s rooted in social-emotional awareness. Fostering positive self-esteem from an early age has many benefits, like helping kids learn to value their skills and persist during hard times. However, it can be challenging to know how to support these efforts. One effective strategy that’s flexible and useful across different age groups and stages is practising positive affirmations.
Positive affirmations are a self-help tactic that builds confidence, often through short, encouraging phrases. They’re a great way to foster self-esteem and instil positive core beliefs and an optimistic mindset that many children and adults alike have found effective.
If you are a parent hoping to use positive affirmations, read on for expert tips on how to introduce them, how to use them correctly and different affirmations for kids.
What are positive affirmations?
Affirmations are far from a new invention. Long before they took the form of the mantra-like self-help expressions we know today, humans were already engaging the power of positive thinking to achieve their goals. Nowadays, we’ll find them everywhere from a self-help book or therapy room to posters on a school or office wall.
We use positive affirmations to build confidence, to shift our mindsets in hard times and to cope with heavy feelings, like self-doubt and fear. The use of positive affirmations has been linked to lower stress and improved performance. Affirmations can also be used to help kids:
- Boost their sense of self.
- Reinforce routines and behaviour changes.
- Feel supported under stress.
Do positive affirmations work?
Experts say the usefulness of affirmations is based on the brain’s ability to adapt to new patterns, also called neuroplasticity. Their effectiveness lies in their repetition. Research shows that repetitive negative thinking is a predictor of anxiety and depression. Similarly, experts say that some research into positive thinking and positive self-talk have shown benefits of repeated affirmations on mental wellness.
Affirmations aren’t always effective. For instance, one 2021 study did not find a correlation between students saying positive affirmations and improvement in their moods. However, positive self-talk has been associated with:
- Reduced public speaking anxiety for students.
- Increased motivation and dedication for athletes.
- Greater regulation of thoughts, feelings and behaviour.
Cognitive behavioural therapists believe that there are close links between what we think, what we feel and what we do. Visualising positive outcomes can help drive the positive emotions that lead to improved performance and result in success. The same cycle applies for negative thinking, which can often promote the bad feelings that lead to destructive actions.
How to use positive affirmations
Affirmations aren’t a fix-all solution for preventing negative thinking. It’s also crucial to teach youth to affirm their circumstances honestly. Further, affirmations are not a suitable replacement when young people need therapy or medication support to manage neurodiversity or mental health concerns like anxiety or depression.
Here’s how experts say you can use positive affirmations properly, and a few things to keep in mind when using them with kids:
Lifestyle matters
Affirmations should be used in conjunction with other positive behaviours, like getting enough sleep and establishing healthy routines. A 2023 study published in the journal “Cognition and Emotion” found fragmented sleep makes it harder to control emotions and easier to fixate on negative ideas. Positive affirmations for young people can complement self-care and health behaviours, but they can’t replace them.
Affirmations should be part of a self-esteem toolkit
Positive self-talk also works best when it’s a part of a more extensive self-esteem practice. Other ways to build children’s self-esteem outside of affirmations include:
- Listening to and acknowledging their thoughts and feelings.
- Modelling positive self-talk and self-image.
- Offering clear expectations and support during challenges.
- Allowing them to make decisions for themselves when possible.
Don’t just affirm, act
Affirmations alone won’t cut it: positive action is then required to reinforce the sense of self-worth those mantras have been building. Linking a positive thought to an action and outcome helps create a belief backed by evidence. Work with your child to encourage them to take the steps that help their belief in themselves continue to grow.
Lead with empathy
When applied wrongly, affirmations may feel as if they invalidate your child’s negative feelings. Experts believe it is important to lead with empathy and compassion when our child is experiencing a challenge. If your child is finding it difficult to pick up steps in their dance class, for example, it’s important to acknowledge how disheartened they may feel before jumping to the idea that “I can do hard things”. Take a moment to mirror how they feel by saying: “I know this is difficult, but you’ve got this”.
Make affirmations a fun family routine
The best way to make affirmations part of your family life is to link it to existing routines you practise and enjoy. For instance:
- During family dinner, share what you love about each family member.
- Make a happy music playlist and squeeze in a nightly family dance party.
- Choose an affirming song and sing it proudly with a hairbrush or spoon microphone.
- Read books with affirming characters, messages and storylines.
You could also play a call-and-response game where family members have to choose something about themselves to celebrate.
Using positive affirmations to affirm difference
Children of colour and others who belong to marginalised groups can benefit from affirmations as well. Marginalised communities often practise affirmations as a cultural strategy to affirm their value amid the realities of systemic racism. While only a few studies have examined the benefits of affirmations on children’s development, developmental psychologists from marginalised backgrounds have examined the benefits of ethnic-racial socialisation — or, how parents communicate about race and ethnicity — on children’s mental health. Dr. Lauren Mims, an assistant professor of applied psychology at New York University’s Steinhardt School of Culture, Education and Human Development, is one of these.
“We have learned a lot about how messages of racial pride — like saying, ‘I’m Black, and I’m proud’ — or reciting affirmations with your child in front of the mirror about the beauty of their African American features and their cultural background helps children build strong, healthy identities,” she says. “We have even found that it can buffer against the negative effects of racial discrimination.” These messages of affirmation and joy are crucial in nurturing the brilliance of children of colour.
27 positive affirmations for kids
Making positive affirmations part of your daily routines and using them during periods of change is a proactive approach to any upcoming challenges you or your child may face. It’s helpful if you keep several things in mind when introducing positive affirmations to kids:
- Know what goal or shift you’d like to support your child through.
- Confirm that your vision for them is congruent with their vision for themselves.
- Keep the affirmations simple.
Here are some different positive affirmations for kids to help you get started:
Morning positive affirmations
Morning positive affirmations are a positive way to start the day. Place them where your kids can see them before they head to school — such as on the bathroom mirror or their dressing table. Try the following:
- I am strong and determined.
- I choose my attitude.
- I can do hard things.
- Today is going to be a great day.
- It’s OK to make mistakes.
- I am ready to learn.
“I am” affirmations
When kids seem to be trapped in negative thought patterns or are being hard on themselves, “I am” affirmations are a good approach. These are ideal for when kids experience self-identity concerns, like feeling that they give up easily or that they aren’t a good friend. They include:
- I am committed.
- I am a good friend.
- I am worthy.
- I am brave.
- I am capable.
“I can” affirmations
If kids are experiencing concerns about their ability to achieve something, like riding their bike or advocating for themselves, Tucker says to try an “I can” affirmation:
- I can ride a bike.
- I can speak up for myself.
- I can do all things with hard work.
- I can rest, recharge and keep working towards my goals.
- I can ask for help when I need it.
- I can walk away.
Positive identity affirmations
Use the following affirmations to help celebrate who kids are and affirm their identities, core values and self-worth:
- I am Black/neurodivergent/disabled/etc. and proud.
- I love my hair/skin/culture/body.
- My differences make me who I am.
- I accept myself for who I am.
- There’s nothing wrong with being different.
- I am beautiful just as I am.
- My culture/brain differences/language/skin help me see the world differently, and it adds to who I am.
- My perspectives matter.
- Big feelings aren’t bad things.
- I don’t have to change to be worthy.
The bottom line
Affirmations can help children, tweens and teens develop a positive sense of self, find the courage to pursue new goals and challenge negative messages and thoughts. However, positive affirmations for young people are not a fix-all solution for more profound concerns.
Children still need emotional and mental health support during difficult times, and they still need guidance in establishing healthy behaviours and a sense of self. But with validation, consistency and a supportive lifestyle, positive affirmations are an excellent addition to your social-emotional learning toolkit.