{"id":4834,"date":"2021-05-19T21:59:28","date_gmt":"2021-05-19T21:59:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/s37407.p1377.sites.pressdns.com\/resources\/tips-to-work-through-mom-burnout\/"},"modified":"2021-05-19T21:59:28","modified_gmt":"2021-05-19T21:59:28","slug":"tips-to-work-through-mom-burnout","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/tips-to-work-through-mom-burnout\/","title":{"rendered":"Yes, mom burnout is a thing. But you can work through it with these real-mom tips"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m running away to join the circus<\/em>, I text my best friend.<\/p>

Another friend listens as I confess a secret fantasy: I drive to a hotel with an ocean view, where I swim, read, eat amazing food and sleep (!) for two full nights all by myself. <\/em><\/p>

“You should do that,” she says. “Why don’t you?”<\/p>

Because I will feel selfish. Because I will feel weak. Because I will miss my husband and my boy. <\/em><\/p>

“Yes,” I agree out loud, “I should.”<\/p>

I never have.<\/p>

It doesn’t happen every day, but when mom burnout comes on, it is fierce. But how do other moms experience burnout? And how do we tackle it? I turned to a totally unscientific, yet utterly representative sample of smart, accomplished, caring mamas (read: my friends) to see.<\/p>

The expectations on moms are brutal<\/h2>

In a world where the mental load<\/a> of running a household can feel crushing and working women come home to the so-called “second shift,”<\/a> moms still carry a good deal of the family work on their shoulders. Indeed, according to the 2017 Women in the Workplace<\/a> study “working women with a partner and children are 5.5 times more likely to do most or all” of the housework as compared to their male colleagues.<\/p>

No wonder burnout’s a real problem.<\/p>

“We’re a lot more forward-thinking now about roles in the home,” says Erin Howland, a communications consultant and mom of two. “But we still expect women to bounce back from giving birth in a matter of weeks, mentally, emotionally and physically. We’re asked to be 100 percent in all areas. It’s just not realistic.”<\/p>

Others agreed.<\/p>

“Parent burnout is a real thing,” Traci Scarpinato, a Florida-based project manager and mom of three girls observes. “But the threshold for men and women is probably different because women still handle much of the home responsibility.”<\/p>

“I work and my husband travels for his job two weeks out of every month,” says Scarpinato. “During the weeks I’m a single parent, I’m the only problem-solver. Having all of the responsibility and nowhere else to place it contributes to that feeling of burnout.”<\/p>

Burnout can feel different to everyone<\/h2>

Though burnout takes a slightly different form for every mom, they all agree it feels pretty bad. It takes a toll on our mental health, and stirs up a range of difficult emotions.<\/p>

Crystal Braswell works in Silicon Valley and has two little ones, ages 6 and 2.<\/p>

“When burnout hits, I have an increased sensitivity to noise and such high irritability that it takes next to nothing to push me over the edge with my kids,” she says. “On a normal day, my son launching his Beyblades across the tile floor won’t faze me. When I’m feeling burned out, it’s the equivalent of a sports stadium filled with 20,000 hardcore fans screaming at once. OK, that’s a slight exaggeration, but you get it.”<\/p>

Rachael Gass, executive consultant at Kaiser and mom to a 4-year-old girl, says burnout comes quickly when she’s not taking care of her own needs.<\/p>

“It’s the ‘oxygen mask on yourself first’ thing,” she says. “When I don’t take care of myself, I feel anxiety, the fears surface and I deeply judge myself. When I have trouble finding joy or sleeping, I know it’s time to step away for a reboot.”<\/p>

Mom-vetted ways to manage burnout<\/h2>

When it comes to burnout, you have to know what works for you — and it might look different for everyone, these moms say. This is what worked for them.<\/p>

1. Get moving<\/strong><\/p>

Both Gass and Braswell love exercise to clear their minds.<\/p>

“A quick workout where I can limit external stimuli, get my body moving and give my mind time to wander is the only surefire way to help me recenter and reconnect with myself,” says Braswell.<\/p>

It doesn’t need to be a barre class, CrossFit, or something equally involved to count. Gass says even a walk is helpful to get perspective.<\/p>

Lindsey Wagnon, a Bay Area-based pharmacist and mom of one, also prioritizes physical activity, heading to the gym every morning at 5 a.m.<\/p>

“It took a long time to learn I had to schedule in that time for myself to feel balanced,” she says. “Running around after a toddler isn’t actually cardio.”<\/p>

2. Embrace organization<\/strong><\/p>

Howland makes regular planning a part of her routine — and it helps her feel calmer.<\/p>

“We sit down every Sunday and look at our calendars — who’s doing what and when,” she says. “You can’t control everything, of course, but you can influence it — and this seven-day outlook makes it feel digestible.”<\/p>

For me, it’s ruthless prioritization — not everything has to be done at that exact moment. Sometimes (OK, most of the time) I choose Netflix and popcorn with my husband over folding laundry or a book and bath instead of the dishes.<\/p>

3. Reach out<\/strong><\/p>

The hardest part of the mom gig might be leaning on others, but according to moms who’ve been there, it helps.<\/p>

Wagnon says that friends are even more important because her family lives on the other side of the country.<\/p>

“Cultivating your circle is easy, but using it is hard,” she says. “There’s another mom who’s offered to watch my daughter so the kids can play, and I haven’t taken her up on it yet. Why am I hesitating?”<\/p>

“I’m an introvert and I need time by myself to recharge,” says Scarpinato. “I like having my husband take the kids out of the house for a bit so I can do that.”<\/p>

Braswell also says moms need to find friends who empathize.<\/p>

“You need that person you can speak within a judgement-free zone,” she says. “You know, the friend that would confess to hiding in the garden shed the night before with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s just so she can get her ice cream fix without a choir of voices asking for some, as well.”<\/p>

Even a quick text back and forth between like-minded friends can work.<\/p>

4. Be gentle with yourself<\/strong><\/p>

We’re all only human, with all the strengths and weaknesses the phrase implies. With that said, the biggest thing we can do to manage overload and burnout is give ourselves a break and forgive ourselves for not being perfect.<\/p>

“I wish I’d known earlier in mom life that it’s OK to walk away for a minute,” says Scarpinato. “Put the baby in the crib and take that few minutes to catch your breath so you can come back with a clearer head. That kind of self-care is a necessity, and it should be part of your to-do list, not what you do after the chore list is done.”<\/p>

“When I don’t show up in a great way, I forgive myself,” Gass says. “Show yourself compassion. The next day will be different.”<\/p>

 <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m running away to join the circus, I text my best friend. Another friend listens as I confess a secret fantasy: I drive to a hotel with an ocean view, where I swim, read, eat amazing food and sleep (!) for two full nights all by myself. “You should do that,” she says. “Why don’t you?” Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1252,"featured_media":28537,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"enable_toc":false,"care_reviewed_by":0,"care_post_updated_flag":false,"care_updated_date":"","last_update":"2021-05-19","view_count":15265,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"member-type":[3],"vertical":[6,17,13],"platform":[2],"class_list":["post-4834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","member-type-seeker","vertical-children","vertical-child-care-advice","vertical-kids-health-safety","platform-resources"],"acf":[],"created":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4834","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1252"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4834"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4834\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28537"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4834"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4834"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4834"},{"taxonomy":"member-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/member-type?post=4834"},{"taxonomy":"vertical","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/vertical?post=4834"},{"taxonomy":"platform","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/platform?post=4834"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}