{"id":2314,"date":"2021-05-19T21:47:39","date_gmt":"2021-05-19T21:47:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/s37407.p1377.sites.pressdns.com\/resources\/how-motherhood-almost-destroyed-my-marriage\/"},"modified":"2021-05-19T21:47:39","modified_gmt":"2021-05-19T21:47:39","slug":"how-motherhood-almost-destroyed-my-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/how-motherhood-almost-destroyed-my-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"How Motherhood Almost Destroyed My Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

“I can certainly tell Daddy dressed you today,” the mother said to her toddler with disgust as she performed a diaper change in the restaurant bathroom.<\/p>

“He can’t even get matching right. And let’s not even get started on your hair.”<\/p>

I overheard this before I was a mother myself. At the time, I thought it was sad that this woman was so hard on her husband. That she should be glad he was pitching in to care for his child — as he should — while so many other women complain their partners do not. I judged her, convinced I would never act that way once I was a mother.<\/p>

Want to Guess How That Worked Out?<\/strong><\/h2>

My husband and I became parents 10 years into wedded bliss. It was hard on our marriage. Really hard. We fought all the time. We were angry all the time.<\/p>

And it turns out that the problem was with me. (Although, at the time, I was convinced it was with him.)<\/p>

Like the mom in that restaurant bathroom, I faulted every move he made with our daughter. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that this precious little girl was “OURS.” I’d wanted to be a mom for so long, and was convinced that there was no possible way he could love that little girl as much as I did. I was the Mama, and she was my baby. I was convinced I was the only one who knew what was best for her. My love for her became so intense that I thought of her as “MINE.”<\/p>

I constantly hovered and intervened whenever he interacted with our little girl. I told him what to say and how to say it. If he had an idea, I’d shrug it off, or cut him off. I was angry that he didn’t automatically do things the “right” way. My way. The only way I saw fit.<\/p>

As a result, he felt hurt and frustrated. And this went on for years.<\/p>

I was getting exhausted from trying to take care of every tiny detail all the time. I found myself feeling really resentful and grumpy because I didn’t have more help — even though all I did was criticize and reject my husband when he did. We fought a lot, and drifted apart. But I still didn’t change my ways.<\/p>

The realization occurred one day when our daughter got sick at day camp. They couldn’t reach me so they called my husband to come pick her up. She had a 103 degree fever and was sobbing inconsolably when he got to her.<\/p>

I rushed home as soon as I got the message after the meeting. By then, he’d already called the pediatrician and gotten her calmed down. When I walked in, I found them sitting on the couch, eating popsicles and watching Disney Channel together.<\/p>

He handled it.<\/p>

She was fine. He was fine. They were both fine. And that’s when it hit me: my little girl needed a relationship with her father, and my always handling everything was getting in everyone’s way, including my daughter’s.<\/p>

How I Changed<\/b><\/h2>

Here’s what my husband and I did to make this change happen — and stick:<\/p>