When you first bring your new baby home, the last thought on your mind is your list of household to-dos. But the reality quickly makes itself known — you still have to eat, wash your clothes (if you want to change out of your spit-up stained shirt) and do your dishes. And those are just some of the basic survival tasks.<\/p>
“One of the hardest transitions for many new parents during [their] baby’s first year is how to juggle managing their household and creating a routine and life with a new family member, especially on such little sleep,” commiserates Heidi McBain<\/a>, a perinatal mental health therapist.<\/p> So what’s a sleep-deprived new parent to do? Here, experts and new parents share why it’s so hard to keep up with your household in those early days, plus energy- and time-saving tips to protect your peace when you can’t get everything done.<\/p> If you’re finding it hard to keep up with laundry, groceries and cleaning after bringing your newest family member home, you’re not alone. You might have previously enjoyed an unhurried trip to the grocery store, followed by cooking a full meal at your preferred time, spending the evening relaxing or tackling administrative tasks and chores, and ending the night with a leisurely bedtime routine and a full night’s sleep.<\/p> That reality is flipped on its head when a baby arrives. Alice T., a former marketing specialist and parent of one in Portland, Oregon, shares that her delivery had complications, requiring longer healing times. With her needing to focus on recovery and breastfeeding, her husband took on everything else. Because of this, they “dropped most of the housework out of necessity,” she adds.<\/p> During that first year of parenthood, Aaron S<\/a>t<\/a>einberg<\/a>, a relationship educator in the Bay Area of California says people “tend to underestimate the challenge of managing the household, creating a routine, making money, being a present parent, having a relationship, maintaining any sense of getting your needs met individually and having a social life.” <\/p> “It’s borderline impossible,” he adds.<\/p> Once your baby arrives, your schedule revolves around them — squeeze in a quick shower while the baby is napping (if you’re lucky), eat something you can prepare and hold with one hand (because you’re holding them in the other) and rush through the grocery aisles (baby strapped to your chest) to get necessities. You’re lucky to go to the bathroom by yourself these days, let alone clean it. <\/p> So what can you do when every moment seems to be devoted to your newest family member?<\/p> If you’re reading this, and your new family member hasn’t arrived earthside yet, experts suggest using this time to prepare. This “nesting period” is so important, says McBain. Use this time to get organized. This could look like:<\/p> It’s also a good time to look at the current division of labor, says Laura Wilson<\/a>, founder and chief intentional officer of Intentional Household. <\/p> “Take time to talk through who is currently responsible for each area of the household and how realistic that will be once the baby arrives. Have honest conversations about what may need to shift to the other partner and where additional support (such as a weekly cleaner, meal prep or nanny) might help.” More on outsourcing tasks later.<\/p> If you’re already in the thick of things with your partner, and everything feels overwhelming, your first step should be to pause and take stock together, says Wilson. Don’t feel like you need to solve everything immediately. Instead, “progress often comes from tackling one manageable change at a time.”<\/p> Look at what’s working and what’s not — and then “identify why they’re not working, brainstorm a few possible solutions and agree on one small, actionable step to try next,” she adds<\/p> It can also be helpful to assign clear ownership over tasks, Wilson says. “When one partner is responsible for carrying a task or decision forward, it reduces mental load and prevents things from staying in the ‘we should deal with this’ category.” <\/p> Lastly, avoid keeping score, advises Steinberg. It can be an easy trap to fall into when you’re both exhausted, but it has the potential to lead to resentment. “So if your partner is feeling upset, or things are unfair or they’re burnt out,” take it seriously, he says. “It doesn’t mean you need to agree objectively on the situation, but you have to collaborate more thoughtfully.”<\/p> If you’re not sure where to start on dividing roles and responsibilities, Steinberg suggests utilizing a system like Fair Play<\/a> or In It Together<\/a>.<\/p> Once you’ve identified what is and isn’t working and delegated tasks, having a flexible plan for your days can be helpful. And the key word is “flexible” in the newborn world. You never know with 100% certainty when a blowout will occur, when the baby will refuse to sleep<\/a>, etc. <\/p> “Make a plan for your day with some wiggle room around when certain things need to be done,” says McBain. Ask yourself, “Is this a morning task, or is this something that just needs to be done by the end of the day or even moved to tomorrow? Having a clear list of priorities can be very helpful.”<\/p> And know going into it that the plan may and should change often. “Routines don’t need to be rigid to be effective,” adds Wilson. Checking in regularly (weekly or biweekly) with your partner or yourself “allows you to see what’s working, what feels heavy and what needs adjusting. Responsibilities will evolve quickly in this season, and staying on top of things often means being willing to adapt rather than trying to maintain pre-baby systems.”<\/p> You don’t always have huge chunks of time to get things done when you have a baby, so being mindful of when and how you tackle tasks can be a game-changer. For example:<\/p> While this definitely isn’t an option for everyone, a quick way to alleviate some pressure is by considering what you can outsource or where you can get additional support<\/a>. Here is a quick list to get you started:<\/p>Key takeaways<\/h3>
Why is it so hard to manage a household with a newborn?<\/h2>
How to survive (or even thrive) during baby’s first year<\/h2>
1. If you can, plan ahead<\/h3>
2. If you can’t plan ahead, plan together<\/h3>
3. Create a flexible schedule<\/h3>
4. Be strategic with your time<\/h3>
5. Ask yourself, “What can I outsource?”<\/h3>