Making the decision to stay together for the kids — or not — generally isn’t something couples take lightly. It’s often a choice that’s clouded with emotion, making it difficult to conclude what’s truly best for everyone.<\/p>
“Splitting up is scary and may be unsettling in the short-term,” notes Kristen Mosier<\/a>, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York and New Jersey. “But staying together can cause ongoing stress for all family members.”<\/p> In other words: It’s a really<\/em> hard decision to make. Here, experts offer input on navigating this tricky terrain, as well as tips for couples who are struggling with whether to stay together for the kids.<\/p> According to Mosier, when couples stay together for the kids, it’s often motivated by the belief that “splitting up will be more damaging than staying together.” <\/p> “They hope that by maintaining the routine and structure of the family, they will protect their children from long-term harm,” explains Mosier. (Spoiler alert: That’s not always the case — and we’ll discuss why shortly.)<\/p> Another common reason is finances, notes Nona Kelly<\/a>, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Thriveworks in Nashville<\/a>. “It’s less expensive to raise a family while living under one roof than to separate and double financial responsibilities,” she explains. <\/p> Additionally, for many folks, splitting up with a partner means less time with the kids — and few parents want that. “Many couples stay together because they don’t want to have to split their time with their children,” Kelly says. “So, if they can find a workable solution and live under one roof, it’s easier to spend time with the children.”<\/p> “If the family unit is strong and the couple has emotional maturity, it’s possible to find a place of agreement that it is more beneficial to stay married.”<\/p>— Nona Kelly, a licensed marriage and family therapist<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure> Each relationship and situation is unique, but there are circumstances in which it can be beneficial to stay together for the kids, “even for a little bit of time,” Kelly notes.<\/p> “If the family unit is strong and the couple has emotional maturity, it’s possible to find a place of agreement that it is more beneficial to stay married and keep the family cohesive rather than divorce or separate and create possible stressors for all involved,” Kelly says. <\/p> Put another way: If both parties can truly put their differences aside for the sake of the children, staying together in order to provide stability can be a plus.<\/p> Other possible benefits of staying together for the kids, according to Kelly, include: <\/p> Generally speaking, the experts say the negative impacts of staying married for the kids usually outweigh the benefits.<\/p> “Staying together for the sake of the kids increases the possibility of bickering or actual fighting, particularly when couples lack emotional maturity,” Kelly notes. One study<\/a> found that when kindergarteners were exposed to continual fighting by their parents<\/a>, they were at a higher risk for anxiety, depression and behavioral issues by the time they reached seventh grade. <\/p> “You may think you’re protecting your kids from your arguments if you don’t yell and scream in front of them, but children pick up on subtle emotions more often than we give them credit for.”<\/p>— Kristen Mosier, licensed marriage and family therapist<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure> And even if you’re civilized in front of the kids, Mosier notes, you’re probably not hiding household tensions as well as you think.<\/p>Why do couples stay together for the kids?<\/h2>
Is it a good idea to stay together for the kids?<\/h2>
The risks of staying together for the kids<\/h2>