{"id":1088,"date":"2025-11-21T17:31:47","date_gmt":"2025-11-21T17:31:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/s37407.p1377.sites.pressdns.com\/resources\/bye-bye-nanny-how-to-handle-the-nanny-child\/"},"modified":"2025-11-21T17:32:10","modified_gmt":"2025-11-21T17:32:10","slug":"bye-bye-nanny-how-to-handle-the-nanny-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/bye-bye-nanny-how-to-handle-the-nanny-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Saying goodbye to your nanny: How to help kids with the transition"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When Kathryn and Dominick von Jan moved upstate from Brooklyn, New York, it meant parting with their beloved nanny of five years. &ldquo;Excited as we were for our move, it was devastating to say goodbye to our wonderful nanny, especially for our daughter and son,&rdquo; explains Kathryn. &ldquo;And I know our nanny was also really upset.&rdquo;<\/p><p>So it was no surprise when the couple received a call from the nanny a few months after their move, asking if she could come visit them for a weekend. &nbsp;&ldquo;We loved the idea but wasn&rsquo;t sure how it would work,&rdquo; she says. &ldquo;Was she a houseguest, that we should entertain, or would she want time alone with my kids? &nbsp;And if we went out to give her time alone with them, should we pay her?&rdquo;<\/p><p>When the working relationship with a nanny ends, developing a new type of relationship can be confusing for both employer and employee. But that doesn&rsquo;t mean you should avoid it, says <a href=\"https:\/\/drrobiludwig.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Robi Ludwig<\/a>, a psychotherapist in New York City. &ldquo;When you hire a nanny, they become part of the family, and to just sever ties seems very severe, especially to a child who probably loves this person,&rdquo; she says.<\/p><p>It&rsquo;s never easy to say goodbye to someone you love. Here are some tips for helping your child through the transition after their nanny leaves &mdash; and how to help them when it&rsquo;s particularly hard to let go.<\/p><div class=\"wp-block-custom-dynamic-list key-takeaways-block\"><h3>Key takeaways<\/h3><div class=\"key-takeaways-container\"><ul><li>Children handle a nanny&rsquo;s departure differently depending on age, with younger kids under 3 adjusting more easily and older children potentially showing withdrawal or sadness. Parents should talk openly about feelings, reassure kids they&rsquo;re not at fault and encourage fun with a new caregiver.<\/li><li>Explaining the nanny&rsquo;s departure requires sensitivity: for good-term separations, emphasize continued connection through letters or visits, while for less positive departures, give age-appropriate explanations that protect the child emotionally. Maintaining a personal relationship with a former nanny can be valuable but is not mandatory.<\/li><li>Gifts or tokens of appreciation can help honor a nanny leaving on good terms, and parents should only pay for visits if the former nanny is actively babysitting. Clear communication and respecting the nanny&rsquo;s preferences help make transitions smoother for both children and adults.<\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-do-children-handle-separation-with-a-loved-one\" data-toc-id=\"ab5b167e\">How do children handle separation with a loved one?<\/h2><p>Before the age of 3, most kids won&rsquo;t have too much trouble adjusting to losing a nanny, says Ludwig, adding that kids this age may let the relationship taper off naturally.<\/p><p>After age 3, the transition gets trickier. &ldquo;If your child shows signs of withdrawal &mdash; if he seems sad, talks about the nanny a lot, or has trouble adjusting to a new nanny &mdash; he may not be transitioning well,&rdquo; she says. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s important to talk to your child about his feelings, and let him know that it&rsquo;s okay to miss his nanny, but that it&rsquo;s also okay to have fun with a new nanny.&rdquo;<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-do-i-tell-my-child-their-nanny-s-leaving\" data-toc-id=\"af7dc933\">How do I tell my child their nanny&rsquo;s leaving?<\/h2><p>The key to a successful transition is making sure your child understands what is going on, says Ludwig. Sit down and explain, as much as possible, why the nanny is leaving.<\/p><p><strong>What to say when your nanny&rsquo;s leaving on good terms:<\/strong><\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Explain that they&rsquo;ll still be able to see the nanny, although not as frequently, if no one is moving far away.<\/li><li>&ldquo;Let them know that even though the nanny may not be in their lives in the same daily way, they can still be a part of each other&rsquo;s lives,&rdquo; says Ludwig<\/li><li>Suggest keeping in touch through letters or email<\/li><li>Most importantly, says Ludwig, make sure your child knows he didn&rsquo;t do anything wrong.<\/li><\/ul><p><strong>What to say when your nanny&rsquo;s leaving on not-so-good terms<\/strong>:<\/p><p>Sometimes families have falling outs with their nanny and the goodbye is more, well, permanent. Ludwig suggests using these tactics when explaining the separation to your child:<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>&ldquo;With younger kids, you don&rsquo;t want to tell them more than they can handle,&rdquo; she says. &ldquo;You can be vague and say that the nanny had to move on, making sure that your children know it had nothing to do with them.&rdquo;<\/li><li>For kids 5 and older, who can handle more of the truth, &ldquo;explain that the nanny behaved in a way that made you uncomfortable,&rdquo; says Ludwig. &ldquo;Older kids understand that.&rdquo;<\/li><\/ul><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-can-i-help-my-child-maintain-a-relationship-with-their-former-nanny\" data-toc-id=\"af9fc4ee\">How can I help my child maintain a relationship with their former nanny?<\/h2><p>&ldquo;Maintaining a relationship with a former nanny isn&rsquo;t a must,&rdquo; says Ludwig, adding that most kids are resilient enough to handle losing a nanny. &ldquo;But if you really love them, and your kids love them, it&rsquo;s wonderful to continue the relationship, and transition it from a working relationship to more of a family one.&rdquo;<\/p><p>Here are a few ideas for keeping in touch:<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Invite your former nanny to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/20-birthday-party-games-for-kids\/\">birthday parties<\/a>.<\/li><li>Set up special one-on-one dates.<\/li><li>Stay in touch via email and phone calls.<\/li><li>Help younger kids send letters and pictures.<\/li><\/ul><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-should-i-give-my-nanny-a-gift-if-they-re-leaving\" data-toc-id=\"b7437cae\">Should I give my nanny a gift if they&rsquo;re leaving?<\/h2><p>If your nanny is leaving on good terms, you may want to consider a parting gift to both show your appreciation and as a way to remember your family. Here are a few ideas to consider:<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Cash.<\/li><li>A gift card. <\/li><li>A photo of them with the kids (or just the kids if you don&rsquo;t have one), along with a sweet note. <\/li><\/ul><p>For more options, check out <a href=\"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/babysitter-and-nanny-gifts\/\">30 gift ideas for your nanny or babysitter<\/a>.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-should-i-pay-for-visits-with-a-former-nanny\" data-toc-id=\"75013221\">Should I pay for visits with a former nanny?<\/h2><p>For many parents, including the von Jans, the question is whether to pay your nanny for the time spent alone with their children. &ldquo;If you&rsquo;re asking your former nanny to babysit, then yes, you should pay them,&rdquo; Ludwig says. &ldquo;But otherwise it&rsquo;s a personal relationship, one that your nanny is choosing to continue on their own personal time, and you shouldn&rsquo;t pay them, even if you&rsquo;re the one who suggested the visit.&rdquo;<\/p><p>Mrs. von Jan and her husband wound up inviting her nanny for the weekend, and asking her how she wanted to spend her time. &ldquo;She said she wanted to spend a lot of time with the kids because she missed them, and told us to feel free to go out and run errands or go to dinner,&rdquo; she says. <\/p><p>&ldquo;We definitely gave her a lot of time alone with the kids but then also made sure she had time to relax in her room and unwind, so she would feel like she really got a weekend away,&rdquo; Ludwig adds. The visit was such a success that their nanny has plans to come back in a few months.<\/p><p><em>Originally written by Amanda Dundas<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sad? Confused? Worried about the kids? Here&#8217;s how to say goodbye to your nanny, according to experts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":975,"featured_media":209756,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"enable_toc":true,"care_reviewed_by":0,"care_post_updated_flag":false,"care_updated_date":"2025-11-21T17:31:47.283Z","last_update":"2025-11-21","view_count":35592,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1136,1117],"member-type":[3],"vertical":[6,16],"platform":[2],"class_list":["post-1088","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-family-and-relationships","tag-nanny","member-type-seeker","vertical-children","vertical-child-care-options","platform-resources"],"acf":[],"created":"2011-05-04","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1088","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/975"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1088"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1088\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":223335,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1088\/revisions\/223335"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/209756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1088"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1088"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1088"},{"taxonomy":"member-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/member-type?post=1088"},{"taxonomy":"vertical","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/vertical?post=1088"},{"taxonomy":"platform","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.care.com\/c\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/platform?post=1088"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}