Being a caregiver is an extremely important — albeit challenging — role. Members of the sandwich generation are arguably faced with some of the most demanding types of caregiving simultaneously. Parenting at any stage requires constant attention to your child’s physical and emotional health and well-being. Taking care of aging parents requires a similar rigor on top of navigating the complex new relationship that comes with caring for the person who was once your primary caregiver. The sandwich generation takes on both jobs at once.
This incredibly stressful, demanding situation is currently the reality for a quarter of the U.S. population, predicted to increase as members of the boomer generation continue to require more care as they age. Here, what it means to be part of the sandwich generation, its unique challenges and ways to prepare and cope with being part of it.
What is the sandwich generation?
Members of the sandwich generation are typically middle-aged and find themselves supporting their growing children and aging parents simultaneously. The sandwich generation population has grown due to increased life expectancy and younger adults delaying childbirth. However, the sandwich generation has a history that dates back several decades.
The historical context of the sandwich generation meaning
The term “sandwich generation” was coined by two social workers, Dorothy Miller and Elaine Brody, who observed the trend of people in their 40s caring for their aging parents while raising kids. Initially, the “sandwiched” generation was the boomer generation, struggling to raise Gen X kids while taking care of their Silent Generation parents. Many of The boomer generation cared for their aging parents while raising their kids and now expect to rely on them in old age.
Sandwich generation statistics and overview
A 2022 survey conducted by Pew Research Center estimates that one in seven Americans between the ages of 40 to 60 are providing financial assistance to their children and parents. About a third of adults in the sandwich generation are married, and 20% are living with a partner that can hopefully help share these burdens. Older sandwich generation members in their 50s and 60s don’t care for children at home. However, they still provide financial support to their adult children while caring for their aging parents. Adults in their 40s and 50s make up most of the sandwich generation, and about one in five are caring for children under 18, along with an older child they’re still supporting, on top of their aging parents.
The reality of the sandwich generation
Trying to provide care for children and parents simultaneously is already taxing. But throw in a demanding job, making it even more difficult to manage. For Julie Bell, 47, a realtor based in Cary, North Carolina and mother of one, juggling a full-time job, providing care for her aging parents and still finding time to spend with her teenage daughter has been challenging.
“I have been in hospital rooms taking calls when I wanted to be spending all my time with my parent there,” says Bell. “I’ve had to advocate to make sure that my parents get everything they need. My daughter doesn’t get the time she should with me. I miss out on a lot with friends because of my responsibilities.”
At some of the most stressful points of caregiving, Bell says she was only averaging around two hours of sleep per night.
Sarah M., the founder of Dog Training Boss based in Tucson, Arizona and mother of two, cares for her aging parents, who often need medical attention. “Feeling on-call all the time can be exhausting,” she says. “I rarely disconnect from my phone in case the school, a doctor’s office, or anything urgent needs my attention quickly, and I need to be available.”
Dan Morris, an online marketer and father of two, struggles with his own health issues while caring for his children and aging parents. “I have Crohn’s disease, and symptoms are said to be made worse by stress,” he says. “Sometimes, when the pressure is on to do this with the kids, that with the parents, and everything else in between, it is a feeling overwhelmed and anxious.”
Challenges of the sandwich generation
“Being a part of the sandwich generation impacts our mental and physical health in so many ways, depending on the caregivers’ circumstances,” explains Susan Horton, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “How much pressure exists to be all things to all the people in your family, at the same time, will absolutely deplete the individual with the most responsibility in significant ways.” Here’s a look at the physical, mental and financial implications sandwich generation members face.
The strain on physical health
You can’t provide care for others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Unfortunately, Jill Johnson-Young, a licensed clinical social worker, says that many sandwich generation members prioritize everyone else’s needs over themselves — to a point where it takes a physical toll.
“Caregivers always face health issues because they rationalize that the ones needing care must come first,” explains Johnson-Young. “They don’t look at the reality that if their health is not in good shape, they will not be available for anyone else. It is a serious issue.”
Morris has had to pay extra attention to his stress levels while balancing his caretaking duties to prevent a Crohn’s disease breakout. For Sarah, trying to unplug during times of self-care has proven stressful. “Recently, I booked a massage for myself but became quite anxious about turning my phone on silent for the whole appointment,” she says.
Impact on mental health
Becoming part of the sandwich generation is a life-altering experience that Johnson-Young says causes many different kinds of stress that inevitably take a toll on a person’s mental health. Dealing with the anger that comes from someone not wanting to be dependent and taking it out on them, financial stress from losing or quitting work to meet the needs of those they are caring for, pressure from others who are not facing the issues of being in the sandwich group and wanting them to be the same person they were before with a schedule that allows for more outside activities, coping with medical providers and now trying to cope with increasing prices and scarcity of the things they need are all common sandwich generation experiences.
Horton, who also found herself caught in the sandwich generation caring for her ailing mother with lung cancer while raising four kids, knows the mental toll firsthand. Being a sole caregiver to an ailing elderly parent can be extremely stressful, especially if you add children that need you, in addition to a job outside of the home,” she says. “Depression and anxiety can also develop and lead to sleepless nights and a feeling of never being caught up and in control of your life. It is a recipe for burnout on every level.”
Financial implications
Caring for aging parents, children and yourself inevitably takes a financial toll. “These put pressure on you to earn more income, but due to time constraints posed by both parents and family, one can only do so much,” says registered financial planner Raymond Quisumbing. “Getting a second job to supplement one’s income becomes difficult. The breadwinner then has to cut some expenses to make ends meet, which can affect his or her overall health and productivity.”
Depending on the type of job, caregiving duties can also mean lost wages. Not to mention, spreading one income across the needs of multiple people leaves little room for saving. “It’s often challenging to accumulate personal savings or investments for retirement as part of the sandwich generation,” says Andrew Gosselin, a certified public accountant and senior editor of Money Inc.
Positive aspects of the sandwich generation
“While being part of the sandwich generation can be challenging, it can also provide ample opportunities for personal growth, resilience, and greater family bonding,” says Kalley Hartman, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Caregivers who navigate this role successfully may experience positive outcomes such as increased empathy, problem-solving skills, and a sense of purpose.” Here are a few benefits of being part of the sandwich generation.
Family bonding
“Being part of the sandwich generation provides an opportunity for intergenerational bonding,” explains Jasmine Reed, a clinical psychologist. “The close proximity and involvement with both aging parents and children allow for stronger relationships and the sharing of experiences and wisdom across generations.”
Sarah M. has witnessed this firsthand, watching her grandparents and children spend time together while caring for all of them. “My parents adore the children, and the time spent together helps build memories and a support system within the family,” she says. “Grandparents can be the best cheerleaders, storytellers, and game players a child could ask for — and they always seem to have ice cream or candy in the house!”
For Morris, watching his kids learn about their grandparents has been a rewarding experience. “It’s important to know one’s history and where one came from, and this knowledge is transferred during these times,” he says.
Personal growth and resilience
“Caring for both parents and children simultaneously fosters empathy and compassion,” says Reed. “It deepens the understanding of the aging process, the challenges of parenthood, and the importance of providing support and care to loved ones.”
Though navigating her aging parent’s medical issues has been difficult for Sarah M., it’s also provided important life experiences for her children. “On one occasion, the kids came along to the hospital after one of my parents had a procedure,” says Sarah. “Both children were hesitant about the hospital environment and asked many questions before and after visiting, but they also learned how medical professionals help take care of people. Overall, it became a comfortable learning experience.”
Strategies for managing and reducing sandwich generation stress
It’s not often possible to prevent becoming part of the sandwich generation. But with the right pre-planning, there are ways to make taking on this responsibility easier. Here are a few expert strategies for reducing sandwich generation stress for future members of the sandwich generation.
Financial planning
If you think you’ll be part of the sandwich generation in the near future, Gosselin recommends sitting down and taking a look at the current state of your finances.
“Start with a comprehensive understanding of your financial position, setting out a clear budget and saving strategy,” he says. “Regularly contribute to a retirement fund, and consider setting up an emergency fund that could cover at least three to six months of living expenses.”
Gosselin also encourages investing in long-term care insurance for aging parents, which will help cover future health care costs. Though it can be an awkward conversation, talking with your parents about their finances will also give an idea of how much they can cover for their care and how much you may be responsible for.
You’ll also do well to set up small, frequent auto transfers into a high-yield savings account, which can be accessed in an emergency, says Gosselin.
If you need extra support with financial planning, non-profit organizations, such as the National Council on Aging or local Area Agency on Aging, can provide valuable information and support, he says.
Discussing long-term care options
It’s important to speak with not only your parents but also with siblings and anyone else who may be involved in their health care decisions.
“Initiate open and honest discussions with parents and family members about their expectations, preferences, and potential future care needs,” says Reed. “Encourage conversations about long-term care options, financial planning and healthcare wishes. [Having] these conversations early can help everyone involved understand each other’s perspectives and make informed decisions.”
In hindsight, Horton says pre-planning where your aging parents will live and what limitations old age and other health issues may bring will make things easier when the time comes. “I never prepared for the physical limits my mom developed very quickly after being diagnosed with a terminal disease,” she says. “For example, I would have had her transition to a one-level home (she lived in a townhouse) with a bathroom next to her bedroom, closer to where I lived, well before she became physically disabled.”
Time management tips
Understanding not only what type of care your parents may require but how long things will take is key to not feeling overwhelmed with the demands of the sandwich generation. For example, when considering where your parents will live, it’s also important to keep in mind where their primary care doctors are located and who will be responsible for driving them to and from appointments. When Horton temporarily moved her mother into a house next door to her own, she hadn’t considered how far this was from all her mother’s primary care physicians. “Commuting 45 minutes to every appointment just added to the daily stress,” she says.
“Incorporate stress management techniques into your daily routine. This can include mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, journaling or engaging in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction.”
— Jasmine Reed, clinical psychologist
Prioritize your emotional well-being
We all experience stress in our day-to-day lives. Becoming part of the sandwich generation inevitably adds more stress to the mix, so knowing how to manage stress before it piles up is important.
“Incorporate stress management techniques into your daily routine,” Reed recommends. “This can include mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, journaling or engaging in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction. Find what works best for you and incorporate it into your routine to help reduce stress and promote overall well-being.”
Why women more often become sandwich caregivers
Being part of the sandwich generation can often significantly impact women more than men due to various societal and cultural factors.
Traditional gender roles paint women as caretakers, and older adults expect their daughters or their sons’ wives to do the caretaking. “This expectation can lead to additional responsibilities and pressure, making it more challenging for women to balance caregiving duties with other aspects of their lives,” says Reed. The emotional work of caring for aging parents also inevitably falls more on women than men.
“This includes managing the emotional well-being of family members, coordinating schedules, organizing healthcare appointments, and making important decisions,” adds Reed. “The emotional toll of fulfilling these roles can be significant and contribute to increased stress and burnout.”
Coping mechanisms for women in the sandwich generation
Prioritize self-care
“Make self-care a priority and carve out time for activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental well-being,” says Reed. This can include exercise, hobbies, relaxation techniques, spending time with friends, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and rejuvenation.
Set boundaries
“Setting boundaries helps prevent burnout and ensures that you have the capacity to meet your own needs along with the needs of others,” says Reed. When possible, lean on other family members or support systems, and be firm about saying ‘no’ when necessary.
Seek support
“Reach out for support from family, friends, or support groups,” says Reed. Sharing your experiences with others in the same boat can help you feel less alone. “Joining caregiver support groups or seeking professional counseling can also be helpful in managing stress and finding coping strategies,” Reed suggests.
Balancing caregiving with child-rearing
Being part of the sandwich generation is truly a balancing act. Here are a few tips for managing the unique challenges of raising kids while caring for older loved ones.
Managing caregiving during back-to-school season
At the start of a new school year, introduce yourself to your children’s teachers and make them aware of your situation. “Inform them about your caregiving responsibilities and discuss any potential challenges or specific needs,” says Reed. “This can create understanding and support, and they may offer accommodations or resources to assist your family.”
Creating and sticking with a schedule is also key. “Create a daily schedule, as much as you can, for all the people you manage,” says Horton. “Do this together if you have older kids.” Include appointments and after-school activities and place time on your calendar to incorporate coping strategies, whether it’s a quick five-minute breath of fresh air, a short meditation or a few minutes of journaling. “Maintaining a rhythm to your days will give you a sense of balance and control when tougher days happen,” says Horton.
Coping with the challenges of raising young children or teenagers
Taking the time to help your teen learn how to manage their responsibilities will inevitably free up time on your calendar. “Encourage your teenagers to take on age-appropriate responsibilities and foster their independence,” says Reed. “Teach them essential life skills, such as managing their own schedules, basic household tasks, and self-care.”
Involve your teens in decisions like what to make for dinner or plans for the weekend. “Encouraging your teenagers to manage their time effectively can help reduce conflicts and create a sense of ownership,” explains Reed.
Encouraging young children to play with aging parents keeps them occupied and engaged while also freeing up your time. “If there is any room for a quick game you all enjoy or fun event along the way, this can also give everyone relief from the heaviness of all the stress and inspire greater connection,” says Horton. “Our kids would also play with [my mom], which sometimes made things a bit lighter.”
Resources and support for the sandwich generation
Feeling supported while navigating the demands of the sandwich generation is essential. Here are some resources that can help lighten the load.
National and local resources
Area Agency on Aging, a public or private non-profit agency, is designated by the state to address the needs and concerns of all older persons at the regional and local levels.
Caregiver education and training programs
“Many organizations and community centers offer educational programs and workshops specifically designed for caregivers,” says Reed. These programs provide valuable information on caregiving techniques, managing stress, communication skills, and navigating healthcare systems.
Online communities and support groups
“Numerous websites and online platforms offer valuable information, resources, and forums for caregivers,” says Reed. These platforms provide access to articles, caregiver tips, support communities, and advice from professionals. Examples include the Family Caregiver Alliance (caregiver.org) and the Caregiver Action Network (caregiveraction.org).
Books and podcasts for sandwich caregivers
- “How to Care for Aging Parents: A One-Stop Resource for All Your Medical, Financial, Housing, and Emotional Issues.” Now in its third edition, this book has been hailed as a must-have guide for logistical information and emotional experience.
- “Striped Shirts and Flowered Pants.” Not sure how to explain dementia to your child? This children’s book breaks it down in a beautiful, easy-to-understand way.
- “Middle Aging – A Podcast for the Sandwich Generation.” A mix of personal stories and practical advice shared by experts, middle aging helps the sandwich generation understand and manage all that comes with this phase of life.
- “The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide.” Hosts Candace Dellacona, Esq. and Jodi Argentino, M.S., Esq. deliver raw comedic tactics for taking care of their children and parents while balancing everything else life comes with.
“Don’t hesitate to seek support from family, friends or support groups. Share your feelings, concerns and challenges with others who can offer understanding, empathy and advice.”
— Jasmine Reed
The bottom line: Must-know takeaways for sandwich generation caregivers
No matter what your sandwich caregiving situation looks like, consider these three, solid expert tips.
Seek support
“Don’t hesitate to seek support from family, friends or support groups,” says Reed. “Share your feelings, concerns and challenges with others who can offer understanding, empathy and advice.”
Learn how to say “no”
“Don’t be afraid to say no when you’re pushing yourself beyond your limits,” says Morris. “Complete one task at a time, and don’t fret over everything else that needs to be done.”
Reach out to friends
Friends don’t always know how to offer support in situations like this. But Sarah says making time to connect with others away from your duties as a caregiver is crucial, noting, “Sometimes it’s important to break away from conversations about kids or parents and just talk and connect with good friends.”
