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Chase Joy, Find Confidence

Morgan Kelly Burke
Aug. 7, 2012

Arlett Hartie shares why confidence can be measured by the size for your dreams as part of the Care.com Interview Series.

The pursuit of happiness is Arlett Hartie's mission. The proud aunt and Chasing Joy blogger knows exactly how she should feel about herself: confident. And while that's easier said than done some days, Hartie tells us why we all need to remember that feelings are just feelings and not reality. See why Hartie believes your own happiness should take priority and why she'll support any of her future kids' dreams -- no matter how silly.

Tell us about your family.

My family consists of me, my mom, and 3 furry friends, two cats and a dog. I also have two nieces and two nephews.

Do you consider yourself a confident woman? If so, what and who helped you get there?

Most of the time I do consider myself to be a confident woman. I do have my days though. What has helped me to be confident is growing up in a house where I was told I could do anything. I was told I was beautiful and smart and I believed it and still do.

Do you or any of your kids struggle with a lack of self-confidence? How have you handled that?

I do have my days when I'm not feeling my best; days when my self-confidence has taken a hiatus. I handle those days by reminding myself, "No Negative Self-Talk." I also remember the advice someone I look up to offered. Feelings are just feelings and not necessarily reality. If I am feeling unattractive or less than in some way, I try to remember that this is just a feeling, not reality, and it will pass.

What was the one moment you knew you were worthy, important and that you truly count? Tell us about that.

I honestly cannot recall a specific moment where I knew I was worthy and important. I have my parents to thank for always making me feel that way. I also have to give credit to my faith. I was taught at an early age that God loves us all and if God loves me than who am I not to love me. I was also taught that we were all blessed with different talents that made us all important and stand out in different ways. I believe that God did not make any mistakes when he made me.

How do you express the value of confidence to your kids? What tips do you have for other parents on boosting kids' self-esteem? Is there anything you wish your parents had done or said to you to boost your self-esteem?

Well, I don't think my furry friends have any confidence issues :-) But with my nieces and nephews I try to always react positively to the things they tell me. I always interested and excited to hear about their activities and interest. I show them that they matter to me by giving them attention and positive affirmations whenever possible. I tell them they are beautiful and handsome not only because they are but because I don't ever want them to doubt it. I tell them they are smart and talented for the very same reason. I pay attention to what I say to them and am careful not to belittle them or make them feel ashamed or embarrassed. I want them to feel safe with me, safe to share their ideas, dreams, and even the silliest things with me. I hope to be able to treat my own children the same way one day.

How might you (some day) use social media to increase your child's self-esteem?

I hope to show my nieces, nephews and my future children that there is a lot of positivity online. That social media can link you to like-minded people. That whatever their interests are they can find someone even thousands of miles away who will share that same interest. I hope that that will make them feel empowered and proud of their personalities.

What's the ONE thing you want your kids to feel/remind themselves/know when they walk out the door in the morning? What words do you want them to remember to boost their confidence?

I'd want them to know that they are loved unconditionally. That what they desire and what makes them happy is important. When they find things that make them happy and give them Joy they should go for it. That making your own happiness a priority, going after your dreams, and Chasing Joy gives you confidence.

Arlett Hartie is the writer behind the inspiring blog, Chasing Joy. She talks candidly about her quest to find happiness and the roadblocks that she overcomes along the way. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Find more messages of confidence in our Care.com Interview Series: You Count »

Photo used with permission from Arlett Hartie.
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