1. Resources
  2. /
  3. Parenting
  4. /
  5. School & education

Tips For Responding To Defiance

Courtesy Of
May 31, 2017

 

Observe Learn Respond
  • What triggers defiance?
  • Are there patterns, like rejecting tooth-brushing?
  • Are some times of day more difficult?
  • How do you typically respond?
  • Does defiance help her get her way?
  • What choices can your child make?
  • Offer acceptable choices so she has control
  • Avoid power struggles - don't give in to defiance
  • Validate feelings while setting a limit

Defiance

It is a toddler's job to be oppositional. This is the period in your child's development when she begins to understand that she is separate from you and can exert some control over her world, but before you know it you may fear you're raising a defiant child.

One powerful way she can do this is by defying you. You say, "Do this..." and she says, "No!" The drive to assert one's self is useful as it motivates your child to want to make things happen.

Being able to do some things for herself builds her confidence. The key is to find ways to show your child how she can be in control and make her own choices in positive ways.

For instance, if she's resistant to brushing her teeth, ask her, "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after we read books?" You can also reinforce that there are positive benefits to cooperating, such as by saying "You helped get yourself dressed for school so quickly. Now we have time to read your favorite book before we go to day care."

Learn more

Coping With Defiance in the Early Years

And check out ZERO TO THREE's resources

Explore other child behaviors:

Agressive Behavior

Biting

Crying

Sleep Challenges

About ZERO TO THREE

ZERO TO THREE is a national, nonprofit organization that informs, trains, and supports professionals, policymakers, and parents in their efforts to improve the lives of infants and toddlers.

About Care.com

Since launching in 2007, Care.com (NYSE: CRCM) has been committed to solving the complex care challenges that impact families, caregivers, employers, and care service companies. Today, Care.com is the world’s largest online destination for finding and managing family care, with 13.6 million families and 10.4 million caregivers* across more than 20 countries, including the U.S., UK, Canada and parts of Western Europe, and approximately 1.2 million employees of corporate clients having access to our services. Spanning child care to senior care, pet care, housekeeping and more, Care.com provides a sweeping array of services for families and caregivers to find, manage and pay for care or find employment. These include: a comprehensive suite of safety tools and resources members may use to help make more informed hiring decisions - such as third-party background check services, monitored messaging, and tips on hiring best practices; easy ways for caregivers to be paid online or via mobile app; and Care.com Benefits, including the household payroll and tax services provided by Care.com HomePay and the Care Benefit Bucks program, a peer-to-peer pooled, portable benefits platform funded by household employer contributions which provides caregivers access to professional benefits. For enterprise clients, Care.com builds customized benefits packages covering child care, back up care and senior care consulting services through its Care@Work business, and serves care businesses with marketing and recruiting support. To connect families further, Care.com acquired community platforms Big Tent and Kinsights in 2013 and 2015, respectively. Headquartered in Waltham, Massachusetts, Care.com has offices in Berlin, Austin and the San Francisco Bay area.

Leave a comment

Create a free account with Care.com and join our community today.

Related content

How much should you pay for a babysitter?