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Your Kids Will Never Understand These 25 Blasts From Your Past

Steve Auger
Dec. 21, 2015

Harken back to your youth when these 25 gems were the norm. Kids today -- they'll never understand!

Part of parenthood is making reference to some object or experience from your younger years that draws a blank stare from your children (or worse, an eye roll). And despite kids thinking they know everything, there are some things they'll never get.

Here's a list of 25 of those things that make perfect sense to you but your kids will never understand:
 

  1. VHS Tapes
    These were obviously invented by parents who got sick of missing their favorite TV shows because one of their kids (insert random child function that needs attention) every time they sat down to watch it.


     
  2. Blockbuster Video
    The big blue sign. Please be kind, rewind. And movie theater-sized boxes of candy. Yup, Blockbuster was home to the greatest collection of VHS tapes ever!


     
  3. Drive-In Movie Theaters
    Who needs stadium seating when you had the comforts of your front seat? Now, be honest -- how many times did you sneak in a friend in the trunk? Luckily, if your kids don't believe you, there are a few drive-in theaters left!


     
  4. Baseball Double-Headers
    Way back when, you used to be able to buy tickets to an actual double-header (as in, two games back-to-back). Now they're "day/night double-headers" and way less fun.


     
  5. Cassette Tapes
    There's a new sheriff in town and he just booted your eight-track tapes (good luck explaining that one to little Billy) and your vinyl records to the curb. And if your car radio had a cassette player? That was a little slice of musical heaven.


     
  6. Car Phones
    Speaking of cars, remember when cars had these big, obnoxious phones that were only slightly smaller than your wall phone at home? Admit it. You felt James Bond-esque making that call, didn't you?'


     
  7. Pagers
    Ever use that car phone to page your spouse? Yup, you thought you were "all that" getting your page returned to your car phone. And if you were the one receiving a page? *faint*


     
  8. Candy Cigarettes
    D.A.R.E. didn't exist yet and all the cool kids you saw in the movies were smoking cigarettes. You? You just ate them. Blech! Never again.


     
  9. Recording Songs off the Radio
    The boredom of waiting for the song to come on. The panic of accidentally recording the DJ talking. Either way, those mix tapes were the perfect way to express your feelings to that special someone.


     
  10. Floppy Disc
    The flash drive's older-than-dirt delicate cousin without the built-in protective case. Or, as your kid knows it, "The icon on the 'save' buttons on the computer."


     
  11. Bob Barker
    If there's ever a Mount Rushmore for game show hosts, Bob Barker will certainly be one of the four faces up there. The guy's a legend!


     
  12. Wax on, Wax Off!
    Waxing cars and painting fences makes one a lethal blackbelt in karate. That ingrate Daniel-san totally didn't deserve Mr. Miyagi!


     
  13. Michael Jackson's Moonwalk
    Remember those 8th-grade dances when the coolest of the cool kids would bust out MJ's moonwalk? You were one of them. There's no need for modesty.


     
  14. Mork and Mindy
    Don't even waste your time with a "Nanu Nanu" on your kids. They won't appreciate it nor do they deserve it!


     
  15. Howard Johnson's
    Sadly, Applebee's and Outback Steakhouse don't have the panache of the pitched orange roof.


     
  16. View Master
    With movies and games available on your iPad, kids will never understand the joy of getting a new set of slides to flip through.


     
  17. Cabbage Patch Dolls
    Every few years there's a must-have "it" toy. Cabbage Patch dolls turned Christmas shopping into a contact sport.


     
  18. President's Physical Fitness Test
    Because nothing's quite as humiliating as not being able to do the rope climb or a single pull-up in front of the entire gym class.
     
  19. "I Hanker for a Hunk of Cheese"
    That chunky yellow guy made eating cheese cool.


     
  20. Pad-less Skateboarding
    Once upon a time, elbow pads, knee pads and helmets weren't mandated for proper skateboarding. Note: SoCal hipsters' kids can ignore this one.


     
  21. The Clapper
    Because getting out of your chair to turn on a light is such a drag.


     
  22. The Brat Pack
    Molly, Emilio, Judd, Ali, Rob! They're all playing parents on TV or directing now. "Mom, what's 'Pretty in Pink?'"
     
  23. Paper Routes
    This was the pre-job first job for all neighborhood kids. Good luck explaining newspapers.


     
  24. Yogi Bear
    A friendly, talking bear that's constantly on the run from the park ranger and survives on pic-a-nic baskets. Why not?


     
  25. Hey, McFly!!!
    A much cooler way of calling someone a nerd. Wait a minute, do kids still use the word nerd?


What's on your list of items your kids will never understand? Share them in the comments. Want more pop culture? Check out 30 Weird Celebrity Baby Names That Will Make You Raise an Eyebrow.

Steve Auger is a freelance writer residing just north of Boston, Massachusetts. As relatively new parents, he and his wife Lauren quickly learned that parenthood is short on sleep (and sometimes patience) but diapers, toothless smiles and lots of love are plentiful.

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