Is the living situation with your au pair awkward and uncomfortable? Here is how you can manage it.
While the vast majority of au pair stories are ones of success, every now and then there will be a less than perfect match. We are all people and, at the end of the day, not everyone is going to get on with each other all the time. Personalities clash, and that’s okay.
That being said, there is a certain amount of effort that both sides need to put in to try and make the best of the situation. Even if your au pair doesn’t wow you from the get-go, that doesn’t mean that you won’t change your mind once some time has passed and they are feeling more comfortable and settled.
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So, before cancelling your contract and sending your au pair on their way, here are a few possible issues that might arise and how to deal with them:
1. They start out on the wrong foot
It can be a big disappointment for host families when their new au pair arrives and doesn’t live up to expectations. There are usually two reasons that this happens: The first is that the au pair has an underwhelming skill set and troubles to cope with their duties and tasks. The second is that there is a personality clash. The au pair might be too strict for your laid-back household or vice versa. Thankfully, there are measures you can take to try and alleviate the problems posed by either of these situations.
If the au pair is struggling with their duties, create a plan to help them get up to speed. Whether it is getting the kids out on time in the morning, doing housework or whatever else the problem may be, spend time showing them how to do the jobs and allow time for them to adapt. If your au pair refuses to engage and makes no effort to respond to your training, then it might be time to think about finding a replacement.
If the issue stems from their personality or attitude, having regular conversations is your best bet. Give your au pair concrete examples of what you need from them. You should have these conversations almost daily in the first six weeks of their stay. When offering constructive criticism, also praise the au pair’s successes. Positive comments will help inspire your au pair. Also remember that they might just be nervous in their first few weeks, so allow some time for adjustment.
2. They are not reliable
A common fear for host families is that their au pair will not be reliable. Although rare, some host families find that their young au pair simply uses the programme to travel or views their time as a holiday and neglects their duties. To avoid this, be explicit in what you expect from them and outline your house rules before they arrive, and then go over them again when they get there. Discuss their duties and have them written into the au pair contract. If the au pair consistently does not meet the terms of the contract, this can be grounds for termination.
3. The children don’t like them
It can be difficult for children to adapt to a new live-in minder. The au pair might be difficult for your children to understand or their childminding skills might be different to what your kids are used to. To hit the ground running, make your children part of the interview and decision process. From Skype calls and videos, you should get a good idea of whether or not the au pair will be able to bond with your children.
Once the au pair arrives, do your best to integrate them with your family. Involve them in family activities and give them tips on how to bond with your children, e.g., what topics they like to discuss, what games they like to play, etc.
4. If they are homesick
Bouts of homesickness are inevitable for many au pairs. But this does not mean that anyone who suffers from it should call quits and pack up to go home. There are lots of things you as the host parent can do to help prevent and alleviate the misery that accompanies homesickness:
- Keep them busy. Spending time on their own and chatting to friends from home is one of the biggest triggers of homesickness. To avoid this, try to keep your au pair busy outside of their working hours and include them in your family activities.
- Socialise. If your au pair makes a core network of friends, the chance of becoming homesick greatly diminishes. Before your au pair arrives, find out if there are other au pairs in the area that you can introduce them too. It is also a good idea to shop around for language schools and find out where has the most similarly aged students and, if possible, find out where there are the most au pairs.
- Weekend trips. Tell your au pair about exciting weekend trips that they can go on. Have a list of fun places and trips around your hometown that can keep them busy and fulfilled during their downtime.
- Find the cause. If you find out what’s causing your au pair’s homesickness you can try to help them through it. Maybe they received some bad news from back home or their new best friend has finished their au pair stay. Whatever the cause, they are more likely to get through it if they can talk to you about it.
5. If they get sick
Unfortunately, illnesses do happen and must be dealt with. Make sure your au pair has the appropriate health insurance before they arrive, the details of which should be included in your contract.
If your au pair comes down with an illness you should continue giving them room and board, their regular pocket money and arrange alternative childcare. However, if the illness is prolonged and you find yourself paying for double childcare, you may need to discuss options for the future with your au pair.
While there are always things that might not work out exactly as you thought, it is important to try and make the best of the situation. Many host parents find that with the right communication, most problems can be worked through and both the host family and au pair will have a wonderful experience.
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