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My brother is paying a senior home aide and his friends $22,000 per month of my parents' money

I need a reality check about costs. I also wonder if there's any help. I feel like the only sane one.

My parents are in their eights, and definitely in cognitive decline, but not in need of actual nurse or doctor care.  The men my brother hired microwave a frozen entree for dinner, moisten instant oatmeal for breakfast, and a hot dog for lunch. They help my dad stand up but only because they won't let me swap his favorite reading chair for this huge rocking recliner I can barely get out of, which he never used to sit in. They swap it back as soon as I leave. My dad  watches TV all day. Literally. My dad is either in  bed, or in that chair (or in the bathroom, of course).  My parents don't even exit their giant to eat. The men bring them those little trays that Lean Cuisine comes in.  My mom almost fainted when I gave them broiled chicken and freshly made salad. (Tip: Serve salad in a big, lightweight mug so there's no chasing lettuce off the side of the plate.)

My parents' long-term housekeeper still comes on Monday afternoons for $120/week but their gardeners were replaced by friends of the main live in, after 20 years of mutual respect.

How it works: There is always 1 of 2  live-ins at my parents' house, 7 days a week.

From 8pm to 8 am, the live-in is off the clock but stays at my parents' house, occupying the only spare bedroom and the only spare bathroom (it's only reached through the bedroom). My mother wants her own room bwcause there's a strange man next to their bed and it keeps my dad up and down all night. The main live-in won't give it up so she sleeps on her recliner, but it isn't reclined. 

The night attendant is there 12 hours per day, between 8:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m. His job is to stay in my father's bedroom, awake, but he usually falls asleep with a lamp on, and my dad can't sleep.

The tab is a little over $742/day. If you divide that by 36 (which is a 24-hour awake/asleep shift plus an overnight 12-hour awake shift) it comes to $20.60 per hour.  I think they pay for too many hours of sleep and poor performance all around. (My dad had two head injuries and a broken wrist (3 events) in the first 7 months. He was stuck in "rehab" so long that his legs atrophied which is why he needs the night shift now.) (Oh, and the antiques harvest has begun already. Two ancient Chinese terracotta dogs and counting...)

If it was just two 12-hour shifts per day at $20.60/hr, the cost would fall from $22,000/month to $15,000, but that still seems like a lot. It's $180,000/year.  The status quo (36 hours paid per 24-hour day) is $264,000/year!!!

I volunteered to move in last year and my parents were thrilled. Their mistake was giving my brother power of attorney. He told them this is how it's going to be, it's for their own good, etc. 


If my brother won't budge, do I sue or report to APS, or both?

Answers

My suggestion for you is to hire caretakers that you, your brother & the parents are completely comfortable with. The care that our elders receive is so poor in many areas. Your parents both need to be engaging in stimulating activities with their mental and physical status. I can not stand to watch someone just sitting in a wheel chair or uncomfortable position without finding a relaxing appropriate position while stimulating them as needed.The exercises for circulation, bathing on a regular basis and making sure the diet they are on is healthy. Making sure that the patient is on the correct medication is so very important. Their are solutions to your issues but it starts with communicating with your brother about the care he is wanting to provide to the parents. Trying to work with him and understand why you are disagreeing about the care the parent's are receiving. I can relate to your situation more than you know. Compromising for the right type of care is what you need to focus on. If your brother is wanting the best care for the parents it does not mean the higher the pay the better the care. That is ridiculous. I have seen this for myself which is the very reason i am working in this area. I would love to help your family come to an agreement that suits you both with the parents best interest at hand. To see that you are not being taken advantage of by being charges astronomical prices and half ass care. My father just passed away in Feb. with Lewy Body Dementia and understanding this disease was such an incredible thing to better serve my father. If you would like to discuss other options in the care of your parents, please do not hesitate to text me or email me through this site. Being an advocate for your parents is a must and so many times you have to think outside of the box and be sure you understand your brothers concerns as well. He is most likely wanting the best for them as well but no resources or additional options. It's possible i could help you in your current situation and bring a ton of relief to your family. First it's is essential concerns and communicate with your loved ones and getting on the same page without being taken advantage of. If you would like to contact me my name is Kelly Harrison and I'm under care taking for seniors and children. Many blessings to you as i know exactly what you are going through.

I did not see an identification of who is authorized to control or guide health care--a health directive. Sounds like the brother may have that. Coverage around the clock short of entering a nursing home is costly. Splitting the shifts is reasonable as the care of a client is taxing 24/7 for one person thus even our hospitals have realized that. The issue is availability, desire, and capability of family to fill the gaps. Usually, family members see the consuming nature of this work and seek help. Screening help is as critical as striking the proper balance of visitation and family involvement when ambulatory and direct care is needed. I care for others despite having to care for my surviving parent and disabled son. I do so to maintain my compassion. Inventory the home, remove or store valuables no differently than a nursing facility would, be visible to caregivers as absence breads discontent, and more importantly work together as a family for care. Division breads strife and distrust. Communicate your concerns and be present unless you are precluded from doing so. Caregiving is hard at best. My siblings were at a distance for over 20 years, yes you read that right. Due to their removed presence my husband and I made decisions that made my parents last days their best days by keeping them at home together for as long as possible over choosing detached care of nursing home. Consider the choices, love your brother, and communicate more to understand his position and the results in terms of care. Lucky for me, my siblings now come twice a year, one holiday altogether and one sibling takes one week vacation. Doesn't seem like a lot but mom looks forward to it and that is all that matters.

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I think suing is a bit of a jump in the first steps 1 I would get an attorney to sort out the power of attorney while your parents are still sain and able to speak up and 2 yes I would report them all of them. That is way to much money to be spending for that kind of service period.

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I'm sorry to say that I think your problems lay more in your dis-satisfaction with your fathers care than the amount of money being paid to his caregivers. I think this needs to be addressed. Please have a very frank talk with his caregivers and if things do not change then talk to your brother about replacing the current caregivers. At that point discuss what you feel would be fair compensation for a good, stable, reliable caregiver. (I do not think $20./hr for exceptional, relaiable, care is out of line).

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This plea made me nauseas. Honestly, paying $22,000 a month for 24/7 live-in care is beyond belief. I have plenty of experience from facility to residential and what is happening in your parents household sounds like a strong case for neglect, abuse and robbery. YOU MUST INTERVENE! East Coast - West Coast, North/South - doesn't matter. Typical 'aide' ranges from $8.50 hr to $20.00 hr. (depending on licensure and skill demands). Average live-in rates, private hire, $10-$16 hr, 14 hr awake days, 8 hrs sleep $0 pay during sleep. If you split 12 hr shifts (14hr/10hr), overnight is required to be awake, tops $13 hr. Live-in normally = LOWERED RATE = DUE TO LIVE-IN amenities (rent, utilities, tv, wifi, laundry IS INCLUDED). Please straighten this out. Your parents should NOT be forced into poverty, live like that, nothings left for beloved family later? Oh please. Intervene. Get a lawyer, contact the state AG as well as licensing state agency of these thieves.

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Alaia in Irvine, CA
Aug. 28, 2018

Well first take a breath ,and please I say this ,as my own experience and how we handled,our issues ( the free loading, stealing, trying to manipulate the family members against each other. First, if the person has been there for more than 3 months. They have a right to call the house your parents are in THERES, And you will not be able to even fire them because now that is a their residency Get an attorney fast

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Hello Home care can be quite expensive. However if you do the math, $22,000 a month for 24/7 care (1 person at a time) comes out to an hourly rate just over $30 an hour. Private caregivers on this site typically charge from $10 to $25 an hour.If caregivers are from an agency though that fee might actually be appropriate. An agency relieves you of scheduling problems and things like that. Hope this helps.

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Araceli in Gilroy, CA
July 29, 2018

I would talk to a lawyer and see what can be done. If you could move in that would cut costs. Then just hire a caregiver for shifts that you need covered. 20 dollars an hour is actually not bad. But when the work is getting done correctly. T.V dinners and sleeping does not count and being a good caregiver. They are not getting the proper nutrition that they need. I would really look into what can be done. If they are not getting fed well that is either considered neglect or abuse. Find out.

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Oh my goodness! That is outrageous!

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i get paid 10.00 to 15.00 an hour and that is a normal rate so for a one person a month would be 2400.00 at only 8 hrs so what you are saying just sounds high i have been a home health aide for 30 plus years

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Call APS.

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get a lawyer NOW!!!!!

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get a lawyer and DHS involved

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Michele in Canaan, NH
Aug. 15, 2018

That is WAY too much for your parents to be paying!! I worked as a business manager in a higher end facility and 2 bedrom room didnt cost that much! You and your brother need to sit down and have a LONG talk! And if they are charging that much they shoud be treating your parents like royality! How dare they charge that much and not cook your parents meals!you HAVE to report this to APS and get an Attorney!!! They are taking advantage of your parents my heart is broken for you and your parents.

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User in Folsom, CA
Sept. 10, 2018

Wow, That is a very high cost, and I do not believe even for 24 hour care that is a reasonable price. I have worked with seniors for years and I believe your brother/parents are being taken advantage of in a big way.I believe there are senior protective services that would assist you. Even though your brother has power of attorney his care and supervision are not above the law, and can be investigated and challenged.

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User in Homosassa, FL
July 29, 2018

First of all I am sorry for all your parents hardship.Power of attorney can be changed as long as it wasn't a court order due to inability to make your own decisions. After considering all the requirements your parents need I could suggest a few ideas. You could hire a full time live in person from Care.com at an hourly or set monthly rate which could be negotiated for the room and board you'd be providing. Have you thought about a assisted living facility as an option? I hope everything goes well with you.

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That is totally insane!!!! I was told a similar story last sunday and I had worked a 12 hour shift.The daughter told me the monthly charge verses what the agency pays me.the replacements do the same,but add sleep also..I suggest a report to APS, get a case nurse and the money will not last forever at that rate.I feel bad for you.

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You can attempt to Sue but your brother being their Power of Attorney, it gives him a lot of legal control with their care. Basically 100 % of it. Save what you can, and consult a lawyer. I am not sure what type of law it would fall under.

Joann in Seekonk, MA
July 21, 2018

Yes her brother can be POA. However, he cannot take advantage of it. Someone else needs to be looking out for your parents. I would definitely call Elderly affairs They will look into it and if you do not get satisfaction from them. I would then hire my own attorney. These people who are robbing their loved ones. Hang your head in shame. God does not sleep! Get ready to have an explanation for Jesus when it is your turn to explain Where is the m0ney? If the lies Jesus will know. Just keep doing what you are.

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User in Seattle, WA
Aug. 7, 2018

Live in home care is expensive. You might want to check out Adult Family Homes. I do 24 hour care for between $240 to $325 a day, depending on the needs. You have to understand that a caregiver is giving up a lot of their time to take care of your loved ones. My $240 price is for 10 hours full time care and 8 hours on-call while I am there. On call is like any other job you do on call for; I do my own thing but am available. The only difference in on call with care giving is that we cannot leave to do personal errands. I also require 6 hours of sleep a night when doing 24 hour care. Hope this helps you understand the costs for care giving. I know that Adult Family Homes are a cheaper way to go, but it sounds like you want your parents to stay in their home.

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Ann in Fremont, OH
Aug. 1, 2018

Omnibunsman Senior advocate. You should not be paying over 1500 month. Nursing homes only charge....3000.00 to 6000.00. You are getting raped...if I may be frank. Get rid of them ASAP. Report NOW. You can find a live in care giver that would love to take care of properly and not take advantage of situation. Privacy and respect are first and foremost. Neglect, abuse and theft seems to be prevelant.

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Lois in Memphis, TN
Aug. 5, 2018

If I can be help to you O will take care of your love one I have experience at the homes, hospital, and the rehab

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I enjoy helping people to have it all-45 yeaars nursing experience,my number two passion is cooking, I also clean, like to keep busy, all at a very low rate, I urge you to try my services

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I have applied to several jobs that are local or close to me but I am not sure if they are receiving my messages?

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I cared for my father for quite some time. He had multiple medical problems. When it got out of hand he ended up in a very wonderful facility nearby call Highview in the Woodlands. In had medical assistants, maid service, meals, etc. Cost was around $5000 a month depending on what you needed. He had a one bedroom apartment of his own.Those are things you may want to look into instead of all this unnecessary shifts of people.

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Hello, It looks like it is very complicated situation and a not very good living conditions for your parents ! Although your brother has the power of attorney if your parents are not happy and well taking care off ,you have the right to step in and fight for their rights. Find a lawyer and ask for advice! Report and sue in my opinion! I hope this can help you and good luck with your parents!

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You can hire a companion to cut back on costs. Someone for lite housekeeping,food preperation. and whatever needs are required.

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Sounds super high. But if he's hiring, let me know:) When my dad lived with us, we had to "spend down" his money so he would be eligible for a nursing home. But this sounds more than than that. Perhaps APS should go have a look at the living situations. Are you and your brother equal heirs when your parents die? If so, then you should have more of a say about what is spent. Maybe a call to an elder attorney is in order.

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C in Maitland, FL
Aug. 2, 2018

Try part time in-home care. Begin slow. The most important thing is to find people you trust. Then, if the person is able and willing to do the care needed for your particular situation sit down and write up a weekly plan. Start with Part-time in-home care. Have someone come twice a week at first. Perhaps a lot more than you think can be done in a couple of days as opposed to every day. This will have to be assessed, of course. Safety is important. But, running out of money is not a good thing. Perhaps there are services that can come on the days care givers don't come (like Meals on Wheels) to at least check up on your parents to make sure things are ok. There may be other volunteer services through church, neighbors who would be willing to stop in or call and other organizations as well to check up on your parents on the days the care givers don't come.

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My name is Nana Amma. I've been a caregiver for over 15years. I have a team of workers and we deal with this kind of situation everyday. we can take very good care of your parents better than the your present caregivers. Freshly prepared meals everyday, 24hour care, light housekeeping etc. We can do all this for less than you're paying now and better care. we have glowing references, please check my website: highroadscare.com to look at at my testimonials.

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Wow, you need to contact elder abuse people with all your documentation and also an attorney to get the POA out of your brother's control.

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If your parents are of sound mind they can revoke the power of attorney and issue a new one. Your parents can fire him and get an attorney.

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User in Madison, WI
Aug. 2, 2018

Find An Attorney to Assist you in Getting a " Letter of Competency " (although you mention Cognitive decline ) or whatever is necessary and have your Parents change the Power of Attorney to You . Take care of their Will as well. Set up nanny cams all over home to prove your case if need be . 24/7 Care is very expensive but the extra men seem out of order ... A live-In leaves after their 12 hour shift, A Baby Monitor in your Father's room would waken and advise the night shift caregiver your father needs help and No Need for a 2nd Person on the night shift that sleeps., Best to You and your parents ...

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Alan in Nutley, NJ
Aug. 8, 2018

You shouldn't be paying more than $15.00-$16.00 an hour if you are paying cash..I would like to help. My Best, Alan

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Is your brother paying an agency,or is this private. You need to know are they certified by the state of Georgia.that sounds like alot of money but they are caring for 2 and its 24 hrs. o

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Ben in San Jose, CA
Aug. 10, 2018

I have been a caregiver for over 9 years in Australia. I have worked for nursing homes in Sydney, Canberra and Adelaide. I have also worked with agencies providing home care. I have completed Enrolled Nursing. Currently I provide care for a kind 81 year gentleman in his family home in Texas. I have Medication, Dementia, CPR, Manual Handling, Incontinence and First Aid training. I am reliable, punctual, trustworthy, consistent and I have worked with clients will all kinds of needs that ranges from low care to high care over the years. I provide assistance with comfort... more

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Maybe you can suggest to your brother to shop for a better price home health agency before sueing.

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I'm not sure where you live but I am in Florida and the average cost for 24/7 care is $21 and hour. It comes to be about 14,000 a month. This is with an agency, not privately. Privately can be anywhere from 10 to 15 depending on where you live.

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Laure in Edmonds, WA
Aug. 6, 2018

Oh whoa....this is a bad situation. If I were you, I'd report to APS. This doesn't sound ok on any front. I've been where you are with my own parent and then my uncle

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I appreciate your question. This is out of my scope of expertise. It would be best to ask your lawyer.

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I am a caregiver and I would report to whatever APS is first. I would install cameras without anyone's knowledge. Why are the charges $120 for a housekeeper for only one afternoon? How many hours is she working? How big is the house? How many bathrooms. You only need one person at a time in the house. It's not cheap unfortunately. I don't know how well off your parents are, but someone is raking in some money. If you have a live-in, that usually counts for part of the money that would be paid out, so the pay is usually less because they are not paying any rent. I worked for a company that charged $19 per hour and we got $9.40 an hour until the laws changed. I would check with a lawyer to get your brother out of the situation. Best of luck.

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Get help call channel 25and report to the authorities sounds very wrong to me.

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User in Columbia, SC
Aug. 6, 2018

He can call "Live Love & Laugh home care services, LLC". They can help him with in home care at a lower prices than you mentioned.

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Your answer is my service for 24 hour home health he is paying way to much 22,000 a month,that's a house,are there some high leveled care givers with cerifications involved,I haver registerd and certified staff and my clients still don't pay that much a month

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Youre paying too much money. Im willing to do live in for 5days at a cost of 1500.00 per week. you can hire someone else for the other days a acost of maybe 500 to 600 . the total for a month approx. 8000 per month. you should sue him because he is not managing your parents money properly.

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While I feel that your brother is paying way to much, I would suggest that you speak with an attorney with specialized knowledge of seniors. Unless the caregivers are doing harm or stealing from your parents there is most likely not much you can do. Sometimes I feel that peace of mind is priceless.

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Look into an angency, a good one with well trained caregivers that actually care and have close tabs kept on them. Senior care solutions is a good one, so is visiting angels and good life

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Mona in Calhoun, LA
Aug. 3, 2018

I would see an attorney. It is possible to fight the brother's power of attorney, I've been witness to it on multiple accounts. It seems that even though your parents ability is in a state of decline, your parents are still of sane mind (judging by the reactions they had to the food and possibility of you moving back home). I would make sure to have their doctor, especially if they have been their physician for some time now, evaluate them so that those records could be obtained by your attorney if needed. Good luck!

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Oh no. That is outrageous. $400 to $500.00 a day sounds more reasonable.

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Hello, How sad! If I were you I would maybe sit your family down and really talk about the options you may have. Sounds like your brother doesn't have much common sense or doesn't know how to go about getting care for your parents Think about all the money your parents could save if they hired good, sweet, dependable and honest caregivers from CARE.COM If you have never had the need to have Home Health Care in the family it is a hard thing to figure out. I know because I have been a caregiver for 30 years and took care of my parents. Good Luck to you

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You need to see an atty. Your brother can have power of atty but there can also be someone in chg of their medical decisions which can be you. It seems as if these people are taking advantage of a sensitive situation and are not doing their jobs. Your parents shd be gtnd fresh air, walking or doing phy therapy. Frozen meals are high in sodium which of course is not healthy. So sad that people consider themselves caregivers which they are takers and making the situation so worse. Someone needs to intervene and fast.

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Eileen in Toledo, OH
Aug. 7, 2018

The pay rate for personal home care is not out of line with industry standards (see Gentech). The problem here sounds like one of 'quality' of care. Monitoring activities, meals, etc is important. Talk to your brother in a rational way and ask for daily caregiving reports. Be an active participant in monitoring. Your parents worked hard to save and be able to stay in their homes. That comes at a price. However, they should be getting QUALITY care, food, activities, companionship, etc.

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Sounds like they need the 24/7 care at this point for two people in a nursing care setting you would be paying for two to be there 24/7. In nursing home type care they would be eating much less quaility food than what they are getting now. It also can be hard for people in this condition to handle the salad full meals that we all our use to. That may be part of why they are giving them what they are. Sounds like you and your family are at odds on this issue. Maybe you can talk to the POA about one small issue at a time and come to a change possable with one issue at a time to make quality of care more of what you want your parents to have. Hope this is helpful.

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User in Phoenix, AZ
Aug. 8, 2018

My partner and I would do it for $6000 a month each. And we'd actually cook. Do you live in Arizona?

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Janice in Norman, OK
Aug. 8, 2018

I wish I could talk to your brother. He needs to respect your input and think about what is best for your parents in their final years. I don't have my parents anymore, but I would have them at home taking care of hem personally much as possible.

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I'm sorry to hear that your parents are in this unfortunate situation. It seems that you need to consult an attorney specializing in Elder care. Someone needs to be managing your parents care in a supportive, healthy manner. Who has the power attorney for your parents? The arrangement which you describe sounds like minimal care for excessive fees. A regulated Nursing facility, would cost less than the fees being charged. The arrangement sounds suspicious and possibly borders on neglect and abuse. I have been an Elder care provider for several years. It is always sad and frustrating when communication breaks down with care needs for a family member. You and your family need to have a meeting to discuss this present situation, and make a plan going forward. If you are unable to agree on a plan, than consult with local agencies for Elder care, and an attorney. Best of luck to you. I hope your parents get the care that they need and deserve.

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hire one caregiver for x amount fee.which will do most of the caregiving and then after .

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I think you have to discuss with your brother about the attitude of your present caregivers.Maybe you can lessen their hours and if you love to take care of your parents on a specified time you can ask him.Otherwise you can suggest also to try looking for another caregiver who`s more alert ,caring, and responsible.

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Check out my profile. Let me know if I can help?

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Dear Friend: $22,000.00 a month seems like an excessive amount of money. Cost depends upon the level of care necessary. If your parents require routine assisted living support, such as: assistance with bathing, dressing, meal preparation, medication management, and transportation the costs does seem high. You can have your parents evaluated by their Primary Care provider and have him document the level of appropriate care. Even though your parents are aging, they still need exercise, even if it's done in a chair. Their doctor can prescribe a Home Health agency to come out and provide Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy. It is usually covered in full by Medicare. Additionally, do you know if your parents have any long term care insurance that might offset the costs? Were either of your parents Veterans, if so, they may qualify for some financial assistance. If the cost of their medical expenses (insurance premiums, office visits, prescription medication and medical transportation) and assisted living care exceeds 7.5% of their gross income they should include a medical expense summary with their income tax return. It may be less costly to have them moved to a residential care facility with a medical staff. There are numerous social activities and often better meal options. If they both were in late stage Alzheimer's disease, the cost could be comparable for two people, which does not seem to be the case. In my experience it is not common to have 2 live-ins. Regardless, for that amount of money your parents should be treated like royalty. Medicare may also pay for your mother to have a lift chair if she hasn't used Medicare to purchase a walker or wheelchair in the last 5 years.

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User in Smyrna, GA
Aug. 11, 2018

I would fight this situation in court. These people are doing your parents more harm than good. $15 and hour is good and they should be preparing nutritional meals instead of microwave meals that are high in salt and other additives. If your parents are still in their right minds I would definitely fight this and see if the courts can't change the power of attorney status. You're very sane and have a right to express these concerns about your parents.

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If your brother has sole POA then this sounds like a legal issue. Contact a lawyer We all are in cognitive decline so does that mean your parents have been legally and medically deemed incompetent? If not, perhaps they can change/modify the POA and add someone else other than your brother to oversee the medical care and finances. My Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer and it appears this may be your best way forward.

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Danielle Dadjere
Aug. 11, 2018

I will tell her or him that i think what you're mean, but you're know what, Care .Com is committed to helping the Senior of our community age gracefully in the comfort of their own lovely home, to assure them dignity, security respect and social connections that will enhance their lives; we are further committed to assisting the families of Senors by relieving their care-giving burdens so they may enjoy more relaxed and meaningful family time with their senior loved on; So please relax and think about it and do not really thinking about money but you're brother or is Freind like, I love you so please don't be mad at me thanks.

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How many hours you need,is it a live in?

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GET A LAWYER ASAP BEFORE YOUR PARENTS CANT SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.I THINK THEY CAN CHANGE POA. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO GET RID OF THESE LEECHES!!!!!!!

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User in Naples, FL
Aug. 11, 2018

OMG, this ridiculous. You need to fire them and start over. They are not eating healthy and not following your care plan. I am a live-in caregiver for 850.00 a week for one person. She has Dementia but otherwise healthy. They should be getting a bit to lunch, dinner and some outings. If there are 2 caregivers and one of your parents can get out the other caregiver can stay with the one who can not. They are taking full advantage of your brother and it needs to be stopped. They should at least go outside on the porch or a walk. Please if I can help contact me. Where do they live? Gracia GRAYSHA R

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ridiculous no one should pay that much,i would do the job for 2000 a month,really that's elderly abuse

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... so sorry but you are not alone! Elder Financial Abuse & Exploitation is real & a major issue - please document & report ASAP https://www.justice.gov/elderj... to investigate. Also, you may connect to local referrals for consult & assistance via this website https://eldercare.acl.gov/Publ... ... & your community library is always of service. Do rally support to resolve this unbearable situation, our elders deserve better ...

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To whom it may concern, this is alot for you to have to go threw and its a good thing you moved into your parents home,on the other hand being that your brother has power of attorney over your parents that can be overturned if you really feel your capable of handling everything and have better caretakers for your parents you can file a petition in court! Before you file petition in court you have to gather all your documents pertaining to your parents care starting with who pays:rent,bge,water,renters insurance,grocery bill,trips to doctor appointments or if medical cab or mta mobility takes your parents there,any medical expenses thats paid out of pocket and so for! As far as live in caretakers goes you specified that overnight shift the person needs to be up and thats what you should stick to. poor performance calls in for to give the caretakers that slack off in work there two week notice to find employment somewhere else. your mom wanting her own room,may i ask if your parents share a room together or separate? your dad had two head injuries and a broken wrist in the first 7 months that should've been the time frame to get rid of the old crew and interview a new crew of caretakers! Do you get assistance from the department of aging? you said you need a reality check about cost all that has to be done is budgeting of everything kept in a book and of course help is out here you just have to seek for it.you are the only sane one and keep your head up things will get better have faith! The men your brother hired cook frozen dinners not a good source of nutrition for seniors to eat they need the exact amount of nutrition every day followed by a meal plan consistently. your parents need some kind of interaction and the house keeper is that person genuine? gardeners replaced by the main live in how's that working out? If everything is still not flowing right yes you can report it and sue part not sure who you would be wanting to sue but take care of the important matters first than go from there. I have buried both my parents at a young age so i understand what your going through but keep doing the right thing God will bless you when you least expect it.

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It doesn't appear they are doing anything extraordinary besides getting a payout thats unbelievable! I could do so much for whole lot less!! APS & Attorney should be consulted for your parents longterm interest!!

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That sound really steep. I am willing to do live in care for 125 a day

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Contact an attorney about getting guardianship and also getting power of attorney for yourself. If he is a veteran, contact the VA and ask for his medical team to assign a case manager to him. If they are Medicare or Medicaid, there are agencies that provide case management for them also. I hate to tell you this, but it will get worse when they realize you are getting involved, so move quickly. An attorney who specializes in eldercare can guide you. Most important is getting them to speak out about what they want and don't want to the attorney, case manager, or even video. What they want has to be the benchmark. They would probably be happier in a nice senior community living with new friends their own age, entertainment, and good food, instead of these people. Good luck!

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You seem to be paying an outrageous amount of money for services you aren't receiving. The attendants falling asleep? No way. They should have been fired on the spot and only gotten paid for the hours they were there. Your parents safety is at risk for every hour they aren't awake not doing their jobs. Your parents should have their own rooms, if that's what makes them the most comfortable. Adequate meals need to be served to keep them in the best nutritious state possible. I would seriously look into having some new individuals willing to stay up all night with your parents. Those that can check in on them and ensure that no injuries will occur and be able to help them to the bathroom when need be.

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FIRST, be certain everything you are reporting against the caregivers and your brother is factual. Gather all the information you need. Make sure you have someone legal on your side. First I would report to APS and get legal advice.

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Beverly in Milan, TN
Aug. 13, 2018

I don't know where you are located, but something stinks over there. If your parents are in their right minds, you can take them to a lawyer and change the POA, but that might be tricky if they are not in a good state of mind. However, you can file for "Guardian" and be in a better position to help or to hire some qualified people to help. There are a lot of excellent Personal Assistants out there. Do your homework.

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First of all, it only costs approx. $14,000 a month for a SNF and they have 24/7 professional care! I would contact APS as this doesnt look like proper care is being giving at all and someone is being taking advantage of. Just because he is POA doesnt mean you cant step in and try to make sure your parents are being taking care of properly. Home care is better but not if they are being neglected and not properly mobilized each day, several times a day even if it consists of range of motion. Good luck, this is heart breaking to hear and you are your parents voice right now, remember that .

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Don't sue your brother just attempt to have a talk with him and see what is his reason for doing the things that he is doing as far as wasting money and then explain that he would save more if you took care of your parents physical, emotional, and companionship needs and if that does not work then other people like the state may need to get involved.... or you can always hire me

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i would do whatever was necessary to get your parents out of that situation. Sounds like people are taking advantage of them all around. I feel you could get better care for them without paying that much.You could probably go without a live in and just do shifts. If you are willing to move in with them you could do the over nights with someone staying til 10 or 11.I feel there is a better alternative than whats happening now. I wish you the best of luck!

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i have been doing live-in home care for over 30 years and i charge 13 an hour for 16 hrs or 15 for 12 hrs, 10 for 24 hrs a day, unlike nursing homes or agencys i dont charge extra for week-ends or holidays, i can do 12 hrs a day, 16 hrs a day or 24 hrs, 22,000 a mos is pretty steep, im doing 16 hrs right now and i get 3,840 a mos, i clean, cook, laundry, errands, meds, yard work, etc. a couple is usually a little more because your caring for 2 people, any way i do think 22.000 a mos is too much unless they are charging for both of them but even at that it would only be 7, 680 a mos, you need to find different help hope this helps

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Wow! If your parents are still right in their minds you could have a talk with your parents and discuss changing power of attorney. Your parents still have the right to live a good quality life that is what they worked for their entire life for. Your brother may of hired these to also do grocery shopping and unfortunately there are those type of people who will take advantage of the situation and buy as cheaply as they can and pocket the rest. When I did a live in the family took very good care of me, I worked 5 days a week 24 hrs and no one can do 7 days a week its too much. I prepared meals and when the family came in they often let me go home while they spent time with the family and often took me out with the family to eat. We became a family and I still remain in close contact with each of my extended family. What your brother is paying for these men,is what the Assistant Living facility charges. As business they charge for everything which is very costly. Your brother may not have spent the time exploring options and my suggestion is to have a talk with him about it and let him know how unhappy your parents are. There are people who are in this career for the money only, you will find some who are nice and helpful but will not go beyond the call of duty and then you may have the chance to find someone who does it all and your parents will trust and be happy with. I hope you are able to work it out with your brother and come to a better solution for your parents. Those who take very good care of their parents are the one I have most respect for.

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Your parent's well being has to come first. If the care is subpar, and items are missing, then you have the right to intervene. You should keep detailed notes of everything that goes on and contact an attorney or APS. It sounds like your parents should also see their doctor. Poor nutrition can lead to skin breakdown, and many other problems.

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Hello Concerned family member, Its alot to handle & over see in home care, sounds as if you need fresh staff, whom should always put each family member & their needs first, hope this works out. I currently have been 7 1/2 years caring for a patient who is total care with dementia, I over see other staff member,manage her home, care for her dog, take her to appointments, i m hoyer lift experince, love to cook & cleaning is important.I also stay a couple nights overnight with my 83 patient, would love to meet or come on board to bring quality of life to your family, your bother has alot on him with being power of attorney, having the best staff is the most important.Stay involved as much as possible, best of luck & health to your family members.

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Judith in Delta, PA
Aug. 14, 2018

This is not legal advice and is my own personal opinion. I think you have a right and a case to go to court to get the power of attorney taken away. This all seems like abuse of your parents and their money. APS would take action immediately. Is this a joke. Get them people out of your parents house now! It's your parents house. Sounds like the inmates are running he joint. Your parents are in charge. Who is paying that money. Call an agency that sends out qualified people to assist your parents. I can't even imagine the agency would charge $22,000 a month.

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Lynn in Livermore, CA
Aug. 14, 2018

You have a few possible choices. Place a call to APS for possible financial abuse. If your parents are still able to make cognitive decisions for their care, they may want to reconsider who has POA.

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Your parents do have rights. I would contact an advocate for the elderly.

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Mary in Smiley, TX
Aug. 15, 2018

maybe consult with a lawyer since your brother has power of attorney. that sounds like an awful lot of money to pay each month for care.

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That is very steep, even if they care for your parents 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I would sit with someone's parents for companionship, medication management, light meal preparation, drive to appointments and some laundry for 5 hours for 4 days and charge them $600.00 for a week, as I would be taking care of both of them. They could move into a facility that has independent, assisted and memory care living for less than that. They're rentals and a charge a certain move in fee.

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This is a very difficult situation. As I understand it, your concerns are 1. How much money is a reasonable hourly rate? 2. What should we expect for that hourly rate? 3. What are my rights as a son without power of attorney. 4. How do I address potential theft. I have addressed each concern below: 1. How much money is a reasonable hourly rate? My math brings the hourly rate to a little more than $30/hour. ($22,000/month divided by 30 days/month divided by 24 hours/day). It sounds like there are multiple care givers which makes things a little fuzzy for me, but let's just say, if you are spending this amount of money, you are spending about $ 30/ hour regardless of the number of people involved. Home care rates vary enormously as you can see on the Care.com web site. Those applying for jobs set a rate and those offering a job set a rate. While $30/hour is high, it is not unheard of depending on what is being asked of the caregiver. Also, it sounds like this is for the care of both parents, which also makes a difference. I have seen rates on the Care.com web site as low as $10 an hour and as high as $45 an hour. So, it is a matter of what you are able and willing to pay for the care provided. 2. What should we expect for that hourly rate? It is your/your brother's responsibility to set and communicate the expectations to the caregiver. If they are offering frozen dinners and this is not acceptable to you, then you need to say what is acceptable. It may be that the caregiver eats this way and does not know anything different or perhaps does not know how to cook. You have not stated whether or not you are covering the cost of food in the $22,000/month. Again in your expectations, you ideally would have stated what is acceptable to the caregiver. If you need the caregiver to be awake at night, you must state this. Finally, you need to have a way to evaluate this (ie. unannounced phone calls, visits, etc. monitors in the home, etc). 3. What are my rights as a son without power of attorney? If you have not talked with an eldercare attorney, it might be helpful for you to do this. They can advise you on the law and your rights. 4. How do I address potential theft? Your local police can advise you. If you are concerned about theft, it must be reported. I would not confront the caregivers yourself. I hope these answers have helped in some way. Barb Stiebeling

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Ashley in Raymond, MS
Aug. 15, 2018

This sounds like abuse of power of attorney. I believe that you should definitely report to APS. However, to sue you would have to have evidence like receipts of care showing the amounts that are being paid with your parent's money and documentation showing that you can get the care provided at a lower rate.

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Oh my goodness I am so sorry your going through this. Yes your brother sounds like he has taken advantage of your parents and it sounds like a case of elder abuse for sure I would contact APS ASAP and I hope you get them the help they need.

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User in Longs, SC
Aug. 16, 2018

Wow hon, you have a lot on your plate. Since I am not an attorney I won't presume to have the correct answer but as an LPN who works only in home health, I can tell you that even I dont charge that much and I do nursing care. Totally sounds like a case of neglect to me so I would advise you immediately to seek legal help along with contacting your local Department of Social Services. They can aid you with your case. Don't put this off.

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both. thats terrible!

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hi my name is sharon are you kidding me you need to take control off whats going on nobody would disrespect you do what you have to do thats your parents who are getting ripped off your brother has no idea what the hell he is doing its certainly not in your mother and fathers best interest thats for sure

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I don't know where you live, but that does seem exceptionally high. I lived with my mother who had Alzheimer's for 10 years, and never paid more than $10/hour for caregivers to come in and give me a break. My mother was a WWII veteran, and received VA Aid & Attendance and I was her fiduciary (basically like a POA) and was paid $55/day for her care by the VA (that is 24/7 care) Since she passed in 2015 I have worked for Home Instead Senior Care and Visiting Angels both of which charge between $20-25/ hour, but only pay their Caregivers between $8.50- $10 an hour, depending on type of care given. I'm not sure where all the overhead goes, but I would assume to the schedulers and managers fees? I did independent contract work in the Myrtle Beach area of SC after my mother died and I went out on my own, after working for Home Instead Senior care for a year and a half. I charged between 12-15/ hour and was still ahead of what I was making for the corporate giant. I would definitely talk to a lawyer and APS about your parents condition and care, concerning your brother's attitude.

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Sadly, the costs are standard. If your parents are clean, bathed, fed and have their meds given to them on time, a judge will not change the situation. If you can prove neglect or illegal activity then you may have something. Pics or videos of them sitting in their feces for example, or wearing jammies all day if they are mobile . . .or if bed-sores have developed (while these do happen, there are many ways a diligent person can help prevent them). The truth is, that the whole things sucks. they chose him for whatever reason and so long as they are healthy, clean and cared for, you have no recourse. Sadly, it sounds like your brother is an impertinent twit with a power hungry twist. I suggest praying for and loving on your folks. Take pics and capture video. But 22k for full time monthly care, while ridiculous, is typical. if the have long term insurance you have to prove that X dollars have been paid, so long as your brother isn't paying under the table. . If not, there could be a reimbursement. Message me directly if you think I can help. Lelia

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Judith in Aptos, CA
Aug. 17, 2018

Have you thought about moving them to assisted living, which would be much more inexpensive.

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Beth in Peyton, CO
Aug. 17, 2018

The amount of money being paid per month is outrageous, but can depend on the responsibilities that are at stake.

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I'd do both.. sounds like all the assistance are lazy and are being paid for nothing! I feel like you should step up and do something about it! You only have one set of parents and I feel like they would really appreciate it more than you'll ever know! I've been doing living assisted for years and my residents be sooo happy when their kids do lil simple things for them, and it makes me happy and all emotional!! Just do what's right and take care of them!

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I would talk to a lawyer about the whole thing

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I suggest you call one or more of the Senior Services in your area so that you can make some better choices for your parents. You might start by calling your local town government.

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User in Harrison, NY
Aug. 17, 2018

Do both, I am a Senior Caregiver and I can tell you you guys are paying too much. $20 an hour should be for someone who cooks and engages with the client

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OH no no no! Ask them kindly to leave now and let them know that their services are no longer needed period point blank.This is fraud against an elder which is now elder abuse. If APS does nothing ask to speak to Supervisor of the day and if you still dont get this resolved contact District Attorneys office Special Investigations Unit. Do not let up. You have to be the voice for your parents.They are being taken advantage of which is also elder abuse.If you can find out who these men work for if it is a company and did anyone do a background check? Also this live-in person is basically living there for free while using all utilities he wants at the expense of your parents. I hope he is not getting paid one penny? If he is there no one else should be there working. If your mother wants him out of her room he needs to get out or law enforcement needs to be called because he is refusing to leave period. I know it is frustrating I have been dealing with Probate Court for my grandmother and it is unbelievable how broken the system is.

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I have been a caregiver for 25 years and I have never heard of someone paying 22,000 for a month of care. Something fishy is going on here. you need to check into this. Too many innocent seniors get ripped off. Even living in a very nice facility would not cost this much. Good luck.

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Rebecca in Olivet, MI
Aug. 17, 2018

Im so sorry... I would most definitly seek the advice of your parents attorny or other. First of all if your parents are of at least a daily sound mind you can have the dpoa changed if the attorny finds they are competent. Do something ASAP!!!!! Even if you can't get it chanaged go to the next step and yes if you need to get others involved to help your mom and dad do so..!! Good luck and i will be praying for your family..

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