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My brother is paying a senior home aide and his friends $22,000 per month of my parents' money

I need a reality check about costs. I also wonder if there's any help. I feel like the only sane one.

My parents are in their eights, and definitely in cognitive decline, but not in need of actual nurse or doctor care.  The men my brother hired microwave a frozen entree for dinner, moisten instant oatmeal for breakfast, and a hot dog for lunch. They help my dad stand up but only because they won't let me swap his favorite reading chair for this huge rocking recliner I can barely get out of, which he never used to sit in. They swap it back as soon as I leave. My dad  watches TV all day. Literally. My dad is either in  bed, or in that chair (or in the bathroom, of course).  My parents don't even exit their giant to eat. The men bring them those little trays that Lean Cuisine comes in.  My mom almost fainted when I gave them broiled chicken and freshly made salad. (Tip: Serve salad in a big, lightweight mug so there's no chasing lettuce off the side of the plate.)

My parents' long-term housekeeper still comes on Monday afternoons for $120/week but their gardeners were replaced by friends of the main live in, after 20 years of mutual respect.

How it works: There is always 1 of 2  live-ins at my parents' house, 7 days a week.

From 8pm to 8 am, the live-in is off the clock but stays at my parents' house, occupying the only spare bedroom and the only spare bathroom (it's only reached through the bedroom). My mother wants her own room bwcause there's a strange man next to their bed and it keeps my dad up and down all night. The main live-in won't give it up so she sleeps on her recliner, but it isn't reclined. 

The night attendant is there 12 hours per day, between 8:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m. His job is to stay in my father's bedroom, awake, but he usually falls asleep with a lamp on, and my dad can't sleep.

The tab is a little over $742/day. If you divide that by 36 (which is a 24-hour awake/asleep shift plus an overnight 12-hour awake shift) it comes to $20.60 per hour.  I think they pay for too many hours of sleep and poor performance all around. (My dad had two head injuries and a broken wrist (3 events) in the first 7 months. He was stuck in "rehab" so long that his legs atrophied which is why he needs the night shift now.) (Oh, and the antiques harvest has begun already. Two ancient Chinese terracotta dogs and counting...)

If it was just two 12-hour shifts per day at $20.60/hr, the cost would fall from $22,000/month to $15,000, but that still seems like a lot. It's $180,000/year.  The status quo (36 hours paid per 24-hour day) is $264,000/year!!!

I volunteered to move in last year and my parents were thrilled. Their mistake was giving my brother power of attorney. He told them this is how it's going to be, it's for their own good, etc. 


If my brother won't budge, do I sue or report to APS, or both?

Answers

My suggestion for you is to hire caretakers that you, your brother & the parents are completely comfortable with. The care that our elders receive is so poor in many areas. Your parents both need to be engaging in stimulating activities with their mental and physical status. I can not stand to watch someone just sitting in a wheel chair or uncomfortable position without finding a relaxing appropriate position while stimulating them as needed.The exercises for circulation, bathing on a regular basis and making sure the diet they are on is healthy. Making sure that the patient is on the correct medication is so very important. Their are solutions to your issues but it starts with communicating with your brother about the care he is wanting to provide to the parents. Trying to work with him and understand why you are disagreeing about the care the parent's are receiving. I can relate to your situation more than you know. Compromising for the right type of care is what you need to focus on. If your brother is wanting the best care for the parents it does not mean the higher the pay the better the care. That is ridiculous. I have seen this for myself which is the very reason i am working in this area. I would love to help your family come to an agreement that suits you both with the parents best interest at hand. To see that you are not being taken advantage of by being charges astronomical prices and half ass care. My father just passed away in Feb. with Lewy Body Dementia and understanding this disease was such an incredible thing to better serve my father. If you would like to discuss other options in the care of your parents, please do not hesitate to text me or email me through this site. Being an advocate for your parents is a must and so many times you have to think outside of the box and be sure you understand your brothers concerns as well. He is most likely wanting the best for them as well but no resources or additional options. It's possible i could help you in your current situation and bring a ton of relief to your family. First it's is essential concerns and communicate with your loved ones and getting on the same page without being taken advantage of. If you would like to contact me my name is Kelly Harrison and I'm under care taking for seniors and children. Many blessings to you as i know exactly what you are going through.

I did not see an identification of who is authorized to control or guide health care--a health directive. Sounds like the brother may have that. Coverage around the clock short of entering a nursing home is costly. Splitting the shifts is reasonable as the care of a client is taxing 24/7 for one person thus even our hospitals have realized that. The issue is availability, desire, and capability of family to fill the gaps. Usually, family members see the consuming nature of this work and seek help. Screening help is as critical as striking the proper balance of visitation and family involvement when ambulatory and direct care is needed. I care for others despite having to care for my surviving parent and disabled son. I do so to maintain my compassion. Inventory the home, remove or store valuables no differently than a nursing facility would, be visible to caregivers as absence breads discontent, and more importantly work together as a family for care. Division breads strife and distrust. Communicate your concerns and be present unless you are precluded from doing so. Caregiving is hard at best. My siblings were at a distance for over 20 years, yes you read that right. Due to their removed presence my husband and I made decisions that made my parents last days their best days by keeping them at home together for as long as possible over choosing detached care of nursing home. Consider the choices, love your brother, and communicate more to understand his position and the results in terms of care. Lucky for me, my siblings now come twice a year, one holiday altogether and one sibling takes one week vacation. Doesn't seem like a lot but mom looks forward to it and that is all that matters.

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I think suing is a bit of a jump in the first steps 1 I would get an attorney to sort out the power of attorney while your parents are still sain and able to speak up and 2 yes I would report them all of them. That is way to much money to be spending for that kind of service period.

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This plea made me nauseas. Honestly, paying $22,000 a month for 24/7 live-in care is beyond belief. I have plenty of experience from facility to residential and what is happening in your parents household sounds like a strong case for neglect, abuse and robbery. YOU MUST INTERVENE! East Coast - West Coast, North/South - doesn't matter. Typical 'aide' ranges from $8.50 hr to $20.00 hr. (depending on licensure and skill demands). Average live-in rates, private hire, $10-$16 hr, 14 hr awake days, 8 hrs sleep $0 pay during sleep. If you split 12 hr shifts (14hr/10hr), overnight is required to be awake, tops $13 hr. Live-in normally = LOWERED RATE = DUE TO LIVE-IN amenities (rent, utilities, tv, wifi, laundry IS INCLUDED). Please straighten this out. Your parents should NOT be forced into poverty, live like that, nothings left for beloved family later? Oh please. Intervene. Get a lawyer, contact the state AG as well as licensing state agency of these thieves.

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I'm sorry to say that I think your problems lay more in your dis-satisfaction with your fathers care than the amount of money being paid to his caregivers. I think this needs to be addressed. Please have a very frank talk with his caregivers and if things do not change then talk to your brother about replacing the current caregivers. At that point discuss what you feel would be fair compensation for a good, stable, reliable caregiver. (I do not think $20./hr for exceptional, relaiable, care is out of line).

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Well first take a breath ,and please I say this ,as my own experience and how we handled,our issues ( the free loading, stealing, trying to manipulate the family members against each other. First, if the person has been there for more than 3 months. They have a right to call the house your parents are in THERES, And you will not be able to even fire them because now that is a their residency Get an attorney fast

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Hello Home care can be quite expensive. However if you do the math, $22,000 a month for 24/7 care (1 person at a time) comes out to an hourly rate just over $30 an hour. Private caregivers on this site typically charge from $10 to $25 an hour.If caregivers are from an agency though that fee might actually be appropriate. An agency relieves you of scheduling problems and things like that. Hope this helps.

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i get paid 10.00 to 15.00 an hour and that is a normal rate so for a one person a month would be 2400.00 at only 8 hrs so what you are saying just sounds high i have been a home health aide for 30 plus years

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Wow, That is a very high cost, and I do not believe even for 24 hour care that is a reasonable price. I have worked with seniors for years and I believe your brother/parents are being taken advantage of in a big way.I believe there are senior protective services that would assist you. Even though your brother has power of attorney his care and supervision are not above the law, and can be investigated and challenged.

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User in Madison, WI
July 22, 2019

Find An Attorney to Assist you in Getting a " Letter of Competency " (although you mention Cognitive decline ) or whatever is necessary and have your Parents change the Power of Attorney to You . Take care of their Will as well. Set up nanny cams all over home to prove your case if need be . 24/7 Care is very expensive but the extra men seem out of order ... A live-In leaves after their 12 hour shift, A Baby Monitor in your Father's room would waken and advise the night shift caregiver your father needs help and No Need for a 2nd Person on the night shift that sleeps., Best to You and your parents ...

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Michele in Canaan, NH
Aug. 15, 2018

That is WAY too much for your parents to be paying!! I worked as a business manager in a higher end facility and 2 bedrom room didnt cost that much! You and your brother need to sit down and have a LONG talk! And if they are charging that much they shoud be treating your parents like royality! How dare they charge that much and not cook your parents meals!you HAVE to report this to APS and get an Attorney!!! They are taking advantage of your parents my heart is broken for you and your parents.

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That is totally insane!!!! I was told a similar story last sunday and I had worked a 12 hour shift.The daughter told me the monthly charge verses what the agency pays me.the replacements do the same,but add sleep also..I suggest a report to APS, get a case nurse and the money will not last forever at that rate.I feel bad for you.

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You can attempt to Sue but your brother being their Power of Attorney, it gives him a lot of legal control with their care. Basically 100 % of it. Save what you can, and consult a lawyer. I am not sure what type of law it would fall under.

Joann in Seekonk, MA
July 21, 2018

Yes her brother can be POA. However, he cannot take advantage of it. Someone else needs to be looking out for your parents. I would definitely call Elderly affairs They will look into it and if you do not get satisfaction from them. I would then hire my own attorney. These people who are robbing their loved ones. Hang your head in shame. God does not sleep! Get ready to have an explanation for Jesus when it is your turn to explain Where is the m0ney? If the lies Jesus will know. Just keep doing what you are.

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Call APS.

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get a lawyer NOW!!!!!

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get a lawyer and DHS involved

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Araceli in Gilroy, CA
July 29, 2018

I would talk to a lawyer and see what can be done. If you could move in that would cut costs. Then just hire a caregiver for shifts that you need covered. 20 dollars an hour is actually not bad. But when the work is getting done correctly. T.V dinners and sleeping does not count and being a good caregiver. They are not getting the proper nutrition that they need. I would really look into what can be done. If they are not getting fed well that is either considered neglect or abuse. Find out.

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User in Homosassa, FL
July 29, 2018

First of all I am sorry for all your parents hardship.Power of attorney can be changed as long as it wasn't a court order due to inability to make your own decisions. After considering all the requirements your parents need I could suggest a few ideas. You could hire a full time live in person from Care.com at an hourly or set monthly rate which could be negotiated for the room and board you'd be providing. Have you thought about a assisted living facility as an option? I hope everything goes well with you.

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Oh my goodness! That is outrageous!

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User in Tampa, FL
Jan. 21, 2019

I would speak with APS first and let them advise you what needs to be done first before jumping the gun

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User in Lusby, MD
Dec. 14, 2018

$2,200 per month is fair, not $22,000. I vary 16-20.00/hourly. My last employer paid me by check but did not have to claim my services. If you can find someone special there is no need for 22,000.00 per month.

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Well if your bother won't budge your parents bank account will.. And before you know it when the money is dried up and gone you'll be taking care of them or paying someone from your own money. Your brother is being careless and disrespectful to your parents. If your parents are paying all of that there better be some chefs there too, cleaning, laundry, running errands, baths, dog walks, mall visits, diner visits, heck brushing teeth and toileting. This is crazy. Sounds like your brother is supporting a friend to do nothing.

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Get the aging and disability resource center (ADRC) involved they can give you answers.

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User in Tampa, FL
Oct. 11, 2018

talk to your brother first try to reason then if that doesn't work seek legal advice

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Janna in Spokane, WA
Sept. 4, 2018

I can't believe how many people here have told you this is ridiculous. I have been paying an agency $27/hr. If this were a 24/7 placement, it would be less than what you say you are paying per month now. And that includes overnight AWAKE hours. My first advice would be to simply tell your parents that if they want you to move in, they will have to change their power of attorney. My first question would be how much of this money is going back to your brother,under the table. The other question would be how much of it is being reported to the IRS by your brother (the employer) and his employees. I'd let him know that for his own protection (and your parents) you are consulting with a tax attorney regarding your parents' current employment arrangement.

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Wow, something isn't right here. I would definitely report the lack of proper care and the cost is way too high. It seems your parents may not even need all that care. You can get a lawyer and see what your options are to possibly take the POA from your brother if he is not using their money to the best of their benefit. They will need that money for future health problems or if they have to be in a facility, and it may not be there. The company that these men work for should be told of the situation. Your parents deserve better. It could get ugly. My situation did, so be prepared. I have zero tolerance for these situations, and maybe you should too.

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Gilma in Torrance, CA
Sept. 1, 2018

Hello, reality is in this case unfortunately, that you have a legal issue on hand and not something a caregiver can give you advise on. Regarding the cost of care, you can search for similar jobs posted on care.com around your area and compare the rates. Regarding this situation, all I would tell you is I am deeply sorry your parents have to deal with this at their age they should be living a peaceful life full of positive energy. I will advise you to first talk some sense into your brother and let him see the situation for what it is. Without even involving money, the level of care being suffered by your parents is a travesty. If he will not listen, take legal counsel and help your parents out. Wish you the best!

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They are not getting the care they need. And yes I would sue and report to APS. My heart goes out to you and your Parents. Shame on your Brother!!! And Yes you can get care for them a lot cheaper.

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Tonetha D.
Aug. 27, 2018

WOW, Aim in state of stock and by no means don't take this in the wrong, but aim going to give you the fact in the most polite way as possible. First off we all love our parents and want them to have the best care until the journey on earth is completed. Aim beyond piss that your parents are being taken advantage of. Aim even more angry that it's being done by family, I have endure the same being the only child. Your parents need to be seen by an provider and as much as they are set in their ways granted I understand. Frozen dinners aren't health they do need proper cook food and medication management. I do think either LPN or RN would or even an case manager would be a go to person to get them better care. We have some amazing healthcare workers in the world , just make sure they are able to communicate and have the compassion it take to take care of your parents. I pray your journey gets better!

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Doris in Lodi, CA
Aug. 27, 2018

why so much? what kind of services is he receiving ?

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User in Elizabeth, NJ
Aug. 27, 2018

At the end of the day, the insight I saw here was useful. He is your brother. I think the proper thing to do would be to talk to him about the damages it can cause. There is no reason why your parents should be paying $22,000 per month for care services. I work for a home care agency and it is way more affordable than that.

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You need to seek Assisted living Care for your parents which would cut your cost less than half.

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Angela in Miami, FL
Aug. 26, 2018

Puedo trabajar de 7 a 4

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this sounds like an extraordinary amount of money for poor performance. of course most people would like that kind of income but it is unreasonable and unethical.i would attempt to communicate your concerns to your brother with a liason of some type. if you get nowhere then do what ever is nessicary keeping in mind the welfare of your parents as priority.

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Ned in Winchester, MA
Aug. 25, 2018

Yes, this seems outrageous, especially for the care it seems like they are getting. I can try to help as much as possible with any other questions you may have with specifics/breakdowns if you'd like.

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Denise in Conroe, TX
Aug. 25, 2018

I would suggest that you check and compare services with at least 3 people. You pay for what you get. That amount would not be something I would suggest anyone pay for services. Have a wonderful day!

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Depending on the extent of care it can be quite expensive for around the clock care.

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User in Woodbury, NJ
Aug. 24, 2018

you are getting ripped off like noones business you could put her in an assisted living faciily for way less then that

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First things first get the POA paperwork and have your parents sign and get it notarized so you're brother is no longer able to throw that around. Second kick them out but also call the police. Ask them to investigate for any sign of neglect or abuse and also pull any records you can find from their past pay because that is an obscene amount of money and honestly it seems as if something illegal may perhaps have occurred. Third change the locks immediately and either move in as you wanted to do or hire reliable staff to properly care for your parents.

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Rose in Downey, CA
Aug. 24, 2018

First of all, talk to your brother regarding the problem about the caregiver not doing his/her job. If your brother did not listen you can call the case worker and let them know your concerned about your parents situation. If you believe that theres abuse like; 1.Financial exploitation, Signs of this abuse could include missing checks, failing to make payments on time if at all, missing credit or debit cards, missing property, insufficient funds in banking accounts of failing to pay for medical treatment as needed. 2. Neglect, can be committed by all types of caregivers, and the abuse can range from failing to wash clothing to failing to provide necessary medical care. Signs of neglect could include dirty or unsanitary living conditions, poorly managed medications, bedsores, dehydration, malnutrition and other unexplained or untreated medical conditions. Neglect often leads to self neglect, which according to the National Adult Protective Services Associations, could lead to serious health and safety concerns. 3. Physical abuse, results in some type of bodily injury or impairment. It could range from cuts and scratches to brain injuries or broken bones. If there is a history of repeated injuries, this also could be a sign. No matter the severity of the unexplained injuries, they should be taken seriously. These physical marks also could be indications of sexual abuse and domestic violence. 4. Psychological abuse, This abuse could cause the elderly patient to be afraid of a caregiver or person, to become disconnected from family and friends or to act out in a different way. If the person suffers from a mental illness, his or her actions could be more severe. Document the signs of abused: Taking note of his or her changes in behavior Taking photographs of injuries Writing descriptions of the victim's injuries Written statements from the victim Written statements from any witnesses You are paying too much you can always talk to your brother regarding this. Going to court is too much just talk to your brother and if did not work you have all the documents you can report and sue.

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Contact elderly affairs in your state.It sounds like they are being taken advantage of!!

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These men are definitely taking your parents for a ride and sorry to say your brother my be profiting too. The same thing was going on with my mother and between 2 workers whipped out her bank accounts, not paying the bills which on a visit I found out about when she was taken to the emergency and placed in ICU. I had a toxicology done and she had drugs in her not prescribed to her but others that were illegal. GO TO THE VICTIM/WITNESS in your community, it's part of the District Atty's office, in our case we had to get a restraining order. I had to repo a car, truck and the deed to her home. And I moved in, this wasn't an easy process as she thought they were her friends until her mind was out of the haze of mind altering alcohol and drugs. We also help bring an Elder Abuse Dept. to our small county as it is a growing problem. PLEASE talk to the DA's Dept. I mentioned they will investigate and help you with everything. In the past I've worked 24hr shifts through agency's and even with inflation there's NO WAY the cost is that much. 1 month is the price of a new car, does that seem feasible? These are your parents and you have all the evidence looking you in the face, do this on your own, you don't need anyone, like your brother telling you "Nothings wrong" or "Your crazy" if you know in your heart it's not right. Good luck to you

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Ruby in Melbourne, FL
Aug. 23, 2018

The care giver you hire is to keep both parents safe and comfortable in there own home and it sounds like your parents are misrable. The bedroom should be fix to keep them both at rest at sleep time and changes need to be made to keep her out the recliner. As for the meal part they need fresh balance meals and healthy little snacks to choose from . WE are to look after there both intrest and Lean cuisine is not what they need. Care giver should cook and prepare fresh lunch and dinners and not frozen meals. These care givers are not concern about that patient they are hanging around for a check. You are paying way to much and getting way to little.

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That is something the whole family should sit down and talk about. I side with you saving money is best at this time. There are so many unforeseeable things that could happen that you might need the money for. The way that they are be treated is not how I would want my loved ones treated.

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User in Columbia, KY
Aug. 23, 2018

I would do both. You could find 3 people to do 12 hour shifts 24/7 would be way more cost efficie t plus this sounds like abuse to me.

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User in Mcdonough, GA
Aug. 23, 2018

I would advise you to speak to a family law attorney or reputable attorney immediately to find out what can be done legally to help your parents. This scenario is alarming now and could become dangerous for your parents quickly. Please don't wait!

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you need to get those people out and report that ,and depending where your mom and dad i could help been doing this for 26 years

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If your brother has POA then he has the legal right to make decisions on the care of your parents. If it is financial power of attorney he has control of their finances and can write checks and withdraw funds on their behalf. He is in essence, their legal representative. If the POA document names you as the alternate you may have some input in the decisions but otherwise, in a court of law, it is your brother who is the decision-maker, with sole authority. APS is a government agency that is responsible for investigating elder abuse. Your brother has the legal right to make decisions re: their finances so he is not in violation of the law in regard to any decision he makes in how he chooses to use their funds.

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Cleora in Algona, IA
Aug. 22, 2018

You need to seek legal aide on behalf of your parents, legal advice to help solve this complicated dilemma Good Luck!

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Bernice in Tacoma, WA
Aug. 22, 2018

If I was you I would do both ASP. That's your mom and dad too. Something is not right at all. Bernice

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This Home aide is ripping your parents off. get an attorney in there to straighten him out. I have been a caregiver for over 17 yrs and NEVER charged anyone that much money let alone take over their home...Also having his friends live there is out of the question, get them out. Take action now or you will all lose everything. Your parents do not deserve this kind of care, and your brother is being blindsided and stupid..GET THEM OUT

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Find a way to have your parents revoke the POA (talk to an attorney) and hire a Senior care giver like myself (I love to cook and was a chef for many years) - and would only charge you $15 / hr. You need to get your parents off those frozen meals - have you read the salt content? People who eat a lot of those have kidney failure and end up on dialysis.

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Tia in Hempstead, NY
Aug. 22, 2018

It's up to you maybe your brother wasn't care enough about his parent's .Because usually before someone hired me we make plan for the person in question .

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Your parents are being taken advantage of horribly. I get paid $20 an hour but I cook, bathe, do laundry, tidy up, exercise, transport, and any many other medical things. Please seek professional advice. Wendy

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wow wow, not good!

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Yes it is a shame the way the healthcare providers are treating your parents, and with no one in the home that can constantly advocate for them and make sure things are done properly presents a huge problem. Simply put you need to get an Attorney. I say that because your brother has POA and unfortunately he has the right to call all the shots. This is gonna be a battle so come prepared. So sad for your parents, they are the ones who are suffering.

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I would call the senior home care agencies in the area and see how much they charge for the same amount of hours of care your parents are currently receiving.

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I'm really sorry to hear this. I've actually heard numerous stories to this beat where the family member doesn't care or worse, is practically trying to kill off the one(s) in need. I would say report it to APS first, see what they say, and if their answer doesn't resolve the situation to your parents' best interests than sue. Don't forget you can get a consultation from a lawyer for free.

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User in Richmond, VA
Aug. 21, 2018

That sounds about right. Find a private home with compassionate caregivers it will be less

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Cathy in Chandler, AZ
Aug. 21, 2018

Hi, WOW that's a lot to take in. First of all it seems you want to do the right thing by you're parents ( rightly so ), are you a women I'm only asking because men don't really have female tuition when it comes to how and what parents really need sometimes, I'm not saying that you'r brother is heartless, but you seem to have what it takes to know what you'r parents need. Second the night shift is taking advantage of you'r parents because they are up in age, BY NO means should you'r mother be sleeping in a chair it sounds like she's afraid of that person as well, it sounds very stressful. As far as food goes the food that these caregivers are feeding mom and dad can give them high Cholesterol,Diabetes, the stress will give them high blood pressure ECT.They sound like they are not getting any kind of physical therapy or mobility at all. For the house keeper $120 a week for only 1 day is a rip off, try to find a caregiver with heart and that will keep house as well.

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Sarah in Benton, AR
Aug. 20, 2018

Dear concerned daughter...this is my first time answering one of these questions, but I couldn't help myself after I started reading then finished reading. This may not technically be abuse but it is boarder line neglect at the least, not only of your parents, but their finances as well, which is considered misappropriation of property (one of the seven rights of elderly according to the Office of Long Term Care). I would think you'd have the option to present your concerns to an Ombudsman or social worker by contacting the Department of Human Services Office in your area. As for the amount these, less than qualified "friends" are being paid...that is outrageous! Having been a CNA since 2008, I work in a Long Term Care Facility, we pull eight hour shifts on a four day on and two day off rotation. This particular facility is less than a year old (brand new building and contents) and is the highest paying company out of the other twenty places we have in our small town. Our pay is determined by a base pay + .20 per year experience + shift differential for evening (3p-11p) and overnights (11p-7a)= $13.55 an hour for me, with ten years experience. Even when considering cost of living in different states, this is absolutely abusing your parents fincances. Their health and safety are at risk more importantly. Their diet and rest are important to their overall health. Granted even here, you can make more per hour as a home health aide, but when you add in the fact that they are living there, room and board should be taken into consideration with utilities and food/supplies that are being consumed. Depending on their medical insurance, a lot of the home healthcare can even be paid for and they will put whoever in contact with local agencies that will send certified home health aides to the home and it is all organized and reported to nursing staff, based on individual plans of care designed to fit each parent and their personal needs. With him having the Power of Attorney, he has the obligation to make decisions, on their behalf, in their best interest. Nothing personal against your brother but it sounds like he may not know how to go about getting the proper help needed to care for your parents. Maybe the two of you can get this problem solved together as a team, then everyone can be informed and included in the care and happiness of your parents. Either way, in my opinion, the more immediate the better. Sorry for the long answer but I am seriously passionate about what I do for a living. I hope it all works out, it's great for you to be standing up to be the voice for your parents.

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I would consult with a Lawyer that specializes in Elderly laws, care, and power of attorney.

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Hello. I am a Personal Care Aid. I've worked in Nursing homes for low income clients, as well as homes with private quarters for those that can afford the luxury of having pretty much anything they ask for. They cost of even the most expensive care did not come anywhere close to $22,000/month. What concerns me that most is that the physical, emotional, and mental needs of your parents that are being cared for are not being met by those that are being paid. Their diets should include a range of healthy food choices from all food groups. It seems to me as if something fishy is going on. They are not being taken care of properly at all. I would suggest speaking to your parents about the Power of Attorney person, or obtaining a lawyer before the care of your parents declines to a point of no return. I wish you the best of luck with your situation.

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Ben in San Jose, CA
Aug. 20, 2018

Evaluation of cost and benifits

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Amy in Pentwater, MI
Aug. 19, 2018

Report report report. It's a violation of their rights. Get a lawyer to change power of attorney. Document all findings. The average pay for a cna is $12. But for a great one I would say $15 and that is for all current certifications. If there isnt a certification I would say 10-12.

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User in Edgerton, WI
Aug. 19, 2018

Sleep pay is paid differently than regular pay. If there are live ins then I would assume they would not be making quite as much due to having free room and board. Maybe call around to see what other home health companies charge, with what services they provide. That should give you a big clue if you are overpaying, also maybe check what other private caregivers around you are charging and their services. To me, I would not being paying that much for such poor service. If you are concerned enough about it, then you should check to see what you can do legally to get better care for your parents. Even if it is the same cost, better care will make a difference.

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I feel that it is completely appropriate to contact APS. If anything they will do an assessment and look into the case. I know that you mentioned your parents are in cognitive decline, not sure if that means that they are no longer safe to make decisions for themselves or not. Just because your brother is the power of attorney, that doesn't mean that your parents are not able to make decisions (unless deemed otherwise by health professionals). If it is the case, that your parents are not able to make cognitive decisions on their own, then APS can step in and make sure that they are getting the proper care. There may need to be physician assessments/PT/OT and dietary recommendations that need to take place to ensure qualified and reliable care is supplied to your parents. It can be a timely process and unfortunately your parents may loose some much needed money before actual action is taken place. If you feel their safety and well being is at stake then you have all the rights in the world to take action to get an outside opinion or second opinion. Just make sure it is a qualified person helping lead your argument/intentions for better care.

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I would report the situation to Elderly Protective Services and fight if necessary to remove your brother as power of attorney. It seems that he is really taking advantage of the situation. I am graduate nurse and I charge between $25 TO $35 an hour. You shouldn't need more than one person per 12 hour shift. I would love the opportunity to get a job like the one you are offering. Best of luck and stay strong.

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22,000?? A month? I 'm sorry but that seems very very high!!! I've been working in the healthcare field for many years. I started out in a rehab hospital and worked my way thru medical registries gaining experience within the prison system, ect. I started working alongside a few agencies and gained a "wealth of experience" about home health. All I can say is..$22,000 a month, does not seem right AT ALL!

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User in Ooltewah, TN
Aug. 19, 2018

If I where you Sir, I would Definitely seek legal advice and be very detailed as you where in this question. You can Definitely find a more conservative, comparative rate of care cheaper than what your brother is paying out. Is appears to me there's some nepotism going on and your parents are the ones's being neglected and abused in this situation. Neglect and abuse isn't always physical, there is Definitely vivid signs of financial abuse and neglect going on here. I'm not advising you legally on how to handle the appropriate care for your parents but with the intense medical and financial background I exhibit, I can smell rats and theives within distance. The only semi-logical reasoning that much money is being spent would be if your parents where in a facility of some sort. Good luck with this matter for the sake of your parents. Hope this was help to you info some sort.

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Absolutely Not. I have never heard such a thing. I would recommend finding someone else. You are certainly being taken advantage of. Pay should be $15 or maybe $20 depending on experience during the day. At night is should be no more than $10 or for a flat rate if you require some overnights. I wish I could apply for the job, unfortunately I cant be a live in. Best of luck to you. Do not pay anymore the $22,000 you have been paying.

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It sounds like you are very concerned for your parents. It is my opinion that with that kind of money being paid for the care of your parents that you should be getting quality , dignified care which to me means healthy meal preparation as well as being awake for every shift at the very least. With that being said, you are probably going to pay $20 an hour for the care of both parents but that care should be exceptional.I also would highly recommend nanny cams or a camera syatem called blink which works wonderfully with internet.If their is stealing going on , make a police report with photos. And if your brother doesn't respond to your concerns appropriately, of course file a report with APS, your parents deserve the best, they are paying for the best. Caregivers should have standards of care to follow, and if your mother wants a separate bedroom she should have it. living in is not necessary especially since they can pay for two separate 12 hour shifts per day. i think that you could put together a daily care plan appropriate for each parent and present it to your brother, I also believe that your brother can not keep you from caring for your parents, you might want to seek the advice of an attorney being careful not to sound or act as though you are seeking money. I'm so sorry for your experience, those so-called caregivers give decent hardworking honest caregivers a bad name. Be diligent, protect your parents is my advice.

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Go down and file for the court to appointment attorney to come in and appointment someone else over your parents.

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It sounds to me like quite a dilemma you are in. If your brother has power of attorney, there is probably not much you can do. It is unfortunate that there are many things we are unable to change in this life/ world, so my advice would be to stay calm and as peaceful as you possibly can and do what you can for your parents. Think about your parents emotional state and how this stress would effect them at the end of their life. I am a Christian, so my answer would be to pray and seek intervention from God through prayer. Never underestimate the power of prayer. Hope this helps.

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Brenda in Madison, AL
Aug. 17, 2018

Your father has a right to sleep without a light on, and just because it's night, doesn't mean the caregiver can sleep, no more than the daytime caregiver can sleep. Elder abuse is a concern with the light in your father's eyes at night. The caregiver sleeping at night is your brother's decision in how to handle. . . Do be aware that if the courts have to get involved to protect your father so he can sleep at night, it may get worse. When siblings legally argue over the care of their parents, the courts may take charge. I doubt this will be the case with your brother and you, but the courts sometimes feel that is the way to settle such problems. I'm sorry you are going through this. . . Can you go ahead and move into your parents home and allow your brother to still make all the decisions about the caregivers? If so, in time,, and with good relations with your parents and your brother, you may after a couple months, be able to help your Father get quality sleep at night as you find ways to work with your brother while also being there to care for your parents.

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Karen in Clermont, FL
Aug. 17, 2018

Both. And get a lawyer to assist you in getting your brother replaced. Guardianship may be the way to go. Do this quickly before he drains their resources

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Can you prove any of this? Do you have any cancel checks that money like that is really being paid out of their account. Do you know if they were aware they gave power of attorney over to your brother. Do they have dementia? Do you know the name of there doctors? When they eat the frozen entrees is there a way you can take a picture of the food being served to them. I am asking these questions because there are agencies for Elderly abuse. But if you don't have no proof of some of these things it may be hard to get the agency to investigate. Find out from the doctor the date he diagnosed them with dementia then find out when they signed the power of attorney papers. If power of attorney was given after dementia was diagnosed and your brother knew this you can get an attorney for the elderly. Have you seen the checks from your parents account. If you can get copies or pictures of the checking account would be good. Also if you could get pictures of these people sleeping when they should be awake. Go back to the rehab hospital and speak to the patient advocate person usually there are flyers on the wall which tells you how to report abuse. Now if the rehab will not help you go to either there doctors and explain situation. Or go into any nursing home or senior home ask to speak to the director or anyone that is an advocate for the patients. This information can get the ball rolling. But one big question they will ask you is what are you expecting from all this. Did your brother make you move out.

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User in Stockton, CA
Aug. 17, 2018

Sue for the POWER OF ATTORNEY Have proof of wages and the monies that are being used for care giving. Also do background checks on these care givers check to see if your brother is an acquaintance with any of these "care givers". Find out if all the money being spent is actually going toward care giving fees.

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Rebecca in Olivet, MI
Aug. 17, 2018

Im so sorry... I would most definitly seek the advice of your parents attorny or other. First of all if your parents are of at least a daily sound mind you can have the dpoa changed if the attorny finds they are competent. Do something ASAP!!!!! Even if you can't get it chanaged go to the next step and yes if you need to get others involved to help your mom and dad do so..!! Good luck and i will be praying for your family..

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I have been a caregiver for 25 years and I have never heard of someone paying 22,000 for a month of care. Something fishy is going on here. you need to check into this. Too many innocent seniors get ripped off. Even living in a very nice facility would not cost this much. Good luck.

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Do both, I am a Senior Caregiver and I can tell you you guys are paying too much. $20 an hour should be for someone who cooks and engages with the client

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OH no no no! Ask them kindly to leave now and let them know that their services are no longer needed period point blank.This is fraud against an elder which is now elder abuse. If APS does nothing ask to speak to Supervisor of the day and if you still dont get this resolved contact District Attorneys office Special Investigations Unit. Do not let up. You have to be the voice for your parents.They are being taken advantage of which is also elder abuse.If you can find out who these men work for if it is a company and did anyone do a background check? Also this live-in person is basically living there for free while using all utilities he wants at the expense of your parents. I hope he is not getting paid one penny? If he is there no one else should be there working. If your mother wants him out of her room he needs to get out or law enforcement needs to be called because he is refusing to leave period. I know it is frustrating I have been dealing with Probate Court for my grandmother and it is unbelievable how broken the system is.

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I suggest you call one or more of the Senior Services in your area so that you can make some better choices for your parents. You might start by calling your local town government.

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I would talk to a lawyer about the whole thing

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I'd do both.. sounds like all the assistance are lazy and are being paid for nothing! I feel like you should step up and do something about it! You only have one set of parents and I feel like they would really appreciate it more than you'll ever know! I've been doing living assisted for years and my residents be sooo happy when their kids do lil simple things for them, and it makes me happy and all emotional!! Just do what's right and take care of them!

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Beth in Peyton, CO
Aug. 17, 2018

The amount of money being paid per month is outrageous, but can depend on the responsibilities that are at stake.

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Judith in Aptos, CA
Aug. 17, 2018

Have you thought about moving them to assisted living, which would be much more inexpensive.

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Sadly, the costs are standard. If your parents are clean, bathed, fed and have their meds given to them on time, a judge will not change the situation. If you can prove neglect or illegal activity then you may have something. Pics or videos of them sitting in their feces for example, or wearing jammies all day if they are mobile . . .or if bed-sores have developed (while these do happen, there are many ways a diligent person can help prevent them). The truth is, that the whole things sucks. they chose him for whatever reason and so long as they are healthy, clean and cared for, you have no recourse. Sadly, it sounds like your brother is an impertinent twit with a power hungry twist. I suggest praying for and loving on your folks. Take pics and capture video. But 22k for full time monthly care, while ridiculous, is typical. if the have long term insurance you have to prove that X dollars have been paid, so long as your brother isn't paying under the table. . If not, there could be a reimbursement. Message me directly if you think I can help. Lelia

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I don't know where you live, but that does seem exceptionally high. I lived with my mother who had Alzheimer's for 10 years, and never paid more than $10/hour for caregivers to come in and give me a break. My mother was a WWII veteran, and received VA Aid & Attendance and I was her fiduciary (basically like a POA) and was paid $55/day for her care by the VA (that is 24/7 care) Since she passed in 2015 I have worked for Home Instead Senior Care and Visiting Angels both of which charge between $20-25/ hour, but only pay their Caregivers between $8.50- $10 an hour, depending on type of care given. I'm not sure where all the overhead goes, but I would assume to the schedulers and managers fees? I did independent contract work in the Myrtle Beach area of SC after my mother died and I went out on my own, after working for Home Instead Senior care for a year and a half. I charged between 12-15/ hour and was still ahead of what I was making for the corporate giant. I would definitely talk to a lawyer and APS about your parents condition and care, concerning your brother's attitude.

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Mary in Smiley, TX
Aug. 15, 2018

maybe consult with a lawyer since your brother has power of attorney. that sounds like an awful lot of money to pay each month for care.

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Your parents do have rights. I would contact an advocate for the elderly.

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Lynn in Livermore, CA
Aug. 14, 2018

You have a few possible choices. Place a call to APS for possible financial abuse. If your parents are still able to make cognitive decisions for their care, they may want to reconsider who has POA.

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Judith in Delta, PA
Aug. 14, 2018

This is not legal advice and is my own personal opinion. I think you have a right and a case to go to court to get the power of attorney taken away. This all seems like abuse of your parents and their money. APS would take action immediately. Is this a joke. Get them people out of your parents house now! It's your parents house. Sounds like the inmates are running he joint. Your parents are in charge. Who is paying that money. Call an agency that sends out qualified people to assist your parents. I can't even imagine the agency would charge $22,000 a month.

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Hello Concerned family member, Its alot to handle & over see in home care, sounds as if you need fresh staff, whom should always put each family member & their needs first, hope this works out. I currently have been 7 1/2 years caring for a patient who is total care with dementia, I over see other staff member,manage her home, care for her dog, take her to appointments, i m hoyer lift experince, love to cook & cleaning is important.I also stay a couple nights overnight with my 83 patient, would love to meet or come on board to bring quality of life to your family, your bother has alot on him with being power of attorney, having the best staff is the most important.Stay involved as much as possible, best of luck & health to your family members.

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Your parent's well being has to come first. If the care is subpar, and items are missing, then you have the right to intervene. You should keep detailed notes of everything that goes on and contact an attorney or APS. It sounds like your parents should also see their doctor. Poor nutrition can lead to skin breakdown, and many other problems.

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Every abuse are to be reported, Care give should ask what food they like or eat if the can or ask the kids what type of food the eat even do menus times table for the week, as care giver ,you should learn how to cook their prefer eating food, their eating habits and also health food,some time the don't have good texture or feeling to eat, Fresh food, difference color and texture help them to eat.They need privacy they have feeling like us,give them the care they need and give them time of their own/privacy, the need each other.Is not good for them to watch only TV, You can take them around the house or aside, they need good sleep like 6 to 8 hours a day, A care have to have good sleep and rest to work well, if you are paid, you need to do the job well.You need to have a talk with your brother. I hope this can help you thanks

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you could move your parents into a private assisted living facility and the bill would be about 3500/month each.

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Elyse in Houston, TX
Oct. 7, 2018

I am so sorry that your parents and you are going through this. My advice would be to document everything that you can, find and attorney and report to APS.

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set a budget

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I would definitely hire a lawyer.

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Amanda in Tehachapi, CA
Sept. 30, 2018

No he should never take advantage of anyone's good nature. And I would report it.

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Patricia in Ogden, UT
Sept. 23, 2018

Well by my calculations that is $30 per hour for 24 hours a day, 30 days in a month. I believe that you should be able to acquire help for less than that. It depends where you are located and what are your parents needs.

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Alicia in Kiowa, CO
Sept. 19, 2018

i think you have a problem with your care giver in pay and time

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This is a family issues. You figure it out.

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Susie in Visalia, CA
Sept. 15, 2018

Your brother is power of attorney. You should speak with your brother about your concerns and if they can not be resolved between you both... perhaps seeking legal advise may give you the answers you need.

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Hoai in Orlando, FL
Sept. 9, 2018

Both, it's hurt to do that with sibling, but sometime we have to do it anyway

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My dear you dont need to spend that kind of money. I am willing to negotiate a much affordable package if you employ me.

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Sounds very expensive.. I would check around to care giver sites and ask what is considered normal pay in your area.

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User in Parsons, KS
Sept. 5, 2018

Sounds like you need to report to both and get control over the money and the people who care for your parents in their own home and how they care for them. You need to take over asap.

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Wow! If your parents are still right in their minds you could have a talk with your parents and discuss changing power of attorney. Your parents still have the right to live a good quality life that is what they worked for their entire life for. Your brother may of hired these to also do grocery shopping and unfortunately there are those type of people who will take advantage of the situation and buy as cheaply as they can and pocket the rest. When I did a live in the family took very good care of me, I worked 5 days a week 24 hrs and no one can do 7 days a week its too much. I prepared meals and when the family came in they often let me go home while they spent time with the family and often took me out with the family to eat. We became a family and I still remain in close contact with each of my extended family. What your brother is paying for these men,is what the Assistant Living facility charges. As business they charge for everything which is very costly. Your brother may not have spent the time exploring options and my suggestion is to have a talk with him about it and let him know how unhappy your parents are. There are people who are in this career for the money only, you will find some who are nice and helpful but will not go beyond the call of duty and then you may have the chance to find someone who does it all and your parents will trust and be happy with. I hope you are able to work it out with your brother and come to a better solution for your parents. Those who take very good care of their parents are the one I have most respect for.

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i have been doing live-in home care for over 30 years and i charge 13 an hour for 16 hrs or 15 for 12 hrs, 10 for 24 hrs a day, unlike nursing homes or agencys i dont charge extra for week-ends or holidays, i can do 12 hrs a day, 16 hrs a day or 24 hrs, 22,000 a mos is pretty steep, im doing 16 hrs right now and i get 3,840 a mos, i clean, cook, laundry, errands, meds, yard work, etc. a couple is usually a little more because your caring for 2 people, any way i do think 22.000 a mos is too much unless they are charging for both of them but even at that it would only be 7, 680 a mos, you need to find different help hope this helps

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i would do whatever was necessary to get your parents out of that situation. Sounds like people are taking advantage of them all around. I feel you could get better care for them without paying that much.You could probably go without a live in and just do shifts. If you are willing to move in with them you could do the over nights with someone staying til 10 or 11.I feel there is a better alternative than whats happening now. I wish you the best of luck!

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Don't sue your brother just attempt to have a talk with him and see what is his reason for doing the things that he is doing as far as wasting money and then explain that he would save more if you took care of your parents physical, emotional, and companionship needs and if that does not work then other people like the state may need to get involved.... or you can always hire me

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First of all, it only costs approx. $14,000 a month for a SNF and they have 24/7 professional care! I would contact APS as this doesnt look like proper care is being giving at all and someone is being taking advantage of. Just because he is POA doesnt mean you cant step in and try to make sure your parents are being taking care of properly. Home care is better but not if they are being neglected and not properly mobilized each day, several times a day even if it consists of range of motion. Good luck, this is heart breaking to hear and you are your parents voice right now, remember that .

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Beverly in Milan, TN
Aug. 13, 2018

I don't know where you are located, but something stinks over there. If your parents are in their right minds, you can take them to a lawyer and change the POA, but that might be tricky if they are not in a good state of mind. However, you can file for "Guardian" and be in a better position to help or to hire some qualified people to help. There are a lot of excellent Personal Assistants out there. Do your homework.

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FIRST, be certain everything you are reporting against the caregivers and your brother is factual. Gather all the information you need. Make sure you have someone legal on your side. First I would report to APS and get legal advice.

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You seem to be paying an outrageous amount of money for services you aren't receiving. The attendants falling asleep? No way. They should have been fired on the spot and only gotten paid for the hours they were there. Your parents safety is at risk for every hour they aren't awake not doing their jobs. Your parents should have their own rooms, if that's what makes them the most comfortable. Adequate meals need to be served to keep them in the best nutritious state possible. I would seriously look into having some new individuals willing to stay up all night with your parents. Those that can check in on them and ensure that no injuries will occur and be able to help them to the bathroom when need be.

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Contact an attorney about getting guardianship and also getting power of attorney for yourself. If he is a veteran, contact the VA and ask for his medical team to assign a case manager to him. If they are Medicare or Medicaid, there are agencies that provide case management for them also. I hate to tell you this, but it will get worse when they realize you are getting involved, so move quickly. An attorney who specializes in eldercare can guide you. Most important is getting them to speak out about what they want and don't want to the attorney, case manager, or even video. What they want has to be the benchmark. They would probably be happier in a nice senior community living with new friends their own age, entertainment, and good food, instead of these people. Good luck!

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That sound really steep. I am willing to do live in care for 125 a day

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It doesn't appear they are doing anything extraordinary besides getting a payout thats unbelievable! I could do so much for whole lot less!! APS & Attorney should be consulted for your parents longterm interest!!