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Parents! Caregivers! I'm in need of advice.. How can I address this situation?

I've been nannying part time for a family with 2 toddlers.. After not seeing them for 2 weeks, I came in and was surprised to learn that the parents of the children decided to potty train the kiddos by simply not buying any more diapers.. Unfortunately, nobody alerted me of this before it began and I came to work unprepared (no change of clothes, etc).. As the day goes on, I realize that I am completely uncomfortable with this potty training method, as I really don't appreciate being pooped and peed on all day... I plan on discussing the situation further with the parents, but I just wanted to get some feedback from the parent and caregiver community.. How can I address this without it becoming a big issue? Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. XO

Answers

I would address my concerns for sure, but ultimately it is the parents decision to potty train in this way. I would address that it is unsanitary to have urine and fecal matter on the floor and more importantly on you or their child.

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I would bring in facts and information about more successful potty training techniques and make sure to add that you do NOT think you know more than them, ESPECIALLY about their kids, just that you want the best for the kiddos and your sanity! HAHA!

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Netta in Bryan, TX
Sept. 14, 2018

I would start by taking the time to understand where the parents are coming from. Then I would figure out a way to compromise with them, maybe asking if pull ups or training underwear can be used instead of diapers. Let them know that the cold turkey diaper way is new to you and see if there is a way to compromise. Best of luck.

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I would just be honest with them and explain that you are uncomfortable. Maybe suggest to them a different approach to potty training, like a rewards system.

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It sounds like this isn't the best match, they should look for a provider who is aligned with their parenting style and is comfortable with this style of potty training. They should have, however, let you know they were planning this change.

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should be a joint effort, not just left for you.

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User in Whitehall, MI
Oct. 14, 2018

As caregivers it's hard sometimes to stand back and watch some parenting techniques that we don't agree with. It's even harder to enforce techniques that we don't agree with. I've learned that the best thing to do if a technique is not working is stick it out and give is a fair amount of time (maybe a few days or even a week if you're brave) and if it's not working then openly tell the parents that this technique just doesn't seems to be working. Perhaps support your point with saying that the children are not asking to use the bathroom and are going through several outfits a day. Reassure the parents that you have done what they have asked you to do but you haven't seen any progress with the method. Hopefully before this conversation even happens the parents would have already realized it's not been working because it would have caused them many inconveniences the way it has also done to you.

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I would say: Hey guys, I noticed you started the potty training and that`s really awesome. I think it`s really time for them to be trained and I am super excited to help on this process but I would really appreciate if you guys don`t mind to text me or let me know in advance next time so I can be prepared? Because, today, for example, since I didn`t know about the potty training i didn`t bring any extra pair of clothes and it would be really uncomfortable to have my clothes peed or pooped on without being able to change it. It`s just so i can be better prepare and perform a better job. Thank you!

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I would suggest offering alternative potty training methods, but as previously mentioned, make sure they're not offended by your critique of their parenting methods. Perhaps recommend investment in an affordable set of cloth diapers (which aid in potty training by letting the child feel wettness); many options are available, with complete sets around $100.

Do your own research, and mention things like actual ages for successful potty training (some boys take until age 4 or 5). The cold-turkey diaperless method has very little effectiveness on toddlers, and training like that requires extreme levels of attentiveness that you should be paid extra for. That method should ideally be used on infants when parents are around to monitor for signals.

If they absolutely refuse to budge on any aspect, leave with your pride intact, but expect them to call you again when they can't find anyone else to deal with it.

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Lucy in Garrison, NY
Oct. 14, 2018

Just talk about your concerns with the parents. They are paying you for your service. Communication is key for any lasting job or relationship.

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Kindly share your concerns with them and try to have an open ended conversation to try to understand both sides of the situation. Best of luck!

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I would explain your concern for the health of the child and yourself. Perhaps ask if it would be okay for your time if you brought along some pull-ups. I personally do this with my daughter she tends to go more frequently on the potty when she is not wearing a diaper, but I am her mother and cleaning her mess if she has an accident doesn't overwhelm me.

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User in Lockhart, SC
Oct. 18, 2018

I would request a chance to sit down and hear their particular plans for their child's potty training and mention that you have a few questions. In the process of seeking more detail, look for opportunities to ask about some situations that you hope to work with them to improve. Using inclusive language like "working with" helps disarm any concern that you are trying to take over or undermine what they have established. Instead you are starting out as a learner in the conversation and progressing to a nanny partnering with them for the benefit of their little.

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Wendy in Tampa, FL
Oct. 18, 2018

I would give you a recommendation and which technique to apply to make it easier and in better time to control sphincters.

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Do your research and make sure when you approach them you have a few alternative methods and ideas. Let them know you are uncomfortable and share what you think would work. Try to make it lighthearted, ask them if they would be willing to buy you a rain poncho or other protective gear as a joke. Just communicate - the worst thing you can do is say nothing at all!

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Are they even the same age?

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I would be willing to listen to your situation and share with you my experience,strenth and hope.

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Explaining that the Disfralde is a gradual process and that children need to take this process in a light and natural way. It is advisable to make the diaper withdrawal for a certain period of the day and gradually as the child is gaining confidence, we will increase this period, until she is ready to leave the diaper for good. But I respect the desire of the family, even if it is a different posture than I explained above and I bring extra clothes to be used in case of accident.

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Nicole in Hampton, TN
Oct. 16, 2018

You're in a catch 22. Parents need to train their kids to go to the toilet and get rid of diapers. You don't want to get dirty with accidents. My thought would be to get them to either buy pull-ups or regular "underoos" type of undies and several potty seats to put around the house. At this point, you can not stop the training. It must continue or you could set the child back. You could also suggest implementing a reward system with a chart in the bathroom and at the potty seats. In the meantime, disposable gloves and an apron with lots of plastic bags and paper towels. Remember that you are there to help them in raising and training their child the way they see fit, not the way you see fit. The precarious line all child care people providers walk.

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User in Sherman, TX
Oct. 15, 2018

I would politely ask them to meet with you. I would sit them down and be straight forward by telling them your not comfortable with this method of potty training and you want to be comfortable while watching there kids and if there is any way they could change there method to better accommodate you that would be greatly appreciated. Just a reminder always be honest and kind when talking to them.

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Now that the parents already decided to do the potty training with any diapper you most bring some extra clothes, but the ideal is show the parents another way to where the kid can Wear the diaper part time of the day and off of the diaper another part time, if the parents decided completely out of diapers you must discuss with them that you are not very comfortable with it if there is another way that you all can work together. It is very importante that parents and nanny work together and have a good communication.

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Kelly in Hurst, TX
Oct. 15, 2018

I would explain to the parents you applaud them for trying - however not all kids learn at the same rate. It might have been nice to be told so that you could follow the pattern set up by the parents

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Melina in Woodway, TX
Oct. 15, 2018

Praise them for their efforts.in helping your diaper changing time.embracing learning the potty is always challenge. It's a rock climb but there us a light at the end of the tunnel,dear! If it gets over welding or too costly (clothes changing, messy,time consuming, unhygenic, or battling) immediately discuss this with family. Pay increase is an option. $1-2 or how much you feel appropriate. Once child is potty trained, then you can adjust discuss pay (dexrease/increase/same)again. Opening discuss but emphasize on goal.

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I don't think there IS a way you can address this without it becoming a big issue because it already is a big issue. Be open with the parents about how this makes you feel and then help them come up with some solutions to getting the kiddos potty trained quicker.

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Communication is KEY. Sometimes having a tough conversation can open up information from the other party you would not have otherwise been privy to. Also, coming to the conversation with an idea of what you're willing to deal with OR with some type of solutions/ideas is beneficial. Remaining calm, but engaged and persistent and aware of the other perspective can help to keep this from becoming a big deal.

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I should discuss with parents about the gradual overlap that should be used to remove diaper use. And what is owed during this period of ad- mission should have disposable skirts at home to be used on specific occasions. I as nanny should help in the transition but I should not be alone with the honos of the matter involved.

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It is important at the beginning of the work day to ask the family about the new changes and be prepared to know how to handle the situation, parents want solutions not problems.

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Nancy in Naples, FL
Oct. 11, 2018

i always have extra clothes

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Shelby in Bothell, WA
Oct. 10, 2018

Hi! I think maybe starting with an open-communication style conversation would be best! And also some research into why the parents might have chosen this method. I know when my daughter was 3 and on the fence with potty-training, I took her out of diapers and it only took 2 days! But for other kids it's not that quick. I guarantee you there's a reason the parents chose this method and I think just sharing your honest concerns and having a conversation will probably alleviate a lot! :)

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Edna in Brooklyn, NY
Oct. 10, 2018

I just think that with any situation that arises, open lines of communication and problem solving together are key to good working relationships. I feel that everyone is worth being heard and is entitled to their own opinions about things. Flexibility on both ends is worth a lot. Ideally, both sides should work together to come up with a solution that makes everyone comfortable.

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that was a ill conceived idea for the parents. Potty training takes consistency and they are not around for the bulk of the day.

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User in Irvine, CA
Oct. 9, 2018

I used my experiences and give them advice.

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Most parents chose to go in that direction while potty training. If they have underwear and pants on, you should not be getting pee and poop all over yourself. if they dont have pants and undies on than you should ask the parents to provide them with some.

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Dijae in Wichita, KS
Oct. 8, 2018

just have the parents and express how you feel about their method of potty training and come to an agreement of how you both can deal with the situation.

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Children can learn to potty train in one day. That being said not many of us can achieve this goal. I do not agree that letting them soil themselves is the answer and it's not healthy. If you are not trained in potty training point this out and ask for there advice and there reasoning. Open communication works well. Set your limits while respecting theirs. Never tell a parent how to raise there child. Use examples that you have had in the past and make suggestions very carefully. Research potty training and let them know you have concerns for there children's health not just your inconvenience.

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Mariza in Miami, FL
Oct. 8, 2018

I spoke with my boss I need to work with discounts for my retirement.

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IVV'E NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM

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Totally acceptable to have your own thoughts on situations like these. However, keep in mind that the parents will always make the decisions that they feel are best for their children. You would definitely approach them in a way that wont make them feel attacked or as if they are wrong. I would be upfront. Tell them that it is awesome that they are being potty trained and then let them know that they are still having accidents in your care. Suggest that they send the kids with pull-ups and remind them that you are there to take care of their child's best interests. Let them know that you will assist in the process by taking them to use the potty but would like to have pull-ups in the event there is an accident.

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I think it was completely unacceptable to not inform you and then expect you to know what to do! I would definitely talk with them about it. Do not be afraid to address this issue, that is unacceptable and I would hope they would be understanding of your position!

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As caregivers, I think we can all attest to falling victim, at least once,to the joys of a good diaper explosion all over your shirt. One thing I suggest is to always keep a spare outfit in your trunk. The other would be to make them understand that in order for you to be a nanny for their family, they must provide sanitary conditions for you to work in.

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Calmly ask them how they have decided to go about potty training the toddlers. Go on from there. Communicate concerns of needing extra clothes or how they would like you to be prepared for the type of potty training method they decided to use.

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I would approach it by saying that while you are excited about assisting with the potty-training, you are concerned about being peed and pooped on all day--and would like to know how they handle being peed and pooped on all day! I always go at "issues" with the approach of "How do you guys handle this situation" and it seems to work for me. You can also try your own variation. Have the kids sit on the toilets until they pee or poo. They can have a special treat once they have accomplished even the tiniest thing! When I was potty-training a little guy he would get one skittle every time he sat on the toilet and went to the bathroom. This pretty much meant that once an hour he would give it a good effort in order to get that prized candy :)

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I would tactfully sit down and talk to the parents. I would tell them suggestions from my many years of potty training children. I would recommend Pull ups during the day at the beginning. I've worked with children whose parents allowed me to give them an M&M if they went on the potty successfully & it works! Remind the parents you are a team and working together will be the best for their children. Good Luck!

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My first step would be to ask why they choose this method - that way you can tailor your answer. It could be a family tradition, or a cultural one, or something they read. I am not sure you can address this without it becoming an issue, but for me the answer would be "oh HELL no". Accidents happen with young kids of course, but this is beyond that by a long shot.

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Erma in Houston, TX
Oct. 4, 2018

It's already a big issue the biggest. You can either agree or disagree. Voice your choice and stand your gound. Realize it may cost you your job so be prepared to walk if need be. Luck

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I understand that every family has a way of educating. But in this situation I would try to talk with the parents so that together we can bring the best way not to feel uncomfortable or to make the children uncomfortable.

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If you are ill prepared you can not do your job properly. The parents want the best Care for their children. In order for that to happen communication is key. You are not wrong for your feelings and yes you should address it. Remember why you were hired. Obviously the parents trust you so in that trust your opinion matters.

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That's parent of being a nanny/caregiver. Regardless of them potty training and not buying anymore diapers it's bound to happen. If you don't feel comfortable I'd suggest a different career.

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So speak to the parents politely and address your concerns. Also, Maybe as a professional you can come up with ideas how you can teach the children the easiest yet quickes method for training children. There are so many ways to do this. A sign,A word,A reward to the children.All good things lead to greatness and children fall in love with you. At the end of the day your doing whats best for the children. Patience. Good luck.

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That's a great question! Each parent has their own approach to potty-training, and I think you just have to adjust. You can just let them know how the kids are doing with their potty-training, and mention how unprepared you felt. Chances are, the parents will feel really poorly about not preparing you. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't think that would be a big problem!" opens up a lot of conversation. You can explain why you're not a fan of it, "Well, I wasn't quite prepared for being pooped and peed on all day and having to clean it all up. Is there a better way that we can approach this?"

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Try to approach it as calmly and kindly as possible. Simply say to them that you were unaware of this change and were unprepared and that you might hope to know in advance of such changes in the future. Hope I helped!

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Lais in Oak Park, IL
Oct. 3, 2018

Have a good relationship with parents and be prepared to learn new methods.

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Just remember it's only a big issue if you make it seem like a big issue. Just be honest with them about how you are feeling, but keep in mind that you are their caregiver.

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I would simply discuss with them that the method is a bit dirty, and suggest a few other effective strategies. Also I would ask that in the future they give me a heads up so I can best prepare myself for the job so that it is done to the highest level needed. Also if you have any ideas how to help with the situation run it by them before doing it with the child(s).

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I would ask the family how they are handling the potty training situation well they are there. Ask where you can find a change of clothes if an accident does occur. Honestly, potty training can be tough for anyone who is involved with the training. Realizing this and working with the parents to come up with a solution will be your best bet.

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Amy in Zuni, VA
Oct. 3, 2018

I have heard of this way of potty training before. Unfortunately, it is your responsibility to carry on the method that the parent chooses, even if you are not in agreement with it. I would purchase my own personal supply of bluepads and take with you to protect your own clothing. Amy V

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You have to be honest about the situation, especially if you're not comfortable with it. As a nanny, you become a part of the family in some ways, and if you're going to be spending a lot of time with the kids, both you and the children need to be comfortable. I would approach the parents and say, "I respect your right to raise your kids in any way you see fit, but I don't feel comfortable with this potty-training method. Is there a way we can come to a compromise for when I come over to sit?" Ultimately, if they don't want to change their methods and you're not comfortable, I would suggest leaving the job. Despite how much you love the kids, you should never feel uncomfortable watching them, and you need to take care of yourself as well.

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User in Albuquerque, NM
Sept. 16, 2018

As a caregiver, my first thoughts "no darn way!". I would want to know their reasoning for this type of potty training, and I think it would be a good idea to consider (ahead of time) what your response would be to the answer.

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I feel as though just be honest with the parents don't address the problem in a rude way.

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Ayana in Brooklyn, NY
Sept. 15, 2018

that dont bother me i give parents a thumbs up for trying to potty train them while i was away. even if i get pooped and peed on i still dont think its a big deal.i adapt to any suitation

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Wow! That is totally disrespectful of them! As far as what you can do is put then on a potty break schedule like you do when your training a puppy. Rewarding them is a great way to improve cooperation too as long as the parents are aware of it. Good Luck!

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Maitane in Odessa, TX
Oct. 23, 2018

You can ask to the parents how they address this new situation. Maybe in this way you can take in account some advices. At the same time, you should say to the family the need of communicate to you all the changes that they do with toddlers to give them the best care possible. Also, you should ask where are clothes to change the kiddos, if you need in a case.

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User in Saint Paul, MN
Sept. 14, 2018

I am 100% in accord with the overall support of the comments made that generally revolves around communication. Yes, it would've been helpful for the parents to talk with you and you guys come up with a plan to take-on potty training together (consistency amongst those who are caring for the children is important for effectiveness)... However, it is only a big deal if you say so. You can easily choose for it to not be a big deal at all; which is generally a lot easier and a lot less exhausting than making it a big deal. Because it doesn't have to be (and it isn't). It's just something to deal with by talking to the parents about what is on your mind about it. Honestly, I am asked by many families to temporarily stay with them to aide in potty training (I have a ridiculous amount of patience; I don't know where I got it from, but I take advantage of it). I've used the cold turkey method for 11 different toddlers and within less than a week, every one of them began getting the hang of using the potty. (Just please keep in mind that the parents did nothing wrong... And you did nothing wrong. The only thing to do is come up with a middle-ground). ****The one thing I found that worked wonders for me when I was caught off guard and not having any luck the first time a family did, cold turkey, potty training is, placing several of the small potty's throughout the house; living room, kid's room, basement, bathroom, etc... Kitchen if needed. :-) I actually have been able to have one conversation with parents about getting the potties in each area by the time the child is 1 (it gives the child plenty of time to explore it by taking it apart many times, putting their toys, snacks, feet, head, dolls, etc... in it, then eventually start sitting on it just to read or pretend to go potty, which leads to them actually using it.) *I don't know if it'd be something that you are open to trying, but personally, I adore new challenges and learning something new, especially in childcare. (I totally get wanting to stick to what you already know and what you're comfortable with... Every childcare provider goes through that phase in the beginning. Then most begin to recognize that sticking to what you already know leaves no room for growth/development of your own. :-) ***I really hope that you get that I am not trying to convince you of anything; it is 100% your choice and whatever you choose will be the absolute perfect choice for you. My intention is purely to offer you a new view of the situation, which may or may not be something you'd like to consider. And that is perfectly ok. ~The fact that you would ask for advice about what you're dealing with because you want to deal with it powerfully and responsibly, proves how committed you are to the family and the children. The only thing left for you to do is to talk to the parents. Maybe start off by asking them what had them decide to try the cold turkey method. And go from there. You're an extraordinary childcare provider that means the world to these kids and parents. Don't let yourself think any other way. Consider that by talking to the parents about everything will show them how much you do care for their family; instead of ignoring/avoiding it as if your say doesn't matter. Because your say matters a great deal. <3

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I would do your research on alternative potty training methods, you know the children and their learning styles so try to lean more towards methods that will work for them and you. Then sit down with the parents and tell them that the method they are trying simply isnt working as efficiently as it should and tell them you are thinking of trying some different ways. Provide you research and explain why you think this will work better for the family. If they are unwilling to consider different methods then you need to explain to them what you are comfortable with and if they wish you to continue caring for their children they need to respect some of your limits. If they cant then wish them good luck on finding someone that meets their needs.

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Rhoda in Snohomish, WA
Sept. 12, 2018

Just sit the parents down and express your concerns. What you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. You are getting paid to care for their children. How they are raised is not your decision. If its not a good match, just tell them. Maybe a different solution can be met.

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They definitely should have told you about this, it's a big deal. I don't know how to address it without it being an issue, because honestly it is. If the parents are going to use that method to potty train, you may want to discuss having them wait until the toddlers are a bit farther along before you work with them again.

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Ameerah in Seattle, WA
Sept. 11, 2018

It is ok, I will try a child potty train and important parents and caregivers work together understanding each other. Also, important make a child be comfortable.

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speak with the kids is the best medicine to them behave them self.

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I recommend setting a time on your phone for every 1.5 hours to take the children to the potty. Puppy training pads help with accidents. Find a potty training video on YouTube for the toddlers to watch first thing when you get there. Finding a potty song to play while they're going is good too. The classic technique is positive reinforcement with the possibility of reward. The challenging parts of potty training are vigilance and patience. Good luck!

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User in Savannah, GA
Sept. 14, 2018

Potty training is something that is not cut and dry (no pun intended) it takes time, sometimes it takes a month or two, and other times the child picks up on it in 2 weeks. There has to still be diapers available during the transition because it is ultimately up to the child to accept using the toilet. You should have been given a heads up before you began again. Try to go in understanding, and not like you're trying to give them parenting advice on their own children because that will never go over well. Ask them if they've talked to their friends about how they potty trained, or looked into it, and see how they are doing it when you're not around. I can't imagine they tolerate being pooped/peed on all day.

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Sarah in Lebanon, OH
Oct. 23, 2018

Getting peed and pooped on is part of the job. I dont want to sound rude but if you can't handle that, you are absolutely in the wrong field. This is how children potty train. Putting them in diapers will slow down, stop, or even reverse potty training. They cant feel that texture under their pants because their mind relates that to peeing in their pants. I think the only offense the parent made were not letting you know ahead of time. They should have communicated better with you but their potty training method is one of the best ways. Let them know you felt out of the loop but I wouldnt question their choice as parents for potty training

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Every morning before I start my job no matter how long I have been working for them , I bring in my note book and ask daily questions. My question include feeding, bathroom times, goals for the day and whats new. This provides an opportunity for the parents to share whats going on even when they have a busy morning. If my families seem super busy I take the initiative to come a few minuets early to do that. As the day goes on a keep record or the days happenings and share when they get home. This allows the family to see how things are going with their goals. This is a good time to mention suggestions and your feelings.

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Diana in Astoria, NY
Oct. 22, 2018

Hi ! Abruptly stopping the use of diapers with two toddler's without having a conversation is rude and not considerate. Was it a paid two week's off ? If not move on

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This happened to me in my home. It was very frustrating. My couch was never the same again. Explain that you need to be included in planning for these type events. Have you gone through this with other children? If yes- share your experiences. It isn't fair to you or the children to embark on an experiment of this nature. It is one thing to decide to do this and deal with the consequences ones self, it is another thing to think that this would be acceptable work conditions to foist upon someone else. I mean, basically the job has been drastically changed for you. If they were sending their children to a day care this would never happen. For a good reason- it is unfair.

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I would ask the parents exactly what their thoughts on potty training are so that you eliminate the exiting miscommunication. Look up some potty training methodologies on your own and be prepared to offer some alternatives; it's always better to be educated before talking about any issue. I would also bring up your discomfort with being covered in human waste and that feces and urine are actually deemed human biohazard materials. Hopefully, they just forgot to talk to you because they got used to it! Good luck.

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let the parents know that you are willing to help potty train but you need a extra pair of clothes in case there were accidents

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I would simply approach the family with my concerns. I would let them know that I am not comfortable with the clean-up and sanitary conditions that come along with this method of potty training. I would suggest that if they would like the child to learn how it feels when they go in their pants, they should put on underwear first and then a diaper around it. That way, they feel the wetness and mess without getting it on you or around the house. If they are determined to use the naked method, you could offer to do it only when you are outside with the child. And you could remind them that they are welcome to do it during their time with the child as well. Personally, I would reassure them that I have potty-trained many children without using that particular method and that their children can and will learn to use the potty through my tried and true guidance, without all the mess!

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Well, first I think the parents are the one who make that decision and as their noses they should let you know but not in advance. As a babysitter, specially of little ones, is always good to have extra chance of clothes. You must make sure the children are in need to go potty, they don't know when is coming so it is up to you to make sure they are always going.

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Marie in Detroit, MI
Oct. 19, 2018

you larn aboutwhatn they like and dont like i know trust

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Potty Training is a critical process that must be handled with the least amount of pressure and stress for both child and caregiver. So many emotional strings are attached in this early childhood experience that have long term effects on a child's confidence and self-image. It is very important for you to be in alignment with the parents' wishes yet it is fair to say that you should be comfortable with the process and their expectations. There are several methods to potty training - none of which are wrong, just more effective or less effective. Address it with the parents and pick ONE method! Agree to stick with it and love that child through the entire process! It's temporarily messy but oh so worth the effort.

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