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Is it selfish to send my mother to stay with my sister?

I need some time alone. And some time to spend with my family? Is it selfish to send my mother to my sister for a while?

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It is not selfishness, because everything has its own time. so may be I will help you alot.

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I think it is ok to send your mother to be with your sister for a while. It's healthy to take a break as a caregiver. 

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User in Mentor, OH
May 2, 2017

No you are not being Selfish, you and your family need the time too. It may even be good for your mom to get away from your family! I really don't know what the situation is, if she is mindful now probably be good for her to get away. Good way to get reacquainted with her daughter ,your sister. Best of luck!

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Not at all. It is only normal for anybody to become overwhelmed at times, and everybody deserve a break sometimes. Plus your sending her away with someone she is familiar with whether than allowing random people to come around and care for her.

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Family members all need a break once in a while, It's nothing to feel guilty about, so if you choose to send her to another family member for a little while or choose to have someone stay with her for a couple of days while you take a break it's fine. Just make sure to let your Mom know that it's just for a little while.

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No, I don't think its selfish at all.  It will give your sister some nice time to visit with your mother and it will give you some away time.  Which everyone needs now and then.  Good luck

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No, you are not being selfish.  Everyone needs a break sometimes.  Also, you and your sister should be sharing the responsibility evenly, so it would not be selfish to have your sister take care of her for a little while, especially if you have been taking care of your mother for a while.

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No, it is not selfish at all! Everyone needs a break, even from their family and it definitely isn't something to be ashamed of. It will be nice for your mother and sister to be able to spend some time together while you are away. Taking care of another individual can be stressful, demanding, and exhausting and can wear you down. Once you come back, you'll be refreshed and ready to take on any possible struggles of caring for her! 

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User in Frisco, TX
May 2, 2017

Absolutely not if you have been taking care of your mother. What most people do not understand is its not lack of love, you must also take care of yourself and your own family. Mother care should be shared with all the other children. It is called shared responsibility.

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User in Powell, TN
May 2, 2017

Not at all. It is not emotionally healthy for you not to take time for your needs. Actually guilt can manifest into anger and resentment, self preservation is natural and normal. you If you feel you need a break then your probably long overdue. All other family members that can contribute absolutely should. You deserve your life to. Stop feeling guilty, perhaps she will welcome a change also, being with her sister. Deborah Mcglothlan, Christian counselor.

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No it's not selfish to spend time alone or with other family members. We all need some space and other siblings should assist with the care of a love one. No one family member should be totally responsible. It can be very stressful.

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No, because sometimes we all need some time to be alone and spend quality time with our family. At times we tend to focus more on the needs of our mom rather than our family. It would be good to take a break once in a while and have your sister take care of your mom. At least they would have time to catch up with a lot of things and renew family ties.

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It's heart breaking for you to feel a sense of guilt to want to spent time with your family, I don't know what the situation is, whether it's just you,  or it's  because that's  your  mom, or your siblings don't want any of the responsibility, you of to remember one thing, your family is your responsibility and you have an obligation to them. not that your mom don't matter but obviously your not an only child. we all of to be there for mom.

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Hi Devyn,

Taking care of and helping out family is something that we love to be able to do, but that does not mean that it always an easy task. If you have siblings that are able bodied and can share in the care of  your mother I see no reason why she wouldn't spend time with them as well.  I believe that in order to truly be able to care for the ones we love we have to make sure to make time for ourselves, and give ourselves the things we need to have a healthy quality of life. When we disregard the way we feel to benefit others it sometimes causes feelings of resentment to build up. This is not good for any involved. Everyone needs a break sometimes. When your mother returns you may have more energy and patience to go around than before. 

Hope this helps,

Maiya

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User in Powell, TN
May 2, 2017

NO. Send her to your sister's if sis is willing to have her. Also there is a thing called Respite Care in which caregivers from home health agencies will come and stay a few days or for a week or so while you and your family go out of town or to visit friends or relatives for a few days. The caregivers know it's only a temporary assignment and if you like them you can request them when you decide you need your next "vacation.'

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Your question is a good one. It is a question that I believe many family members and caregivers ask. Caring for a family member/loved one can become stressful, demanding and exhaustive of one's emotional and physical resources. This is true even of caregiving professionals. Establishing a plan for respite care is not only unselfish, it a healthy plan for yourself so that you may be able to continue to care for your loved one. If you become ill or exhausted do to the ongoing responsibilities of caregiving you will not be able to care for your loved one. I strongly encourage setting up a plan with your sister and others that can offer respite care and assistance in caring for your loved one. Best wishes. R

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No it is not you have to sent.

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Annie in Lakewood, NJ
Oct. 23, 2018

no sometime you need a break and then you can also check into respite care.

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Heck no. You need to take care of yourself as well.

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Paul in Rockford, IL
Jan. 15, 2019

If she does not have memory loss, no - it's ok. If she has memory loss, like Alzheimer's keep her in her home. She will go down hill very fast in unfamiliar surroundings. For more tips on memory loss read http://www.alzheimershomehealt...

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User in Tampa, FL
Jan. 21, 2019

No it's not selfish everyone needs a break just like a mother needs a break from their child to be able to breath, have some me time

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Nope you had your turn, and now it is hers. If there is no acceptance then the next step is Assisted Living.

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Elyse in Houston, TX
Oct. 2, 2018

No it isn't. Caregivers need breaks too. Between you and your sister, and a caregiver if possible, your mom will be in good hands because all of the responsibility won't be on one person.

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Hoai in Orlando, FL
Sept. 10, 2018

No, but you should explain to your sister

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Not at all!! Caring for a parent can be very overwhelming. If you don't care for yourself, you're no good for others :)

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No it is not selfish. All caregivers need breaks. It's called respite. Without respite, caregivers become burnt out. It's a well known phenomenon. Take the time you need and guard against burn out. Join a support group for caregivers if you are struggling with guilt, anxiety or other emotions relating to your caregiving responsibilities.

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Taking one out of their normal daily routine is not always the best,

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Alan in Nutley, NJ
Aug. 8, 2018

No, it is a TOTAL family responsibility to care for a loved one. Providing she has the room to accommodate. It will give you a break, and give your Sister quality time with Mom.

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I have learned that I NEED to take care of MYSELF, in order to be of help to anyone else. Self-care is NEVER selfish. Deb RN

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Not at all. Caring for a family member or anyone can take a toll on you. You need time to repair, emotionally, physically and spiritually. You cant take care of someone else if you cant' care for yourself.

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User in Surprise, AZ
Oct. 9, 2018

You are not selfish. You may break sometime, have time with family. You send your mom to your sister for a while. My sister lives Arizona, while I took care my mom in Minnesota. My mom lived with me and my family for three years at my house. Mom paid my sister for flight ticket, food and actives over my house while I was out of town with my family. My sister did twice every year. my sister did not want to live with my mom because always fight each others with verbal. Sister thinks best way for me, I am DEAF and not need to hear my mom's voice complaints. Real Peaceful! I am glad to be best caregiver for my mom until she passed away.

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Why no,is your Sister up for this visit from her mother.If not we still can help maybe.

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