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How long do you try to put off moving your parent to an assisted living center?

Devyn in Asheville, NC
April 22, 2018

I really don't want to put my mother in an assisted living center. But she is getting to the point that she needs help. How can I put this off a little longer?

Answers
Roxanne in Oakdale, CA
Sept. 24, 2018

Sounds like you both would like to keep her in her own home as long as possible. Hiring a caregiver part-time or full-time could be the solution.

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By finding a real care giver like me.

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User in Frisco, TX
Oct. 18, 2017

It depends on her ability. What is her handicaps. If she is capable of being alone and need help get a good caregiver. When hiring a caregiver make sure their personalities are compatible. She needs someone that will help with cleaning, meal preparation, Bathing and toiletries. Taking her to run errands, beauty shop etc. Most senior do better in their on environment and home. They do not like change. Drop a brochure of different assistant living locations. See how she reacts. Sincerely, Ann Fisher McKinney, TX Sincerely, Ann Fisher McKinney, TX

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Nicki in Worcester, MA
Sept. 24, 2018

I think it is best to keep life as normal as possible for as long as possible. 

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User in Powell, TN
Sept. 24, 2018

If you can afford it a private caregiver can keep her at home, even if she develops dementia. Of course dementia would require 24 hours care, live in care would be my choice at that point. I eventually moved in with my dad for 12 years to keep him at home. He did develop dementia but as a counselor I was able to meet his psychological, emotional needs. Many caregivers are trained and experienced with all of these issues. Long term care insurance covers live in care as do other types of insurance. Self pay of course is an option. Our parents do not want to be forced out of their homes just as we don't to leave our home. I chose to hire help myself instead of going with a company that sent caregivers. I found and screened him myself, $10 dollars for back ground check. Hope you can keep your mom at home sounds like it would make you happy and give you peace. Best Regards, Deborah Mcglothlan

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There is always the option of hiring a private caregiver or CNA to go to your home to take care of your mother. with this she will feel comfortable knowing her surroundings.

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Geneva in Richmond, VA
Sept. 24, 2018

you cant, that's why you're asking for advice. You have to come to terms with it first because if you don't, your guilt will dictate your relationship with longterm care providers caring for your mom. what i mean is......you will always find something wrong with her care because you feel guilty of the choice you was forced to make because you was no longer able to physically care for your mom. So I encourage you to soul search, decide if you prefer live in care 12hr care, 24 hr care at home, or getting used to visiting mom in the nursing home , nonetheless a decision has to be made. I hope this was helpful . IF you Live in the RICHMOND VA are, look my profile up...Geneva E

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It is very difficult and heart breaking when a family has to make this decision. The first question you have to ask yourself ..Is my loved one safe? Others are how much help does she need? What are her limitations? I have found many elders do not want to give up their independence and fight off the idea of any kind of help. If your mom can be safe at home but just needs assistance with cooking, errands and housework, you could get someone to come in. There is also adult day care programs. The most important is their safety. If they are not safe being alone for any length of time, please do look for an assisted living facility

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I have worked with several families in your position. Speaking for myself, I have been hired to live in the home, giving 24/7 help for seniors, in exchange for salary and room and board, so that it was not necessary for them to be moved to assisted living. If you can find the right caregiver, this can be a good option.

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First see if there are family members that are willing to rotate the responsibility. If that is not an option, ask those family members to pitch in, if you have family members, if you can afford it, hire some reliable assistance in the home. Also, check your Mother's insurance and check with social services and AARP.

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If she needs the extra assistance than you will have to way your options. Some people just do it knowing that it's better vs the alternative, getting hurt, lost, taking wrong meds. Also gently letting them know when a mistake was made by re-directing the situation so they understand at some point they may need more assistance and could be more accepting of more care from others (in home care/assisted living).

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I would get someone to come into her home to be a companion until you feel the time would be right for her to go to assisted living.

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Call a social worker/ there are many other optiions

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Zita in Bristol, RI
June 12, 2017

When all means of caring for her exhausted.

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set down with her and talk about it. Care.com Community can help. 6 hrs, 8 hrs. a day. 2 days,or 3 days or every day .

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Your mom may qualify for aide services in the home through her health care provider or you could hire help for a few hours each day to provide her with some companionship and help around the house with meals and chores.

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when safety becomes an issue

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User in Henderson, NV
April 22, 2018

Unfortunately, the decision to place a parent in any facility will be a grinder of the should I, should I not. Putting it off A LITTLE BIT longer is just for you to feel as if you are not abandoning your parent. Do whats best for your parent. The facility should be able to meet most of her immediate medical needs that the family cannot provide. Do your home work and research few facilities so you have a better understanding of the process and benefits for your parent and your family.

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User in Surprise, AZ
Oct. 9, 2018

Give her notice long planning like advance 6 months, never let her move in next day with full surprised. That is bad idea. like my grandma, she was healthy and 97 years old. When she fell down, her son took her to the hospital, Dr found nothing wrong with her. Her son begs Doctor to send her to nursing home after exam. She went to the nursing home, she refused to talk, refused to eat or never listen anyone. Until I heard it, I offered her son that I can take care my grandma to move back her home after 3 days. She did went back home to be with me, I enjoyed to take care her until 10 weeks, she passed away, I missed her.

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Misti in Horton, AL
Oct. 18, 2017

To be honest, the only way you can put it off is to enlist the help of a caregiver to come to the home. It is important to remember that it's okay to ask for help and you don't have to go at this alone. This is probably one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make so it's good that you aren't rushing into it.

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If shes having trouble taking care of herself and her needs, like eating, bathing, seeing, etc and no one can be there with her, such as home health aide, she really would be better off.

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